Sexual Magic (2001) is a very soft core women oriented straight to video starring Jacy Andrews as a college coed, engaged, and about to move into a house with her best friend, Jezabelle Bond, and three other women. The house is owned by Amber Newman, who, it turns out, is the head of a coven, and Andrews is to make the perfect 5th member. We also learn that Newman lusts after sexual control of everyone, especially Andrews' fiancee.

The other two women are Teanna Kai and Nikki Fairchild. All of the women show breasts and partial buns in various solo or duo sex scenes. The sex is tepid, at best, and not at all explicit. The plot is transparent and predictable, and much of the story is told in voice over by Andrews.

IMDB readers have this at 2.0 of 10, but with almost no votes. It is reasonably competently filmed, but includes too man extreme close-ups, so there are a lot of headless boobs, which I didn't bother with. I suppose this is a barely adequate couples erotica offering, as women are empowered, and many of the scenes are more typical of women's sexual fantasies than of mens. C-.

Sylvia (2003)

If you want to read my comments about this one, follow this link to The Movie House, where there are pictures and links to critics' reviews and Sylvia Plath poems and other such hoity-toity crap. Bottom line: Gwyn did good, Daniel Craig did even better, but the film sucks the hairy begonia.

• Gwyneth Paltrow (1, 2, 3) (That one scene is not really in black and white. Sometimes they do that with screeners to keep people from selling them as consumer products.)

OTHER CRAP:

• Boobs! The Musical Busts Its Way Into NYC Theatre District.
• The British tabloid, Sunday Express, is reporting that Saddam was held by the Kurds, drugged, and left for US troops. I would normally have ignored this story as fanciful, but ABC picked it up and ran with it.
• Despite the heralded opening of a Julia Roberts picture, Return of the King took in more on Friday than all the other films added together.
• Howard Dean's Yale transcript becomes public.His course list included Marxist Theory, International Communism, and Marxism. President Bush went to Yale in the same era. His course list included: Goat Roping Theory, International Brewing Studies, Advanced Pep, and Remedial Chewing.
• Only in Memphis, dept. The ancient mystery of Hanukkah, as re-enacted by Elvis impersonators, including songs like "Blue Suede Jews" and "Heartbreak Kotel". (Honest. I didn't make this up, and it's not a satire site.)
• 'World Idol' Pits Winners From 11 Nations. Insert "Polish Idol" joke here. Accordions welcome.
• The top movies with"Penis" in the title.
• The most complete list yet of Porno movie titles based on real movie titles.
• A new approach to COME ALL YE FAITHFUL! Hey, that would also make a good name for a porn flick.
• Connecticut doctor gives new meaning to the term "oral surgery".
• Oh man, they are taking these nudity calendars too far. I mean, the House of Commons?
• A coloring book based on --- Law & Order??
• BBC bias. "BARMY BBC bosses have banned reporters from calling tyrant Saddam Hussein a former dictator. Instead, staff must refer to the barbaric mass murderer as the deposed former President."
• Free gallery of Italian bombshell Debora Caprioglio.
• Dutch Court rules Kazaa creators not responsible for behavior of users.
• Pretty spiffy - naked women painted to look like wildcats.
• The best Scandals of 2003
• Another spectacular quality trailer - this one from the Coen Brothers' new film, which represents Tom Hanks's return to zany comedy - The Ladykillers. It's a comic heist movie. (Warning: full screen trailer is 54 meg)
• See the first trailers for M Night Shyamalan's next movie The Village. The full screen trailer is absolutely beautiful, but make sure you have broadband, because it is 50 meg in size.
• The Christmas outfits of Nell McAndrews
• Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen to Attend NYU
• If you have never seen it, here's the famous film clip of Ashley Judd flashing her fans.

Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Beverly D'Angelo, topless in the 80's comedy classic "National Lampoon's Vacation" (1983).

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

More Canadian stuff...

"The Invitation" (2003) DVD
Lance Henriksen personal project released to video last week. Not as much nudity as you would expect and Lance did not get any action with any of his female co-stars.

• Stellina Rusich: full dorsal nudity, mega cleavage.
• Stefanie von Pfetten: pokies.
• Sarah-Jane Redmond: lots of upskirt, masturbating, slapping Lance.
• Mikka Dargel: wet dress.
• Unknown: major pokies.
• Porn flashback: regarding Stellina's character (no nudity)

"The Amityville Horror" (1979) DVD
Classic horror starring Canada's best export Margot Kidder.

• Margot Kidder: partial breasts and major caboose shot.

"Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh" (1995) (aka Candyman II) DVD
Kelly Rowan of The O.C. television series shows some near nudity without the use of a shower double.

• Kelly Rowan: pokies, bare back, shower scene. (1, 2, 3)
• Mardi Gras: couple making whoopee on balcony.

"Exit Wounds" (2001) DVD
Steven Seagal vehicle that revived his acting career. Large collage from strip bar scene. Canadian actresses Shannon Jobe and Kym Kristalie are credited as two strippers. They are probably the boydpainting pair and/or the private lapdancing pair.

• Various: strippers and busty waitress.

"Dancing in the Dark" (1995) (TV)
Former Dallas star Victoria Principal heads this Canadian cast. She is forcefully stripped for shower scene but the bare boob shot may be that of an uncredited body double. Also available on DVD.

• Victoria Principal: bikini, then shower nude.

"Urban Safari" (1996)
Black comedy rated R for sexuality even though there is no nudity except for a couple of fully clothed love scenes. Notable appearance by Rebecca Toolan best known as Fox Mulder's mother from The X-Files.

• Rebecca Toolan: black widow outfit. Look at those gams as the Cigarette Smoking Man would say.
• Teryl Rothery: brassiere only.

"Soft Deceit" (1994)
Patrick Bergin not only has two topless love scenes with Kate Vernon, he also gets to suck some blood out of a wound on her butt.

• Kate Vernon: topless, buns and pokies.
• Krista Bridges: topless in bed.

"Silencing the Guns" (1996) (aka "Le Silence des fusils")
French-Canadian drama set on a northern Quebec Indian reserve.

• Michele Audette: partial breasts in dark love scene.
• Obligatory stripper: topless and buns.

"The $cheme"
What's kind of interesting about this 2000 comedy is not the movie itself, easily one of the worst I've ever seen, but the black electrical tape showing on star Andi Tecec's breasts in one scene. It's common for actresses to place tape over their nipples so directors won't accidentially (or on purpose :-) show them, but these guys managed to show the tape anyway (in the full screen version, as shown in the collage). Very professional. :-)

The plot itself has three total idots plotting to blackmail a politician by taping his sweet innocent young daughter having sex. To do that, one of them must get involved with the daughter. Of course, things just get totally screwed up. Yeah, the plot sounds pretty funny, but this movie is just one giant mess. :-(

• Andi Tecec

Here are a few more caps for the Fun House...hopefully these will add to the general merriment of the season...

First up is mostly Bonnie-Jaye Lawrence in "Maslin Beach". She's with a couple of friends - but I'm not sure who they are. The film's about a regular day down on a nudist beach in Australia, Bonnie-Jaye is ok in it, surprisingly it's her only IMDB credit.

It's a pretty rough cap I'm afraid as I got from an old VHS tape. The film is available on DVD in the States, perhaps someone from the readership can review and cap it properly?

• Bonnie-Jaye Lawrence going full frontal.

The next two are from something called 'Blue Hotel, caught in the act' I think this was known as Hotel Erotica in the US. I don't believe you have these already in the FH. Hope you like them.

• Angela Nicholas aka Angela Davies...toplessness and maybe a hint of pubes as she gets it on.
• Tina Leiu aka Tina Wiseman...the Hawaiian actress goes full frontal in regular and 3-way sex scenes.

Finally, there's a couple of sets from George Romero's 'Martin' These are of poor housewife victim Sara Venable, who gets generally terrorised and, well, ravished by the hero of the story.

• Sara Venable, full frontal nudity. (1, 2)