Dark Confessions (1998) day two. Kate Rodger and her friend Lisa Snelgrove go on vacation to some undisclosed country and are busted by Rena Riffel masquerading as a cop. They are allowed to escape, then recaptured by Riffel, who takes them to the monastery where she runs a training and placement business for leasing women as sexual indentured servants. In return, the girls escape jail and have their records cleaned. The monastery is full of naked women, of course, being inspected, auctioned, etc.

Tonight images include Lisa Senlgrove, everything, Kate Rodger, breasts and buns, Katie Patrosky, breasts and buns, Klara Hlousek, breasts and buns, Lisha Snelgrove, everything, Petra Kulikova, everything, and numerous unidentified women also nude.

Sets are nicer than the usual Simandl effort, and the photography is as nice as I can remember in his films. We have three male/female sex scenes, a very nice girl/girl, bondage, mind control, and even manage to get a naked CzehChick wet in a bathing scene. Don't waste a single thought on the plot, just sit back and enjoy the naked chicks. We have already determined that this is a genre unto itself, and this is one of the better ones. C+.

I have a touch of the flu or something, so just some tidbits from me today.

OTHER CRAP:

• Rebecca Gayheart topless paparazzi pics
• Mouseketeer update
• The Fishing Erotica series. For guys with big tackle. My #1 erotic fishing tip: master the art of bait. Ya gotta master bait.
• Tom Jones says he's well-hung.
• Michael Jackson's chief spokesman resigned on Monday, citing 'strategic differences' with other members of the embattled pop star's team over the handling of child molestation charges.
• 2003 - The Year in Gossip
• Oscar winner Marlee Matlin Gets Maternal
• Mr Bean is depressed because he sucks! Can anyone say they blame him? One of the "bad movie" sites on the internet rates shit movies from One Bean to Ten Beans - with ten little pictures of Mr Bean being the equivalent of complete shit. The only problem is - when Mr Bean comes to you and says he's depressed because he sucks - how can you comfort him? "Well, yeah, Rowan, you are the single unfunniest man in the history of the human race, possibly excepting Donald Rumsfeld and Vlad the Impaler, but cheer up, Old Bean!"
• You have to love the French system - journalist fired for telling the truth! The newspaper's management justified the dismissal by contending that he was in opposition to their editorial line and that he questioned the professional ethics of some of the paper's staff members! (The question of whether he was right to do so never entered into the discussion!)
• A federal appeals court on Monday upheld a Utah artist's right to make nude photos of Barbie dolls being menaced by kitchen appliances. Thank God we live in a country where the courts have no more important matters to review. Unfortunately, my personal habit of photographing Barbie being threatened by REC ROOM appliances is not affected by the court's narrow ruling unless I move my perverted activity into the kitchen.
• Gary Condit libel suit -- can he collect? The legal point hinges on whether tabloid papers published their false stories and headlines knowing they were false, or with reckless disregard for whether they were true or false. It is difficult to prove what is in someone else's head - unless they are watching Gigli, of course.
• David Blaine voted the loser of the year in UK balloting. He staved off a series of challenges from Posh Spice and others.
• 2003's best moments in Rasslin'
• 2003 Political Dot-Comedy Awards - Best Humor of 2003. Pick up some worthwhile links here.
• The most popular ads of '03 had a bit of laughter
• Courtney Love update.: "Disgraced rocker Courtney Love startled fellow patients at her rehab center over Christmas - by walking around naked. The former Hole singer, 39, is currently residing at Malibu, California clinic Wavelengths in an attempt to fight her addiction to alcohol and painkillers, after losing custody of her 11-year-old daughter Frances Bean. Courtney left her room to have her hair and make-up done for a magazine shoot, and preceded to strut around in her birthday suit for three hours. " Yeah, that should get her kid back.
• Still looking for a nice late Christmas gift? If you have 8.8 trillion dollars, why not give her England? Buy England now for that price, and you get Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland absolutely free. Act soon, because supply is limited, and J-Lo has already asked Affleck for it. Please: limit one to a customer.
• Paris Hilton sure buys a lot of pizzas.
• What the fuck? FBI Issues Alert Against Almanac Carriers : "The FBI is warning police nationwide to be alert for people carrying almanacs, cautioning that the popular reference books covering everything from abbreviations to weather trends could be used for terrorist planning." Somebody tell me this is a joke. Somebody just faked this to look like an AP site, right?
• Making porn a challenge. Jigsaw Puzzle - Can you put this picture together ?
• This is what it looks like when they shoot a Playboy calendar. Very slow site, and 22 meg video - but worth the wait - from Playboy Germany
• Now THIS is an extreme sport - street skiing behind a driverless car.
• MSNBC -- The Year in Pictures 2003
• Renee Zellweger wins praise for her impersonation of Granny Clampett in the Minghella sap-fest, Cold Mountain
• Angelina Jolie voted America's top New Year's Eve date. Zeta finished second. Who was the winning male ....?? You ain't gonna believe it.
• Jay and Silent Bob live. Here is some test footage from the new animated "Clerks" film.
• Screencaps for the trailer from Jennifer Garner's 13 Going on 30
• Online petition for a Richard Donner Re-Cut Of Superman II
• The 10 Dumbest Quotes of 2003 - Funny Quotes
• Who will be the first humans to have sex in space? If you and your lover can come up with $48 million and spare 12 months of your life, you could be In Like Flynn.
• Is this a great name for a porno film, or what? A Midsummer Night's Cream, (2000) (STV). They list the writer as "William Shakespeare"
• Brad Renfro has landed a supporting role opposite Adrien Brody and Keira Knightley in 'The Jacket,' a thriller scheduled to begin shooting next month in the United Kingdom. "
• Pretty cool ASCII Generator. Type in any words, select a font, and the program gives you your word back in a jumbo ASCII simulation that can be cut and pasted. Try the "big" font, for instance. Useful to make an e-mail signature, for example,
• MSN Entertainment picks the Top 10 War Films
• Southeastern Film Critics Association Regales 'King' They named ROTK as their #1 picture, and Peter Jackson as their best director.

Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Finally, after months of computer problems...The Hankster is back in the saddle!

The first offering upon my return are 'caps of one of my all time favorite B-Babes Lynda Wiesmeier (what a set!). Here is the former Heffer (July '82) showing off her big'uns in scenes from the Andy Sidaris classic, "Malibu Express" (1985).

• Lynda Wiesmeier (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

Cécile Pallas
(1, 2, 3)

Fairuza Balk

Heather Ehlers

Nastassja Kinski
(1, 2, 3, 4)