Delta Delta Die! (2003) is a direct to vid comedy horror sorority film. Julie Strain is housemother of the Delta Delta Pi sorority famous for their bake sales of meat pies. What isn't well known is that these sorority sisters are using tenderloin of college jock as their source of meat. The fact that we are dealing with sorority sister cannibals tells you pretty much what to expect -- a comedy/spoof/boobfest, and this one does not disappoint.

The film has nudity from Julie Strain (everything), Rachel Myers (everything), Tiffany Shepis (breasts and buns) and Katie Adams, (everything). The real nudity, however, is in the Unrated Special features. They had way too much footage of Julie Strain torturing the college boys, a completely unused bath tub scene, and a completely unused shower scene. Add a bunch of cast auditions, bloopers, deleted scenes and a feature length commentary, and there is a lot on this DVD.

Unfortunately, many of you will have trouble seeing it. A mother thought the Unrated Special Features were too Unrated, complained, and got the DVD pulled from major rental outlets. After hearing the above story, I ordered the DVD from Canada, just to see what bothered her so much. We see good full frontal of Julie in great light, mild masturbation, and hear some four letter words. The nudity (which I will have ready for tomorrow night) is very nice, but still within the normal range of R rated nudity. This woman had no grounds to complain, as the packaging clearly states "Special Features not Rated." The director who related this story is going to hide similar graphic extra features in Easter Eggs as a result of this case.

Tomorrow night, the rest of the review, and images of Julie Strain in perhaps her best acting performance ever.

House of Sand and Fog (2003)

SPOILERS:

What a year. I continue to dislike just about every film the critics raved about.

Ben Kingsley plays Behrani, a former colonel in the Persian army during the Shah's reign. He is a proud man who is deceiving his family into thinking he has a good, dignified job. In reality, he was two menial jobs, but changes into a clean suit before he goes home. One day, he sees a public notice for a repossessed property auction, follows through, and is able to buy a beachfront house for $45,000. This is the key to his financial stability. He plans to sell it immediately, using the profit to play for his son's education and other necessities, as well as to upgrade the status of his family.

Jennifer Connelly is Kathy Nicolo, a recovering addict whose husband deserted her. Like Colonel Behrani, she is also lying to her family. Her mother thinks she is still married, and knows nothing of her problems. Those problems escalate ten fold when she is evicted from her house fro non-payment of a tax she never owed in the first place. Before she can resolve matters legally, the state has sold her home at public auction.

... to Colonel Behrani.

The conflict is thus established. The state is willing to do the right thing and give the colonel his $45,000 back, thus returning the house to Kathy, but the colonel insists quite correctly that he is the legal owner of a piece of property worth four times that amount, and he refuses to sell. Kathy's lawyer can sue the state for compensation for their error, but that could take months, or years, while Kathy is sleeping in her car.

A melodrama is set into action, one which will ultimately result in one murder, and four attempted suicides, two of them successful. And that is only among the four main characters (the colonel, his wife, his son, and Kathy)! Three of the four end up dead, and the other ends up alive despite two suicide attempts. Along the way, various other lives are destroyed. A local cop falls in love with Kathy even as he evicts her, and that situation destroys his life, and his family's happiness.

Your basic feel-good movie!

It is pure melodrama in the 1950s fashion. Jennifer Connelly has now replaced Susan Hayward and Juliette Binoche as the cinema's official suffering woman. She makes her living by either being in tears, or looking like she's about to be. Her veil of tears is clouded still further by fog-shrouded cinematography and turgid background music.

Skipping to the bottom line, I like to think that human beings can settle disputes of this nature without everyone dying and waving pistols at one another.

The film has some pretensions toward meaningful social commentary, but is basically a combination of a thriller and an extreme melodrama, made for the cry-of-the-month crowd. If you like that sort of thing, it is very well done. The characterization is intricate and complex. The script is sympathetic to both sides in the dispute. The acting is top drawer.

Various exposure from Jennifer Connelly: (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

1. She changes in a public bathroom, and you can see a little bit through her semi-sheer bra. (collage 1)

2. Sex scene with Ron Eldred. Very little nipple action, but a very nice shot of her bottom. (collages 2 and 3)

3. A silhouetted shot of a topless Connelly putting her shirt on. (collage 5)

4. A bathtub suicide scene in which her nipples are visible underwater. (collage 4)

In the Cut (2003)

I've talked about this ad infinitum, both the movie and the book. Movie House page here.

This latest set of images comes from a VHS trailer, but it's good quality for VHS. The movie is still dark, and the lighting is still all kinds of funky, but it is possible to see the dark scenes fairly well, so you'll glimpse Meg's delta in "collage" #5, and you see her buns and crotch in "extra frames" #1 and #2.

• Collages (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
• Extra frames (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

OTHER CRAP:

• Burbank Calif. Airport Renamed Bob Hope Airport.
• American Idol's Ruben Studdard Tops U.S. Music Charts
• Hate mimes? Now this is using mummery for good instead of evil.
• Mormon.org - Request a visit. Just in case they aren't already bothering you at your home, you can request that they come. Could be a great Christmas gift for your friends. I always say "Hey, I saw you guys in Orgasmo".
• Madeleine Albright: Just kidding about that bin Laden thing. Friends of Albright pointed out that if she was kidding it would be the first time in her life that she had attempted that whole crazy "humor" concept.
• Chrysler Withdraws From Lingerie Bowl.
• Blockbuster COO calls for abolition of DVD region codes.
• This is supposed to be an uncensored version of the Jewel foto-booth flash (which was originally blurred/pixilated). Authenticity is highly questionable.
• Since Heidi Klum is in the news, here are a bazillion pictures of the mom-to-be.
• Joey Buttafuoco Arrested in Auto Insurance Fraud Case.
• Senator says he was duped by the White House. All I can say is this, Senator: if you were outsmarted by George Bush, you may have chosen the wrong career. Not to mention the wrong species.
• George In The Box. Jack in the box plays Hail to the Chief until President Bush pops out.
• Pictures of rock stars as children.
• President George W. Bush has ordered the Department of the Interior to ship thousands of surplus fire hydrants to Canada for the use of sled dogs that desperately need a place to pee.
• Computer Programmer Makes 'WMD' Treasure Hunt Game: "As computer programmer Shane Messer watched U.S. forces look for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, the search struck him as a perverse sort of treasure hunt, so he programmed a game based on all the existing evidence.
• Albright thinks Bush hiding bin Laden: Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright told Fox News Channel analyst Morton Kondracke yesterday she suspects President Bush knows the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden and is simply waiting for the most politically expedient moment to announce his capture. Sure. In fact, bin Laden makes an excellent, inexpensive chaperone for the Bush girls, and Bush may just decide to get him a green card.
• Conservative columnist William Safire takes Dick Cheney to the woodshed for his double top secret energy task force. Most obvious lie of the day: "A senior administration official assures me that no potential embarrassment is at the root of this unnecessary fight to the finish, and that it's just the principle of the thing." Yup, these principles: (1) the public has no right to know what its government is doing, and (2) the government has the right to work in complete secrecy when no national security matters are involved, and (3) we have absolutely no other choice other than to take the government's word when they say that candid advice is candid advice, and not dirty deals.  Those are important government principles - in North Korea.
• Saddam to be held in wooden cage. Saddam's lawyers are busy hiring Siegfried and Roy. During the trial, there is a puff of smoke, Saddam disappears, and a white tiger is in the cage! Now that's real Vegas-style mad tyrant entertainment.
• Persian Broadcasting reports that the US may have a Saddam body double in custody. We captured Rich Little? Sure. He's a body double who (1) fathered Saddam's sons, according to DNA tests, and (2) was carrying $750,000 in ten dollar bills. It's good to be king, but it's better to be a body double! I want the job as body double for Brad Pitt. Just send the $750,000 to my house, and call me when you need someone to father Aniston's kids.
• MAXIM ONLINE :: Michelle Branch
• Quote of the day: The doughnut ethics complaint filed against a Boca Raton councilman has crumbled. “It was full of holes,” the city leader commented wryly.
• Woman burns her apartment to get a ghost out of her bathtub. Hey, a ghost has to stay April Fresh! After all, BOO stands for "body odor optimal". Presumably it was a baby ghost, and she was just throwing out the bathwater with the baby. John Kerry's comment: "silly cunt".
• The life of Brian of Philadelphia. Do you remember in Life of Brian, where the crowd stoned the official for saying the word Yahweh, when he was simply announcing the crime committed by the accused? That really happened in Philadelphia. A principal was reprimanded for telling the students not to use the n-word. The problem - she had to tell them which words they were not supposed to use, and parents said "she used the n-word, nanny, nanny boo boo!"
• Julia Roberts Disputes 'Chick Flick' Label. The real chicks are watching Kill Bill 2. Even without seeing Mona Lisa Smile, some people have already poked fun at it, dubbing it the "Dead Housewives' Society" I haven't seen Mona Lisa smile, either, but I think it may be the only time I ever fell asleep during the trailer.
• Oslo's International Airport may close due to illness
• Saddam being tortured. "Watching Trista marry Ryan once is punishment, but watching it six, seven times in a row may in fact constitute torture." Pretty funny idea, but already used by Woody Allen, who had Latin American torture squads coerce prisoners with repeated listenings of Naughty Marietta.
• Bengals Playoff Tickets Go On Sale. I never thought I'd type those words in my lifetime. Aren't they getting a little cocky?
• Tampon Angel Ornaments for your xmas tree.
• The Mouseketeer Guide to Semiconductor Physics. Funny concept.
• Wacky uses for everyday products. And you thought My Big Fat Greek Wedding was just kidding with the Windex thing.
• America's new top model. This is essentially American Idol for models.
• In the words of the guy who submitted this link, ya gotta love the Reef Girls
• Steppin' Out Magazine interviews Vanessa Marcil
• Man In Santa Suit Robs Pa. Bank So that's how Santa funds the toy workshop. I figured he just used Asian child labor.
• Mel Gibson's 'The Passion' gets a thumbs-up from the pope. Also, John Kerry said it was "some seriously sweet shit".
• MAXIM ONLINE :: Ashley Hartman She's Holly, the hot party girl on Fox's The O.C.
• Government Files Consumer Complaint Against Marketers of 'Girls Gone Wild' Videos. This has nothing to do with censorship or invasion of privacy. It's just a consumer fraud action.

Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Christina Ricci

"The Unsaid"
This excellent 2001 thriller has some really cool twists and a surprising revelation right at the end.

A psychiatrist comes out of retirement after the death of his teenage son to help another troubled teen, about to turn 18, to deal with his troubled past. The deeper he digs, the more sordid are the things he finds. A very well-done and gripping movie.

• Sarah Deakins, topless.

CAPTURED SADDAM ACTION FIGURE ALREADY FOR SALE
Lice Comb Sold Separately - Just 24 hours after Saddam Hussein's capture, HeroBuilders.com, which sells action figures of George W. Bush and Tony Blair, was offering a Captive Saddam action figure. He sports a long beard and an "Ace of Spades" T-shirt. They were already selling an Uday action figure with two interchangeable heads, one alive and one dead.