"Lust for Dracula"
Lust for Dracula (2004) day two. The plot, as near as I can piece it together, is as follows. Misty Mundae is delusional, and under the influence of prescription drugs. She is married to Jonathan (Julian Wells), but believes Jonathan is a man, and is upset because she can't seem to get pregnant. Enter Dracula, played by Darian Caine, as a sympathetic figure. She seduces Mundae, gets her off drugs, and gets her pregnant. Meanwhile, we watch as Andrea Davis tricks Casey Jones into thinking she is already a vampire. By the end of the film, Jones loves Davis anyway.
I am pretty sure about all of that after watching it twice, once with the commentary by the producer (who had trouble understanding it) and the director. There is some other relationship going on that involves Jones and her real life sister, but I could never figure out how that related to anything else.
There is too much nudity to finish this tonight, so we have individual images of Misty Mundae and Darian Caine, as well as images of Julian Wells. Tomorrow night, the rest of the images, some insight into the thinking of the director, and some conclusions.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
There are 148 newly updated volumes in sections j,
k, l, m, n, o of the Encyclopedia. 643 images were added.
1 Night in China (2004)
The artist as visionary. Reflections on Welles, Cimino, Figgis and
Some time at the beginning of the 20th century, a great power shift
occurred. The United States, which had been the fourth or fifth
largest economy in the world, became the largest by far in the space
of less than two decades because the four great Western
European powers destroyed themselves and each other with a
particularly foolish and costly war, while America welcomed a
massive influx of immigrants and American industrialists grew
prosperous. Of course, each Empire has its time, and America's,
which began around the time of WW2, is about to expire. The next
great power shift, which will occur in a half century or less, will
result in China becoming the greatest economic power in the world,
and beyond that ... ?? Some kind of Brave New World, as yet
undefined, and not certain to be either better or worse than the
Cowardly Old World we know now.
Artists, of course, are believed to provide the psychic portion of a
culture's brain, the portion that looks far into the future and
imagines what it would be like. Such an artist is Sean Waltman, who
provided the cinema verité vision for 1 Night in China, an artistic
creation which suggests that man should look to the Orient for
peace, for enlightenment, and for a quick fuck with a manly chick.
It stars two wrestlers named Chyna (Joanie Laurer) and X-Pac, a role
assayed by Waltman himself in a versatile multi-tasking performance
in the cinema tradition of Orson Welles. In addition to writing,
producing, acting, and directing the footage, Mr Waltman also held
the camera and did the cinematography. That may not sound so
impressive until you think about how difficult it would be to make
fifty pelvic thrust per minute while holding a camera steady and in
focus. So take that, Mr Orson Welles! Oh, sure you can direct and
act at the same time, but can you hold on to the camera while you
pound a woman's privates as fast as you can. I think not. For one
thing, if you held the camera at your shoulder, you would not be
able to see your penis over your enormous belly. So suck on that,
Mr. Smart-alecky High IQ Genius. Serve that wine before its time,
Sean and Joanie actually flew into China for a while to provide some
background for 1 Night in China. At one point, Sean stands
transfixed in Tiananmen Square as his guide explains the transition
between the great Dynasties. Then Sean gives the ol' razzberry to a
picture of Chairman Mao, for surely he knows the brilliance of this
symbolic gesture - the sign that Mao's vision of China is about to
crumble, while Sean's own soars in ascendancy. There was immense
dedication involved in this China trip. The director of Heaven's
Gate, Michael Cimino, once uprooted a massive old tree and
re-planted it in the courtyard at Oxford so that a virtually
irrelevant celebration scene would have the precise appearance he
envisioned. Yet is that attention to detail anything to compare with
that shown by Sean Waltman? He makes a home sex movie in which he
repeatedly hammers the various orifices of a woman named Chyna - and
he actually flies to China to film some footage, and he stays
overnight, just so he can get a double-entendre out of the title 1
Night in China. All that in the interest of wordplay! I suggest that
even the great Cimino would tip his hat to the grandiosity of this
Oh, yeah, the film is two people with very large shoulders and very
large genitals loving each other long time. Chyna gets pounded in
each orifice. Most of the 50-something minutes is just endless
pounding filmed by a camera held by the same guy doing the
aforementioned pounding, thus bringing a gritty, real-time feel to
the presentation that would make even Mike Figgis envious, not to
mention a bit nauseated.
Believe me, this video sucks.
In more ways than one.
If you're really into porn, the video is rounded out with several
XXX porno films which fill out two full DVD disks with violations of
the usual heterosexual and girl-girl types. I watched about 10
seconds of one, and 30 seconds of another, just to see what it was.
I think there must be about two or three hours of that stuff on the
two DVD's, if you're into that.
- Something to straighten out Bert's paper clips:
Greet the New Year by shooting a bottle rocket from your butt
- Looking for a holiday gift for those Moslem kids who always
feel left out this time of year?
Get him the Allah action figure.
California Registered Sex Offender list goes live on the internet
A slim, handsome, boring Will Ferrell pauses to reflect back on
the days when he was fat and funny.
The 2005 preview from Sony/Columbia.
An arrest warrant was issued in Dallas Wednesday for Motley Crue
singer Vince Neil.
The winners of the 2004 Bad Science awards.
The Straight Dope: What did Prince Andrew's superior officers call
Here's the trailer for John Boorman's In My Country : "
Langston Whitfield (Samuel L. Jackson) is a Washington Post
journalist. His editor provocatively sends him to South Africa to
cover the Truth and Reconciliation Commission hearings, in which
the perpetrators of murder and torture on both sides during the
Apartheid era are invited to come forward and confront their
victims. By telling the unvarnished truth and expressing
contrition, they may be granted amnesty. Can the deep wounds of
Apartheid be healed through reconciliation? Langston is deeply
sceptical. He tracks down Col. De Jager, the most notorious
torturer in the SA Police and tries to penetrate the mind of a
monster, an experience that obliges him to confront his own
demons. Anna Malan (Juliette Binoche), is an Afrikaans poet who is
covering the hearings for radio. As a white South African she is
shattered by the accounts of the cruelty and depravity committed
by her fellow countrymen. Anna and Langston must both question
their sense of identity. Where do they each belong? How
responsible are they for what is done in the name of their
respective countries? The moving testimony of the victims affects
them deeply. In different ways they are both estranged from their
families, and their shared experience draws them ever closer to
each other. It is a story charting the unfathomable depths of
human cruelty and the redeeming power of forgiveness and love."
Fire Marshall Bill runs like a pussy from real fire.
- Here's something that may get some use -
Yahoo! Video Search
Abe Lincoln?- Gay as a blade.
Pedro bids farewell to Boston, knocks "computer geeks" in front
Whatever happened to ... ? Tony Orlando He still looks
Big Unit-to-Yankees blockbuster very close. It isn't
completed, but is "very near." It would be a three-way: Randy to
the Yankees, Vazquez to the Dodgers, Shawn Green and others to the
Lisa Marie Presley is keeping Graceland but selling the bulk of
the Elvis estate, including rights to her father's name
and image, in a deal worth approximately $100 million.
The Daily Show discusses inaccurate "abstinence" programs in sex
- Christmas? Be afraid. Be very fuckin' afraid.
The Daily Show reports: Silent Night, Holy Crap. The
security guy they interview is awesome!
Some stills from the new horror movie, Darkness. : It
stars Anna Paquin, and Lena Olin.
- OK, something cute for the holidays. You could actually show
this one to your kids.
Mother Polar Bear has two cubs in a Vienna Zoo
- Dare The King ...
Dare Completed: 'I dare you to try to staple your ballsack to your
leg." Add your own dare in his forums.
Photographs of Signs Enforcing Racial Discrimination in the 30s
Carolina Panthers' punter arrested for dwi, speeding, driving
without a license.
I think these are the first hi-res pictures from Revenge of the
Here's a 120 minute clip from Lemony Snicket (OK, it's really only
10), but these clips seem to be ever lengthening.
- An important new holiday tradition -
The Heineken Holiday Hoax
Ashlee Simpson's lesbian scenes have been cut.
Playboy officially confirms that Teri Polo (Meet the Fokkers) will
do the February celebrity pictorial
- Still need that ideal X-mas gift?
The Wayne's World AMC Pacer is for sale, along with two
dozen other museum cars.
Women, beware: Those 'eye in the sky' surveillance cameras used by
casinos don't just look for card cheats and crooked dealers.
Will the Chinese censor pass Pam Anderson's PETA poster?.
So far we have been unable to find anyone who cares about this
The rumor on the net is that the next celebrity sex tape will
feature Paige Davis. (Link goes to unrelated pics of
Paige). As Warhol once said, "In the future, everyone will have a
sex tape for 15 minutes. Except me. Because I will be dead. Unless
maybe mine is a necrophilia tape."
Jennifer Garner has sparked speculation she's pregnant with Ben
Affleck's baby, after being spotted with a plumper-than-usual
stomach. I thought there was an international treaty
preventing Affleck from reproducing. The Pope said, "Ok, we oppose
abortion as a rule - but this is the exception that proves the
rule." (Hey, I'm just kidding. They seem like a nice couple, and
well suited for one another.)
Weekly World News offers: "4 WAYS TO EAT FREE IN THE FANCIEST
Letterman's Top Ten Ways To Improve The Department Of Homeland
Letterman's Top Ten Signs Your Kid Is On Steroids
Four sneak previews from Flight of the Phoenix.
Legally Banned from the Web - does this have teeth?
Some more videos of the notorious Star Wars Holiday Special
The King of All Media is Serious about Sirius.
NYC cops are on the hunt for a fanatic who's terrorizing TV hunk
Taye Diggs and his wife, Broadway star Idina Menzel
Soon Madden will be the only pro football game - then the only
game period. You ... will ... play ... Madden.:
"Five-year contract gives EA sole rights to the NFL, including
teams, players, and stadiums."
'Wife Swap' Producers Sue Fox Over Show. The British
producers of the ABC television show "Wife Swap" have filed suit
over the Fox show "Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy,"
lambasting it as an illegal rip-off.
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
NOTE: because of a unique combination of
circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial
bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip
format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a
you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in
the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.
I know this is not especially convenient, but it
allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from
hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some
reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not
play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory
work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this
new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want
to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips
The Hard Word (2002)
good Aussie caper film. The capers were predictable, but the
characters were drawn in some depth.
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
Today the Ghost takes a look at one of the best comedies of the past few years. A movie that is sure to become a classic that will be played 20 times a week on TBS 20 years from now. Of course I'm talking about "Old School".
Here are 'caps and clips of Lisa Donatz and Corinne Kingsbury getting topless for some KY jelly rasslin'!
|The UK actress showing off a first class bum in #1 and also topless (links 2-3) in a couple of scenes from the 1999 movie "The Intruder".
||The German actress showing some partial breast views in scenes from "Die Blechtrommel" aka "Le Tambour" aka "The Tin Drum" (1979).
||The model/actress teasing us by not revealing the goodies in scenes from "The Big Boucne". In one scene she does run nude and appears to be full frontal, but it's just to blurry to tell if she's actually nekkid or wearing assorted modesty patches.
'Caps and comments by Oz:
"A Night in Heaven"
The topless nudity in A Night in Heaven comes from Sandra Beall when she takes a shower. There's pokies by Lesley Ann Warren and an unnamed girl.
No nudity in Pulse just some very sexy caps of Bijou Phillips and Mischa Barton.
- Bijou Phillips
- Mischa Barton
There's topless nudity in Teachers by Julia Jennings and JoBeth Williams. There is also one of the worst continuity errors ever filmed. Look at the colour of JoBeth's knickers as the scene progresses.
"The Safety of Objects"
You get a good view of Jessica Campbell's breasts in The Safety of Objects as she strips down in her backyard. Some prominent pokies by Patricia Clarkson.
You won't see much in Tiara Tahiti given that it was made in 1962 but there is a long distance rear view of Rosenda Monteros.
"The Tie That Binds"
There's the briefest of nipple shown by Moira Kelly in The Tie That Binds and Daryl Hannah is down to her underwear.
It's similar for Deliah Cotto in Empire. There are breasts shown by two women in a bath scene. They could be Stracy Diaz and Kidada Jones but I can't confirm this.
No nudity in Saint Sinner but there is lots of cleavage by Mary Mara, Rebecca Harrell and an unknown.
"Out for a Kill"
The topless nudity in Out for a Kill comes from Kata Dobó and an unknown table top dancer. Eloise Anderson, and I'm not 100% sure of her identity, shows some see-through breast and maybe a breast jumps out during a fight.
Kirshner with Erin Daniels
Mia Kirshner with
|Johnny Moronic takes another look at the recently released DVD's of the first season of "The L Word".
In this batch, Canadian babe Mia Kirshner does a whole lotta lesbo lovin' and is topless in every 'cap. Daniels is also topless in links 3-7.
|Señor Skin 'caps of the B-babe topless in scenes from "The Curse of the Komodo" (2003), directed by Fun House favorite, Jim Wynorski. I think Glibert is now required to purchase a second ticket for her robo-boobs when she flies most airlines.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
NEW REALITY TV LOWS: "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?" AND TRUMP'S WEDDING
Created By Snidely Whiplash - Reality TV will reach yet another new low
next month, when Fox premieres "Who's Your Daddy?" On it, a grown adopted
woman will have to guess which one of eight men is her biological father.
The seven fakes will try to trick her into picking them. If she picks the
right one, she wins $100,000, but if she picks a fake dad, he gets the
And she never gets to meet her real dad.
Fooling an orphan is no fun unless you can take her money, too.
The real dad has to pay the $100,000, in the form of child support.
"You're Hitched!" - Donald Trump says that two TV networks are bidding to
air his wedding to Melania Knauss live, and he's considering it, but he'd
be more interested if "Apprentice" and "Survivor" producer Mark Burnett
Someone tell Melania that so far, no woman who's married Trump has
If the networks don't offer enough money, he'll fire Melania and replace
her with someone hotter.
Yet when the President holds a press conference, NO network wants to air
CELEBRITY FATHER-OF-THE-YEAR NEWS
World's Gratingest Dad - Joe Simpson, the obnoxious manager dad of Jessica
and Ashlee Simpson, told GQ that he vetoed Ashlee playing a lesbian in her
first movie because "it doesn't work for her to be gay the first thing
out." But he said, "She's going to be a huge movie star. She's like Meg
Ryan or Cameron Diaz, with probably more depth."
I don't know...That Cameron Diaz is DEEP.
Something's getting pretty deep, but it's not Ashlee's talent.
Cameron did voice work for "Shrek," and Ashlee also specializes in
And She's So Natural! - As for his other daughter, Simpson said, "Jessica
never tries to be sexy. She just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or
you put her in a bustier, she's sexy in both. She's got double D's! You
can't cover those suckers up!"
"Heck, when she lived at home, we never even tried!"
Know what's really sexy? A dad talking about his daughter's honkers.