Many thanks to Crimson Ghost for covering the reader
request which the rest of us knew nothing about. (The results are in
yesterday's coverage of Emmanuelle vs. Dracula.) As always, I lost
money on that bet. I took Dracula and the points. Emmanuelle not only
won, but she ... um ... covered the "spread."
want to know about material which is available if we have not
covered it, so keep those cards and letters comin' in.
Personal Best (1982)
Here's another film which has never made it to DVD,
to my knowledge. What a shame! It is the Citizen Kane of lesbian
sports films, featuring full frontal nudity from pre-implant Mariel
Hemingway in two scenes, as well as a whole bathhouse full of stark
nekkid chicks. Here are two clips from VHS (zipped .wmvs)
naked Mariel examines Patrice Donnelly's stark naked body.
The third richest man in the USA is ... who again?
- Bill Gates and Warren Buffett are widely known, and
Gates is immediately recognizable to the general
public, but Paul Allen??? Well, he's the world's most
Netflix KOs Blockbuster Online
"Five prominent major league players were named in a $35
million lawsuit over an alleged phone card scam"
- Ortiz, Tejada, Pedro Martinez, Dotel and Lugo
reportedly were named in the suit.
"the ten worst Britons of the past 1,000 years, with one
from every century."
- The worst guy of the 12th century - Thomas a Becket.
He “divided England in a way that even many churchmen
who shared some of his views thought unnecessary and
self-indulgent. He was a founder of gesture politics. He
was also greedy."
- King John made the list
- as did Jack the Ripper
- The 20th century winner and also the worst Briton of
all time is, of course, Hugh Grant, a last-minute choice
which was forced by the committee's 11th hour decision
to ignore Dick Cheney's honorary UK citizenship.
Will placing tinfoil in your car's hubcaps or hanging a CD
from your rear-view mirror fool police radar?
- Oh, of course. What could go wrong? Just put a
little Reynolds Wrap on your hubcaps and you can
confidently soar through a school zone in triple
figures, as safe as one of those invisible space ships
on Star Trek.
Was "Uncle Sam" originally a meat packer in Troy, New
"Through her publicist, Longoria said on Monday that 'the
police report is highly inaccurate, defamatory, false and
- This is publicist talk for "self-evidently true, but
embarrassing to my client"
Sarah Silverman sings a duet with her vagina. Her
asshole sings a bass line.
Punk'd by a Lotto Hoax!
The Year in Pictures 2005 - MSNBC.com (Two slideshows
- readers' choice and editors' choice)
When will our Federal government finally bust the greedy
and ruthless ferret monopolists?
- One word from them, and the poor people of your city
might never see another ferret.
- I wonder if they are part of an organized crime
syndicate, laundering drug money through ferret profits.
Scientists prove that spoons really do vanish
- Next up on the scientific docket: the cause of
Headline of the day:
"Remote-control roaches are plagued by spammers"
The passing of an era.
ABC Bids Farewell to Monday Night Football
- It brings back great memories for us old guys.
Monday Nights with Howard, Dandy Don and the Giff.
Weekend Box Office Results, December 23-25
- The results are so diffuse as to be difficult to
interpret, because some films opened on Wednesday, some
Friday, some Sunday. Kong and Narnia were about even for
the weekend. The weekend was down 14% from last year,
but that is mostly because Christmas fell on a different
day of the week. The predictions were far off, but that
was to be expected. It was a dartboard toss, since the
weekend was filled with new releases and an
- The biggest losers of the week were Kong, which
managed to underperform even radically diminished
expectations, and Cheaper by the Dozen 2, which was
widely ignored. (Not only were the reviews dreadful, but
families saw essentially the same film last week in
Yours, Mine, and Ours)
- The biggest winner was Narnia, which pulled back
even with Kong and has proven to be an enduring
- It may be more interesting to look at
Sunday and Monday, in which all the releases
- The interesting thing about the Sunday-Monday period
is that the two-way horserace has become a three-way,
with Jim Carrey having overcome bad reviews to compete
with the big boys. Dick and Jane is the surprise winner
of the Sunday/Monday period.
- Jennifer Aniston overcame her own bad notices to
work into a respectable sixth on Sunday/Monday.
- Wolf Creek was in seventh or eighth place on
Sunday/Monday, about even with The Ringer. The Producers
was tenth, with respectable revenues per screen.
Character Actor Vincent Schiavelli Dies
- One of my favorites. A mainstay of grade-B films
whose unique look also made him a valuable asset in
A-list projects like Amadeus and Cuckoo's Nest. Because
of his appearance, he was one of those guys who would
never get the lead in romantic comedies or action films,
but who did a good job whenever he was given the
opportunity - and that's about the best thing you can
say about anyone.
The five finalists have been chosen for the new motto for
- "Come to New Jersey: It's not as bad as it smells."
was not one of the finalists.
- I'm still holding out for, "New Jersey: no fuckin'
motto. You got a problem wit' dat?"
Is Florida's anti-spam crusader the state's biggest
- Florida's attorney general has spearheaded an
aggressive campaign against unsolicited e-mails, or
spam. Only one problem - he may be the state's biggest
spammer. Man, he's going to have some trouble forcing
himself into a perp walk.
- His incredibly weaselly explanation? Even though his
e-mails are unsolicited and ask for money (the
definition of spam by any and every reasonable standard.
Go to Google and type in "define: spam") - they are
truthful! Under Florida law, it isn't spam unless it's
deceptive. (Which means the friggin' law doesn't
actually have anything at all to do with spam! You'd
think they might have looked up the definition of spam
before writing the anti-spam law! But, no-o-o-o-!)
- It appears to me that the Florida anti-spam law is
deceptive (since it doesn't actually have anything to do
with spam) - and therefore, given their alleged
definition that spam is deceptive mass e-mail - the
Florida law against spam - (follow me now) - if e-mailed
to the citizens of Florida, would be spam!
- Quick, call Mudd's robots!
TIME picks 2005's Best Movies
- An obscure list, to say the least
Tony Parker and Eva Longoria stopped by police - and
act like total assholes!
2005: another year of celebs behaving madly
On Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and throughout the
holidays, Chinese restaurants do some of their briskest
business of the year.
The Vikings are now out of the playoff picture.
- That loss also officially clinched a playoff berth
for the Giants
- The Bears have won the NFC North.
- The only division still unsettled involves Tampa and
Carolina and in fact, neither of those teams is sure of
making the post-season, although one of the two must
make it, and both may.
- The remaining NFC battle involves the wild card:
Three of these four teams will make the playoffs, but
one will go home early: Redskins, Cowboys, Bucs,
Carolina. If the season ended today, Dallas would draw
the short straw.
- In the AFC, if the Steelers win OR the Chiefs lose,
the Steelers are in, the Chiefs out. Where it gets
really crazy is the Steelers lose, and Chiefs win. Get
this - if the Steelers and Chiefs tie at 10-6, the
playoff team will be determined by the result of the
Broncos-Chargers game, even though that game is
meaningless to the two teams playing!!! (Complicated. It
has to do with tie-breakers, and the fact that the
Chargers can still go 10-6, even though they can't make
Jim Carrey hides in the crowd to disrupt the 'Today Show'
The man who created the 'Mother of All Bombs' dies at 67
- Wait a minute. Kevin Costner is still alive, and he
just turned 50.
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
The House Where Evil Dwells (1982)
The House Where Evil Dwells follows the basic Amityville Horror framework,
with a few twists: we find out why the house is haunted before the
opening credits; the house is in Japan; and the film is bookended with
Long ago in Kyoto, the wife of a Samurai warrior (Mako Hatton) was tired of
her hubby, and decided to have an affair with one of his students. She stole a
magic netsuke from a witch, and seduced the student. Hubby came home and
discovered them in the act. In this scene, we learn that a Samurai master,
fully armed and dressed, has no trouble Benihana-ing a naked and unarmed
So much for the ancient history.
Years later, Edward Albert arrives with wife Susan George and their young
daughter to live in Kyoto and write a novel. Their friend, the ambassador,
finds them a house to live in. You've probably guessed which house. The three
ghosts inhabit the family members at will, and cause no end of mischief,
including getting the wife to seduce the ambassador.
IMDb readers say 3.4. Coming three years after Amityville Horror, it is
clearly a "me too" film, so just changing the setting and the ending was not
enough to make this version special. This is a very low C- in the haunted
Susan George shows breasts, as does Mako Hatori as the wife of the Samurai.
The Legend of Hell House (1973)
The Legend of Hell House is a "British paranormal research team must spend
a week in a seriously cursed house" film. The team includes a physicist , his
wife, a designated psychic, and the only survivor of the last time this was
The scientist believes he can "exorcise the house" with a machine that
reverses the charge of what he believes is measurable energy, and not proof of
life after death at all. Wrong answer! Turns out the house is indeed evil, and
does kill visitors. C'est la vie, or la mort, as the case may
The director did his best to turn this script into some sort of mystery,
but the action so suspended my disbelief that I would have believed anything,
and nothing came as a surprise, most especially Roddy McDowall's hammy
performance as the second-timer. I found all of the characters irritating, and
was actually rooting for the evil presence.
In all fairness, this is lavishly produced and is probably very good
haunted house material, since IMDb readers award a generous 7.0, and critical
reviews are also kind. For fans of the genre, this is evidently near the top
of the heap, so it rates a C+.
Pamela Franklin does full frontal and rear nudity
while allowing a ghost to have sex with her. At least, I think she did full
frontal and rear nudity. The scene is so dark, I am not 100% sure.
Mostly paparazzi. Starting overseas:
- Lucinda Rhodes, the caption to whose picture tells
us she is on the telly across the pond, apparently in a kids' show. Lucky
- Lucy Clarkson seems to be getting more famous by
the day for doing little more than getting nekkid. A lot. Not that anyone
- Pamela David is on Italian TV. Gotta love their
variety shows because the cast of each includes a fat old bald guy and a
gorgeous young buxom gal. Pamela is in the latter group.
- Antonella Mosetti is another of the Italian TV
- Paulina Rubio is a singer who cannot seem to keep
her own clothes on. Again, no complaints from any of us.
- And Sam Heuston. Ah, yes, Sam ... he was a
terrific President of the Republic of Texas and a kick-ass US Senator. Who
woulda thunk he looked so good out of clothes. At his age. Seems spelling
is everything and this Sam, with an e instead of an o in her last name was a
contestant on Big Brother in the UK. She dallied with both boys and girls
on air and, again, she has the hardest time staying dressed.
Then, on the domestic side of things:
- Ashley Olsen looking mighty fine for once
- Carmen Electra looking slutty as usual
- Heather Graham looking gorgeous as usual
- Nicole Richie looking like she's been eating, so
this is obviously an old set of pictures.
- Melyssa Ford and her most prized possession (not
a paparazzi pic)
- And the pantiless Kim Cattrall
Last up is Liz Phair, who gets her own section, but
only because I haven't a clue whether she is foreign or domestic. I am such a