Bloodstone (1988) is a Niko Mastorakis adventure film with elements of Romancing the Stone, Indiana Jones, and The Pink Panther. An ex American cop and his heiress wife are combining a business trip to India with a honeymoon. They meet a man on the train who sneaks a cursed stolen ruby into her carry-on to get through customs. The villain who the ruby was being delivered to kidnaps the wife. An Indian bungling detective a la Inspector Jacques Clouseau is on the case, which is why the husband teams up with a shady cab driver who has the ruby to rescue his wife.

Laura Albert, as a harem girl, shows her left breast in a swimming pool. IMDb readers have this at 4.1. The cab driver was played by Indian superstar Rajnikanth, who gave an outstanding performance. The locations were exotic, the photography top notch, the transfer excellent, and the disk has Part One of the Niko Mastorakis Story (this is the part with Kirsty Alley and Marina Sirtis outtakes). I enjoyed it. It doesn't distinguish itself from the rest of the comedy/adventure genre, but is not glaringly bad either. I will give this a C. If you like the comedy/adventure genre, you should find this one pleasant enough.

  • Thumbnails

  • Laura Albert (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004):

    I have written about this before. Comments here.

    It must be a pretty good movie, because I was just intending to work on Robyn Cohen's nude scenes with a little better copy of the film, but  I ended up watching about 90% of it again. I'd try to forward to a scene, then see something I remembered, then get a hankerin' to watch the scene again.

    • Robyn Cohen (1, 2, 3). She is topless in at least four different scenes, but only two of them are up close and personal - the first two collages. In the other two (collage three), she's seen topless in the distance, just to make the joke that she's always topless. In the last scene, all the guys were running on the sand with their shirts off, and she was right with them. Actually, it might have been funnier if she was wearing a top in that scene, thus being the only one NOT topless.


    Garden State (2004):

    I knew this was supposed to be a good movie, but I had been avoiding it because I thought it was going to be one of those movies that totally suck, but some people like them because they speak directly to their life experiences, ala Swingers or Carnal Knowledge.

    Turns out I was wrong.

    There are some details that could not have happened in my youth, but in general, the story and emotions are universal to all American males of the past century or so who, at least those who have left home and returned after some considerable length of time. I thought it was charming, nutty, and heartfelt. It's not a very sophisticated film, but it makes up for that with some keen observations. If I did an annual Top 25 list, it would certainly be on it. I don't know about Top 10, but it was a good flick, and I'll watch it again.

    There's no nudity, so the discussion probably belongs at the Movie House. I wrote a very lengthy piece, if you are interested. Comments here.



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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words, pictures, and vids from ICMS

    Stateline Motel (1975)

    Watching L'Ultima Chance (aka Stateline Motel) on DVD is a pleasant as well as an unpleasant experience.
    It's pleasant because the film is actually much better than I expected of an Italian drama/crime flick shot in Canada in the 1970s and starring Ursula Andress. The lighting and the camerawork are nothing to write home about and the editing is sloppy. There is a car chase scene in Montreal where the editor reversed the negative, so it looks like the driver is sitting on the right ! Most actors don't put in much of a performance either, except one. And believe it or not, that one is Ursula Andress who, together with the thickening plot, keeps this film on track. She managed to grasp her role perfectly and with her subtle acting and expressions gave her character dept and nuance that it would otherwise be lacking. I must admit that the plot starts out predictable and pre-fabricated, but after about 30 minutes things started to become more and more entangled, and the end came as a complete surprise to me. To be honest there were a few hints that pointed to the final outcome but one only becomes aware of them after the film ends.
    The story of the film goes about as follows: Floyd (Fabio Testi) is released from a Montreal prison after six months for car theft. He has to leave Canada within 48 hours. He immediately teams up with his old partner (Eli Wallach) and steals $1,000,000 in diamonds from a jewelry store. His partner shoots a man in the process, and to escape from the police they split up. Floyd ends up with the diamonds in a motel run by Michelle Norton's (Ursula Andress) husband near the American border. Pretty soon Michelle and her entourage suspect what's going on and decide to go after the diamonds themselves. Michelle ends up in bed with Floyd and they fall in love. Then the diamonds go missing. Did Michelle steal them, and if she did, does she still have them? And what about the others? How did the mechanic at the garage meet his maker? And what about the two local cops? And what about Floyd's partner - doesn't he want his share? Of course he does, but will he get it? Will Michelle and Floyd be able to get away with the diamonds? Or do they even have the diamonds? All this gets resolved in the final minutes and that resolution was a total surprise to me.
    As I mentioned when I started this review there was also an unpleasant experience. The DVD is simply abysmal. It must be a serious contender for the worst DVD of all times.
    • The transfer is terrible and seems to come from a worn-out VHS tape. The images are blurry and have a yellowish color dominance. I still haven't been able to figure out what the correct aspect ratio might be. The actors looked too narrow in 4:3 and too wide in 16:9.
    • And then there's the audio part. First of all it's encoded in MPEG 2 instead of Dolby Digital as should normally be on a 2002 release. But MPEG 2 can give good results, one might object. Yes, indeed, but not on this piece of trash. The sound is often cracking like on a worn-out 78 rpm  record, for those who still remember them. But the most important shortcoming is that picture and sound are not synchronized. There is a delay of such an extreme degree that when someone fires a shot you only hear it three full seconds later, like an echo in the mountains.

    Needless to say that the poor image and sound quality put a real damper on my viewing pleasure.

    I found this gem of a DVD on Ebay and you can still buy them there. Bidding starts at $0.01 ! I noticed there seem to be 2 different DVD editions of this movie. The one I have is a 2002 release (87 min.) by Passion Productions or Miracle Pictures, a division of PMC Corp. De., UPC number 9032830069. The other one (86 min.) is only available from Amazon and DVDBoxoffice and 2 sellers on Ebay and released by Jef Films Inc., UPC number 018619688007. Maybe that release is not so crappy, I haven't seen it.
    Nudity report: let's enjoy Ursula Andress, who shows breasts and a bit of bum (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped).

    Movie: C-,

    DVD: F (or Z---).


    Scoop's note: Wow! I've seen caps from this, but never seen the movie or the clips. In our surgically-enhanced world, it is quite erotic to watch such a perfectly formed natural body as Ursula's.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Just some odds and ends today... three collages put together from individual frames or from a clip posted to the web.

    From a clip of The Love Machine (1971) I grabbed some frames of Alexandra Hay. She was a typically beautiful blonde California babe who made a minor splash in Hollywood in the 70's.

    From frames of Io Gilda posted by FG I put together a collage of Valentine Demy giving us a real good look at her behind... and at what's just in front of her behind.

    Last up is the modern-day uber-babe, Jennifer Garner in an episode of Alias. Jenn was out jogging, you see, and a breeze sprung up out of nowhere. HD caps were posted by someone I don't know but who is now a very good friend for life.

    'Caps and comments by Spaz:

    First Wave: season two
    More PG-rated nudity from the syndicated series.

    'Caps and comments by Oz:

    "Hotel New Hampshire"
    The only chance of nudity in Hotel New Hampshire is a glimpse of Nastassja Kinski's breast but it is too dark. Pokies and cleavage provided by Jodie Foster, Anita Morris, Cali Timmins and Gayle Garfinkle.

    "Killer Tomatoes Strike Back"
    Crystal Carson takes a shower in Killer Tomatoes Strike Back but there is nothing showing.

    • Crystal Carson (1, 2, 3)

    "Merci Docteur Rey"
    Some ageing pokies by Jane Birkin and cleavage by Jerry Hall in Merci Docteur Rey.

    Panga (aka Curse III) is a typical slasher movie with some nice topless views of Jennifer Steyn and Jenilee Harrison.

    • Jennifer Steyn (1, 2)
    • Jenilee Harrison (1, 2)

    "Killing Edgar"
    No nudity in Killing Edgar (aka Briar Patch or Plain Dirty) but Dominique Swain is one sexy lady.

    • Dominique Swain (1, 2)

    "Red Sun"
    A topless Ursula Andress was in her prime in Red Sun (aka Soleil Rouge). Monica Randall is also topless and Capucine looks lovely.

    Rachel York is down to her underwear in Lucy, the story of Lucille Ball.

    • Rachel York (1, 2)

    "Weird Science"
    The nudity in Weird Science comes from a topless Kym Malin as she loses her clothes just before she is sucked out of a chimney. There's an upskirt by Alison Carole Lowe and Kelly LeBrock (what has happened to her?) looks very sexy.

    "Murder in Mind"
    Mary Louise Parker is down to her underwear in Murder in Mind and there are some naked people sitting around a table.

    Neve Campbell Coming to DVD January 25th! Here is Neve baring her bum and a bit of breast in a shower scene from "When Will I Be Loved" (2004).

    Christina Applegate
    (1, 2)

    Kelly Bundy showing a surprising amount of breast while wearing only an apron in a scene from "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy".

    I've always enjoyed Will Ferrell, and some of his recent movies like "Elf", "Old School" and "Zoolander" prove that his unique style can be very funny on film. However, even as a fan, I think "Anchorman" just missed the mark. Not by much, just a tad. Perhaps it was just the weak 2nd half of the film? Maybe they had too much fun on set and strayed from what was working in the first half? I'm not sure. I will say that "Anchorman" is a funny movie. In fact I found some scenes down right side splitting. However, with a little tweaking, I think it could have been even better, and probably would have had more cross-over appeal to non-Ferrell fans.

    My notes...I would have liked to have seen more scenes with the supporting cast. Many of whom are amazing comedians and comic actors on their own. Two reasons for more of those scenes: 1)as we have seen in every Ferrell movie, he is at his comic best when matched with a strong supporting cast to balance out his over-the-top moments and 2)some of the suppporting characters were simply fun (Paul Rudd's wanna-be swinger) and needed more screen time.

    I also think they could have done more with the 70's theme. There is so much more to make fun of about the 70's besides silly suits, moustaches and bad cologne. Although if anyone knows where I can get some Sex Panther...please email me :)

    Betsy Russell
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Early 80's favorite and star of classics like "Tomboy", "Avenging Angel" and "Cheerleader Camp" parts 1 and 2. Here she is baring all 3 B's in scenes from "Private School" (1983).

    Monica Bellucci Señor Skin 'caps of the Italian mega-star topless in a scene from the Euro-movie "Agents secrets" (2004).