Members' bonuses. Sweathog department.

The General's Daughter

I never saw this movie at the theater, but I read so much about the rape, murder, and nudity that I was expecting a real shocker in that regard. That is far from the truth. It is a classy film noir thriller, could be a Raymond Chandler story except that it takes place in the Army. Scratch that. If you wanted to write a Marlowe story today, it would HAVE to take place in the Army, so you could avoid all the political correctness of the civilian world. Travolta is as hard-boiled and cocky as they come, and he doesn't have to let anybody have an attorney or read them their rights or get any search warrants amd he doesn't need any stinkin' badges. Everybody he investigates outranks him and, as in a Chandler story, everyone lies with every syllable they utter, so Barbarino uses the traditional detective trick of beating the living shit out of them and/or threatening them with 40 years in the brig and a court martial for hindering an investigation. He slips the cuffs on the high command if they give him any lip, and no courts can tell him not to. Just like Stallone in Judge Dredd, except Travolta would have been better with Rob Schneider around than Madeleine Stowe.

Madeleine Stowe? Yup, she's in there somewhere in a role that has no business being in the movie. Here's what happened. There were originally several scenes involving the rekindled romance between Stowe and Travolta. They are on the DVD as deleted scenes, and they are not the usual crappy unfinished VHS images, but gorgeous scenes, fully finished in every way. The movie even ended with the two of them driving off together into the sunset, even though Travolta finds out that Stowe is not divorced at all, but simply lied to him about her husband! And the driving off into the sunset goes on and on and on and on through a picturesque sunset over the Georgia swamps, turning the ending into a happy, fulfilled love story. Luckily, the director sobered up at the last minute, and realized that all that crap detracted from the central drama. The happy romantic ending was especially mood-destroying, so he shit-canned that footage.

Unfortunately, without the romantic sub-plot, there was no reason for Stowe to be there at all. Travolta could have been investigating on his own, and the story probably would have flowed much better. But the movie was already shot, cut, and scored, when the director decided to shit-can the romantic sub-plot, so he was stuck with several scenes that included Stowe for no apparent purpose, and some dialogue between Stowe and Travolta that hinted at the excised scenes but, without those scenes to refer to, they made only oblique sense.

Although they did some romantic bantering between them in the final cut, that all just got dropped from the resolution of the film, and we viewers have no idea what became of it at the end.

Too bad about that mess, but it's a good watch, anyway. What the hell, it's a perfect Raymond Chandler story, as I said. Every single guy in the movie was a possible suspect. Every single guy lied to or stonewalled the investigators (except the West Point psychologist). The murder victim slept with everyone on and off the base, except a couple of gay guys, and we weren't even sure about them. Because of all these factors, everyone was a suspect at one time or another, and the filmmaker keeps diverting our suspicion from one to another. And to make it truly delicious, most of the people who were not guilty of the murder were guilty of something or another that they wanted to hide, or that they should have wanted to hide. Yup, a good enough watch. Hammett and Chandler would love it.

The nudity, however, is not anywhere near so dramatic as we were led to believe. Here ya go.

Members' bonuses

One Fish, Two Fish
Tuna has day 3 of Kathleen Turner, and the second day of "Body Heat", one of the sexiest pictures ever.

(#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6)

Variety today.
  • Myke Dunkle (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5)
  • Monica Vaughn (#1, #2)
  • Natalia Semenova (#1, #2)
  • Commentary and pics from ICMS, the Flemish Flash:

    Hello dear Scoopy!

    In this contribution 4 actresses will be uncovered. Let's start with Julie Delpy. in the strange futuristic French film "Les mille merveilles de l'univers" which translates as the 1000 wonders of the universe. One of those wonders is probably the red light in which Julie's nude scenes were shot. Because of this light you can hardly see anything and everything in those images seems 'flattened out'. Truly the work of an enlightened mind.

    Since this week seems to be Veronica Ferres week, we'll move on to her with 3 collages. (#1,#2,#3) She is a big star in Germany and in this film "Die Braut" she gives us quite an insight into her shapely body. Pretty explicit for a major star, don't you think? I this film she plays the part of Christiane Vulpius, the love interest of the great German author/poet Johann Wolfgang Goethe. Christiane was a girl of humble descent and because Goethe feared he would be excluded from "the better circles" he only let her live in his garden house and when he received important guests she had to stay in the kitchen with the servants. Only after 18 years Goethe decided to do right thing and he finally married her! Apparently many celebrities and great minds have always behaved like assholes. Or was he just an opportunist? Anyway in the last collage Veronica lies sick and unconscious in bed and one member of the better circles takes advantage of the opportunity and checks out what the hell Goethe can possibly see in this woman. I think he knows now and so do we.

    Time to move on to our third actress in the buff, namely Flemish Tania Kloek. (#1, #2). Not new to the Fun House I think but these are caps from the 20 minutes longer TV-version of the movie Dief! This film is based on the true story of guy who deliberately chose for a career as a thief! He wasn't very fortunate though, he got caught several times and died in jail. In the first collage you see him getting arrested for the first time. After a while he's released from prison, he starts stealing again and when he's making love to his girl friend look what happens in collage # 2. He gets arrested again. I wonder if this also happened twice in real life. What did happen in real life is that Tania and her lover in the film fell in love on the set of this movie and they are still together.

    Finally there is Kathleen Quinlan in the film Sunday Lovers, a movie with many titles according to the IMDb. These scenes were very dark, so hard to vidcap but I gave it a try anyway. It's always better than nothing. Be warned that there is a high amount of Gene Wilder in this collage. I'm not a big fan of him. I think he only knows one facial expression: amazement. Of course this is understandable, Gene is probably just as amazed as most people are that a guy like him ended up playing male lead roles in major Hollywood productions and having nude scenes with beautiful actresses (Quinlan, Kelly LeBrock). If I'm too hard on him just censor me, Scoopy. (Scoop's comment: I'm not going to censor you for an opinion! I like Gene Wilder in Mel Brooks movies, and he worked well with the oompa-loompas, but it's difficult to recall any other career highlights for him.)

    To end this contribution I would like to show you what I found in a French computer games magazine: the new Microsoft keyboard for the year 2000. Looks handy, not?

    Yesterday: Jamelah. (#1 , #2 , #3 , #4)

    The babe from the past is Karen Clarke, who was 19 when she appeared in this pose on the 29th of April, 1982.

    + Ever wonder what Playboy and Page Three models do when not modeling for Playboy? Fred does. Fred, or as he is known in the ancient Elventongue, "Frodo", specializes in "outing" the harder action from these ostensibly wholesome girls. His comments:

    I usually don't wonder what Penthouse Pets do when not posing for Penthouse. Usually it's a good bet that they are a porn star, or well known stripper. This little coincidence is worth note though. See if you see a few common themes here:

    Eva Major Penthouse Pet Jan. 1998 Pamela Petrokova Penthouse Pet April 1998 Kelly Havel Penthouse Pet June 1998 Sylvia Saint Penthouse Pet Oct. 1998 Leah Maree Willis Penthouse Pet March 1999 Nicole is rumored to be Nicole Marciano the Pet for January 2000 Then there's Tracey Smith our Model from Playboy BOL August 1998.

    No pictures, but these additional comments from Lunar on subjects mentioned in the past few days: Scoopy, These ladies have been pretty hot lately at the fun house and I'll let you know what I know. Sammi Jessop is said to have done porn in Candy's Little Sister Sugar and Naughty Neighbors. I bought both videos believing she was in them, but she wasn't. At least her face wasn't, and I don't think her body was either. I'm not sure she would have even been old enough to appear in Candies, and Neighbors has a bloke in it so maybe her scene was cut from that final print?

    Sara St. James, on her sight ~ 2 years ago when I was a member, listed all here movies. One was Nicole's Revenge. I bought this from and it rocks!! It claims to be XXX but is only X. She gets completely nekkid 10 min in (she doesn't put clothes on again during the film) and lies down on a bed and does various close up masturbation scenes. We're talkin' long lasting extreme close ups. The only problem is that there is no penetration of any kind in this movie. Back on her sight, she also stated that she had never done any penetration of any kind EXCEPT for a movie where she took a dildo or vibrator (I don't remember which) but she says she was lied to and didn't want to promote that movie. This sounds a lot like the sexsymboldynasty/Lorissa McComas movies to me. Any ideas? I'll try to get some Nicole's Revenge caps for you by the end of the week. Later . . . Lunar

    Maelstrom Maelstrom's Eye continues at an unbelievable level of productivity. That he can pump out 21 in one day at this level of quality is astounding.
  • Estella Warren in Dec GQ (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9)
  • Dannii in Dec FHM (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5)
  • Kournikova in Dec Inside Sport (Aussie Version) (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8)
  • Loryn Locklin, "Catch Me if You Can"
  • Loryn, "Taking Care of Business"
  • Loryn
  • Perkeo I love it. More naked Helen Mirren, and more from Peter Greenaway. "The Cook, The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, and The Restless, not to mention The Forty Thieves minus 39". Number 6 is a full frontal. (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7)

    Members' bonuses. American Pie.

    American Pie

    If you aren't familiar with this movie, well, it pretty much embodies the highest Scoopy ideals - beautiful naked women, the internet, and fun. I think it is one of the five best movies ever about high school, and maybe the most spot-on accurate in its portrayal of American high school life and its layers of social interaction. It also deals quite accurately with the dissociative effect of the end of senior year, when close lifelong friends are often lost forever. I also think it is the best teen comedy since John Cusack and Matthew Broderick stopped being teens. I found it funny and real and charming.

    And Shannon Elizabeth looks great naked. She looks pretty good dressed, for that matter.

    The only thing even remotely disappointing is that there is very little difference between the theatrical version and the "unrated" DVD version. The scene with the kid humping the pie is restored. There are a few more seconds of Nadia nudity (according to the box), and a longer look at the secret book of sexual knowledge. Nothing to write home about.

    Forget deep meaning for a while. Rent it, laugh, remember, enjoy.

    Members' bonuses

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