Desert of Blood


This is a low-budget vampire film featuring the conflicted, modern sort of vampire. He really wants to be a decent guy and share a life with his beloved, but he can't always fight the hunger.

Thirty five years ago he was buried in the Mexican desert under a silver cross. An American tourist with a metal detector digs up the cross and ... the vamp is back, and ready for revenge against those who buried him alive. Before getting down to some serious revenge, he's pretty darned hungry after not having eaten for 35 years, so he gobbles down some tourists.  Next stop after lunch - to visit his old girlfriend. Only two problems. (1) When he saw her last they were 17. He still looks the same, but she's 52 now. (2) When the old gal sees him she has a stroke.

The aftermath of the stroke introduces the other main character, a student from the United States who is the niece of the stroke victim. She soon arrives in Mexico with two of her friends in tow, and the vamp soon recognizes that she's the living reincarnation of the young woman her aunt once was. From there, the film becomes kind of an offbeat seduction story, with the vampire in eternal conflict about whether to cherish the niece of his true love or to eat her for a midnight snack.

The vamp doesn't seem to have any control over which of his victims die for good and which join him in the realm of the undead. They seem to break about 50-50, so he starts building up a little army of sub-vampires, although he's actually a loner and doesn't want to have anything to do with his satellite vamps. Since he tries to attack only those people he doesn't care for, and all of the sub-vampires are his own victims, it turns out that he really doesn't want to hang out with the others.

The film is not as bad as it probably sounds to you from that description. The writer actually spent some time creating complex and credible characters, and the vampire is portrayed as a person who was very much beloved in the village until he was attacked by some unknown force in the jungle, so the film plays out as sort of a doomed romance among a bunch of average people, one of whom can't control his bloodlust.

It is competently photographed, has some attractive nudity, some likeable characters, and a little comic relief to go with the basic story. On the other hand, it has the typical problems found in low budget productions: piecemeal effects, boilerplate dialogue, and hit-and-miss line delivery. Ultimately, it's one of those so-so films that is not good enough to seek out, but won't get you looking for the remote if you happen to stumble on it and get involved in the story.

Film clips Samples
Annika Svedman
Jackie Freed



7eventy 5ive


Complete spoilers

Typical slasher film involving a mysterious axe-wielding murderer and a house full of horny, partying students. It begins with a prologue "ten years earlier" which pretty much identifies the killer, as such prefaces invariably do, but this script keeps one ace in the hole. The guy who must be the killer (based upon the prologue) can't be the killer because he is among the terrified victims who see the hooded slasher in action.

As it turns out, there is a logical explanation. When the kid from the first scene was in the loony bin, he enlisted a fellow nutcase to assist in his current murder spree. The actual killer has no motive. He just likes killing. The guy who does have the motive told him who to kill. They are the Martin and Lewis of mass murder.

The duel killer scenario does lead to one good scene. Two of the students manage to momentarily overpower the gigantic slasher, but are having trouble holding him down, and they enlist their terrified colleague to grab the slasher's axe and lend a hand. At this point the audience doesn't realize that the kids have actually asked the killer's Svengali for assistance. The lad raises the axe, ostensibly to save the day. The axe drops. Silence. Blackness. Then the scene comes back up to reveal that he's driven the axe into one of the kids, not into the hooded maniac. He then helps the gigantic madman to his feet, like an athlete lending a hand to a fallen colleague. That was pretty much the only moment which distinguished this from any other movie where the slasher takes apart a bunch of horny youngsters with a bladed instrument.

Given that it most of the film takes place at a summer pool party filled with drunken, fornicating university students, there could have and should have been a lot more nudity. There must be close to a dozen scenes where people have sex with their clothes on. Oh, those kids today. They are so modest! The only nudity came from a "boo" moment, when two of the film's stars look for a friend. Something scares the woman as she peeks into a room, and the sound effects warn us of a scare - but it turns out to be a topless extra and her boyfriend. Big fuckin' deal.

That scene is in this (VERY short) film clip.  (Sample below)

I really can't find any reason to recommend the film, but there is really nothing wrong with it. The performances, photography and direction are technically competent. It meets the genre gore requirements, and has a few effective jump scares. The only problem is that it's the same old familiar characters and situations we have seen in about a gazillion other films, except that there is an unexpected tag team of killers.



Storm Warning


This Aussie film follows another familiar horror formula. The normal set-up is: on a stormy night illuminated by lightning, the car of the yuppie couple breaks down on the side of the road and they have to take refuge in the dilapidated old mansion/castle/farmhouse, where they encounter either sadists or supernatural forces. Storm Warning's only minor variation on that theme comes from the fact that the handsome and well scrubbed young couple (Aussie Robert Taylor and Frenchwoman Nadia Fares) is out sailing instead of driving, and their boat breaks down when they get lost in a serpentine mangrove swamp. The farmhouse where they seek refuge turns out to be populated by the usual angry inbred half-wits who appear in just about every American horror film these days. You'd think that this family consisted of the official movie cliché version of hygiene-challenged West Virginians, except that they are differentiated by their Aussie twangs.

Their house was quite an imaginative creation. It look like a combination of a haunted mansion, the filthy lair of a murderous madman, and the sets for the Cabinet of Dr Caligari. The film's creators deliberately took the style of this hoise over-the-top to make it walk the borderline between horrifyingly grotesque and hilariously macabre. That particular sense of crazed elan lifted the film above the routine and giving the locale a surreal quality that a more credible outlaw lair would have lacked.

The yuppies are tortured for the next hour or so by three fellows who are obviously the product of many generations of brother-sister intermarriage, but the yokels make the mistake of leaving the yuppies in the barn with a bunch of tools and fishing gear, whereupon the city folks make like MacGyver and devise some assorted weapons and Rube Goldberg contraptions to snare the unwitting rurals.

The film had exhausted the appeal of the bizarre set design and was absolutely running on empty until the yuppies started to fight back, and then the filmmakers came up with enough creative ideas to lift Storm Warning to a level above the genre norm. The deaths of the three rednecks are some of the grisliest, nastiest, bloodiest, ugliest gore I've ever seen on screen. One of them, for example, gets suspended from the ceiling in a web of fishing lines and big barbed hooks which rip the flesh from his face, gouge his eyes ... well, you get the idea. Another one goes to meet his maker through the fan blades of a large swamp boat. And the third ... well, he tries to rape Nadia, and he gets an appropriate punishment that will make every man in the audience cringe.

Overall, it's a film that is well worth the while of genre fans, despite the hackneyed premise and characters. The locale and the last act give it enough demented energy to stand above the pack.

Unfortunately, there is very little nudity. In this brief film clip, Nadia Fares, who had not done any nudity in more than a decade, flashes her butt at the yokels in order to spare her man a beating or worse.

Here's the collage:

Just for fun, here's Nadia more than a decade ago. She was a major babe!



  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








El Fontanero, su mujer, y otras cosas de meter ...


"The Plumber, his wife, and other things he plunged into ..." is a Spanish sex farce featuring Lina Romay and Montserrat Prous. Romay is married to a plumber, but ends up in ... er ... hot water when he returns home and finds her in bed with his best friend. There is nothing for him to do but visit his friend's wife, Lina Romay, and return the favor. That encounter proves somewhat less than ideal when she wears him out then continues the sex with a toilet plunger. He then puts his own plunger inside a steady procession of female customers. Finally, Romay and Prous get together as only horny women can. The plumber is assisted by his young apprentice when the opportunities are too demanding.

It's great to see Lina Romay in her prime, and Montserrat Prous is not only hot, but also a natural comedienne. The film is 99% nudity and simulated sex, with a little humor to separate the sex scenes. This is the only vintage Spanish sex farce I have seen that finds the balance between erotic and funny in the same way as so many successful Italian, German and English sex farces of that era.


El Fontanero

It is available from in an all region PAL in Spanish only. You will hardly notice the lack of subtitles.

Lina Romay and Montserrat Prous show everything, and have a red hot girl/girl scene. Eight other women show body parts and have straight and lesbian sex.


Montserrat Prous


Lina Romay


Prous and Romay


Various Unknowns















Today we look at another horror flick from the past year.

Mercedes McNab & JoLeigh Fioreavanti provide the nudity

They show off their boobs for a guy with a camera.

Some unknowns partying at Mardi Gras.

Th-th-that's all, folks.







Notes and collages

The Thief of Baghdad

June Duprez

Let's go back to 1940 for this beautifully photographed Arabian fantasy. The special effects are silly by today's standards but when the thief of Baghdad flies into the city on a carpet, crossbow in hand, to save his friend from execution I'm ten years old again.  

The trivia about Ms. Duprez' cleavage is that the film was partially filmed in England then moved to the United States because of the Blitz; back then the (U.S.) Hays code made all the women button up to the neck, so you can tell which scenes were done in England by these collages.






Before the Devil Knows You're Dead

The movie tells the story of two brothers, Andy (Philip Seymour Hoffman) and Hank (Ethan Hawke), who are beset with money problems. Andy has been embezzling money from the company where the two of them work in order to finance his secret drug habit while Hank is months behind in child support payments to his shrewish ex-wife (Amy Ryan). One day, Andy calls Hank in and tells him that he has the perfect solution to their respective money woes. There is a mom-and-pop jewelry store in a bland and underpopulated suburban strip mall that is familiar to the both of them – a place that will have a good amount of cash on hand and virtually no security presence to speak of. All they have to do is go in one morning when the shop opens up, terrorize the lone employee in charge and make off with the cash and diamonds and sell the latter to a fence who is already on board.

Of course, it isn't quite as simple as all that and as the film progresses, we are witness to both the botched robbery and the days immediately preceding and following it through the eyes of the two brothers, their parents (Albert Finney and Rosemary Harris), the associate (Brian F. O'Byrne) that Hank brings in to help out and Gina (Marisa Tomei), the sexy dame who is married to one brother but who is also carrying on a steamy affair with the other.








Film Clips

Sydne Rome in What? Tuna reviewed and collaged this film a few days ago. It's Roman Polanski's worst film, the one where the first cut was so incomprehensible  that producer Carlo Ponti's only reaction was "What?" - which became the name of the film. That doesn't really matter, because Sydne looks great.

Claudia Christian in The Hidden. Not really too much nudity, but tres sexy.


Three women from Island of Death

Janice McConnell Jane Lyle Elizabeth Spader