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Still the top Story
These snuck in late last night after we went to press. We posted 'em in yesterday's issue, but just in case anyone missed are bootleg vidcaps of Katie Holmes topless in "The Gift". The quality isn't the best, but from the response I've seen so far, this is about the biggest celebrity nudity news event all year. Can't wait 'til better images are available!

  • Katie Holmes topless! (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

  • Tuna
    "Monty Python's The Meaning of Life" (1983)

    Monty Python's The Meaning of Life (1983) is arguably the best of the Monty Python films. Where else can you hear a serious upbeat song dedicated to sperm, or see the worlds fattest man? All of that, and we have celebrity nudity. John Cleese is teaching sex education to school boys. Shortly after he finishes off foreplay by uttering the immortal line, " So, you see, we have all of these possibilities before we stampede directly to the clitoris," he brings out his wife for a practical demonstration of intercourse. She strips in a long shot, and then mostly hides behind a bedpost, but we see the side of her breast and her buns. The wife is played by Pattricia Quinn, whose lips are more famous than she is as the lips singing Science Function, Double Feature in the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

    There is also anonymous nudity from a herd of topless women chasing a condemned man off of a cliff, and the variety show in heaven at the end has showgirls with fake breasts. If you are a Python fan, you love this, even though some of it is truly tasteless.

  • Thumbnails

  • Patricia Quinn (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    "La Femme Nikita" (1990)

    La Femme Nikita (1990), released in France as simply Nikita, is the film ripped off for the plot to Point of No Return. It is written and directed by Luc Besson, and stars Anne Paralaud in the title role. It is about a girl who kills some police officers during a robbery. She is officially executed and buried, but actually sent to a training school for government assassins. The US remake copied much, even many camera angles, but changed a few things and created a poorer film with each change. Paraloud let a nipple slip for a few frames while getting breakfast in bed, showed her left breast while rolling over in bed near the end, and poked way out of an exercise outfit.

    Critics have it between 3 and 3 1/2 stars, and IMDB readers rate it at 7.6/10. It grossed $5.01m US, which is amazing for a sub-titled film. If you haven't see it, do so.

  • Thumbnails

  • Anne Paralaud (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Today's Euro-Smut from Tom Cat...

  • Stefania Rocca, full frontal nudity from the Italian movie "Viola" (1, 2)

  • Carmen Russo, the former Ms. Teenage Italy in 1981's "Mia moglie torna a scuola" (1, 2, 3)

  • Unknown topless nudity from the mid 70's, Euro mini series, "Michel Strogoff".

  • Brainscan
    Claire Graham
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Emma Caesari

    Paule Baillargeon

    I'm gonna run home to momma with scans of a type I could do blindfolded, and perhaps it looks as though I do. Two models from the U.K.. both strikingly pretty, with different paths to fame, as it were.

    Claire Graham isn't a page three babe, or at least I haven't found her mentioned in the usual places as one who has appeared on page 3. But she is from the UK and she does pose nekkid and... this I got from the resident expert on British porn... she appeared in the one of the Ben Dover tapes under the name of Alex. If'n I had a copy of that tape I would violate the Brainscan prime directive on hardcore stuff and cap the puppy for all to see, 'cuz Miss Claire is a sight to behold.

    Emma Caesari, on the other hand, has reached page 3 nirvana by posing for the bunnymag. This pose is decidedly not from that layout.

    And a little oddness; there was a Quebec celeb site I liked a great deal, but it seems to have gone the way of all things. The site had some caps of babes otherwise not found on the web, at least by me. One was Paule Baillargeon, seen in caps from a unnamed movie. Pulled them off, cleaned them up and stuck them together. So here they are.

    Catherine Zeta-Jones
    (1, 2)

    From her earliest credited role...1990's "Sheherazade". #1 features plenty of topless (and nearly flat chested) exposure from a young Ms. Zeta-Jones. #2 has some far off bum exposure, as well as CZJ in a starfish and sea shell bikini.

    Tonya Kinzinger
    (1, 2)

    Excellent vidcaps from the 1990 French movie "Dancing Machine". Mostly great topless exposure, with a far-off bit of full frontal in #1.

    Marie-Christine Descouard Name the body part, and chances are it's visible in these 'caps from 1981's "Le Roi des cons".
    Andrea Sawatzki
    (1, 2)

    #1 features breast exposure from 1994's "Polizeiruf 110 - 1A Landeier". #2

    Chrissy Schulz Excellent topless scenes from "Traumfrau mit Hindernissen".

    Sophie Marceau Working on her Sonja Braga merit badge with this breast exposure from "La Fille de d'Artagnan".
    and ...
    Kirsten Dunst
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    AJ Cook
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    From nudity in these images from "The Virgin Suicides". Scoop covered this one in depth a few days ago, and since there are no surgically enhanced, gun carrying bimbos having sex every 5 minutes, you guys all know that I have nothing to add.

    Tatiana Korsakova Odd, "arty" pose. At least there is some nice breast exposure.

    Tanka Jess Topless on a 70's disco leopard skin couch.

    Rebekah Excellent collage of the popular Page 3 babe's greatest hits.

    Anna Falchi
    (1, 2)

    Topless, but kinda sorta hiding the goodies with her hair.

    Ana Claudia Michels
    (1, 2)

    Both feature the model dressed up as a jockey, and of course, letting us see the goods.

    Kim Dawson
    (1, 2)

    Having some fun with herself in vidcaps from "The Sexperiment".

    Elizabeth Hurley Excellent paparazzi pics of Liz topless. New to me? I don't recall seeing these before. Maybe it's time to get the ol' eyes checked.

    Gigi St. Blaque Topless and full frontal nudity in scenes from "Tales of Kama Sutra: The Perfumed Garden".

    Laetitia Casta Extreme cleavage!

    Malgosia Bela Subtle nipple exposure in this B&W of the model.

    Mira Bartuschek Breast exposure in the German "Einladung zum Mord".

    Nicole Wester Very nice topless pose from the the December issue of Café.

    Polly Walker All kinds of views from "8 1/2 Women". Topless, bum, and of course, frontal.
    The Funnies by Number 6
    Santa Claus - An Engineer's Perspective

    There are approximately two billion children/persons under 18 in the world. But, since Santa is not supposed to visit non-Christian children, his Christmas Eve workload is limited to 15% of the total, or 378 million children--according to the Population Reference Bureau. At an average of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one "good" child in each.

    Assuming Santa travels east to west, which seems logical considering the earth's rotational direction, he has about 31 hours in which to complete his gift-distribution task. This works out to 967.7 visits per second, leaving him about .001 of a second to park his sleigh at each "good" child's house, hop out, zip down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining present under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth, he would have to cover about 0.78 miles between each pair of houses, a total of 75.5 million miles, not counting potty stops or rest breaks. His sleigh would have to move at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the speed of sound. For comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a mere 27.4 miles per second. Incidentally, a normal reindeer can run no faster than 15 miles per hour, so Santa's would have to be quite gifted as track stars.

    The sleigh's payload adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets only a medium-sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh would be carrying over 500,000 tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that a "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job couldn't be done with eight or even nine (remember Rudolph) of them. Santa would need 360,000 normal reindeer, increasing the total moving mass-not counting the weight of the sleigh--by at least another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the QEII (Queen Elizabeth II ocean liner).

    Over 550,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second encounters enormous air resistance, creating a deafening sonic boom and heating up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantly, exposing the pair behind them to the same consequences. The entire eight-reindeer team would be vaporized within .00426 of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his tour. Not that it would matter, since Santa, having accelerated from rest to 650 m.p.s. in .001 of a second, would have been subjected to a centrifugal force of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a genuine "bowl full of jelly," whether laughing or not.

    Therefore, if Santa ever existed, he's been dead for quite awhile, but he lives in our hearts forever.

    Click Here!