UPDATES:

• Charlie's French Cinema nudity site is updated

LOVE SCENES (1984):

Love Scenes is a remnant from the older days of "late night cable." It's a softcore sex film originally made for the Playboy network, and virtually unseen since its cable days. (It will come to DVD for the first time on Jan 30, 2007. I just happen to have a screener, which is why I'm doing the kind of movie which usually falls in Tuna territory.)

It actually has a fairly interesting plot, which is not such a common thing in the world of softcore sex films. A director has optioned a racy biographical script written by a retired actress. His producer tells him he has two choices: (1) make the film as a cheapie, or (2) hire his own wife for the lead. Since the wife is an established star, her name recognition means that the film will attract backers. The director, being an ambitious fellow, is not opposed to directing his wife in sex scenes, but the wife really doesn't go for the idea at all. She's never done any nudity at all, let alone with her husband directing.

She finally agrees to take the part, but there's a twist. The script is about an actress who's married to a nice man who's a dud in the sack. She eventually leaves him for a stud-muffin. The wife/actress is in the exact same position. She's never had an orgasm because her director/ husband doesn't have it in the bedroom department, although he is a great guy. Her co-star is a total jerk-off, but a major stud. On the first day of shooting, she gets so carried away that she actually climaxes in a sex scene. The husband thinks this is great acting, and wants her to keep up the good work! As the script develops, the character's plight and the actress's plight stay in parallel, and the director/husband stays completely clueless.

In addition to a reasonably good plot, the film also has some interesting character actors in the supporting roles. Fast-talking comic Jack Carter plays the producer. Britt Ekland plays a lesbian photographer. Statuesque Julie Newmar plays the retired actress who wrote the script, and she plays her scenes in heels so high she looks like that guy who played the giant in Big Fish, especially compared to petite Tiffany Bolling, who plays the lead. (See picture below.)

Bolling herself was an interesting casting choice. She had been a staple of the drive-in features of the seventies, but hadn't performed much in recent years, and hadn't gotten naked on screen in many years when she did this, so this film was something of a comeback for her.

Of course, those elements are just window dressing in a sex film. They are nice to have, but ultimately we do not watch soft-core sex films for the sublime casting or subtle plotting, It is in the erotic elements where this film falters. I'm not an expert in this genre like Tuna, but I know the film's erotica left me cold. Most of the nudity is done by Tiffany Bolling, and she was at the time a rather ordinary-looking 38-year-old woman performing in sex scenes which were neither original nor skillfully filmed. She did several full-frontal scenes, including one skinny-dipping scene in excellent light, but her body was unexceptional, and she was never photographed from the rear at any time, not even from an angle. There's not a hint of her butt in the entire film, for reasons we can only guess at.

Three other members of the cast did full-frontal nudity as well, although two of the scenes are too dark. All three actresses are uncredited, but one of them, Monique Gabrielle, is no stranger to this page. The other two remain unknown to me. There are also several extras naked in an orgy scene from the film-within-a-film.

Britt Ekland remained clothed throughout the film. Given that fact, I'm not really sure why she was hired for this role at all. I don't know what she did with her spare time back in the days when she was the "girlfriend to the stars," but I'll give you odds she wasn't hanging around The Actor's Studio.

It's not a great DVD. The transfer is full screen. That in itself is no problem because that's probably how it was filmed for cable, but the problem is that the print hasn't been cleaned up or remastered, and there are no features of any kind.  We're always happy to see a lost sheep found, so it's a pleasure to see this forgotten film finally make it to DVD from the "private screening collection," but it's not one to stand in line for.

I call it a C-: a watchable softcore, but nothing more than that. Given a pretty good script and some interesting casting in the minor roles, this might have been a softcore masterpiece, but in order to get there it would have needed a younger, sexier star and a few more light bulbs. On the other hand, if you are a Tiffany Bolling fan, this is your Casablanca.

Tiffany Bolling

Monique Gabrielle

Two attractive and well-stacked unknowns

 

THIRD PARTY VIDEOS

• Another episode in the Masters of Horror series. This one is called The Screwfly Solution, which presumably involves keeping said fly out of the buttermilk, and skipping to the loo, or at least close by. The nudity is provided by Kerry Norton  (zipped .avi) and some strippers  (zipped .avi) Sample captures are found below.

Kerry Norton	strippers

• If you liked Diora Baird in Hot Tamale, then wait no longer for Hot Tamale 2 (zipped .avi)

 

OTHER CRAP:

Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

Vice Academy V (1996)

The fifth installment of Vice Academy consists of two running gags. The first is that the Commissioner still hasn't consummated his marriage with Miss Devonshire. The second is that his son has managed to spring a virtual sex kitten (J. J. North) from a computer game into the real world. She reaches "level three," which means she takes over all of the city's prostitution. Junior had not virus-checked his computer, so everyone J. J. North sleeps with gets a virus, but the problem is erased when they hold an anti-virus diskette.

This installment is just plain silly. Elizabeth Kaitan and Raelyn Saalman as the two vice cops have been reduced to brainless bimbos perpetually in heat. I almost dread seeing what the sixth and final installment has to offer.

This is a D. 3.1 at IMDb.

Elizabeth Kaitan

JJ North

Raelynn Saalman

Based on the book by famous Sci-Fi writer Philip K. Dick, who used his own problems with drugs as a model for the story, 2006's A Scanner Darkly is a strange tale made even stranger by the use of rotoscoping, which involves shooting a normal movie, than using computer animators to draw over the images for a surreal cartoonish effect. Some of the nudity (at least Winona Ryder's) reportedly involved filming with a skin-tight leotard, then drawing the nudity, but some may have been real, however, I couldn't find any information on the other two actresses either way. In any case, I still marked the collages as nude, because people preferring to avoid nudity would probably consider drawn nudity to still be nudity.

The story is set in L.A. "a few years from now", and a potent and terribly addicting drug, substance D, has swept the country. Bob Arctor is a narc under deep cover, but he's also taken the substance himself to legitimize his undercover identity. Unfortunately, the effects of the drug cause him to not realize that the dealer he's spying on is ... himself.

That's just the first of many twists in this very good Sci-Fi, which includes excellent performances by a great cast. Remember that all the performances were actually filmed only the final results and some special effects were provided by the artists.

I will say that, much as I enjoyed the story, I could have lived without the rotoscoping. All the special effects could have just as easily been done without the cartoonish look of the rotoscroping using standard CGI, and I'd have preferred it. Either way, though, this is a must-see for Sci-Fi fans, especially Philip K. Dick fans.

Winona Ryder	Natasha Valdez	Lisa Newmyer

The Last Casino

The Last Casino is the story of a gambling-addicted, card-counting University Professor who works for professional gamblers who have been bankrolling him up until the latest Casino catches on to him and bars him for life. His financial supporters pull out and wants their bankroll back but unfortunately Professor Doug Barnes has blown the bankroll on his own obsession, horse racing. Barnes encourages his financiers to give him another shot by training a team of top math students, all geniuses,  to count cards and work together to triple the profit. They give him some time to do such.

Barnes begins to assemble the best possible team he can find.

• Elyse, a photographic memory, outspoken, independent and smart.
• Scott, a brilliant math student who is as smooth as he is brilliant.
• And finally George, a nervous, shy fellow, but with an astounding analytical mind.

Barnes teaches them everything they need to do, from the counting to the disguises, and sends them out promising them a 50% split between them which would make them rich. The plan is foolproof until the team starts to slip and Barnes's gambling addiction gets worse.

There's no nudity but Katharine Isabelle looks great throughout the movie.

 

Katharine Isabelle

 

More of young Diora Baird in that photoshoot

Hi, Scoop

I'm no image artist, but I haven't seen any caps from this movie on your page, so I decided to have a go at it.
The movie is the Norwegian film "Gymnaslærer Pedersen" (High School Teacher Pedersen), and it's about the Marxist-Leninist movement in 1970s Norway. It's based on a novel by author Dag Solstad (Full title: High
School Teacher Pedersen's Account of the Great Political Awakening that has Haunted our Nation). Anyway, the movie stars Ane Dahl Torp, the hottest actress to come out of Norway these days. A huge talent and, I think you'll agree, a stunning beauty!
 

I don't normally bring Charlie's stuff over to the main page, but I didn't want anyone to miss Irene Jacob!! Here she is in "La Educacion de las Hadas" (2006). She's 40 now, but still pretty sexy.

Janie Rau in Hotel Erotica

Tracy Middendorf in El Cortez (Check out Richie Valens with slicked-down hair and a bowtie)

Mia Kirshner in The Black Dahlia