• Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated, and Charlie wishes everyone a Merry Christmas


Some odds and ends in the new stuff:


A British movie comes along to breathe life into the old Haunted House genre, which is something of a staple crop in the annual British film harvest ...

That'll happen someday.

Not today.

This is not that movie. This is the previous one, the one gasping for breath in the death-throes of the genre.

Spirit Trap one goes directly for the teen audience, placing university students in a haunted mansion in North London, which is played by Bucharest, Romania. The students are pleasantly surprised to find a viable alternative to student housing - they can stay in a magnificent old mansion, within walking distance of the London Arts campus,  for only a fraction of the cost of a dorm room. None of them finds that suspicious. As you might expect, they end up trapped in the mansion with the deceased former residents. Or maybe some of them are the former residents who have lured them into a Spirit Trap. Or not. Whatever.

Move along, mates, nothing to see here except the very brief nude scene. It's only a few seconds long, but is pretty damned hot, and is absolutely the best thing in the film.


Emma Catherwood. (zipped .wmv clip)



Of course, I don't always understand the deepest levels of meaning of these very profound films. Nobody can hope for that. But I think I might get the point of this one. Correct me if I am wrong, but I don't believe Mr. Samuel L Jackson is entirely satisfied with the presence of certain colorful and poisonous reptiles on his jetliner.

And isn't that a metaphor for all of our lives? Viewing our brief presence within eternity as a plane ride, and viewing each of our tribulations as a poisonous reptile contained within the cargo hold of our symbolic plane, isn't the true purpose of our existence to make the best effort we can to get those motherfucking snakes off our motherfucking plane? I don't believe Aristotle himself could have summed up the meaning of life any better.

And certainly not more concisely.

All kidding aside, Snakes on a Plane is actually a fun movie. It manages to function simultaneously as a parody of disaster films and as a legitimate disaster film. There are plenty of moments played for cheap laughs, and even the thrills are deliberately exaggerated for a comic effect, but the battle against the snakes is more than just high camp - there are several scenes which produce nail-biting suspense if you accept the film in the moment. The scene where Samuel L blows out the windows of the plane is a helluva good action scene, if a bit preposterous when you think about it too much. And, let's face it, nobody does this kind of over-the-top semi-comic action like the great Samuel L. So you'll get plenty of laughs, ranging from outright farce to subtle references to other airplane disaster movies, and you'll also get some decent action and some creepy scares. Best of all, it never gets boring and repetitious. It's like riding on Disney's Haunted Mansion ride, but at the speed of Space Mountain.

I expected to hate it, but found it to be a lot of silly fun!


Samantha McLeod






In most calendar years this would be the annual big-budget, overhyped contender for many Razzie awards, but I really can't see this beating out another even worse Hollywood remake, The Wicker Man.

And that's a shame, because this is the kind of film that truly deserves Razzies. It manages to incorporate just about every bad element of Hollywood filmmaking. Some examples:

1. It's an inferior an unnecessary remake of a film which was considered a classic.

2. It was cast with stars instead of actors. Tony Soprano, Jude Law, and Kate Winslet don't even seem to realize that they are supposed to be in a film about Louisiana. Winslet and Law have rich American "r's," drawn-out and exaggerated, as one might hear eavesdropping on an imaginary plane between Minneapolis and Dublin. Law and Winslet not only struggle with their half-Southern, half-Midwestern accents, but their character interpretations are shallow and boring, although those characteristics seem to be Jude Law's specialty, now that I think about it. Of all the major actors in the film, only Patricia Clarkson sounds like she's from any place on the globe within 500 miles of Louisiana. And she probably would have found a way to screw up the accent for this movie except that she actually is from Louisiana and it just came pouring out.

3. The central performance is all strutting arrogance with no emotional core. Sean Penn, normally a fine actor, turns in a performance of such superficial and theatrical bombast that it would embarrass Bill Shatner.  Richard Burton, in his foulest and most drunken condition, had more subtlety than this. Forget Burton. It must be the hammiest performance since Arnold the Pig was featured on Green Acres. In all fairness, though, I have to say that the film is more interesting when Penn is on camera than when the focus shifts away from him to the subtler, but also more boring, Jude Law.

4. One word: voice-over.

The film never achieves a moment of sincere, poignant drama except when Dr Lecter is on screen. Hopkins didn't make any effort at all to sound like he was from Louisiana, but he did understand that the story needed emotional resonance, and he tried to find the human center of his character. Unfortunately, he lacks sufficient screen time to carry the film. Worst of all, the film is a tale filled sound and fury, signifying nothing. After all the histrionics and bluster and melodrama have evaporated into the closing credits, we come to realize that the film didn't have anything to say, or even an interesting way to say nothing.


Kate Winslet did a nude scene, but showed nothing.






The Dead Girl is deadly serious - a quartet of stories about people whose lives have been affected by the actions of a serial killer. It features an ensemble cast delivering various dark and somber oh-so-important portrayals of people in crisis. It will be released on December 29th to attain Oscar eligibility.

With all three attractive young women in the cast (Kerry Washington, Brittany Murphy, and Rose Byrne), and three fairly attractive mature actresses (Mary Steenburgen, Toni Collette and Marcia Gay Harden), I was delighted to see that the film was rated R for nudity, so I watched it.

It turned out to be quite a shock for me. The nudity came from the seventh female member of the cast. I never would have dreamed that the nudity came from Mary Beth Hurt, an acclaimed sixty-year-old actress who has gone through an entire distinguished career without showing so much as a single boob!

Until now.

Oh, the eyes. They sting.


Mary Beth Hurt






  • Immoral Tales: Part 2 in a series of 4 film clips from Walerian Borowczyk's famous multi-story milestone in the history of Euro-sleaze. Here's Lise Danvers  (Zipped avi)

  • Melissa Sagemiller in a brief sex scene from the new season of Sleeper Cell. (Zipped avi.)




Balloting is finished

  • See the numerical results here.

  • See the pictorial here.




Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.





Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.




DEAD CALM (1989)

Unfaithfully Yours (1984) is a Dudley Moore comedy.

Is anyone still reading?

For anyone those few of you still paying attention, he plays a famous symphony conductor married to the much younger Nastassja Kinski. Through a comedy of errors, he comes to believe she is cheating on him with his best friend. Kinski plays a beautiful actress, and it's hard to believe that she would be interested in the much shorter and older Moore in the first place, so it's easy for the audience to believe she's cheating on him, and just as easy to believe that he also thinks that.  He sets about killing her and her supposed lover in his normal drunken inept mode.

Kinski looks wonderful, and the supporting cast is fine. The film looks good technically. The whole problem is Dudley Moore's same-old signature character, the loveable drunk. For my money the Arthur films represent the pinnacle of drunken Dudley Moore cinema, so this is an inferior drunken Dudley film. Add that to the fact that drunken Dudley films are near the bottom of the cinema food chain anyway, and this can't be better than a C-.

IMDb readers say 5.6.



Nastassja Kinski shows breasts and buns, mostly through a shower curtain.











Otras dos películas del especial de Eloy de la Iglesia, en ambas películas se entre mezclan el tema de las drogas, el sexo, el terrorismo y la política a principios de los años ochenta el País Vasco, España.

Two more films from the salute to Eloy de la Iglesia. In both films one will see a mixture of sex, drugs, terrorism, and the volatile Basque politics of the last eighty years.



Sinopsis de "El Pico" (1983): Bilbao. El Comandante de la Guardia Civil, Evaristo Torrecuadrada, descubre que su hijo Paco de 17 años, y del que espera su próximo ingreso en la Academia Militar, es heroinómano. Al propio tiempo observa su íntima amistad con Urko, otro muchacho, asimismo heroinómano, hijo de un dirigente abertzale. Paco, por las diferencias con su padre, huye de casa con una pistola reglamentaria del mismo. El Comandante inicia su búsqueda ayudado por los compañeros de Cuerpo, que utilizan los medios a su alcance para cumplir su objetivo. El Teniente Alcántara, experto en estupefacientes, será uno de los elementos más destacados en esta búsqueda. El Comandante de la Guardia Civil comienza a descubrir un mundo que ignoraba por completo. El padre de Urko le ayuda de alguna manera a descubrirlo. Sus principios, su vida, su lucha, entran en una profunda crisis, agravada por el desarrollo de los acontecimientos.

Sinopsis de "El Pico 2" (1984): INOPSIS: Paco, hijo del comandante de la Guardia Civil Evaristo Torrecuadrada, se ha visto envuelto en Bilbao en el asesinato de una pareja de traficantes de heroína. Los esfuerzos de su padre por apartarlo de la droga y ocultar las pruebas del crimen se revelan inútiles cuando la prensa cae sobre la noticia. El joven será detenido, procesado y encarcelado en la madrileña prisión de Carabanchel, donde experimentará en carne propia los rigores del sistema penitenciario, y volverá a caer en la droga. Cuando recobra la libertad, gracias a las maniobras e influencias de su padre, Paco se verá incapaz de reinsertarse en la vida "normal", y preferirá asociarse con un compañero que ha conocido en la cárcel, y dedicarse a la delincuencia de nuevo.




Synopsis of “El Pico” (1983): Bilbao. The Commander of the Civil Guard, Evaristo Torrecuadrada, discovers that his 17-year-old son, soon to enroll in military school, is a heroin addict. At the same time the commander observes his son's intimate friendship with Urko, another boy, also a heroin addict and the son of a leftist leader. Because of the tension with his father, Alpaca runs away from home. The Commander initiates a search for his son, aided by his colleagues. Lt. Alcántara, a narcotics expert, will be one of the key elements in this search. Assisted by Urko's leftist father, the Commander of the Civil Guard begins to discover a world that he had previously ignored completely. Spurred by the developments of this search, he comes to question all the principles and causes he had once embraced.

Synopsis of “El Pico 2” (1984):  Alpaca, son of the Commander of the Civil Guard, finds himself involved in the murder of a pair of heroin dealers in Bilbao. His father's efforts to break him of his heroin addiction and to hide the proof of the crime turn out to be fruitless when the press falls on the news. The young man becomes a prisoner in Carabanchel prison, where he will experience in person the harshnesss of the penitentiary system, and will find a way to sustain his drug habit behind bars. When he is freed, thanks to the machinations and influence of his father, Alpaca never be capable of re-entering normal life, instead associating with his jailhouse companion, and again entering the underworld. 



Lali Espinet in El Pico



Lali Espinet in El Pico 2







Today would be an all Barbara Crampton day as the Time Machine heads to the 80's to visit with a woman who was always willing to take off her shirt.



First we have Barbara in this brief humping scene in "Body Double."



Then opposite a very handsome man in "From Beyond". Ain't love grand.









Notes and collages

The Supernatural Ladies



Amanda Bearse and Irina Irvine in Fright Night
  • First, Bearse shows major pokies in the vampire make-up
  • Then a nosy teenager finds that his topless neighbor is a vampire.
  • Then Bearse in her underwear without the make-up. She was Marcy in Married With Children.

I recommend this modern classic vampire spoof










A lone space station technician must cohabit with a lizard-like alien species to learn its complex technology for long-distance space travel.


Linnea Sharples





The Devil Wears Prada (2006)

Anne Hathaway stars as Andy Sachs, an aspiring writer who interviews for a job as an assistant at the fashion mag "Runway" because she has hit the wall trying to land work at a newspaper. What Andy doesn't realize is that she is applying to work for the ice queen Miranda Priestly (Meryl Streep), the magazine's editor-in-chief. The first meeting is not pleasant, with everyone on her staff, from Miranda to #1 assistant Emily (Emily Blunt) to art director Nigel (a hilarious Stanley Tucci) making no bones about how terribly unfashionable  Andy is. But Miranda hires her despite these horrible flaws in her character. Andy, of course, is completely unprepared for what a high- maintenance lunatic Miranda is about her job, but being smart and resourceful, she finds a way to survive, even when it means scoring a copy of the manuscript to what will soon be one of the biggest selling books of all time. The catch, of course, is that in order to become good at her job, she has to forget about having any semblance of a social life, much to the chagrin of boyfriend Nate (Adrian Grenier of "Entourage"). Matters are made worse by the conniving Christian (Simon Baker), an established writer who can help Andy land her dream job -  for the right price, of course.


Anne Hathaway











Dany Carrel in Une Souris, from Melaninis