"Lust for Dracula"

Lust for Dracula (2004) day two. The plot, as near as I can piece it together, is as follows. Misty Mundae is delusional, and under the influence of prescription drugs. She is married to Jonathan (Julian Wells), but believes Jonathan is a man, and is upset because she can't seem to get pregnant. Enter Dracula, played by Darian Caine, as a sympathetic figure. She seduces Mundae, gets her off drugs, and gets her pregnant. Meanwhile, we watch as Andrea Davis tricks Casey Jones into thinking she is already a vampire. By the end of the film, Jones loves Davis anyway.

I am pretty sure about all of that after watching it twice, once with the commentary by the producer (who had trouble understanding it) and the director. There is some other relationship going on that involves Jones and her real life sister, but I could never figure out how that related to anything else.

There is too much nudity to finish this tonight, so we have individual images of Misty Mundae and Darian Caine, as well as images of Julian Wells. Tomorrow night, the rest of the images, some insight into the thinking of the director, and some conclusions.

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  • Darian Caine (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
  • Julian Wells (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
  • Misty Mundae (1, 2, 3)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    • There are 148 newly updated volumes in sections j, k, l, m, n, o of the Encyclopedia. 643 images were added.



    1 Night in China (2004)

    The artist as visionary. Reflections on Welles, Cimino, Figgis and X-Pac.

    Some time at the beginning of the 20th century, a great power shift occurred. The United States, which had been the fourth or fifth largest economy in the world, became the largest by far in the space of less than two decades  because the four great Western European powers destroyed themselves and each other with a particularly foolish and costly war, while America welcomed a massive influx of immigrants and American industrialists grew prosperous. Of course, each Empire has its time, and America's, which began around the time of WW2, is about to expire. The next great power shift, which will occur in a half century or less, will result in China becoming the greatest economic power in the world, and beyond that ... ?? Some kind of Brave New World, as yet undefined, and not certain to be either better or worse than the Cowardly Old World we know now.

    Artists, of course, are believed to provide the psychic portion of a culture's brain, the portion that looks far into the future and imagines what it would be like. Such an artist is Sean Waltman, who provided the cinema verité vision for 1 Night in China, an artistic creation which suggests that man should look to the Orient for peace, for enlightenment, and for a quick fuck with a manly chick. It stars two wrestlers named Chyna (Joanie Laurer) and X-Pac, a role assayed by Waltman himself in a versatile multi-tasking performance in the cinema tradition of Orson Welles. In addition to writing, producing, acting, and directing the footage, Mr Waltman also held the camera and did the cinematography. That may not sound so impressive until you think about how difficult it would be to make fifty pelvic thrust per minute while holding a camera steady and in focus. So take that, Mr Orson Welles! Oh, sure you can direct and act at the same time, but can you hold on to the camera while you pound a woman's privates as fast as you can. I think not. For one thing, if you held the camera at your shoulder, you would not be able to see your penis over your enormous belly. So suck on that, Mr. Smart-alecky High IQ Genius. Serve that wine before its time, fat-ass.

    Sean and Joanie actually flew into China for a while to provide some background for 1 Night in China. At one point, Sean stands transfixed in Tiananmen Square as his guide explains the transition between the great Dynasties. Then Sean gives the ol' razzberry to a picture of Chairman Mao, for surely he knows the brilliance of this symbolic gesture - the sign that Mao's vision of China is about to crumble, while Sean's own soars in ascendancy. There was immense dedication involved in this China trip. The director of Heaven's Gate, Michael Cimino, once uprooted a massive old tree and re-planted it in the courtyard at Oxford so that a virtually irrelevant celebration scene would have the precise appearance he envisioned. Yet is that attention to detail anything to compare with that shown by Sean Waltman? He makes a home sex movie in which he repeatedly hammers the various orifices of a woman named Chyna - and he actually flies to China to film some footage, and he stays overnight, just so he can get a double-entendre out of the title 1 Night in China. All that in the interest of wordplay! I suggest that even the great Cimino would tip his hat to the grandiosity of this gesture.

    Oh, yeah, the film is two people with very large shoulders and very large genitals loving each other long time. Chyna gets pounded in each orifice. Most of the 50-something minutes is just endless pounding filmed by a camera held by the same guy doing the aforementioned pounding, thus bringing a gritty, real-time feel to the presentation that would make even Mike Figgis envious, not to mention a bit nauseated.

    Believe me, this video sucks.

    In more ways than one.

    If you're really into porn, the video is rounded out with several XXX porno films which fill out two full DVD disks with violations of the usual heterosexual and girl-girl types. I watched about 10 seconds of one, and 30 seconds of another, just to see what it was. I think there must be about two or three hours of that stuff on the two DVD's, if you're into that.



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    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at


    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.


    The Hard Word (2002)

    Kinda good Aussie caper film. The capers were predictable, but the characters were drawn in some depth.


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    Today the Ghost takes a look at one of the best comedies of the past few years. A movie that is sure to become a classic that will be played 20 times a week on TBS 20 years from now. Of course I'm talking about "Old School".

    Here are 'caps and clips of Lisa Donatz and Corinne Kingsbury getting topless for some KY jelly rasslin'!

    Charlotte Gainsbourg
    (1, 2, 3)

    The UK actress showing off a first class bum in #1 and also topless (links 2-3) in a couple of scenes from the 1999 movie "The Intruder".

    Katharina Thalbach The German actress showing some partial breast views in scenes from "Die Blechtrommel" aka "Le Tambour" aka "The Tin Drum" (1979).

    Sara Foster The model/actress teasing us by not revealing the goodies in scenes from "The Big Boucne". In one scene she does run nude and appears to be full frontal, but it's just to blurry to tell if she's actually nekkid or wearing assorted modesty patches.

    'Caps and comments by Oz:

    "A Night in Heaven"
    The topless nudity in A Night in Heaven comes from Sandra Beall when she takes a shower. There's pokies by Lesley Ann Warren and an unnamed girl.

    No nudity in Pulse just some very sexy caps of Bijou Phillips and Mischa Barton.

    • Bijou Phillips (1, 2)
    • Mischa Barton (1, 2)

    There's topless nudity in Teachers by Julia Jennings and JoBeth Williams. There is also one of the worst continuity errors ever filmed. Look at the colour of JoBeth's knickers as the scene progresses.

    "The Safety of Objects"
    You get a good view of Jessica Campbell's breasts in The Safety of Objects as she strips down in her backyard. Some prominent pokies by Patricia Clarkson.

    "Tiara Tahiti"
    You won't see much in Tiara Tahiti given that it was made in 1962 but there is a long distance rear view of Rosenda Monteros.

    • Rosenda Monteros (1, 2)

    "The Tie That Binds"
    There's the briefest of nipple shown by Moira Kelly in The Tie That Binds and Daryl Hannah is down to her underwear.

    It's similar for Deliah Cotto in Empire. There are breasts shown by two women in a bath scene. They could be Stracy Diaz and Kidada Jones but I can't confirm this.

    "Saint Sinner"
    No nudity in Saint Sinner but there is lots of cleavage by Mary Mara, Rebecca Harrell and an unknown.

    "Out for a Kill"
    The topless nudity in Out for a Kill comes from Kata Dobó and an unknown table top dancer. Eloise Anderson, and I'm not 100% sure of her identity, shows some see-through breast and maybe a breast jumps out during a fight.

    Mia Kirshner
    (1, 2, 3)

    Kirshner with Erin Daniels
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Mia Kirshner with
    Karina Lombard

    Johnny Moronic takes another look at the recently released DVD's of the first season of "The L Word".

    In this batch, Canadian babe Mia Kirshner does a whole lotta lesbo lovin' and is topless in every 'cap. Daniels is also topless in links 3-7.

    Glori-Anne Gilbert
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the B-babe topless in scenes from "The Curse of the Komodo" (2003), directed by Fun House favorite, Jim Wynorski. I think Glibert is now required to purchase a second ticket for her robo-boobs when she flies most airlines.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Created By Snidely Whiplash - Reality TV will reach yet another new low next month, when Fox premieres "Who's Your Daddy?" On it, a grown adopted woman will have to guess which one of eight men is her biological father. The seven fakes will try to trick her into picking them. If she picks the right one, she wins $100,000, but if she picks a fake dad, he gets the money.

  • And she never gets to meet her real dad.
  • Fooling an orphan is no fun unless you can take her money, too.
  • The real dad has to pay the $100,000, in the form of child support.

    "You're Hitched!" - Donald Trump says that two TV networks are bidding to air his wedding to Melania Knauss live, and he's considering it, but he'd be more interested if "Apprentice" and "Survivor" producer Mark Burnett were involved.

  • Someone tell Melania that so far, no woman who's married Trump has survived.
  • If the networks don't offer enough money, he'll fire Melania and replace her with someone hotter.
  • Yet when the President holds a press conference, NO network wants to air it...

    World's Gratingest Dad - Joe Simpson, the obnoxious manager dad of Jessica and Ashlee Simpson, told GQ that he vetoed Ashlee playing a lesbian in her first movie because "it doesn't work for her to be gay the first thing out." But he said, "She's going to be a huge movie star. She's like Meg Ryan or Cameron Diaz, with probably more depth."

  • I don't know...That Cameron Diaz is DEEP.
  • Something's getting pretty deep, but it's not Ashlee's talent.
  • Cameron did voice work for "Shrek," and Ashlee also specializes in pre-recorded vocals.

    And She's So Natural! - As for his other daughter, Simpson said, "Jessica never tries to be sexy. She just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she's sexy in both. She's got double D's! You can't cover those suckers up!"

  • "Heck, when she lived at home, we never even tried!"
  • Know what's really sexy? A dad talking about his daughter's honkers.