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Tuna
"Bleeders"

Bleeders (1997) is a Canadian horror suggested by Spaz, mostly because it has three Canadian actresses showing their breasts. He warned that it was dark and hard to work on, and an IMDB score of 4.1/10 and terrible comments had me expecting to hate it. I didn't. A man with a rare blood disease and his wife come to Vancouver Island hoping to find relatives who might be able to help explain his genetic blood disorder before it kills him. While the film pace is leisurely, and the startle scares could have been better directed, this is the only horror film I can think of that had a remotely plausible explanation for the monsters, who were mutants caused by centuries of in-breeding.

The outdoor photography was wonderful, but the indoor scenes were dark and grainy. Kristin Lehman showed breasts in a sex scene with co-star Roy Dupuis, Janine Theriault is seen dead and hanging upside down with one breast exposed, and Gillian Ferrabee shows breasts in a sex scene before the opening credits. Rutger Hauer plays a doctor on the island. Dan O'Bannon (Alien, Total Recall) wrote the story. Better direction would have helped, but I found it watchable anyway. As horror, it is probably D as genre fans don't care for it, but it does have some crossover appeal, so I give it a C.

  • Thumbnails
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  • Gillian Ferrabee (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Janine Theriault
  • Kristin Lehman (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

    "Motorama"

    Motorama (1991) is a seriously strange film, and was probably created to become a cult classic. A ten year old boy, sick of his drunken abusive parents arguing, makes special stilts, breaks his piggy bank, steals a Mustang, and drives off to play Motorama, a filling station contest. With a minimum purchase of $5.00, you get Motorama cars. Pull off the seal, find the letters to spell Motorama, and you win $500 million. The first odd thing is that nobody seems to notice that he is only ten. He encounter one wacko after another, and has no end of mis-adventures, including the loss of an eye, and having his arm tattooed against his will.

    The exposure comes from Cynthia R. King. Gus (Jordan Christopher Michael) is sitting by his car at a vista point opening Motorama cards, and a couple ask if they can "borrow his back seat to get it on." When he doesn't even look up, that is exactly what they do. The film takes place in a mythical country with mythical stated that look a whole lot like Arizona, New Mexico and Nevada. The film is chuck full of cameo appearances, including Robert Picardo, Mary Woronov, Jack Nance, Michael J. Pollard, Meat Loaf, Drew Barrymore and Dick Miller. It is dark, and very long on what Reel.com used to call off-beat energy. IMDB readers have it at 5.0/10. I don't want to reveal any more of the plot details, in case you decide to watch it. Technically, the film is well made, but it is a very strange film. If the genre is cult black comedy, this is a C.

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  • Cynthia B. King (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    The Item is a really strange movie I reviewed a while back, which I had done on VHS, now upgraded to DVD.  If your memory is great, you'll remember that I called it the Citizen Kane of psychic naugahyde slug movies. I now believe that its category dominance encompasses more than movies. I'm guessing it is the ultimate in psychic naugahyde slug entertainment, and possibly as good as anything ever made about slugs, psychic or not, naugahyde or not, filmed or otherwise.

    When a humble psychic naugahyde slug movie can compete on equal footing with the entire spectrum of slug-related entertainment ...

    Well, you know it must be something special.

    I know you must have been on pins and needles waiting for the DVD upgrade of this important cinematic achievement, but it was filmed with a camcorder, and the DVD quality is really no better than the VHS. These look pretty rough.

    • Judy Jean Kwon, who is probably the only actress to have had on-screen sex with a psychic naugahyde slug. Shannon Elizabeth got her big career jump-start having sex with an evil snowman, so Judy may have charted a path for fame.
      (1, 2, 3)

     


    Artemisia is a biopic of the "first woman to work as a commissioned artist". Nice looking movie, and sexy, but draggy and boring, and ultimately pointless.

    • Valentina Cervi. I didn't agree with Tuna on the caliber of her performance. Her whole acting schtick seems to be to open her eyes really wide. But she sure is a cute li'l filly. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    • various. Cervi appealed personally to the MPAA not to give this film an NC-17 rating. Yeah, like that made a difference to the box office. Even with the "R", it didn't gross enough to pay for a lunch at Spago. mpAA did buy the argument, however. It got the R rating in spite of a gyno shot (collage 7), and an orgy scene with writhing naked bodies.
      (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

     


     

    NEWS

    Have you seen the scores for Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring at IMDb? At this moment, it appears to be headed to virtually certain status as the Star Wars Franchise of its time. The movie is currently rated 9.6, with a median of 10 (85% of the votes are 10/10). It is rated 9.8 with those under 18, and 9.7 with those 18-29.

    People my age were big fans of the book when we were in school, and younger viewers obviously seem to like it. That sucker and its sequels ought to make a few dollars for New Line Cinema. Hmmm - I should take a look at their stock. 

    Opens Wednesday.

    The infamous National Board of Review gave the film no awards except an acting nomination for Cate Blanchett!

    Graphic Response
  • Jacqueline Lovell shows all 3 B's and of course has some pseudo sex in the late night flick "I'm Watching You".

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

  • ICMS
    Scans and comments by ICMS:

    Time for a bit of sport, so let me start with Florence Le Vot. Florence who, you might be asking. Well that was my reaction too when I saw her name in French magazine Newlook. But when I read that she's the world champion jet-ski (in 2000 and 2001) I bought a copy and decided to send in some scans. The 32-year old French champ certainly doesn't look shy.

  • Florence Le Vot (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)


    As I've mentioned in earlier contributions our Flemish stars still continue to lose their clothes at a frightening pace. This time Pascale Bal, who plays the "bitch" on the popular soap "Thuis" on public channel TV1, lets it all hang out in Cover magazine. Just when I was about to write that finally a celeb who didn't need the money posed nude, she says in another magazine that she did do it for the money, although she's a regular on that soap and presents other programs on local TV-stations. She bought a house recently and says the cash will serve to pay the mortgage. That's going to reassure her banker when the next installment is due. She also says she's single and would want a child, so what the f*** am I doing here sitting at my computer desk scanning pictures and writing articles for the Fun House...

  • Pascale Bal (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

  • Nicnac
    First up...the complete opposite of the obscure goodies we're used to seeing from Nicnac. Here are two extremely hot ladies from "Not Another Teen Movie" making an appearance in Stuff Magazine...Chyler Leigh and Mia Kirshner.
  • Chyler and Mia posing together. Link #3 has the two in bikinis on the cover. They are slightly more dressed in the other two pics, but still very sexy! (1, 2, 3)

  • Chyler Leigh on her own. If you're going to click link #1...prepare to drool. (1, 2)


    Can it be? Another movie and batch of actresses we've all heard of? Yes, it's true. This time it's 'caps from the Blake Edwards movie "10"

  • Bo Derek, running on the beach of course, as well as some brief breast and bum views.

  • Various unknowns showing their goodies. (1, 2, 3)


    Getting back to the lesser known....even though she's not a household name, I'm positive every Fun House reader has seen a Sarah Trigger movie. Don't believe me? Well if you have seen "Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey", "Grand Canyon", "Paradise", "PCU", or "Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead", then you've seen her. Don't remember her? Don't worry...this will not be on the final.

  • Sarah Trigger, topless in "Deadfall". (1, 2, 3, 4)

  • Topless Strippers also from "Deadfall".

  • Variety
    Samantha Morton
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    'Caps of the British actress showing the goods in 2 movies, "Band of Gold" (links 1 and 2) and "Under the Skin" (links 3-5). She's topless in all of them, and shows a bit of bum and bush in link #3.

    Look for her next summer in the Spielberg movie "Minority Report", staring Tom Cruise and based on a story by Philip K. Dick.

    Kim Yates
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    A little "Hankster Lite". Or perhaps more appropriately, "Hankster After Dark". Vidcaps of one of the few, non-enhanced Skinemax babes going topless and showing some pubes (in link #5) in scenes from "Intimate Nights".

    Cameron Diaz
    (1, 2, 3)

    Great scans by NMD from the pages of FHM. She looks especially hot on the cover (link #1).

    Gwen Stefani Looking great in a bikini top on Saturday Night Live. Vidcaps by DAI.

    Dedee Pfeiffer Brief topless an rear nudity from "House 3", aka "The Horror Show" (1989).

    Kirsten Dunst Another great collage of Kirsten's wet dress and cleavage from "Spider-Man".

    Amy Lindsay Topless in a sex scene from cinema classic..."Timegate: Tales of the Saddle Tramps". 'Caps by Elliffen Graphix.

    Caroleen Feeney Topless in a scene from "Bad Manners" (1997). Thanks to Johnny Moronic.

    From the Mail Bag
    Hey Scoop...

    FYI....The actress/nudist you identified as Janis Cummins in the 12/16/01 pix of Smokey and the Bandit 3 is really playboy playmate Veronica Gamba.

    -K


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