Lust for Dracula (2004) day two. The plot, as near as I can piece it together, is as follows. Misty Mundae is delusional, and under the influence of prescription drugs. She is married to Jonathan (Julian Wells), but believes Jonathan is a man, and is upset because she can't seem to get pregnant. Enter Dracula, played by Darian Caine, as a sympathetic figure. She seduces Mundae, gets her off drugs, and gets her pregnant. Meanwhile, we watch as Andrea Davis tricks Casey Jones into thinking she is already a vampire. By the end of the film, Jones loves Davis anyway.

I am pretty sure about all of that after watching it twice, once with the commentary by the producer (who had trouble understanding it) and the director. There is some other relationship going on that involves Jones and her real life sister, but I could never figure out how that related to anything else.

There is too much nudity to finish this tonight, so we have individual images of Misty Mundae and Darian Caine, as well as images of Julian Wells. Tomorrow night, the rest of the images, some insight into the thinking of the director, and some conclusions.

Updates:

• There are 148 newly updated volumes in sections j, k, l, m, n, o of the Encyclopedia. 643 images were added.

1 Night in China (2004)

The artist as visionary. Reflections on Welles, Cimino, Figgis and X-Pac.

Some time at the beginning of the 20th century, a great power shift occurred. The United States, which had been the fourth or fifth largest economy in the world, became the largest by far in the space of less than two decades  because the four great Western European powers destroyed themselves and each other with a particularly foolish and costly war, while America welcomed a massive influx of immigrants and American industrialists grew prosperous. Of course, each Empire has its time, and America's, which began around the time of WW2, is about to expire. The next great power shift, which will occur in a half century or less, will result in China becoming the greatest economic power in the world, and beyond that ... ?? Some kind of Brave New World, as yet undefined, and not certain to be either better or worse than the Cowardly Old World we know now.

Artists, of course, are believed to provide the psychic portion of a culture's brain, the portion that looks far into the future and imagines what it would be like. Such an artist is Sean Waltman, who provided the cinema verité vision for 1 Night in China, an artistic creation which suggests that man should look to the Orient for peace, for enlightenment, and for a quick fuck with a manly chick. It stars two wrestlers named Chyna (Joanie Laurer) and X-Pac, a role assayed by Waltman himself in a versatile multi-tasking performance in the cinema tradition of Orson Welles. In addition to writing, producing, acting, and directing the footage, Mr Waltman also held the camera and did the cinematography. That may not sound so impressive until you think about how difficult it would be to make fifty pelvic thrust per minute while holding a camera steady and in focus. So take that, Mr Orson Welles! Oh, sure you can direct and act at the same time, but can you hold on to the camera while you pound a woman's privates as fast as you can. I think not. For one thing, if you held the camera at your shoulder, you would not be able to see your penis over your enormous belly. So suck on that, Mr. Smart-alecky High IQ Genius. Serve that wine before its time, fat-ass.

Sean and Joanie actually flew into China for a while to provide some background for 1 Night in China. At one point, Sean stands transfixed in Tiananmen Square as his guide explains the transition between the great Dynasties. Then Sean gives the ol' razzberry to a picture of Chairman Mao, for surely he knows the brilliance of this symbolic gesture - the sign that Mao's vision of China is about to crumble, while Sean's own soars in ascendancy. There was immense dedication involved in this China trip. The director of Heaven's Gate, Michael Cimino, once uprooted a massive old tree and re-planted it in the courtyard at Oxford so that a virtually irrelevant celebration scene would have the precise appearance he envisioned. Yet is that attention to detail anything to compare with that shown by Sean Waltman? He makes a home sex movie in which he repeatedly hammers the various orifices of a woman named Chyna - and he actually flies to China to film some footage, and he stays overnight, just so he can get a double-entendre out of the title 1 Night in China. All that in the interest of wordplay! I suggest that even the great Cimino would tip his hat to the grandiosity of this gesture.

Oh, yeah, the film is two people with very large shoulders and very large genitals loving each other long time. Chyna gets pounded in each orifice. Most of the 50-something minutes is just endless pounding filmed by a camera held by the same guy doing the aforementioned pounding, thus bringing a gritty, real-time feel to the presentation that would make even Mike Figgis envious, not to mention a bit nauseated.

Believe me, this video sucks.

In more ways than one.

If you're really into porn, the video is rounded out with several XXX porno films which fill out two full DVD disks with violations of the usual heterosexual and girl-girl types. I watched about 10 seconds of one, and 30 seconds of another, just to see what it was. I think there must be about two or three hours of that stuff on the two DVD's, if you're into that.

• Chyna (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Other Crap:

• Something to straighten out Bert's paper clips: Hardcore Muppets
• Greet the New Year by shooting a bottle rocket from your butt cheeks!
• Looking for a holiday gift for those Moslem kids who always feel left out this time of year? Get him the Allah action figure.
• California Registered Sex Offender list goes live on the internet
• A slim, handsome, boring Will Ferrell pauses to reflect back on the days when he was fat and funny.
• The 2005 preview from Sony/Columbia.
• An arrest warrant was issued in Dallas Wednesday for Motley Crue singer Vince Neil.  
• The winners of the 2004 Bad Science awards.
• The Straight Dope: What did Prince Andrew's superior officers call him?
• Here's the trailer for John Boorman's In My Country : " Langston Whitfield (Samuel L. Jackson) is a Washington Post journalist. His editor provocatively sends him to South Africa to cover the Truth and Reconciliation Commission hearings, in which the perpetrators of murder and torture on both sides during the Apartheid era are invited to come forward and confront their victims. By telling the unvarnished truth and expressing contrition, they may be granted amnesty. Can the deep wounds of Apartheid be healed through reconciliation? Langston is deeply sceptical. He tracks down Col. De Jager, the most notorious torturer in the SA Police and tries to penetrate the mind of a monster, an experience that obliges him to confront his own demons. Anna Malan (Juliette Binoche), is an Afrikaans poet who is covering the hearings for radio. As a white South African she is shattered by the accounts of the cruelty and depravity committed by her fellow countrymen. Anna and Langston must both question their sense of identity. Where do they each belong? How responsible are they for what is done in the name of their respective countries? The moving testimony of the victims affects them deeply. In different ways they are both estranged from their families, and their shared experience draws them ever closer to each other. It is a story charting the unfathomable depths of human cruelty and the redeeming power of forgiveness and love."
• Fire Marshall Bill runs like a pussy from real fire.
• Here's something that may get some use - Yahoo! Video Search
• Abe Lincoln?- Gay as a blade.
• Pedro bids farewell to Boston, knocks "computer geeks" in front office.
• Whatever happened to ... ? Tony Orlando He still looks the same.
• Big Unit-to-Yankees blockbuster very close. It isn't completed, but is "very near." It would be a three-way: Randy to the Yankees, Vazquez to the Dodgers, Shawn Green and others to the D-backs.
• Lisa Marie Presley is keeping Graceland but selling the bulk of the Elvis estate, including rights to her father's name and image, in a deal worth approximately $100 million.
• The Daily Show discusses inaccurate "abstinence" programs in sex education.
• Christmas? Be afraid. Be very fuckin' afraid. The Daily Show reports: Silent Night, Holy Crap. The security guy they interview is awesome!
• Some stills from the new horror movie, Darkness. : It stars Anna Paquin, and Lena Olin.  
• OK, something cute for the holidays. You could actually show this one to your kids. Mother Polar Bear has two cubs in a Vienna Zoo
• Dare The King ... Dare Completed: 'I dare you to try to staple your ballsack to your leg." Add your own dare in his forums.
• Photographs of Signs Enforcing Racial Discrimination in the 30s and 40s
• Carolina Panthers' punter arrested for dwi, speeding, driving without a license.
• I think these are the first hi-res pictures from Revenge of the Sith  
• Here's a 120 minute clip from Lemony Snicket (OK, it's really only 10), but these clips seem to be ever lengthening.
• An important new holiday tradition - The Heineken Holiday Hoax
• Ashlee Simpson's lesbian scenes have been cut.
• Playboy officially confirms that Teri Polo (Meet the Fokkers) will do the February celebrity pictorial
• Still need that ideal X-mas gift? The Wayne's World AMC Pacer is for sale, along with two dozen other museum cars.
• Women, beware: Those 'eye in the sky' surveillance cameras used by casinos don't just look for card cheats and crooked dealers.
• Will the Chinese censor pass Pam Anderson's PETA poster?. So far we have been unable to find anyone who cares about this either way.
• The rumor on the net is that the next celebrity sex tape will feature Paige Davis. (Link goes to unrelated pics of Paige). As Warhol once said, "In the future, everyone will have a sex tape for 15 minutes. Except me. Because I will be dead. Unless maybe mine is a necrophilia tape."
• Jennifer Garner has sparked speculation she's pregnant with Ben Affleck's baby, after being spotted with a plumper-than-usual stomach. I thought there was an international treaty preventing Affleck from reproducing. The Pope said, "Ok, we oppose abortion as a rule - but this is the exception that proves the rule." (Hey, I'm just kidding. They seem like a nice couple, and well suited for one another.)
• Weekly World News offers: "4 WAYS TO EAT FREE IN THE FANCIEST RESTAURANTS"
• Letterman's Top Ten Ways To Improve The Department Of Homeland Security
• Letterman's Top Ten Signs Your Kid Is On Steroids
• Four sneak previews from Flight of the Phoenix.  
• Legally Banned from the Web - does this have teeth?
• Some more videos of the notorious Star Wars Holiday Special
• The King of All Media is Serious about Sirius.  
• NYC cops are on the hunt for a fanatic who's terrorizing TV hunk Taye Diggs and his wife, Broadway star Idina Menzel
• Soon Madden will be the only pro football game - then the only game period. You ... will ... play ... Madden.: "Five-year contract gives EA sole rights to the NFL, including teams, players, and stadiums."
• 'Wife Swap' Producers Sue Fox Over Show. The British producers of the ABC television show "Wife Swap" have filed suit over the Fox show "Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy," lambasting it as an illegal rip-off.

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

Today the Ghost takes a look at one of the best comedies of the past few years. A movie that is sure to become a classic that will be played 20 times a week on TBS 20 years from now. Of course I'm talking about "Old School".

Here are 'caps and clips of Lisa Donatz and Corinne Kingsbury getting topless for some KY jelly rasslin'!

• Lisa Donatz and Corinne Kingsbury (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
• Lisa Donatz and Corinne Kingsbury zipped .wmv

"A Night in Heaven"
The topless nudity in A Night in Heaven comes from Sandra Beall when she takes a shower. There's pokies by Lesley Ann Warren and an unnamed girl.

• Sandra Beall (1, 2)
• Lesley Ann Warren (1, 2)
• Unknown

"Pulse"
No nudity in Pulse just some very sexy caps of Bijou Phillips and Mischa Barton.

• Bijou Phillips (1, 2)
• Mischa Barton (1, 2)

"Teachers"
There's topless nudity in Teachers by Julia Jennings and JoBeth Williams. There is also one of the worst continuity errors ever filmed. Look at the colour of JoBeth's knickers as the scene progresses.

• Julia Jennings
• JoBeth Williams (1, 2, 3)

"The Safety of Objects"
You get a good view of Jessica Campbell's breasts in The Safety of Objects as she strips down in her backyard. Some prominent pokies by Patricia Clarkson.

• Jessica Campbell (1, 2)
• Patricia Clarkson

"Tiara Tahiti"
You won't see much in Tiara Tahiti given that it was made in 1962 but there is a long distance rear view of Rosenda Monteros.

• Rosenda Monteros (1, 2)

"The Tie That Binds"
There's the briefest of nipple shown by Moira Kelly in The Tie That Binds and Daryl Hannah is down to her underwear.

• Moira Kelly (1, 2)
• Daryl Hannah

"Empire"
It's similar for Deliah Cotto in Empire. There are breasts shown by two women in a bath scene. They could be Stracy Diaz and Kidada Jones but I can't confirm this.

• Deliah Cotto
• Unknowns

"Saint Sinner"
No nudity in Saint Sinner but there is lots of cleavage by Mary Mara, Rebecca Harrell and an unknown.

• Mary Mara
• Rebecca Harrell (1, 2)
• unknown

"Out for a Kill"
The topless nudity in Out for a Kill comes from Kata Dobó and an unknown table top dancer. Eloise Anderson, and I'm not 100% sure of her identity, shows some see-through breast and maybe a breast jumps out during a fight.

• Kata Dobó
• Eloise Anderson
• Unknowns (1, 2, 3)

Kirshner with Erin Daniels
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

Mia Kirshner with
Karina Lombard

In this batch, Canadian babe Mia Kirshner does a whole lotta lesbo lovin' and is topless in every 'cap. Daniels is also topless in links 3-7.

NEW REALITY TV LOWS: "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?" AND TRUMP'S WEDDING
Created By Snidely Whiplash - Reality TV will reach yet another new low next month, when Fox premieres "Who's Your Daddy?" On it, a grown adopted woman will have to guess which one of eight men is her biological father. The seven fakes will try to trick her into picking them. If she picks the right one, she wins $100,000, but if she picks a fake dad, he gets the money.