Pro urodov i lyudej (1998), known in English as Of Freaks and Men, is not a film easily compared to anything else. The tale takes place in turn of the century Victorian St. Petersburg. A widowed engineer and his beautiful daughter live happily with a maid, whose brother is part of a pornography ring that takes pictures of young girls being beaten. Among the girls is the Engineers daughter, played by Dinara Drukarova. Across town, we have a doctor, who lives with his blind wife and the Siamese twin boys they adopted, and a rather outgoing maid. The photographer of the porno ring is in love with Drukarova, but the head pornographer also wants her. The porn folks worm their way into both households until the Engineer and the doctor are both dead, the head pornographer is living with Drukarova, they have taken the Siamese twins to exploit, and they are using the blind mother, played by Lika Nevolina. The photographer gets excited about the new Kinegraph, or primitive movie camera!

The film is shot, beautifully, in sepia tone, to match the period. The nudity includes full frontal from Drukarova and Nevolina in spanking scenes, and a single breast from the maid, Tatiana Polonskiai, when she exposes herself to the twins. There are numerous other oddities in the film, and the ending is strange and somewhat unexpected. IMDB readers have this at 7.1 of 10. Reviews and comments can be easily divided into three types. Some find it full of symbolism and deep meaning, as any proper art film should be. Others find it a beautifully photographed series of somewhat disturbing images. Then there is the "this is child porn, and all you pedophiles who go to see this will burn in hell forever" type. I tend to side with the second group, I saw nothing profound or deeply symbolic, but loved the camera work, and found the odd story just strange enough to hold my attention. C+

Lost in Translation (2003)

Every once in a while, the critics seem to be infused with a form of mass delusion about one film or another. They focused their 2003 delusions on Lost in Translation, which is one of the best reviewed and most awarded films of the year.

I don't want you to misunderstand me. I liked Lost in Translation, and I was able to relate to it on a very deep personal level. To a great extent, it is my life story, or at least a decade of it. It rendered the details quite accurately. Only one problem. My life hasn't been all that lively, and neither is this film, which proceeds at a languid pace, and takes a helluva long time to get any rhythm established.

Here is the long version of my comments.

The short version: I can certainly see why a lot of people liked this film, because I liked it. But I'll be damned if I can see why anyone wants to name it as their film of the year.

Here is how the 2003 films stand on IMDb at this moment. Some of the possible award contenders, films like Monster and Cold Mountain, have not yet received enough votes to qualify.

• Scarlett Johansson. The film begins with the camera on her buns, in semi-transparent panties. Unfortunately, that is the full extent of the film's nudity.

Monster (2003)

Comments.

• Here is one additional picture of Charlize Theron in a bra and panties, just to show you what she did to deliver this role.

Updates

• Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated.

It's that time again

• Review the top nude scenes of 2003 (if you need to), then make your own selection for the best. Results around the first of the year.

OTHER CRAP:

• Review the top Nude Scenes of 2003, then vote for your favorite.
• A randy couple on a holiday jet were cheered by 250 passengers when they were exposed bonking in the loo.
• The Photoshop wizards at Fark.com try to "create an invention that would make you millions"
• DigitalFilms.com - Make Your Own Movie Online
• Yuletide U.S. Box Office may set a record, but the entire year may finish below last year.
• The nation's first faith-based prison. Where prisoners toss a faith-based salad.
• The Sasquatch Militia
• Am I FUGLY or NOT?
• FuckingBent.Com :: Rate pictures of intoxicated people
• CIA Museum Showcases Exotic Spy Gadgets. The tiger shit microphone, the pigeon cam, a remote-controlled catfish, and more.
• Winslet, Mendes New Parents of Baby Boy
• Michael Jackson says it's still okay to sleep with children, but that he would never hurt a child.
• Worldfilm's 10 Worst Movies of 2003
• RollingStone.com picks the Top 10 films of the year.
• EW's Owen Gleiberman names 2003's 5 worst movies
• EW's Lisa Schwarzbaum names 2003's 10 best movies Her #1: Return of the King
• 'My research has determined that the average person has a 50-50 chance of being married to a space alien.' To look at it another way, if your wife is not a space alien, you are.
• Weekly World News: "Talk about poetic justice: A blind professional burglar inadvertently robbed his own home!"
• Dean touts a 'Jesus strategy': "Howard B. Dean, the front-runner for the Democratic presidential nomination who had said little about the role of religion in politics, yesterday told the Boston Globe that he is a committed follower of Jesus Christ and suggested that this would be a winning campaign issue. " How can this be a winning issue? He's going to claim to be holier than Bush?
• MICHAEL Jackson has secretly married for the THIRD time according to pals. His new bride is a musical genius. Personally, I think he'd be better off with a legal genius.
• Need a new car? Looking for a real babe magnet? Consider the Ford : E-Series Van from Dumb and Dumber.
• Europe Weighs the Unthinkable: High College Fees: "Europeans, led by Britain, are rethinking their long-held belief that university education should be financed almost entirely by the state"
• Leaks Probe Is Gathering Momentum. Remember the Novak column which "outed" a CIA agent? Status: forgotten, but not gone, possibly ready to heat up again. My solution: get President Bush to declare Novak an enemy combatant. Then they can start attaching the electrodes to his nuts, and forcing him to sing like Caruso.
• Rotten Tomatoes says: Paycheck: 90% negative reviews from the top critics. Gigli got 97% negative reviews from the "cream of the crop", so Paycheck still seems like Citizen Kane by recent Affleck standards. The Seattle Times said: "As a genius running for his life, Affleck's got the intensity of a frat brother racing to return a keg before he loses the deposit."
• The Washington Post says: '"Paycheck represents such a professional nadir for each of its principals that you wish better for them in the new year" A nadir for the man who did Pearl Harbor and Gigli? That's hard to believe. The Post pulls no punches, "Why is this guy in movies? Really, has he ever given a decent performance?"
• Hulk 2 or not? Producer Gale Anne Hurd wants a sequel to 'The Hulk'. The studio doesn't. Eric Bana doesn't. And you can count Jennifer Connelly out too. She signed a one-picture deal first time around. "
• The trailer for The Prince & Me is now online. Of course it sucks, but it is online.
• Christian group says Peter Pan is too naughty for kids.
• Michael Jackson to Discuss Sex Charges: "CBS' '60 Minutes' will air an interview with pop superstar Michael Jackson on Sunday, marking Jackson's first public comments since his Nov. 20 arrest on suspicion of child molestation. "
• What was the best-selling non-fiction book of 2003?? .....
• What was the top selling game of 2003? .....
• USA Today's critics pick the WORST films of 2003.
• USA Today's critics pick their Top 10s. Their number ones were: Finding Nemo and Lost in Translation.
• Some independent filmmakers do their best to dump on Christmas. Some of these are good. Try subatomic, for example, which is a South Park parody.
• Play Jerry Falwell Pac-Man

Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

"Family of Cops" (1995) (TV)
Lightweight cop drama starring the late Charles Bronson. No nudity. Angela Featherstone plays his daughter.

• Angela Featherstone: underwear, cleavage. (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Caroline Barclay: bare back, underwear.

"Breach of Faith: Family of Cops II" (1997) (TV)
The sequel, and still no nudity.

• Angela Featherstone: nightie, underwear. (1, 2)
• Barbara Williams: sexy.
• Kari Matchett: pokies.
• Strippers: underwear.

"A Strange Affair" (1996) (TV)

Lightweight drama aka "A Husband, a Wife and a Lover" starring a frumpy Judith Light from the Who's da Boss? tv series. No nudity.

• Judith Light: pokie through brassiere, bare bellybutton.
• Karyn Dwyer: legs.

Wishing everyone a Happy Holiday and a peaceful and successful New Year!

Here is my last contribution for 2003, featuring a few re-dos as well as some new 'caps.

• Lynne Adams and Annie Dufresne in " Silent Hunter" (recaps). Adams is topless and Dufresne shows all.

• Canadian actress A.J. Cook shows some wet-clothing-semi-see-thru/pokies in scenes from "Ripper".

• Hanna Schygulla shows brief breast views in scenes from the 1971 German western, "Whity".

• Also from 1971, Francesca Tu topless in "The Hunting Party".

Lauren Hays in "Thrills"
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

For those who may not be familiar with Ms Hays, Her filmography reads like the ultimate in late night programming. She's starred in several late night series including "Hotel Erotica", "Thrills", "Passion Cove", "Beverly Hills Bordello", "Erotic Confessions" plus her movies: "Babewatch Girls On Girls", "Womb Raider", "Crime & Passion", "Stripper Wives", "Web of Seduction", "Club Wild Side" and "The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure" just to name a few.

Not only does she have a nearly perfect body that she frequnetly shows off completely (like in today's 'caps), but she can actually act too. Plus, outside of the softcore world, she has a pretty busy career hosting a radio show, doing voiceover work and even releasing a country music CD.

For her fans...Click here to see her IMDb filmography and Click here to visit her official website.