Wednesday

Tuna
"Sex and the City: Season 5"

Sex and the City: Season 5, the abbreviated 8 episode season has been released on DVD. Nudity from stars was confined to the season opener, with both Kim Cattrall and Kristin Davis showing breasts. Cynthia Nixon had a baby nursing scene, but the breasts are quite well made prosthetics.

In the final episode, Melissa Court and another actress go topless at a pool party. Even this shortened season was a long watch for me, but the occasional scene was funny. I have yet to see season three and four, but didn't feel like I had missed anything. The characters have not changed much, and the stories have a certain sameness. Also, there are too many wrinkles and crows feet on the leads for them to be young, available and irresistible, especially in close-ups. Sarah Jessica Parker was increasingly pregnant during filming, and her costumes got a little strange, even for her character. I would imagine women relate to this show more than men, as it deals mostly with feelings and relationships, and the women are always the good guys. This is a good example of a series that has gone on long enough, and I understand Season 6 will be the last. C, barely.

  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails

  • Cynthia Nixon (1, 2, 3)
  • Kim Cattrall (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Kristin Davis (1, 2, 3)
  • Melissa Court (1, 2, 3, 4)

    • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    A Midsummer Night's Dream (1999):

    Could it have been only four years ago that Calista Flockhart was a big enough star to be considered for a starring role in a prestigious Shakespearian adaptation? It seems like that must have been the 1940s.

    You'll note that the official title on the DVD box is "William Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream". They do that so cretins like us don't get it confused with the Mickey Spillane version. Hell, I'm no fool, I knew it wasn't the Mickster as soon as someone said "but soft ..." . You don't hear many "but softs" in the Mike Hammer stories. Also, I noticed right away that nobody was wearing a fedora, and that they called the women "m'lady" instead of "dollface".

    The director relocated the story into Tuscany in the late 19th century, which created some gimmicky uses for bicycles. The fairy portion of the story, of course, is timeless, so it can co-exist with any time frame. The words are Shakespeare's.

    I'm not sure if the world needs another completely verbatim interpretation of a Shakespeare play, but it grossed $16 million dollars, which is more than I would have expected, so there are still plenty of fans out there who appreciate a good effort, which this is - it's breezy, relative friendly to contemporary ears, and lush.

    Unfortunately for our purposes, it was PG-13, so the nudity is minimal.

    • Calista Flockhart. Mind you, I have nothing against small breasted women. In fact, I prefer women lean and athletic. But Calista is a bit extreme, even for my tastes. I see no sign of any breasts at all.
    • Anna Friel
    • Some water-nymph

     

     

    Psycho (1998)

    Why the hell did Gus Van Zant waste months of his life on this? In case you have forgotten, he took the original script from Psycho and re-made it with contemporary actors. Many of the scenes, in fact as many as possible, were shot with the same camera set-ups as the original, duplicated almost frame-by-frame, including the same background music. Why bother? Beats me. Psycho may not be one of the greatest movies ever made, but it is one of the twenty or so most memorable, and has fully entered the consciousness of mainstream culture. SNL does a sketch on the Norman Bates school of motel management, and there is no need to explain the reference. Robin Williams does "Norman, is that you?" in the granny voice, and everyone knows exactly what he's riffing on. Given those facts, the frame-by-frame remake seems downright gratuitous.

    There is nothing really wrong with the film as a stand-alone except that it is old-fashioned to our eyes and ears, even with hip actors. It is entertaining, in a way, to hear actors from the 1990s try to negotiate the corny 1950s dialogue while trying to maintain credibility in the characters. Some of them did quite well, like William Macy, Julianne Moore, and Anne Heche, for example. Others, like James LeGros and Robert Forster, didn't fare as well. Vince Vaughn brought a different kind of spirit to Norman Bates - kind of a giggly, affable outsider vibe which imparted his own spin on the role. That was undoubtedly an excellent idea, rather than simply attempting to mimic Tony Perkins, whose performance is a screen classic. (Vaughn also added some obvious masturbation to the peephole scene.)

    For our purposes, I suppose the best thing about the remake is that the shower scene actually has some visible nudity, including a surprisingly graphic procto-cam shot of Anne Heche. I can't recall many other noteworthy, mainstream actresses who have spread their cheeks on camera, so I guess that's something to remember the film by. Otherwise, I just don't see any reason for this film to exist.

    • Anne Heche (1, 2, 3, 4)

     

     

    Reality Check (2002)

    I haven't seen this film. Very few people have. But I made these collages from Riobro's excellent .avi, and they are (I think) every bit the equal of DVD quality. And it's nice to see Peldon without the cowbells hanging from her boobs.

    • Courtney Peldon (1, 2)

     

     

    OTHER CRAP:

    Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

     

     

    MOVIE REVIEWS:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Spaz
    'Caps and comments by Spaz:

    "Medieval Fleshpots 2: Hot Wenches" (2003) (V)
    Czechploitation by the writer director team of Lloyd Simandl and Chris Hyde.

    The head lesbian is played by Elin Spidla best for her role as Manicurist #2 in Bad Company (2002). Two other Czech actresses Katerina Hovorek (one of the princesses from the first Medieval Fleshpots) and newcomer Zuzana Jinan (aka Zuzana Jiran?) play wrongfully convicted women-in-prison, This video has nothing to do with Simandl's earlier masterpiece Chained Sinners: Medieval Fleshpots. In fact it takes place in modern times. This video was released this month in Japan under the title "Lash of the Scorpion" and has included some flogging scenes that were cut from the UK release.

    Nudity by main actresses only:


    Above actresses in other Simandl movies:

    • Elin Spidla: sexy in "Killer Love" (2002).
    • Katerina Hovorek: nude in "Forbidden Rage: White Slave Secrets" (2002).
    • Unknown Guard: nude in lesbian threesome scene that was cut from the US release "Slaves of the Realm" (2003).


    "Chained Fury: Lesbian Slave Desires (2003) (V)
    Is the latest czechploitation by the writer-director team of Lloyd Simandl/Chris "Dr. Jekyl" Hyde.

    Marcela Hodna (best known for her role as the lesbian wife in Girl Camp 2003) plays an escaped mental patient. She first electrocutes a nurse (Jana Melichar) and then kidnaps a woman (Katerina Vesela) and makes love to her at gunpoint. She then takes over a horse stud farm which is a front for a white slave operation where Vladimira Kopal plays a lesbian guard. It's a sea of flesh after that.

    Nudity by main characters only:


    Some of the above actresses in earlier Simandl movies:

    • Marcela Hodna: nude threesome in "Girl Camp 2003: Chained Vengeance" (2002).
    • Vladimira Kopal: nude in lesbian threesome scene that was cut from the US release "Slaves of the Realm" (2003). She is also the extras casting assistant for many Simandl movies.

    Dann
    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "Bad Bizness"
    A classic example of a B-movie T&A flick so bad, they make 'em in batches. This movie contains a complete scene of Kim Maddox that was also used in Final Examination, which I already capped. It's the exact same scene.

    The good news is that it has plenty of nude scenes that were NOT in the other movie, and believe me, the nudity is the ONLY reason you'd want to watch this movie.

    Variety
    Phoebe Cates
    Bridget Fonda
    Leilani Sarelle

    		DeadLamb 'caps of all 3 ladies showing some cleavage in scenes from "Shag: The Movie" (1989).

    Jami Ferrell
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    Natalia Sokolova
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Deanna Brooks
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    		Señor Skin 'caps a couple of former Heffers (Ferrell from January '97, Sokolova from April '99 and Brooks from May '98) in scenes from the special features on the DVD of the Cuba Gooding Jr. stink-fest, "Boat Trip".

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    MARRIAGE GOOD FOR WOMEN, BUT NOT MEN
    So Something's Gotta Give - A study of more than 4,000 Britons by the University of London found that women are happiest and enjoy the most mental well-being when they marry their first love, while the most emotionally healthy lifestyle for men is "serial monogamy," or a series of relationships that end before marriage. Men who've had more than two relationships had the best mental health of any group, while women who'd had the most break-ups had the worst mental health. The more men women had broken up with, the unhappier they were.

  • Maybe they're unhappy because they always pick losers.
  • Somebody better put a suicide watch on Elizabeth Taylor.
  • Women are healthier in one, longterm relationship...like Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown.
  • If this is true, the man with the best mental health in the world is Billy Bob Thornton.
  • Actually, the happiest man in the world is Hugh Hefner, who has five relationships at once that end before marriage.


    125-YEAR-OLD FRUITCAKE
    No, Not Jesse Helms - Tonight, a 125-year-old fruitcake will make an appearance on NBC's "Tonight Show." Morgan Ford, 83, of Tecumseh, Michigan, is the caretaker of the fossilized cake, baked by his great-grandmother around 1878. Its history is hazy, but for some reason, nobody ate it, and it was handed down through generations, preserved in a glass bowl covered by a glass top. It still emits a spicy aroma. Ford plans to pass it down to his son, but he does intend to offer a slice to Jay Leno.

  • David Letterman suggested it.
  • It probably won't be the worst fruitcake he ever tasted...or the hardest.
  • Think positive, Jay: if fruitcakes improve with age, this one might finally be edible by now.
  • It's full of nuts and raisins...At least, they think those are raisins.


    SOME CELEBS REJECT KNIGHTHOODS
    A Royal Pain - A classified document leaked to the London Sunday Times revealed the names of many celebrities who've rejected offers of royal titles, including John Cleese, Trevor Howard and Vanessa Redgrave. Their reasons were also exposed: David Bowie said he didn't know what a knighthood is for and it's not what he spends his life working for. Albert Finney said the "Sir" title perpetuates the disease of snobbery. And Helen Mirren turned down the title of "Dame," saying, "The whole idea of aristocracy I loathe."

  • Jagger thought he deserved a knighthood because he's such a famous swordsman.
  • Paul McCartney accepted the title of "Sir" only because he was tired of the title "The Cute One."