Season's Greetings
Since most people celebrate some winter holiday, be it Solstice, Christmas, Chanakah, Kwanza, or Festivus (like Scoop and I)...We wish all of our readers a joyous holiday season!

"Action Jackson"

Action Jackson (1988) is a hybrid violent action movie, and comedy. In some films, such as 48 Hours and Beverly Hills Cop, this has worked well, but never really meshed here, probably due to a weak performance from Carl Weathers in the title role. He is a former police lieutenant, who was busted back to sergeant and put on a desk for excessive use of force, but finds himself at odds with a wealthy car maker and all around bad guy, Craig T. Nelson. Sharon Stone, as Nelson's wife, is mostly there for decoration, but Vanity, as his girlfriend, is the female lead, as she ends up teaming with Weathers.

The film is full of violence interspersed with high comedy, such as when a young criminal faints when he comes face to face with Action Jackson, just based on his reputation. Stone shows all three Bs drying off in a steamy shower, and one breast lying dead. Vanity has lengthy breasts exposure in a well lit scene.

IMDB readers say 4.4 of 10, and Ebert savages it at 1 star. Vanity was nominated for a Razzie. While it was playing for laughs, I enjoyed it, but when it turned to heavy violence, it was just too mean spirited for me. It does look great, and the exposure from Vanity and stone in their prime is a real plus, but it is a D+.

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  • Sharon Stone (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
  • Vanity (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

    "Desperately Seeking Susan"

    Desperately Seeking Susan (1985) is thought of as a Madonna movie, but actually stars Rosanna Arquette. She is a bored and unfulfilled housewife married to a yuppie bathroom spa dealer, and gets all of her excitement from the personals. She is especially interested in messages from Madonna's boyfriend, who writes, "Desperately Seeking Susan." It is sort of her soap opera, and she decides to go to a rendezvous, and see the two of them. She follows Madonna (Susan), who trades a jacket for a pair of sparkling fishnet stockings. Arquette buys the jacket. When she gets home, she finds a bus locker key in the jacket pocket, and knows Susan will need it, so places an ad in the personals.

    What she doesn't know is that Susan has sort of liberated a pair of ear rings from the man who stole them from the Tutankhamen exhibit, and is attacked when she reaches the rendezvous point, and regains consciousness with amnesia. A friend of Susan's boyfriend, who was sent to look out for Susan, sees the jacket, and convinces her that she is Susan. Meanwhile, the real Susan hooks up with Arquette's husband trying to find her.

    While Madonna gets the notoriety for the film, and did a great job of playing herself, Arquette made the film for me, as she changed from a mousy observer of life, to an active participant. Madonna shows nipples through a flimsy bra, and Arquette has the tops of her areola visible in a bath scene. She is also seen in a bra, dressing, through a fish tank. IMDB readers have this at 5.6 of 10. It received a 100% fresh rating at Rotten Tomatoes, and grossed $27.4M against a $4.5M budget. Arquette won a BAFTA, and was nominated for a Golden Globe for her performance. I am predisposed to dislike this film, as I am not a Madonna fan, but find myself enjoying it. It is a high C+.

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  • Madonna (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
  • Rosanna Arquette (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Happy Festivus


    Doppelganger is a movie which almost works. The first 75 minutes are a completely incomprehensible mystery which may be psychological or supernatural. But then there is a completely logical explanation for everything - I was satisfied for about a minute - then the next nine minutes are the craziest, most over-the-top nonsense you can think of, shredding the logical explanation to pieces and providing some of the cheesiest special effects in history. The final minute is one of those - "what the?" experiences where you think something portentous has happened, and the music supports that position, but you have no idea what it is or what it means.

    On the other hand. Drew Barrymore was topless, and young, and firm, and we'll probably never see anything like this from her again because she's not exactly a gym rat, so let's enjoy the way it was.


    Trapped is actually worse on DVD than the bootleg. At least with the bootleg, I could believe that there might be some nudity if I just had a better copy. The DVD simply destroyed my hopes entirely with nice clear images showing, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that there's nothing to see. The movie isn't much good, either, so you can find better ways to pass your time than with this film.

    Other crap:


    Kournikova watch:

    Day 2. Still no call from Anna about our date.


    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Brainscan's Holiday Heffers
    Part one....

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Traditions. Holidays. Hefmates.

    Carrie Stevens, June 1997 Hefmate, in two movies. First up, appropriately enough are collages of Tuna's frames from "Cruel Game". Nothing like starting off with the best.

    • Carrie Stevens (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    And then there is Carrie Stevens in the supernatural sexual thriller, "Jane Street" (1999). A couple of other really nice looking women in this one, which I'll get to soon. Breasts in 1-4 and 6-9, bum in 5

    Claudia Jennings, Nov '69 Hefmate and the best there ever was in "Group Marriage" (1972). I looked everywhere for this one and finally found it. A 70's story of sexual liberation in which Claudia's exposure is restrained. But she was lovely as always.

    • Claudia Jennings (1, 2, 3)

    Corinna Harney, August '91, in "Vampirella". She plays the mother of all vampires. And I don't mean that Sodamn Insane metaphorically here. She really does play the mother... of all... vampires. Gets topless, too. Nice hooters in all collages.

    • Corinna Harney (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Cynthia Myers, Dec '68, in "Molly and Lawless John". A really stupid Western in which Cynthia plays a good-hearted hooker. How original. I was hoping for more exposure because Cynthia has one of the most impressive bods on the planet. You see cleavage in #1 and some real close calls in the next two, as Cynthia and the Sam what's-his-name of Lonesome Dove fame do a little sport-humpin'. Same guy sport humps Hefmate Sharon Clark in The Lifeguard, making him a member of a very exclusive fraternity.

    With Cynthia's great big beautiful eyes and her great big beautiful...well, you know... how was it she didn't make it in Hollywood? There is no logic to this.

    • Cynthia Myers (1, 2, 3)

    Heidi Sorenson, July '81, in "Suspect Device" (1995). These are VHS caps but from a pristine tape, and it shows just what even a gringo can do when the original material is good. Giganto-robohooters throughout, a view of her bum in #4.

    • Heidi Sorenson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Jeana Tomasina (Nov '80) in "The Beach Girls" (1982). Next to Claudia Jennings, Jeana is my favorite of the women who did the hefmate thing. Athletic body, wonderful caboose, exotic face. Read she married a former NFL player and is happy as a clam. I'll certainly bet he is. Anyway, I went overboard a bit with her. Twelve collages. Breasts and bum in the first four, breasts in the rest. And blonde beauty, Val Kline shows up in links 10-12.

    This is a great example of why DVDs are the best invention in the history of mankind. Not only is the borderline exposure possible to cap, and the good exposure much much clearer, but also the existence of some reproduction of this movie thirty years after it was made is something of miracle. You can bet no one was going to re-release it on videotape, so I had given up hope of ever seeing it again. But thanks to DVD, here it is.

    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    Merry Xmas to the Scoops and all The Fun House Members!

    Happy Holidays! Today we make it a "Hankster Lite" Xmas as we look at all the nudity from Cerina Vincent in "Not Another Teen Movie". Staying with the same movie we move on to the cute stuff starting with Jamie Pressly showing some nice cleavage, then to the star of the movie ugly duckling turned gorgeous Chyler Leigh and finally to Mia Kershner looking sexy in lingerie with some not bad at all cleavage.

    • Cerina Vincent (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
    • Jaime Pressly (1, 2)
    • Chyler Leigh (1, 2)
    • Mia Kirshner (1, 2, 3, 4)

    'Caps and comments by ICMS:

    Merry Christmas to all!

    Here's my X-mas present for the Fun House. I've unwrapped Heather Graham in "Killing me softly". There were caps from this film on the Fun House before but they were mostly fragmentary. This time you get all of Heather's naughty bits from this flick at once.

    "Killing me softly" tells the story of Alice Loudon (Heather Graham), an American girl working in London. She lives a boring life with her boyfriend who is more interested in watching soccer on TV than in playing with Heather. One day she meets a guy, Adam Tallis (Joseph Fiennes), a mountaineer, at a pedestrian crossing and she immediately feels the urge to shag him well. She goes after him, they go to his house and make love overwhelmed with passion. In fact Alice discovers a whole new facet of her personality and she is amazed at herself. She leaves her boyfriend, moves in with her new lover and after a while she even marries him. There's also a third person involved in this story, Deborah (Natasha McElhone), Adam's sister and at first she seems jealous of Alice.

    Alice Tallis, since her marriage, also keeps getting anonymous warnings that Adam is not the nice guy he pretends to be. He could even be a murderer and we do see that he has a violent strike when he nearly beats a guy to death who stole Alice's wallet. After a while Alice does become suspicious because Adam keeps her in the dark about his past. She starts investigating and her suspicion keeps on growing, something that angers Adam because he feels that she doesn't have confidence in him anymore. When she ultimately runs away from Adam and seeks refuge with Deborah, the film reaches its climax. The ending is somewhat a surprise although not completely if you have watched carefully (like I did).

    Most people are far from enthusiastic about this movie and its score in the IMDb is to my surprise only 5.0/10. While it is no masterpiece it surely deserves better. The film is presented as an erotic thriller and I think a lot of people are somewhat disappointed by the lack of sex and nudity. In fact the film consists of two very distinct parts: the first 50 minutes are a love story and the remaining 46 minutes are a thriller. It is a thriller and a love story at once. And that is the major weakness of this movie. Those first 50 minutes seem to go on forever and have little to do with the second part of the film. Sure, the director plants a few seeds here and there that do germinate in the second part, but there's really not enough there to build the necessary tension from the beginning. It looks like they joined two different stories together but that is not the case since the film is based on a book by Nicci French. Furthermore there are unnecessary scenes and details and after 75 minutes the film's story line has become really messy or so it seems.

    So why do I postulate that the movie had deserved better? First of all director Chen Kaige manages to clean up the mess that was created and provides a plausible explanation at the end. The whole story may be unlikely, but hey, this is film and fiction, not a documentary. Secondly the images of London and the British countryside were beautifully shot and the DP did an excellent job as well. And then there is Heather Graham. She puts in an excellent performance and shows a rich and very subtle palette of acting skills. She plays a whole variety of emotions flawlessly. There is obviously much more to Heather than just being a gorgeous blonde babe. My rating for this movie is C+ or 7.0/10.

    A few words still about the DVD. While the transfer is excellent, Dutch Film Works completely screwed up the cover and the back. It is full of spelling, typing and grammatical errors. I'll give you just one example. What should one think of "gebasseerd op" (should be "gebaseerd op"). In English this would be "bassed on" instead of "based on". And there weren't that many bass sounds in the film at all! A very sloppy job for which probably someone was paid as well. And the correct duration of the film on this region 2 PAL disk is not 102 minutes as indicated but 96. 102 is probably the length in NTSC or movie theaters. Which leads to another question. Why is there no region 1 disk available? The ending may be a bit controversial morally, but I don't think that there's something North America can't handle.

    And now I'm going back to Saturday 14 when Sleuth asked something about Carina Lau, an actress from Hong Kong who was allegedly abducted some 10 years ago to take nude pics of her. At least that's her story. Through a link in a HK newsgroup I ended up on a message in a newsgroup of a HK ISP which had this one picture attached. Is it her or not, I really don't know. Here are 2 links to pictures galleries of Carina Lau so you can check it out for yourself.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    It Would've Bounced Off Pam Anderson's - Jane Selma Soares of Rio de Janeiro got caught in the crossfire between cops and some drug dealers and was shot in the chest. But the bullet failed to penetrate her vital organs because it was stopped by her silicone breast implant. Sores said she was very happy and "even more beautiful" because a plastic surgeon called in to fix the damage took the opportunity to give her bigger silicone implants.

  • Just to be on the safe side.
  • Her boobs can now stop a surface-to-air missile.
  • Just as well: the old ones had gotten extremely hard!
  • As a precaution, all the women on the Rio police force have been ordered to get breast implants.