Sex and the City: Season 3 was covered by Scoopy, and I had not bothered, but it is time I got through it. This seems to be the year where the series transitioned from edgy adult sitcom to soap opera. The stories in year three seem to be serialized sagas of relationships between the main characters and supporting cast that run for episode after episode. It was a good year for nudity:

Sarah Jessica Parker doesn't get naked yet, but has a good see-through in a very wet blouse and bra in episode 10. There are also some cleavage and underwear shots.

Kim Cattrall Shows breasts and buns in both episode 1 and episode 11.

Cynthia Nixon shows breasts in a sex scene in episode 2.

Kirstin Davis shows her breasts, first through a filmy nightgown, and then completely bare in episode 16.

We have unknown nudity in Episode 3 (women's steam room), Episode 4 (Nude waitress at art opening), and a hot tub full of topless Heffers in Episode 14.

I can still recall individual plots from the first and second season, even though I haven't re-watched them since their release. I don't expect to remember any of these through January. C.

A Christmas thought:

And so I'm offering this a simple phrase

for kids from 1 to 92

although it's been said, many times, many ways.

Merry Christmas to you.

=======

And if you're 93 or older ...

fuck ya, you old fart.

Monster (2003):

Maybe you've never heard of this movie. Maybe you never will. But when Charlize Theron picks up her Oscar in the Spring, you can tell everyone you read about it first right here.

First of all, former glamour girls or lightweight actresses  who take chances and accept major dramatic parts in non-glamorous roles ALWAYS win the Oscar. Halle Berry, Hillary Swank, Nicole Kidman, and so forth. So Charlize would win even if she wasn't really that good.

But second of all, she really WAS that good.

It's a biopic. Charlize plays a highway prostitute who became a serial killer. She slipped into the role with the greatest physical transformation since DeNiro played Jake LaMotta. She gained 30 pounds. They transformed her with make-up and contacts. Even more important, she assumed a completely new voice and body language. Roger Ebert called it one of the greatest performances in the history of cinema. She got naked, but of course she didn't look that good. Ricci kept her clothes on, but was braless quite a bit.

Mr Ebert also chose this as his #1 picture of the year. (I was impressed by it, but not that much. I do agree with him on Charlize's performance.)

• Charlize Theron (1, 2, 3)
• Christina Ricci (1, 2, 3)

Alex & Emma (2003)

This is a routine and formulaic, but competent, romantic comedy with Luke Wilson and Kate Hudson. Luke is a writer who has to produce a novel in a hurry, so he has to hire a stenographer (Kate). The gradually form a relationship. As he dictates the book, she realizes that the characters in the book reflect real life, that one of the characters is her. She thus gets quite involved in the plot, and tries to steer the action in the favor of "her" character rather than the character who represents Luke's glamorous ex-wife (Sophie Marceau).

The only distinguishing gimmick is that Luke and Kate play the characters in the novel as well as themselves in the real world. Kate ends up playing five different roles, because her character in the novel changes from Swedish to German to Spanish to American as Luke develops the plot and changes his mind about certain details.

It's not exceptional, but I got through it without the FF, so it ain't so bad either. There's no nudity, but ol' Sophie Marceau is one hot tootsie. Ooh-la-la!

• Marceau (1, 2, 3, 4)

American Wedding (2003)

Aka American Pie 3. New to DVD. Good DVD - unrated cut with additional footage, plus more deleted scenes, plus outtakes, plus fun stuff like How to Speak Stifler. Two commentary tracks (one of which is just the director and Stifler!)

Here are my voluminous notes on the movie.

• Amanda Swisten (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Nikki Ziering (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

OTHER CRAP:

• Will Portman do The Professional 2?
• Judge selected for Michael Jackson molestation case
• Retiree pays $320,000 to Nigerian money scammers. Sad.
• The Specs of the Century. Loud, but fun game in which you match the specs with their owners.
• A truly fucked-up Christmas game.
• "Seinfeld" stars in feud over DVDs. Jerry doesn't want to rush out cheapies. He wants a classy project with commentaries. The other stars have previously said they don't want to participate because they aren't getting paid. Kramer has now broken ranks and has said he'll participate without compensation, because he just wants the damned DVDs on the street.
• Jesse Ventura's brief career as a television host is on the mat and possibly down for the count.
• More new Episode III Pictures online!
• America's top television personality of 2003 was ....???
• Letterman does a Top 10 in Baghdad
• Alicia's 'Diary' returns to #1
• Hostess Holiday Cakes of the past.
• Posh and David plan XXX-mas : Actual quote from Posh: "People think he hasn't got much upstairs but in fact he is very intelligent when it comes to computers - much more so than me." Wow, he's even smarter than she is. That doesn't even seem possible, given recent speculation about the finite capacity of human intelligence.
• .con domain approved for exclusive use of scam sites. largerpenis.con and nigerianfunds.con were not available for comment.
• Al Qaeda telling Muslims to leave New York. Thus making it even harder to get a taxi.
• Celebrity Knuckleheads 2003: Their stupidity knows no bounds
• The World's Funniest Collection of Masturbation Synonyms. "Fishing for zipper trout"
• What does an Italian do if he really loves fast cars, but he lives in Venice? He makes a Wooden Ferrari F50
• Play4Traffic.com Adult Game You win, she strips.
• Mobsters have shoot-out over woman singing Streisand song. It was a sad night for Louis Lump Lump, who is apparently either a mobster or an Italian Panda.
• What is Mort Sahl doing these days? For one thing, he says Al Haig is a funny guy.
• What would some of our favorite TV characters want (or need) for Christmas?" These are funny - written by the writers of The Simpsons
• Scarlett Johansson to Receive 'Rising Star Award'.
• Actress Jennifer Connelly Wants to Laugh. "Jesus, I think I need a comedy"
• Judge Reseals Limbaugh Medical Records for 15 days
• Serial robber uses pencil-drawn moustache as disguise
• What could be more Christmassy than Shopper Rage
• Saddam, Economy Boost Bush Standing

Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

A little something for Xmas morn. In some ways, the usual. Hefmates. But to make this something extra special I grabbed a half-dozen videotapes of never-been-capped Hefmate performances, a couple of them rare enough that it took me months to find a source. Because these are VHS caps and because those tapes were in some cases 2nd generation and in others a bit overused the quality isn't what it should be. But somehow, I don't think you will mind.

First up... because it was the tape I hunted for the longest and hardest (heh, heh)...here are the Collinson twins, Mary and Madeleine, in "Some Like it Sexy" (1969). Twas made the year before they became the first twin centerfolds (Oct 1970). The movie is odd, with lots of body doubles giving up goodies for minor starlets, but the Collinsons strip, fool around with a guy and then... this you just have to see...they fool around with one another. Not at all X-rated, as some sources advertise, but real interesting anyway.

• Mary and Madeleine Collinson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Next up in terms of personal interest are Petra Verkaik and Carrie Westcott in "Centerfold Fantasies" (1997). Petra and Carrie get seriously nekkid and bounce around a lot. A killer of a tape that is likely never to be made into a DVD because I gather its makers were sued by the Hefman's organization for some reason or another.

I capped two of Petra's three scenes. The other was too difficult to grab and not all that attractive.

• Petra Verkaik (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

• Carrie Westcott (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Anne Randall has the distinction being the first Hefmate around whom Andy Sidaris made a movie. It is called "Stacey!" and it can be thought of as a beta-test for what would later become "Malibu Express". The plots are nearly identical. Even individual scenes are the same, frame by frame. Anne plays the part of the detective. She shows up topless in three scenes. The tape was hopelessly noisy. This is what I could grab.

• Anne Randall (1, 2)

Katie Lohmann (Miss April 2001) is the modern Heffer most intent on challenging Shannon Tweed for most movies in which she appears nekkid. Here are her very first effort entitled "Hot Club California"... she plays a stripper and has no lines... and a later speaking role in "Talk Sex".

• Katie Lohmann in "Hot Club California" (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

• Katie Lohmann in "Talk Sex" (1, 2)

Last up is Elke Jeinsen in "Hellcats in High Heels 2". Extremely odd tape with lots of odd women doing many odd things. Elke is topless a lot.

• Elke Jeinsen (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

"Girl Camp 2004: Lesbian Fleshpots (2003) (V)"
Czechploitation directed by Lloyd Simandl and written by Anne Wallace (best known for her role as disco patron in Simandl's first movie Autumn Born filmed in Winnipeg way back in 1979). Despite the title, this is not a sequel to Girl Camp 2003 or any of the Fleshpots movies. Just plain lesbian wip sex.

Klara Hlouska (aka Klara Hlousek) plays the lesbian warden and Katerina Vrana her plaything. Hefmag checkmate-of-the month Lucie Haluzik plays an unlucky prisoner who gets electroshocked and then sandwiched in two lesbian threesomes. Vladimira Kopal is the brunette lesbian female guard who gets it on with Lucie Horinek while Alzbeta Cernuskova is the blonde lesbian female guard who gets it on with Katerina Vesela (both Horinek and Vesela played princesses in the first Fleshpots movie). And that's Horinek assuming the position on the video cover. Full nudity by other actresses who have appeared in this year's crop of Simandl movies.

Nudity by main characters only:

• Klara Hlouska (aka Klara Hlousek): nude, check out those nibs.
• Katerina Vrana: nude, gyno-cam.
• Lucie Haluzik: nude, gyno-cam.
• Vladimira Kopal: topless.
• Alzbeta Cernuskova: topless.
• Katerina Vesela: nude, gyno-cam.
• Lucie Horinek: nude.
• Katerina Hovorek: nude.
• Marketa Belonoha: nude.
• Zuzana Jinan: nude.
• Unknown 1: nude.
• Unknown 2: nude.
• Lesbian: nude threesome with Klara Hlouska, Katerina Vrana and Lucie Haluzik.
• Lesbian: nude threesome with Lucie Haluzik, Vladimira Kopal, Alzbeta Cernuskova.

"White Slave Virgins" (2003) (V)
Czechploitation directed by Lloyd Simandl and written by Ryan James (best known for his role as waiter in Shanghai Knights). The entire female Czech supporting cast is led by US import Rena Riffel who delights in feeling up the melons in the produce section and checking out the hot buns in the bakery. Newcomers Eva Nemeth, Elena Tanchenko, Lucie Haluzik are three women rescued from Serbian warlords by Rena Riffel who's a lesbian widow. In particular the three actresses shown in the beginning have been sorted out (Marketa Belonoha, Ivana Chlumska, Zuzana Major are credited as they first appear: Girl #1, #2, #3). A bonus is the DVD trailer shows even more nudity of these actresses. For some reason they cut out a scene where Rena gives them their ritual bath.

Nudity by all Czech actresses:

• Eva Nemeth: nude, extreme gyno-cam.
• Elena Tanchenko: nude.
• Lucie Haluzik: nude.
• Marketa Belonoha: nude.
• Ivana Chlumska: nude.
• Zuzana Major: nude.
• Trailer: bonus nudity.

FIGHT OVER SAVED SEATS AT "LORD OF THE RINGS"
Lord Of The Seats - Molly Dean of American Fork, Utah, sparked a talk radio debate over the ethics of saving seats at crowded movies. She bought nine tickets to "Return of the King," but when two of her kids didn't show up before previews started, ushers seated a couple in the seats she was saving. When they finally arrived, she asked the couple to move. They wouldn't, so she allegedly turned combative and started pulling on the woman's coat to force her out. The ushers called police, who charged her with misdemeanor disorderly conduct. Dean admits she got angry but said it's not something she'd normally do.