Massacre (2001) is an ultra low budget Canadian teen slasher spoof that IMDB has never heard of. As a matter of fact, I couldn't find any of the cast or crew there either. It was shot on digital video in about two weeks, and fairly sophisticated CG was used to help some of the effects. The film makers tried to spoof all of the genre cliches. They included, for instance, the scene wherein a girl falls with the killer chasing her, and can't get up.

Basically, the film starts with three couples going on a camping trip. While they are driving, one of the girls, Naomi Vondell, who also sang several of the songs on the soundtrack, has a dream that includes her running down train tracks with blood on her face, wearing nothing but bikini bottoms. There are several surreal dream sequences during this part of the film. Once they arrive, it is fun in the sun, with swimming, a campfire scene, and then a girl/girl that turns into a three way. Then, the killing starts. I won't reveal the ending (or endings) in case some of you are curious enough to see it, but the main ending is one of those none of this really happened things.

The special effects were meant to be high gore, and the sex scenes, for the most part, were played for comedy. In one killing scene, the bad guy chainsaws someone to death to Ode to Joy. Naomi Vondell shows breasts in two scenes, and buns in the three way. Elizabeth Innes shows breasts in the three way.

This has the makings of a cult classic. I can only guess that there was no theatrical release, but the DVD is nicely done, with a pretty good looking transfer, and a feature length commentary. As a horror spoof or cult classic, it is a C, but will have little or no appeal to those who do not properly enjoy "bad films."

Movies:

Here are some movie pages unattached to pictures. Some very good niche movies:

• Secretary  (pics in yesterday's page). Terrific, offbeat movie. My summary - imagine Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep doing S&M. Is that like "compassionate conservatism"?
• The Pianist (no nudity). Great movie, great classical piano score, but understand that it is three hours of holocaust survival, during the last half of which there is virtually no dialogue, just one guy hiding out alone in deserted buildings in Warsaw. Not exactly your feel good movie experience. Based on a true story.
• Innocence (pics a couple of days ago) Also a good movie, about senior citizens rekindling a love after 50 years.
• Beijing Bicycle (no female nudity) Our resident arthouse critic, Mick Locke, enjoyed this film.

Updates:

• New Encyclopedia volumes for Alexandra Paul, Christiane Paul, Kira Reed, Kitten Natividad, Elke Sommer, Dalila DiLazzaro, Anne Ceurvels, C.C. Costigan

Mailbox:

Scoop:

      Hi dude, there's a way to navigate the Japanese Amazon site in English.  Actually, they have the so called "ordering language preference' setting, which you can choose between Japanese and English.  Just click on the 'account' tap on the upper right of the site, and go under 'Account Settings', and you'll see 'Set your ordering language preference' there.  To  save you the trouble, here's the direct link:

http://www.amazon.co.jp/exec/obidos/tg/static/-/help/language-preference-change/250-4726068-6589846

Also, I just ordered a photobook and some DVDs from them about two weeks ago, and I got my items within 5 business, they use DHL to ship, it's lighting fast and you can track the package too, hope this helps.
 

Other crap:

• Two headed politician debates himself. Just take a wild guess which newspaper this story (and the one below) comes from.
• A controversial new temp agency is making a splash -- by providing sexy secretaries decked out in skimpy bikinis!
• The Two Towers passes $100 million in five days! - and another 85 million overseas
• This is for real - new Lingerie Barbie
• Big Jake reviews Gangs of New York, "a movie full of non-existent character development, horrendous costumes and sets, and idiotic film making.  If there was ever an argument as to why Martin Scorsese still doesn't deserve an Oscar, this is it." Correct me if I'm wrong, and I could be misreading his signals, but I don't think Jake liked the film. I haven't seen this movie but, needless to say, many of the mainstream critics are standing in line to kiss Martin Scorcese's behind. One of the largest expense account items for movie critics is ChapStick, although they've had a brief period of lip relief since Saint Kubrick died. The most interesting review I read was by Jonathan Foreman of the Post, who ratted out Scorcese for whitewashing the story. According to Foreman, in real life, the Irish mob - fueled by their resentment of black social and economic superiority as well as their own hostility to the draft and the abolitionist cause - set fire to the homes and churches of African-Americans, killing and torturing all the black people they could find in July 1863. The narration, Foreman notes, tells a flat-out lie! By the way, even the critics who hated the movie are touting Daniel Day-Lewis for the best actor award.
• Time makes an unusual Person of the Year choice - chooses three! Three women who ratted out the FBI and two crooked corporations
• Zillions of (non-nude) pictures of ex-Hefmates from Glamourcon 30
• Freed from the burden of pretending to be progressive, Trent Lott prepares his back yard trees for a down home Mississippi Christmas, stringing up the traditional combination of non-white lights and people  
• Ah-nuld walking around on crutches prior to hip surgery. The Sun calls him "The last traction hero"
• Two men are in custody for allegedly threatening to blow up an airliner because they were unhappy with the in-flight meal. Can you blame them? The airline ran out of those yummy salted almonds, and made the two men split the last Diet Dr Pepper. Outrageous! Contrary to earlier reports, Marlon Brando was not one of the men.

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Kari Wuhrer, the long time Fun House favorite goes topless and shows off a great thong view in scenes from "Spider's Web"

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

Today is a "Babe in Bondage" day as we return to "Dracula the Dirty Old Man" for a look at another victim (Sue Allen) of the lecherous Dracula. Sue is groped, fondled and booby bitten by this horny Dracula. This movie is bad with it's lousy dubbing, phony accents and abundant nudity. The nudity is really the best part. Actually it's so bad it's hilarious, if you have as warped a sense of humor as I do. You have to see it to believe it.

• Sue Allen, toplessness and some frontal nudity in #11. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

Valerie Kapriski
(1, 2)

Marianne Basler

Nathalie Delon

Sophie Marceau

Kapriski topless in "Aphrodite"

Basler also shows breasts in "L'Amour Propre"

Delon topless and in undies from "Les Deux Soeurs"

Marceau topless and showing some side bum in an ad for "Amour Braque"