- Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is updated.
Mrs Henderson Presents (2005)
"Recently widowed well-to-do Laura Henderson is
at a bit of a loose end in inter-war London. On a whim she buys the
derelict Windmill theatre in the West End and persuades impresario
Vivian Van Damm to run it, despite the fact the two don't seem to
get on at all. Although their idea of a non-stop revue is at first a
success, other theatres copy it and disaster looms. Laura suggests
they put nudes in the show, but Van Damm points out that the Lord
Chamberlain, who licenses live shows in Britain, is likely to have
something to say about this. Luckily Mrs Henderson is friends with
I haven't seen this film, but the reviews are
pretty good. James Berardinelli was a strong supporter, awarding
three and a half stars. Director Stephen Frears is the guy who
directed the Glenn Close version of Dangerous Liaisons, and two of
John Cusack's best films, The Grifters and High Fidelity. (The
Grifters earned Frears an Oscar nomination.)
There is lots of nudity, and Kelly Reilly is an
especially beautiful girl.
Here is the zipped .avi. The guy who made it says it includes all
the female nudity. He was able to keep the file size small by
excluding the sound.
Here are the stills and collages from various artists. (None of
these are mine.)
American Pie 4: Band Camp (2005)
It was only six years ago that the
American Pie series debuted and it doesn't seem fully exhausted yet. The last
film was still funny, and it is too soon to be using this franchise as
a vehicle to add a brand name to otherwise generic stories. Here's the recipe: take a generic script for a gross-out teen comedy;
make the lead character Stifler's brother; hire an actor to
impersonate Stifler's mannerisms; write in some tenuous connections to
the original trilogy. Spend as little money as possible. Voila! Instant video sequel with instant name
In addition to the Stifler
family name, there is a threefold
attempt to connect this film to the originals. (1) The story takes place this
one time, at band camp. (2) Band Camp features a cameo from The Sherminator,
the king of the geeks in the first two films, who is now a high school guidance counselor. (3)
The story also worked in Eugene
Levy as Jim's dad, whose presence in the plot really can't be justified
by any reasonable explanation. Levy's familiar, avuncular
countenance was needed for the ads and the DVD cover, so the
scriptwriter devised a convoluted rationalization for his presence.
It seems that the Alyson Hannigan character was selected to be
the camp's conflict resolution officer because of her lofty
status in the band camp pantheon. She could not take the job
because of a pregnancy, so her father-in-law (Jim's dad), always eager to
help out and now a lonely guy with an empty nest, volunteered to fill
Yes, I know it's lame.
The actual plot ain't so hot either.
Stifler's brother revels in the
Stifler family reputation. He's a junior in high school now, and even
a bigger asswipe than Steve. When he gets caught destroying the
graduation ceremony for the seniors, he is offered an alternative:
expulsion or behavior modification treatment. Once he chooses the
latter, his guidance counselor (The Sherminator) ships him off for a
summer with the band geeks.
resigns himself to his penance, Stifler the Younger begins the summer
by maintaining his condescension toward the band geeks, and even
stocks up on hidden cameras so he can film their most embarrassing
moments and share them with the cool crowd back in school. Of course,
since this is an American Pie movie (of sorts), he is gradually won
over by the sincerity of the nice girl from his school, and he finds
that the band geeks are actually kind of fun to hang with. His heart
seems to enlarge several sizes, ala the Grinch, until some in-crowd
cheerleaders from his school show up at band camp to co-ordinate their
dancing routines with the marching band, at which point Stifler
reverts to his obnoxious mode, insisting to the cheerleaders that he's
just spying on the poor unfortunate geeks so he can make his hidden
camera video. Needless to say, the geeks overhear.
The big finale at band camp is a competition
between the participating high schools. The nice girl from Stifler's
school needs to win so she can get a coveted music scholarship, but
her main competitor is the usual snooty rich kid who will stop at
nothing to win. Will Stifler deliberately humiliate the geeks from his
own school in order to impress his cool friends, or will he follow his
heart and try to help his homies defeat Mr. Snooty? I'll just bet you
can guess. Actually, you'd be wrong, but only slightly. He does try to
follow his heart, but screws up and causes his school and the nice
girl to be humiliated. Then he has to stage a really elaborate scheme
to atone for his insensitive bungling, thus following the trail blazed by
his brother in American Wedding.
film generates some laughter, but there is nothing very creative or
very compelling, and it all seems like stale material culled from
earlier "coming of age" films. There is the usual collection of Pie
antics involving bodily fluids and parts, but it all seems tired this
time around. At various times, musical instruments are sprayed with
various different fluids and used in various sexual situations. There
are jokes involving feces, semen, and vomit. Somehow the writers
forgot urine, pus, and menstrual blood. Perhaps those were held back
for American Pie 5.
It's a shame that the people who own the
rights to this material chose to follow the "Stifler's brother" detour
instead of staying on the main route. Michelle and Jim are married,
but they are not dead, and none of the other characters have closed storylines. Perhaps they have all moved to
different cities and rarely come into contact, in which case the
series could have had a tenth high school reunion. One of the most
interesting parts of life is to meet people years after high school
and see how much, or how little, they have changed. Or how about
showing Finch's adult life with Stifler's mom? Anything like that
would have been more fun and more appropriate than taking a generic
script and cobbling it enough to fit under the American Pie banner.
NOTES on the "unrated" DVD:
I haven't seen the rated version, but I have
read all of the available comments, and I've concluded that the
extra eight minutes on the unrated version consist of the following:
1. The unrated version shows the counselors
doing their jiggle act in the shower, whereas the rated version had
pulled the camera away just as it was about to reveal anything.
There is very little lower body exposure.
2. There is an extra scene on the unrated DVD
which involves two naked girls in the camp bathroom. The they are
discussing the other characters, but I simply don't know who these
girls are supposed to be. I couldn't relate their characters to any
other scenes, and I couldn't find those two actresses in the
credits. Very nice nudity, but again there is minimal lower body
The extra features on the DVD
don't include any nudity at all.
Ginger Lynn Allen
I'll try to get a full review of this, along with The Constant
Gardener, in tomorrow's edition. In the
meantime, here's Felicity Huffman offering some full-frontal exposure.
Rampage: The Hillside
Strangler Murders (2006)
This one comes to DVD in early January, and there has not been
much leaking out except that Brittany Daniel gives it up.
Catch the trailer here.
While we wait, here's what we have seen so far.
Best nude scene nominees
It's that time again. We're on the nominating process. Balloting
begins the day after Christmas
Here is my list of the scenes which I believe to be valid
contenders for best scene. In essence this is my hypothetical list of
anything that could possibly be considered the best nude scene of the
year. It should include anything which people could possibly pick with
their one and only vote. I assembled this list from
list. If I have forgotten anything, or if some of the ones on the
linked secondary list should make the short list, please let me know
by mailing me
- Carla Gallo in Carnivale
- Kerry Condon in Rome
- Polly Walker in Rome
- Kelly Brook in Three
- Kelly Reilly in Mrs Henderson Presents
- Monique Parent in Lust Connection
- Mia Kirshner in The L-Word
- Juliet Marquis in This Girl's Life
- Stormy Daniels in The 40-Year-Old Virgin
- Emily Blunt in My Summer of Love
- Embeth Davitz in Junebug (??)
- Alison Eastwood in The Lost Angel
- Margo Stilley in 9 Songs
- Olga Kurylenko in L'Annulaire
- Hélène de St-Père in Peindre ou Faire
- Bryce Dallas Howard in Manderlay
- Alexis Dziena in Broken Flowers
- Jamie King in Sin City
- Carla Gugino in Sin City
- Alison Lohman in Where the Truth Lies
- Lori Heuring in 8mm2
- Zita Gorog in 8mm2
- Bijou Phillips in Havoc
- Anne Hathaway in Havoc
- Anne Hathaway in Brokeback Mountain
- Jacyln DeSantis in Carlito's Way: The Rise to Power
- Michelle Krusiec in Saving Face
- Lynn Chen in Saving Face
- Joan Allen in Off the Map
- Jenny McCarthy in Dirty Love
- Emma de Caunes in Ma Mere
- Joana Preis in Ma Mere
- Vera Farmiga in Down to the Bone
- Felicity Hufmann in Transamerica
- Maria Bello in A History of Violence
- Michelle Monaghan in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
- Kate Norby in The Devil's Rejects
- Taryn Manning in Hustle and Flow
- Cameron Richardson in The Good Humor Man
- Keira Knightley in The Jacket
- Jennifer Esposito in Crash
- Rachel Weisz in The Constant Gardener
- Alison Pill in Dear Wendy
Again, don't write me to tell me I missed a stray
nipple somewhere, but
write if my list does not include the one film you would vote for
as the best nude scene of the year.
The year's 10 worst moments in sports
Corporate Takeovers - of Christmas Carols
Letterman's Top Ten Signs You're on Santa's "Naughty" List
Letterman's "Top Ten Signs You Chose The Wrong Guy For A
"What are the lyrics to Walt Kelly's classic carol, 'Deck
Us All With Boston Charlie'? "
Cool clip showing what can be done with video editing
Stupid Judge Trick? - The David Letterman restraining
URL says it all:
It escaped other reviewers, but the Independent figured
out the financial scheme behind the movie version of The
- It seems that Mel Brooks sold out 10000 percent of
the movie to investors, and then set out to make the
worst movie ever made, thus obviating the need to pay
anyone back! And in essence he reveals the scheme right
in the movie. A true Moriarty, that man!
"Women Use Sex Appeal To Steal - Victim Says Woman Exposed
Self While Another Woman Robbed Him" That's a crime?
Same as going to a strip club.
SANTA REPELS PUNKS WITH TREE
- He sees you when you're sleeping... and he can fuck
you up when you're awake, mofo.
- Santa's tired of striking back symbolically with a
wimpy lump of coal. This time - when you're bad - he's
armed. (Well, with a tree.)
Late Night explains the evolution of Santa through the
Daily Box Office - Wednesday, December 21, 2005
- The two Wednesday openings came in like a lamb,
opening in the #3 and #4 spots
- Also disappointing was King Kong, which dropped to
#2 behind Narnia!
The trailer for When a Stranger Calls
- A remake of the 1979 Columbia Pictures cult horror
film, which starred Carol Kane as a high school student
traumatized while babysitting by a caller who repeatedly
asks, "Have you checked the children lately?"
The trailers for Thank You For Smoking
- The hero of "Thank You for Smoking" is Nick Naylor
(Aaron Eckhart), chief spokesman for Big Tobacco, who
makes his living defending the rights of smokers and
cigarette makers in today's neo-puritanical culture.
Confronted by health zealots out to ban tobacco and an
opportunistic senator (William H. Macy) who wants to put
poison labels on cigarette packs, Nick goes on a PR
offensive, spinning away the dangers of cigarettes on TV
talk shows and enlisting a Hollywood super-agent (Rob
Lowe) to promote smoking in movies. Nick's newfound
notoriety attracts the attention of both tobacco's head
honcho (Robert Duvall) and an investigative reporter for
an influential Washington daily (Katie Holmes). Nick
says he is just doing what it takes to pay the mortgage,
but he begins to think about how his work makes him look
in the eyes of his young son Joey (Cameron Bright).
The Trailer for Water
- Get your tickets in advance for this one. I smell
- "Set in 1938 Colonial India, against Mahatma
Gandhi's rise to power, Water begins when 8-year-old
Chuyia is widowed and sent to a home where Hindu widows
must live in penitence. Chuyia's feisty presence deeply
affects the lives of the other residents, including a
young widow, who falls for a Gandhian idealist.
Here's the HQ teaser/trailer for Miami Vice
The trailer for Big Momma's House 2
Chris Rock show gives away Santa secret
Three new clips from Grandma's Boy, a comedy about
A clip from The White Countess (Ralph Fiennes in a
Merchant-Ivory costumer minus Merchant.)
Three clips from Malick's The New World
The full trailer from Date Movie.
- Date Movie is to romantic comedies as Scary Movie
was to slasher flicks. Allison Hannigan stars.
The trailer from Click, Adam Sandler's new comedy
- Adam Sandler as Moliere? Who would have dreamed he
woudl try this kind of comedy?
- OK, maybe not. Actually, Adam gets a remote control
device which allows him to control everything. No,
The father of light beer has died. The ceremony was
tasteful, yet somehow unfulfilling.
Whatever happened to .... Linda Tripp?
" Mel Gibson hid a frame of himself with a goofy smile and
joint in his mouth in the Apocalypto teaser" (with pic)
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
Rock & Roll Frankenstein (1999)
Infidelity (1997) is a Canadian film that appears to have been shot in and
around Santa Monica, California, and is basically a crime thriller. As the
film opens, Tamara Mello is being killed with a nasty knife.
Cut to three days before, where a rather confusing plot is explained. A man
(John Shaffer) and his wife (Vanessa Sadler) live in a nice Beverly Hills
home. She sells ritzy furniture and he is a record producer. They are
prosperous, but their relationship is not going well.
There is more to Shaffer's character than we are at first led to believe.
He is an ex-boxer who took a dive to earn enough money to buy his wife their
house. Since his retirement from the sport, he has been doing odd jobs for the
mob. The mob boss (Gary Stretch) brings a female vocalist (Tamara Bello) to
meet him. With his wife out of town on business, he ends up in the sack with
Bello -- not a move likely to enhance his life expectancy, given that she is
the main squeeze of the local crime boss.
It took way too long to figure out the pecking order in the film, and the
acting and direction could have been much better. The story would have
probably been good enough if properly directed. There are not enough
votes at IMDb for a score. This is a very low C-, as an ok story that was not
executed very well, but makes up for it with two sex scenes and the resulting
We see breasts and buns from Tamara Mello, and breasts from Vanessa Sadler.
The last group of
Jane March and Tony Leung in The Lover.
Alba Parietti- an oldie but goodie - caught stark
naked by a paparazzo!
Pat's comments in yellow...
WOMEN ATTRACTED TO MEN WHO CAN DANCE
Rutgers University researchers proved that women are naturally attracted to men
who can dance. They filmed 180 teenagers dancing, converted them into
androgynous figures, and had test subjects rate them. People gave higher
ratings to dancers with more symmetrical bodies; and surprisingly, men were
rated as better dancers than the women. Also, the effect was stronger with
women judges than with men. Scientists said it shows that people with
symmetrical bodies may naturally be better dancers, and women instinctively
sense that men who can dance would be more desirable mates genetically.
* And, wouldn't you know it: they're all gay!
* The most desirable man on the entire planet: John O' Hurley. (Mr. Peterman.)
SANTA CLAUS GOES SLAYING
Malky Watret of Paisley, England, was dressed as Santa and
handing out gifts to children at a shopping center when a gang of seven teenage
thugs started calling him a fake and knocked him over with a shopping cart. But
he came up, grabbed a five-foot artificial Christmas tree, and started swinging,
holding them off until security arrived. Watret said he might've used some
choice language, but he couldn't do that as Santa with kids
around. Mall managers hailed him for "saving the spirit of Christmas" and
showing "our shoppers and their children that Santa is no pushover."
* He sees you when you're sleeping, and he knows where
you live, PUNK!
DEAR ABBY ENDORSES REGIFTING
An expert has weighed in on whether it's okay to "regift," or
give someone an unwanted gift you got from someone else. Advice columnist Dear
Abby has declared regifting to be a "time-honored tradition" and "the earliest
form of recycling." The rules of regifting include making sure you never give a
gift back to its original giver, remove all original wrapping and cards, and
make sure it's appropriate. For instance, Dear Abby said, "Don't give knitting
needles to an athlete."
* I think this same column ran last year, and she just
blew the dust off it and gave it to us again.