"The Story of Joanna"
The Story of Joanna (1975) is an absolute classic of hard core porn. The following IMDb comment is very well written and worth repeating:
Porn's finest S&M love story shows no signs of aging, 14 January 2000
Author: Dries Vermeulen (gclaey1-2) from Brugge,Belgium
"Gerard Damiano, he who gave the world both Deep Throat and the original Devil in Miss Jones, wanted to film the scandalous French erotic novel Story of O in the worst possible way but didn't want to go to the trouble of acquiring the rights to do so Instead,he wrote an original screenplay based in part on the book,pretty much as he had adapted Sartre's No Exit for Miss Jones,adding a moral (believe it or not) subtext to the whole story. Hauntingly sad-eyed Terri Hall,a former dancer with the Stuttgart Ballet (a skill which served her well here as she performs an exquisite routine in the nude at one point),plays the titular Joanna,an innocent debutante singled out by wealthy womanizer Jason (the always intriguing Jamie Gillis) for degradation. As any long suffering literary heroine worth her salt,Joanna takes it all on the chin (trust me,no pun intended...) in the name of love. There is method to Jason's madness however when we find out that he is dying of a mysterious disease and,as a final grand gesture, wants to be killed by someone who loves him above all else. Setting the story in some vague past (there are hints that these could be either the '20s or '30s yet nothing specific),Damiano weaves a monumentally gloomy melodrama that just happens to contain a considerable number of explicit sex scenes,some of them quite nasty (Joanna receiving a whipping across the thighs in a mirrored room) yet a lot of them also unexpectedly tender,choreographed to resemble sacred rituals. Gorgeously photographed and memorably scored with a mix of real classical music and new tracks emulating well known classical favorites,this stands not only as one of Damiano's finest films but quite simply as one of the very best adult films ever made. "
While I completely understand the above comments, I might point out that this film is so artsy as to be completely pretentious and boring beyond belief. Entirely set to classical music, it includes vaginal. anal and oral sex, bondage, whipping, degradation, shaving, fisting, girl/girl, triple penetration, and, perhaps most startling, a homosexual male blow job. Obviously, we see all of Hall's body parts. Damiano is certainly one of the pioneers of hard core, and this is an important film that every adult cinema history buff will want. Enjoying it is quite another thing. The transfer is as bad as I have seen, clearly due to heavily damaged source material. Considering the condition of the video, and the fact that this is so highly stylized as to lack all heat and passion, I will have to give it a C-.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Two of Santa's reindeer were originally named 'Dunder' and 'Blixem,'
not 'Donner' and 'Blitzen'. Dunder and Blixem are Dutch
for Thunder and Lightning. Donner and Blitzen are German for
Thunder and Lightning. For you trivia buffs: "A Visit from Saint
Nicholas" made its first print appearance as an anonymous poem in
the Troy (NY) Sentinel newspaper on December 23, 1823. It remained
anonymous for many years. Clement Moore did not claim it until
1844, and his authorship is still disputed by some.
The name of the book: "How Walmart Is Destroying America And The
World: And What You Can Do About It." The irony: you can save 31%
by buying it at Wal-Mart!
The King William's College quiz, perhaps the hardest test in the
There's a 1-in-300 chance that a recently discovered asteroid,
believed to be about 1,300 feet long, could hit Earth on April 13,
2029. At 6:44 AM? Don't panic yet, but if you live in
Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, especially on the part of Western Avenue
near the interstate, you might consider moving at least - oh -
1350 feet away.
Arafat had $1.3 million invested in a NYC bowling alley popular
for bar mitzvahs.
Federal regulators on Wednesday proposed a $220,000 indecency fine
for broadcasting a 'Naked Twister' game - on the radio!
Banned Bush portrait finds a new home: "A banned
painting of U.S. President George W. Bush that is composed of
smaller images of monkeys has found a new home, projected on a
giant billboard in Manhattan, over the entrance to the Holland
MIKE TYSON: "DYING CAN'T BE AS BAD AS LIVING "
JoBlo.com interviews Wes Anderson about Steve Zissou.
China has closed 1,129 pornographic web sites since the nationwide
crackdown began this July
Here are the MPAA Torrent Suit Letters asking the internet
providers for bittorrent sites to cease and desist (and save the
ReasonOnline interviews Grand Moff Michael Powell.
:: Porno goes reality show :: Lawrence wants to be a
porno star, and he gets to try - but the conditions of the show
are this: fuck or be fucked. If he can't get it up on camera with
a Penthouse Pet, then he gets fucked in the butt.
'Nude Bush' artwork dropped: "It is based on Edouard
Manet's work Olympia, which hangs in a Paris museum." (Picture
available at the link)
The trailer for Rebound: "Old school meets middle
school in this feel-good family comedy starring Martin Lawrence
('Big Momma's House') as the ultimate 'fish out of water.'
Lawrence plays a high-strung college basketball coach who must
redeem himself following a public meltdown, by leading a junior
high school team."
Keeping Christ in Christmas: First Lady Laura Bush Responds to
Outraged E-mails from America's Cruelly Oppressed Christian Zealot
New York Daily News gossip columnist makes a New Year's Resolution
never to mention Paris Hilton again. This has the
excellent ancillary benefit of freeing up lots more space for
- Headline of the day:
No Nudists Allowed on Assateague. Fortunately, it is
still possible to get naked on Twatateague, but not from the rear.
The trailer for Kingdom of Heaven : " ... an epic
adventure about a common man who finds himself thrust into a
decades-long war. A stranger in a strange land, he serves a doomed
king, falls in love with an exotic and forbidden queen, and rises
to knighthood. Ultimately, he must protect the people of Jerusalem
from overwhelming forces while striving to keep a fragile peace.
From Ridley Scott, the master of the modern epic."
Michael Moore is planning to tackle America's health industry in a
new movie tentatively called Sicko. And he's also
working on a sequel to his award-winning Fahrenheit 9/11, which
will cover George W Bush's second term as president.
What if A Christmas Carol had been written by someone else?
Ayn Rand's version: The ruggedly handsome and weirdly articulate
Ebeneezer Scrooge is a successful executive held back by the
corrupt morality of a society that hates success and fails to
understand the value of selfishness. So Scrooge explains that
value in a 272-page soliloquy. Deep down, Scrooge's enemies know
that he is right, but they resent him out of a sense of their own
inferiority. Several hot sex scenes and unlikely monologues later,
Scrooge triumphs over all adversity. Meanwhile, Tiny Tim croaks.
Socialized medicine is to blame.
- GALLUP came up with a finding which I never would have
The number of atheists in America, while small, is greater than
the number practicing all non-Christian religions added together!!
- Here's the breakdown: Christian 84% , non-religious: 9%,
non-Christian religion 5%, no response 2%.
- No response???? Now think about that. Gallup always asks if
you would mind answering some questions, so here's how the phone
conversation went. "Would you mind answering some questions
about your personal religious beliefs?" "No, not at all." "All
right, what ARE your personal religious beliefs?" "I'd rather
not say." Boggles the mind. I suppose the 2% are people who
worship things they don't want to talk about, possibly The Dark
Lord Satan, or maybe even former baseball commissioner Bowie
Steve, don't eat it. From chocolate breast milk to
Ralph's "Food Product", which is made with real, mechanically
separated chicken paste.
Now you men can get air fresheners that capture the fragrance you
really crave... MEAT!
Paris Hilton claims she's 'too lazy' to have sex and would rather
USATODAY's Oscar Oracle (It's a good resource. Lots of
handy info on one page.)
Angelina Jolie is the star most men would like to kiss under the
mistletoe, while Orlando Bloom is the choice for women.
Sly Stallone's ex Brigitte Nielsen is reportedly the latest star
to sign up for Celebrity Big Brother.
Letterman's Top Ten Least Popular Christmas Carols
HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE THINK YOU REALLY DO LIKE THE CRAP THEY GAVE YOU
Red Sox sign Wade Miller to go with their other free agent
pitching prize, Matt Clement
The intense international trailer for Boogeyman. Looks
like a pretty scary haunted house flick, co-produced by Sam Raimi.
An ex-husband of J-Lo has sued her for alleged breach of contract,
claiming he was wrongly fired as the manager of her restaurant.
So that's why she gets married and engaged so often. One
ex-husband or fiance for every outlet of her restaurant chain. In
a couple more years, she'll be able to buy Subway.
AMERICAN PIE's NADIA TURNS TO PSYCHIC TO SAVE MARRIAGE.
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words, pictures, and vids from
Three Blind Mice
When I saw Johnny Moronic's caps of
Emilia Fox in yesterday's Fun House, I didn't remember these
scenes at all, although I had seen the film about 6 months ago. To
be honest this flick didn't make much sense and even less of an
impression on me. So I took my DVD and fast-forwarded through the
movie. I had almost given up all hope when after 69 minutes the
first exposure by Emilia Fox occurred. The last time she showed
some skin was around 77 minutes into the film.
So I decided that these 4 clips from
the Three Blind Mice might make a nice addition to yesterday's
caps. Clips 1 and 2 are unsharp because they're seen on someone's
computer screen in the film.
DivX Clips 3 and 4 look rather dark
on my computer but when I burnt them on a CD-R and put it in my
standalone DVD player they looked just fine, very close to the
real DVD. This is rather strange.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
Aria Giovanni is one of the busier former Pets. She
caught the eye of Andrew Blake a few years ago and has
made several videos with him. Mr. Blake is known for
making adult movies without the acts that most folk
think of when they hear the words, "adult movies."
Not much humping, a lot of girls doing girls but in
ways that are just a small step up (or down, depending
on your point of view) from Skinemax features. That's
what you get with Justine (2002): girls doing all
manner of things with other girls.
Justine is also the name of the actress (sic) who is
in most of this movie (double sic). She's a babe..
too scrawny for my tastes, but she sports a
come-on-to-my-house look that would be just a tad
difficult to resist if you encountered her in real
Aria shows up only here and there. And with her most
of the time is internet model Erica Rose Campbell-- I
know about the internet part because when I Googled
the gal up popped about 6000 sites with about 60,000
images of her. Erica has a shape that meets and
excedes the standards set by Aria. In the scene I
capped the two of them spend a fair bit o' time
rubbing certain body parts together... and they were
able to do it while standing in different rooms.
Okay, that's a lie. But take a look at collages 1-3
and see what I mean.
Collage 4, 6 and 7 are of Aria by her lonesome. The
last two show some furry B. Number 6 is the odd one:
it's a scene in which Erica gives bad little Aria a
good ol' spanking. Again, not my particular taste but
I figure some of my fellow Funhouse readers might
wanna get the disk for that scene alone.
And then there is a single collage of Erica alone.
She is not what anyone I know would call beautiful of
face. But that form? You don't have to be a typical
American man to appreciate what Erica brings to the
There are many more scenes in this disk... of Justine
and a couple of other slim models named Elle Williams
and Emily Marilyn. But I gotta tell ya-- I was bored
to tears with it all. Same with anyone else who took
a gander at Justine. Haven't a clue what market Mr.
Andrews is aiming for. but around the shop Justine was
a clean miss.
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
First up from the Ghost today...the final installment of his visual review of the Skinemax movie "Exposed" (2003). Today's batch features B-movie regular Julia (Julie) Kruis gettin' nekkid and gettin' it on...a lot. Toplessness everywhere, plus frontal nudity in links 9, 21, 22, 23, 27, 28 and 38.
- Julia (Julie) Kruis
Today's video clips are from the direct-to-vid sequel, "Species III". Zipped .wmvs as usual. Click here to read the Scoopy.com review featuring comment by Scoop and Tuna.
- Amelia Cooke clip #1. Toplessness.
- Amelia Cooke clip #2. Topless and being seriously pounded while gettin' it on in a public restroom.
- Amelia Cooke clip #3, toplessness, brief (but dark) frontal nudity and baring plenty of bum as she walks down a hallway nekkid.
- Sunny Mabrey, toplessness and rear brief views in a few clips from one scene.
- Sunny Mabrey, more breast exposure in two different scenes.
'Caps and comments by Dann:
"Young Doctors in Love"
OK, granted, on one level, this 1982 comedy is lame, campy, kind of dumb, and very silly. It's also very, very funny, and a great spoof of soap operas, General Hospital and it's ilk particularly. It also has some great cameos by soap stars, some of whom are still around even 20 years later.
The plot is obvious....life in a big-city hospital. It's a trip, boys and girls, and a lot of fun to watch.
|DeadLamb 'caps of two of the "Las Vegas" ladies showing a whole mess of cleavage.
|Señor Skin 'caps of the very hard working B-babe going topless, doing some stripping, showing a thong view and even gettin' it on in scenes from "Hard As Nails" (2001).
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
LEGAL WAIVER FOR SANTA
Cookie Crumbs - The Center for Consumer Freedom, a group that fights
lawsuits against the restaurant and food industry, posted a waiver on its
website for anyone who plans to leave cookies out for Santa. By signing
it, Santa agrees that he is already obese and will not blame you, nor ask
his trial lawyer elf to sue you for not providing nutritional info, not
offering healthy alternatives such as tofu bars, not warning that yummy
cookies may be habit-forming, or for using Christmas lights as manipulative
marketing tools to lure Santa in to overeat cookies.
Have you tossed your cookies yet?
But if you also leave him a glass of whole milk, he'll sue
your ass off.
Santa seems like the kind of guy who'd sue you if DID leave him tofu
HAIRSTYLES LINKED TO JOBS
A Little Dab'll Screw Ya - A study by Brylcreem found a link between
people's choice of hairstyle and their jobs, suggesting that our style
choices may be more influenced by co-workers than we'd like to admit. For
instance, men with cropped hair were more likely to have manual jobs, with
45 percent of construction workers having short-cropped hair. Those with
individual 'dos tend to be entrepreneurs, such as Bill Gates and Donald
Trump. And mullets are common in jobs where you're not seen by the public
much, such as long distance truck drivers and DJs.
Especially DJs for Classic Rock stations.
Or maybe people who like to wear mullets can only get hired for jobs
where they're never seen by the public.
And if you still use Brylcreem, you're probably an Elvis impersonator.
Donald Trump only has his hairstyle because all his yes men are afraid
to tell him it looks like a dead squirrel.
FREE BEER FOR COWS
Really Contented Cows - Cows in Eastern Iowa are getting free beer, thanks
to Fleck Sales, a Cedar Rapids beer distributor. They asked farmers if
they'd like beer that was past its shelf date to mix with cattle feed,
since it has vitamins, minerals and proteins that are good for cows. A
year later, the cattle like it so much, they won't eat dry feed if it's not
accompanied by beer.
Except in December, they're fed rum so they'll give egg nog.
It's also increased reproduction because after enough beer, even a cow