Bloodstone (1988) is a Niko Mastorakis adventure film with elements of Romancing the Stone, Indiana Jones, and The Pink Panther. An ex American cop and his heiress wife are combining a business trip to India with a honeymoon. They meet a man on the train who sneaks a cursed stolen ruby into her carry-on to get through customs. The villain who the ruby was being delivered to kidnaps the wife. An Indian bungling detective a la Inspector Jacques Clouseau is on the case, which is why the husband teams up with a shady cab driver who has the ruby to rescue his wife.
Laura Albert, as a harem girl, shows her left breast in a swimming pool. IMDb readers have this at 4.1. The cab driver was played by Indian superstar Rajnikanth, who gave an outstanding performance. The locations were exotic, the photography top notch, the transfer excellent, and the disk has Part One of the Niko Mastorakis Story (this is the part with Kirsty Alley and Marina Sirtis outtakes). I enjoyed it. It doesn't distinguish itself from the rest of the comedy/adventure genre, but is not glaringly bad either. I will give this a C. If you like the comedy/adventure genre, you should find this one pleasant enough.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
The Life Aquatic with Steve
I have written about this before.
It must be a pretty good movie, because I was just intending to work
on Robyn Cohen's nude scenes with a little better copy of the film,
but I ended up watching about 90% of it again. I'd try to
forward to a scene, then see something I remembered, then get a
hankerin' to watch the scene again.
Robyn Cohen (1,
3). She is topless in at least four different
scenes, but only two of them are up close and personal - the first
two collages. In the other two (collage three), she's seen topless
in the distance, just to make the joke that she's always topless. In
the last scene, all the guys were running on the sand with their
shirts off, and she was right with them. Actually, it might have
been funnier if she was wearing a top in that scene, thus being the
only one NOT topless.
Garden State (2004):
I knew this was supposed to be a good movie, but I had been avoiding
it because I thought it was going to be one of those movies that
totally suck, but some people like them because they speak directly
to their life experiences, ala Swingers or Carnal Knowledge.
Turns out I was wrong.
There are some details that could not have happened in my youth, but
in general, the story and emotions are universal to all American
males of the past century or so who, at least those who have left
home and returned after some considerable length of time. I thought
it was charming, nutty, and heartfelt. It's not a very sophisticated
film, but it makes up for that with some keen observations. If I did
an annual Top 25 list, it would certainly be on it. I don't know
about Top 10, but it was a good flick, and I'll watch it again.
There's no nudity, so the discussion probably belongs at the Movie
House. I wrote a very lengthy piece, if you are interested.
The trailer for Assisted Living. It looks like an
offbeat, heartfelt film about a loveable slacker who works in a
The Real World comes to my home town of Austin, Texas.
Yup, I'm really rollin' out the ol' red carpet for that. Really
puttin' on the Ritz. By the way, what is The Real World again?
That's not the one with Trump, is it?
- Some interesting gossip ...
Michael Keaton would like to do "Beetlejuice 2", but Tim Burton
isn't interested in directing.
Director Wes Anderson talks about The Life Aquatic
Feds convict first warez pirate.
"Mike Tyson's Punchout... the most politcally incorrect and fun
game that was ever created"
ThinkGeek :: the Albert Einstein Action Figure
definitely could kick Skeletor's ass.
Warhol was wrong - the Jeopardy nerd gets an extra fifteen
"COMING SOON TO MAYBE ONE THEATER, PROBABLY NOWHERE NEAR YOU"
Hey, this movie may or may not be good (though you have to like
the pairing of John Cleese and Dan Marino), but I do everything I
can to promote Dave Barry. We live in a world where every funny
person wants to be fookin' Ingmar Bergman. Jim Carrey, Cameron
Diaz, Woody Allen, Robin Williams, Adam Sandler ... Soon we'll be
seeing Dave Chappelle as Othello, with the evil, scheming Chris
Klein as Iago. I suppose there is a dinner theater somewhere in
Florida where, at this very minute, Pauly Shore is saying "to be
or not to be ..." In the midst of this topsy-turvy Bizarro world,
Dave only wants to make us laugh. And, by gum, he's pretty damned
good at it.
The 2005 preview from Lions Gate Films. The page also
links to the 2005 previews for other major studios.
Simon Cowell and Hugh Grant are the celebrities least likely to
get married in 2005, according to the bookies. I have
to admit they have the odds on Cowell a lot lower than I would
have put them, because they seem to believe he is straight and has
a girlfriend. I wonder what the odds are on Andy Dick.
If you have a really accurate watch, it's now off by three
millionths of a second.
Farewell: Jerry Orbach. To most of you he's the Law &
Order dude, but I remember him from just about the earliest
memories I have, and that goes back a piece! Back then I thought
of him as a singer. Orbach was the original El Gallo in the
legendary long-running play, The Fantastiks - which opened in
1959, and even before that played Mack the Knife in The Threepenny
Opera. He made a dramatic career shift, and most of you probably
don't even know of his song and dance days. I haven't heard him
sing in the past 25 years or so!
The trailer for Alone in the Dark, a Christian Slater movie based
on a videogame
- Christian Slater AND videogames? Polish up those
statuettes!! I'm surprised they didn't decide to release it on
December 31st to establish Oscar eligibility.
- "In 'Alone in the Dark,' Edward Carnby (Christian Slater),
detective of the paranormal, unexplained and supernatural,
investigates the recent, mysterious death of a friend with clues
leading to 'Shadow Island,' that brings him face to face with
bizarre horrors that prove both psychologically disturbing and
lethal, as he discovers that evil demons worshiped by an ancient
culture called the Abskani are planning on coming back to life
in the 21st century to once again take over the world. Based on
the best-selling Atari videogame series."
- More Anime! More Spunk! ("I hate spunk.")
The trailer for Appleseed the movie: "With eye-popping,
in-your-face visuals, 'Appleseed' boasts a new form animation
called '3D Live Anime.' A combination of groundbreaking
three-dimensional computer animation, in conjunction with
two-dimensional character animation recreates the best qualities
of traditional cel-based anime. Set in the year 2131, after most
of the world has been devastated by war, 'Appleseed' chronicles
the battle between mankind and bioroids, a race of cybernetic
pseudo-clones designed to aid humans in domestic capacities. But
when ideologies flare and aggression rises to the surface, the
thin veneer of peaceful coexistence is shattered."
Four new clips and the trailers for Howl's Moving Castle
Disney/Anime team-up. "In the land of Ingary, such things as
spells, invisible cloaks, and seven-league boots were everyday
things. The Witch of the Waste was another matter. After fifty
years of quiet, it was rumored that the Witch was about to
terrorize the country again. So when a moving black castle,
blowing dark smoke from its four thin turrets, appeared on the
horizon, everyone thought it was the Witch. The castle, however,
belonged to Wizard Howl, who, it was said, liked to suck the souls
of young girls. The Hatter sisters--Sophie, Lettie, and
Martha--and all the other girls were warned not to venture into
the streets alone. But that was only the beginning. In this giant
jigsaw puzzle of a fantasy, people and things are never quite what
they seem. Destinies are intertwined, identities exchanged, lovers
confused. The Witch has placed a spell on Howl. Does the clue to
breaking it lie in a famous poem? And what will happen to Sophie
Hatter when she enters Howl's castle? Diana Wynne Jones's
entrancing fantasy is filled with surprises at every turn, but
when the final stormy duel between the Witch and the Wizard is
finished, all the pieces fall magically into place."
The new international trailer for the highly-touted Bergmanesque
masterpiece Son of the Mask. Nah, this won't suck or
anything. "A decade after the legendary Mask of Loki wreaked havoc
on the life of an unsuspecting adult, the magical mask finds its
way into the possession of a child in the family comedy Son of the
Mask. When cartoonist Tim Avery's (Jamie Kennedy) new son is born
with the Mask's spectacular powers - to the dismay of the family's
jealous dog - it turns the household upside down and launches a
kid versus canine battle for control of the Mask. But unbeknownst
to them all, Loki has come looking for his mask and is willing to
do whatever it takes to get it back."
The Sun's "Year in celebrity cleavage"
Asian death toll approaches 70,000
- From girly men to fuck yourself,
The 10 Best Political Quotes of the Year.
"Sex and the Park" - in pictures
Weekly World News says there is a 14% chance your wife used to be
Kiki and Gyllenhall are not only back together, but also close to
More post-tsunami pics from Thailand
George W. Bush is most admired man in 2004, Hillary Clinton most
Broadway saw a 3.2% increase in box office receipts this year over
that of 2003.
Rachel Weisz will star in the biopic of James Miranda Barry, a
noted surgeon who went through her entire adult life disguised as
Holy Hannah! Meet the Fockers has the eighth best Monday of all
time! Critics be damned, the people have spoken. It is
sandwiched on this list between The Phantom Menace ($431m gross)
and Return of the King ($377m gross). Heady company indeed. What
more is there to say?
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words, pictures, and vids from
Stateline Motel (1975)
Watching L'Ultima Chance (aka Stateline Motel) on DVD is a
pleasant as well as an unpleasant experience.
It's pleasant because the film is actually much better than I
expected of an Italian drama/crime flick shot in Canada in the
1970s and starring Ursula Andress. The lighting and the camerawork
are nothing to write home about and the editing is sloppy. There
is a car chase scene in Montreal where the editor reversed the
negative, so it looks like the driver is sitting on the right !
Most actors don't put in much of a performance either, except one.
And believe it or not, that one is Ursula Andress who, together
with the thickening plot, keeps this film on track. She managed to
grasp her role perfectly and with her subtle acting and
expressions gave her character dept and nuance that it would
otherwise be lacking. I must admit that the plot starts out
predictable and pre-fabricated, but after about 30 minutes things
started to become more and more entangled, and the end came as a
complete surprise to me. To be honest there were a few hints that
pointed to the final outcome but one only becomes aware of them
after the film ends.
The story of the film goes about as follows: Floyd (Fabio Testi)
is released from a Montreal prison after six months for car theft.
He has to leave Canada within 48 hours. He immediately teams up
with his old partner (Eli Wallach) and steals $1,000,000 in
diamonds from a jewelry store. His partner shoots a man in the
process, and to escape from the police they split up. Floyd ends
up with the diamonds in a motel run by Michelle Norton's (Ursula
Andress) husband near the American border. Pretty soon Michelle
and her entourage suspect what's going on and decide to go after
the diamonds themselves. Michelle ends up in bed with Floyd and
they fall in love. Then the diamonds go missing. Did Michelle
steal them, and if she did, does she still have them? And what
about the others? How did the mechanic at the garage meet his
maker? And what about the two local cops? And what about Floyd's
partner - doesn't he want his share? Of course he does, but will
he get it? Will Michelle and Floyd be able to get away with the
diamonds? Or do they even have the diamonds? All this gets
resolved in the final minutes and that resolution was a total
surprise to me.
As I mentioned when I started this review there was also an
unpleasant experience. The DVD is simply abysmal. It must be a
serious contender for the worst DVD of all times.
- The transfer is terrible and seems to come from a worn-out
VHS tape. The images are blurry and have a yellowish color
dominance. I still haven't been able to figure out what the
correct aspect ratio might be. The actors looked too narrow in
4:3 and too wide in 16:9.
- And then there's the audio part. First of all it's encoded
in MPEG 2 instead of Dolby Digital as should normally be on a
2002 release. But MPEG 2 can give good results, one might
object. Yes, indeed, but not on this piece of trash. The sound
is often cracking like on a worn-out 78 rpm record, for
those who still remember them. But the most important
shortcoming is that picture and sound are not synchronized.
There is a delay of such an extreme degree that when someone
fires a shot you only hear it three full seconds later, like an
echo in the mountains.
Needless to say that the poor image and sound quality put a
real damper on my viewing pleasure.
I found this gem of a DVD on Ebay and you can still buy them
there. Bidding starts at $0.01 ! I noticed there seem to be 2
different DVD editions of this movie. The one I have is a 2002
release (87 min.) by Passion Productions or Miracle Pictures, a
division of PMC Corp. De., UPC number 9032830069. The other one
(86 min.) is only available from Amazon and DVDBoxoffice and 2
sellers on Ebay and released by Jef Films Inc., UPC number
018619688007. Maybe that release is not so crappy, I haven't seen
DVD: F (or Z---).
Scoop's note: Wow! I've seen caps from this, but
never seen the movie or the clips. In our surgically-enhanced
world, it is quite erotic to watch such a perfectly formed natural
body as Ursula's.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
Just some odds and ends today... three collages put
together from individual frames or from a clip posted
to the web.
From a clip of The Love Machine (1971) I grabbed some
frames of Alexandra Hay. She was a typically
beautiful blonde California babe who made a minor
splash in Hollywood in the 70's.
From frames of Io Gilda posted by FG I put together a
collage of Valentine Demy giving us a real good look
at her behind... and at what's just in front of her
Last up is the modern-day uber-babe, Jennifer Garner
in an episode of Alias. Jenn was out jogging, you
see, and a breeze sprung up out of nowhere. HD caps
were posted by someone I don't know but who is now a
very good friend for life.
'Caps and comments by Spaz:
First Wave: season two
More PG-rated nudity from the syndicated series.
'Caps and comments by Oz:
"Hotel New Hampshire"
The only chance of nudity in Hotel New Hampshire is a glimpse of Nastassja Kinski's breast but it is too dark. Pokies and cleavage provided by Jodie Foster, Anita Morris, Cali Timmins and Gayle Garfinkle.
"Killer Tomatoes Strike Back"
Crystal Carson takes a shower in Killer Tomatoes Strike Back but there is nothing showing.
"Merci Docteur Rey"
Some ageing pokies by Jane Birkin and cleavage by Jerry Hall in Merci Docteur Rey.
Panga (aka Curse III) is a typical slasher movie with some nice topless views of Jennifer Steyn and Jenilee Harrison.
- Jennifer Steyn
- Jenilee Harrison
No nudity in Killing Edgar (aka Briar Patch or Plain Dirty) but Dominique Swain is one sexy lady.
A topless Ursula Andress was in her prime in Red Sun (aka Soleil Rouge). Monica Randall is also topless and Capucine looks lovely.
Rachel York is down to her underwear in Lucy, the story of Lucille Ball.
The nudity in Weird Science comes from a topless Kym Malin as she loses her clothes just before she is sucked out of a chimney. There's an upskirt by Alison Carole Lowe and Kelly LeBrock (what has happened to her?) looks very sexy.
"Murder in Mind"
Mary Louise Parker is down to her underwear in Murder in Mind and there are some naked people sitting around a table.
||Coming to DVD January 25th! Here is Neve baring her bum and a bit of breast in a shower scene from "When Will I Be Loved" (2004).
|Kelly Bundy showing a surprising amount of breast while wearing only an apron in a scene from "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy".
I've always enjoyed Will Ferrell, and some of his recent movies like "Elf", "Old School" and "Zoolander" prove that his unique style can be very funny on film. However, even as a fan, I think "Anchorman" just missed the mark. Not by much, just a tad. Perhaps it was just the weak 2nd half of the film? Maybe they had too much fun on set and strayed from what was working in the first half? I'm not sure. I will say that "Anchorman" is a funny movie. In fact I found some scenes down right side splitting. However, with a little tweaking, I think it could have been even better, and probably would have had more cross-over appeal to non-Ferrell fans.
My notes...I would have liked to have seen more scenes with the supporting cast. Many of whom are amazing comedians and comic actors on their own. Two reasons for more of those scenes: 1)as we have seen in every Ferrell movie, he is at his comic best when matched with a strong supporting cast to balance out his over-the-top moments and 2)some of the suppporting characters were simply fun (Paul Rudd's wanna-be swinger) and needed more screen time.
I also think they could have done more with the 70's theme. There is so much more to make fun of about the 70's besides silly suits, moustaches and bad cologne. Although if anyone knows where I can get some Sex Panther...please email me :)
|Early 80's favorite and star of classics like "Tomboy", "Avenging Angel" and "Cheerleader Camp" parts 1 and 2. Here she is baring all 3 B's in scenes from "Private School" (1983).
||Señor Skin 'caps of the Italian mega-star topless in a scene from the Euro-movie "Agents secrets" (2004).