Fatal Conflict (1999) gave me an immediate feeling of deja doodoo, or the sense that I had seen this shit before. Turns out I had, as the first few minutes, with women crawling around carrying buckets of styrofoam prop rocks, introduces the premise for a series of Czechoslovakian films that each have a woman released from a penal colony to perform some special mission. In this case it was Kari Wuhrer, who was selected to sneak onto a space freighter and crash it into the Earth before the evil guy who hijacked it crashes it into the Earth. There are two good points to this film, and both of them poke through Wuhrer's wet t-shirt for the second half of the film.

There is some plot device at the beginning where skimpily dressed women are handling emeralds, but there is no actual exposure. Give this film a wide berth. Not only is the plot lame, the sets amateurish, the scale models poor and the acting awful, but the photography is poor as well. D.

New Releases:

Dancing at the Blue Iguana. It has Elias Koteas, and the background score includes Cohen's "Dancing to the End of Love", and it has strippers, so it must be Egoyan's brilliant movie, Exotica. Oops. I forgot. Directors have to use that song and hire Koteas for every arty stripper movie. It's a sub-set of the rule which requires them to hire Billy Zane for every sinking ship film.

The movie is improvisational. For that type of movie it is quite good, just be prepared for it to go nowhere and drop all plot threats unresolved (a big weakness of improvisational movies). 

The director is the same guy who did Il Postino, so he's not without talent.

The women created interesting characters, but who cares about that? The main thing is that the images look very, very nice, especially the ones of Kelley, Hannah, and Ayanna.. Lots of famous women without their tops. In terms of quantity and quality of celebrity nudity, it's almost up there with Sirens.

So it's filled with nudity from famous women and, while it is not a great movie, is a watchable flick with a good DVD transfer. I'd say if you're a celeb nudity buff, this is a must-have. Check it out.

• Daryl Hannah (Daryl must spend her life in the gym. She has better abs than Brad Pitt.) (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
• Charlotte Ayanna. Damn, she is fine! I'm in love. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
• Sheila Kelley (Lois Lane with tattoos. Actually a cross between a young Margot Kidder and a young Mimi Rogers). She did a good job in this movie. In a film filled with flamboyant, scenery-chewing performances, she played an effective counterbalance, as a laconic woman carrying around a mysterious, quiet pain. (1, 2)
• Sandra Oh. (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Jennifer Tilly (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
• Kristin Bauer (robo-hooters. sorry) (1, 2)
• unknown (1, 2)

Updates:

There is a new thumbnailed volume for Helen Mirren

Silliness. I wrote yesterday that the 180 "under 18" votes for Lord of the Rings included 175 tens, 3 nines, and 2 eights. When I checked this morning, those 180 votes were still there, but 6 ones had been added (no other votes). I suppose those mature, well-considered, thoughtful votes were added as a result of my comments. I like to think that we do our part for humanity!

"The Malibu Bikini Shop" (1985)

The movie of course is utter garbage. Naturally I've seen it twice. Once with all of the boobs on cable, and once censored beyond belief on USA Up All Night.

The story...who cares. It's about babes in and out of bikinis. Throw in just about any clichés you want, it doesn't matter. Basically if you take your handi-cam to the beach and start filming, you can make a better movie before the battery needs recharging.

Interesting trivia...writer/director David Wechter may not be 100% incompetent as "The Malibu Bikini Shop" may let you believe. He co-wrote "The Faculty", directed episodes of the short lived but very funny TV series "Sledge Hammer!" and also co-wrote/co-directed the 80's cult classic "Midnight Madness".

Anyway....here is the toplessness.

Alisha Klass

Kaori Taylor

Bree Turner (the fish tank girl in "Deuce Bigalow") shows some pokies and just a hint of partial breast exposure.

Kaori Taylor on the other hand is just plain topless and doesn't bother trying to cover up.

The mating of two wild things...

Pat Reeder
The Comedy Wire