The Abductors (1972) is an exploitation "Jane Bond" Charlies Angels spoof. Cheri Caffaro plays Ginger, a detective and sexpot, who is hired by a PI resembling Charlie to investigate the abduction of a beauty queen (Gerie Bronson) and three cheerleaders (Jeramie Rain, Ined Som and Honey Well). They were taken by a white slavery ring. Caffaro decides to bring in a young LA detective and wannabe actress (Jennifer Brooks) as bait to catch the crooks. Brooks is abducted, and Caffaro must find and rescue her. Meanwhile, Caffaro is romancing a local, who ends up being -- you guessed it -- one of the leaders of the ring.

A description of the exposure will give enough additional plot details. Rain, Som and Well strip to their panties when abducted, then remove them later, providing full frontal. They also shows breasts near the end with their buyers. Gerie Bronson shows all three Bs, first being tortured for not cooperating, and then being raped to bring her into submission. Jennifer brooks shows all three Bs after being abducted, and then seduced to make her talk. Caffaro also shows all three Bs during a sex scene with the bad guy, then breasts after being captured, and again getting even with the bad guy.

IMDB readers have this at 3.6 of 10. It is the second, and most say the best, in a three film Ginger series starring Caffaro. I agree that this is not very good exploitation, mainly due to poor performances all around and a pretty lame plot. It didn't help that the transfer is way too bright, lacks contrast, and has lots of dirt spots. D-.

Movies:

Hope things are well for all of you for the holidays. We are celebrating festivus today, with the traditional feats of strength. Tomorrow we do the airing of grievances.

• If you are interested in whether Hitler was ever really a promising artist - well, here are some of his nudes. My guess is "no", but I don't know jack about art. I have only one picture -  an oil on black velvet of some dogs playing cards against Elvis and Captain Lou Albano, the game being kibbitzed by some sad clowns and big-eyed children with freckles. So make up your own mind.

I guess Keys to Tulsa was intended to be some kind of high camp Southern Gothic film noir thing. It pretty much stinks, but the nudity is excellent. Really excellent. One of the few times when I have been willing to say that a film is worth watching just to see the sex and nudity alone. Going seems to be naked constantly, there's a strip club, and there's even a brief crotch shot from Deborah Unger - and a bizarre non-nude cameo from Cameron Diaz.

• Joanna Going thumbnails (1, 2)
• Joanna Going (1, 2, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
• Deborah Unger
• Cameron Diaz (no nudity). What the hell is she doing in this film? She had about three lines.
• Strippers (1, 2, 3)

Women:

PETA has issued a 2003 calendar with high quality versions of some of their most famous nude ads. Here are the ones I liked best:

• Carre Otis
• Dominique Swain (!!)
• Traci Bingham
• Sheryl Lee

You will find more pictures and calendar ordering information in the PETA link, down in the "other crap" section

Other crap:

• like most people across the world, I'm looking forward to a quiet Christmas, filled with the holiday song stylings of Corey Feldman
• win a date with Anna Kournikova. What the hell, why not? I send in my entry.
• Scenes deleted from The Two Towers
• You can't find more amusing letters than the ones written to the Federal Communications Commission by concerned Americans who were either revolted or impressed by the recent telecast of the Victoria's Secret fashion show. Read them at: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/vscbs1.html
• Marshall Mathers III is Smoking Gun's Person of the Year: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/eminemman1.html
• LIEBERMAN VOWS TO CARRY ON GORE’S BORING LEGACY. 'The Torch of Dullness Has Been Passed,’ Senator Declares
• the complete story behind the PETA calendar - see pics above.
• they aren't celebs, but some Christmas-themed naked chicks

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Kim Basinger gets it on with then husband Alec Baldwin in excellent nude scenes.

• Jennifer Tilly, also topless in a sex scene, as well as an upskirt view of her undies.

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

The Beach Girls (1982) is light-hearted fare with no pretensions and lots of nekkid babes, all of whom were darn good looking and some of whom became sorta famous. Got two of em today.

This was Val Kline's only movie. Pity. Tall blonde with long legs and a perfect body. No acting talent whatsoever, but if Judy Dench had wandered around topless for five minutes in a movie, I for one would not have watched or capped it for any amount of money. Val topless for five minutes? F***ing priceless.

Fourteen collages from one scene (she has two others I'll get to soon). Set in a sauna. Starts off with Val in a wet T-shirt (last two collages), proceeds through about 100 frames worth of topless action (first twelve collages). Tell me you don't wish she'd gone on to serious stardom.

• Val Kline (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

Second babe is Debra Blee. She is famous for, well, uh, for having a great rack. And this is the only place where she showed off that rack. Spends most of the movie dressing and acting like Miss Hathaway, even though she looks like Miss Ellie. Toward the end of the movie, however, she dresses down in some skimpy thing and THEN she whips that puppy off... for about 500 milliseconds... which translates into 40 frames or so. Grabbed em, stuck em together and here they are.

• Debra Blee (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

And a bonus for the day is another collage of Maria de Aragon from Blood Mania. This one took a bit more work, erego the delay.

• Maria de Aragon

More "Babes in Bondage" today as we re-visit "The Wizard of Gore", which we did a few scenes from a few weeks ago.

First up, a trio of unknowns (they probably would like to forget it anyway) at the hands of the mad magician, suffering all kinds of unpleasant things being done to them.

• Unknowns (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

Then in the final scene of the movie the lead actress, Judy Cler (no bondage), gets messed up by the magician. The final 2 caps of Judy are just to show what an attractive woman she was, great legs.

• Judy Cler (1, 2, 3, 4)

Finally, back to the present with some nudity from Celina Vincent in deleted scenes from "Not Another Teen Movie".

• Cerina Vincent (1, 2)

INS NABS SANTA
Santa Better Get A Stealth Sleigh - Ontario businessman John Fulton, who's known as the "Surfin' Santa," made his 18th annual windsurfing crossing of the Niagara River into Buffalo. But this time, Santa ran into tightened security: he had no papers, and the U.S. Border Patrol met him, made him take off his Santa suit, patted him down and drove him back to Canada in a patrol car. Fulton said they were nice to him, and he understands it's good publicity for them to show the world they're "not even going to let Santa Claus in the country illegally."