"Beach Babes 2: Cave Girl Island"
Beach Babes 2: Cave Girl Island (1998) stars Sarah Bellomo (Porn Actress Roxanne Blaze), Tina Hollimon and Stephanie Hudson as three space bimbos who crash on a strange island that seems to be full of cave girls, and three cave men. What they don't notice at first is that it is also full of surveillance cameras. They are, in fact, the girls from beach Babes Beyond Infinity, and is supposedly a sequel that begins exactly where the first left off. Only problem is that they used three different actresses. Naturally, the three woman hook up with the three men, and all are maltreated by the alien mad scientist and his hunchback assistant, some stop motion animation dinosaurs, and an editor that couldn't keep track of whether the dancing bimbos had their tops on or off from cut to cut.
This is supposed to be a comedy, and is really as bad as I have made it sound. Most of the running time is taken up with break dancing. All three women show breasts and buns, but mostly in bad light. The editing is the worst I have seen, and the plot makes no sense at all. IMDb readers have this at 3.8 of 10. Bad movie review sites seem to think it is a poster child for badness. While the brief scenes that don't have dancing bimbos are admittedly awful, most of the running time is filled with boring dancing bimbos. This is a D. Even bad movie fans would be well advised to look elsewhere.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
This is a pretty hot nude scene, but just looking at this short clip
will show you how unbearable the entire movie must be. I was nodding
off during a three minute scene filled with Rosario Dawson nudity!
First time I ever had to take a nap to get through a sex scene.
Well, OK, maybe also during The Sailor Who Fell From Grace With the
Sea (see ICMS section)
And what was the deal with that Alexander love music? I expected
Babs to break in at any moment with "The Way We Were". Worst
romantic music since the "Kirk falling in love tune" from the
original Star Trek.
This clip and these caps are still far short of DVD quality, but
pretty decent, maybe about equal to VHS or a hair below. Certainly
way better than that clip we had last week!
Here's the trailer for Hostage, the latest Bruce Willis
action flick. "Robert Crais adapted his book for the film in which
Willis stars as Jeff Talley, an LAPD hostage negotiator, who must
call upon his negotiating skills to save his kidnapped wife and
daughter (played in the film by Willis' real-life daughter Rumer)
from the mob."
BUSH TO GOOGLE FUTURE NOMINEES. Kerik + Nanny Yields
20,000 Web Pages.
- "After the embarrassing flap over the nomination of Bernard
Kerik as the new Homeland Security Secretary, President George
W. Bush announced today that the White House would take the
extraordinary step of Googling all future Cabinet nominees. ....
'I guess I have a lot to learn about the Internets,' Mr. Bush
The MPAA will serve lawsuits on BitTorrent servers.
- Interesting Slashdot article -
Famous Usenet Psychic Wars With Wikipedia Community
Microsoft released its Beta test of the MSN Toolbar Suite.
(Seems like too much of a "me too" thing to me, but ...)
12 Days of Christmas For the Politically Correct
Club Tera Patrick - is her official website/paysite. Some nice
Naked three foot tall chick proves Warhol's Theorem that in the
future everyone will have a website for 15 minutes.
Iran has an official rap musician. I wonder if it is a
Nigeria Chosen To Host 2008 Genocide Games
WTF is up with this pic of President Bush?
Ebay shuts down the auction of a cheese sandwich that looks like a
vagina. A "lump of wood that looks like a man" and a
"rock that appears to show an alien's face" remain on the site.
E-bay says that's a different kettle o' crawdads! "They are
genuine collectors items, just like the ghost, the Virgin Mary
Toast, and the ET Nutrigrain," a spokesman said.
Massive iceberg disrupts southern seas. The iceberg
occupies 1200 square miles, and U.S. researchers have estimated
that it contains enough fresh water to supply Egypt's Nile River
complex for 80 years.
- Lawsuit alleges:
"Star Jones stiffed a New York City company that helped 'beautify'
her penthouse garden in advance of an Architectural Digest photo
shoot last year"
Us Magazine reports that Anna Kournikova has married Enrique
Ain't It Cool News gets a behind the scenes look at The Chronicles
"Colin Farrell spent last weekend sniffing around teen queen
Whatever happened to .... Keri Russell?
Liv Tyler is now the ultimate MILF
Jon Stewart interviews Kevin Spacey
The Daily Show's Steven Colbert looks at Chanukah.
A new featurette and a new clip from The Aviator
The Weekend Warrior's box office predictions for the upcoming week.
His call: a big opening for Lemony Snicket, with Ocean's Twelve
holding on to second. (Only a trial release for The Aviator this
week, with a plan to add 1500 screens next week.)
- This week's movies:
Flight of the Phoenix - no reviews.
- Something is rotten in Denmark, or at least in the desert.
This movie is supposed to open in 2700 theaters this week, but
other sites (like RT) say it will be a limited opening on the
17th followed by wide exposure on the 24th (Dark Horizons says
- Nobody has seen it in advance. There is exactly one review
on line (Slant), and that is scathing.
- It will open on my local multiplex on one screen, although
several hold-overs, like Christmas with the Kranks and The Polar
Express, will be on two or more. Films that are on 2700 screens
would normally fill three screens or more in this theater.
- If it does show up in 2700 theaters this Friday, as Coming
Soon and Box Office Mojo indicate, and as the official site
seems to promise, it will be the quietest appearance of any big
studio film in memory. I think it is safe to assume that Fox is
keeping it so quiet for a reason.
The Sea Inside -79%. Weighty subject matter (Man fights
to die with dignity) directed by Spain's up-and-coming genius
director, Amenabar, starring Spain's powerful Javier Bardem.
- This week's movies:
Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events 75% positive
reviews. The movie that looked like shit in trailers
turned out to be a big winner, earning lavish praise from some
- "The picture is a beautifully foreboding storybook sprung to
life, mixing guffaw-inducing comedy, frightful fantasy, and
resonating drama without missing a beat."
- "Inventive ideas catapult off the screen and characters
larger than life reach out to embrace the audience in a story
telling hug that lasts throughout the film’s running time."
- "Jim Carrey at the top of his comedic form.
- This week's movies:
Beyond the Sea - 53% positive reviews. VERY mixed
responses to the Bobby Darin biopic, good, bad, and mediocre.
General consensus: we learn Spacey can sing, and we already knew
he can act, but the movie is a typically flat biopic.
- "A biopic that is all shiny surface and no substance,
washing over hard details in favor of a lot of stage
performances that come off surprisingly flat."
- "A total vanity project, although in this case the vanity is
- "It has a great performance by Spacey and some of the best
musical numbers in recent years."
- This week's movies:
Spanglish - 40% positive reviews. "Adam Sandler as the
uber-nice-guy in a drama worked out about as well as Kiss taking
off their make-up."
- This week's movies:
The Aviator - 83% positive reviews. This is the one
with DiCaprio as Howard Hughes. General consensus: Scorsese
finally uses his brilliance for good storytelling and
'Desperate Housewives' becomes the first show ever to outrate a
We come to bury the Expos, not to praise them.
IFILM has an uncut version of the Chloe Sevigny BJ from The Brown
Bunny, but Gallo's wanger has been digitally blurred.
Ah-nuld to cameo in Tom Arnold's The Kid and I.
Six clips from Spanglish, the new Adam Sandler dramedy.
Hunting for movie goofs
Robin Williams in Baghdad - the Bob Hope of the new millennium.
Scarlett Johannson is reportedly dating Derek Jeter.
Plow your heart out with Boston.com's Snowplow Game
- For once, Duke's most famous incoming freshman athlete might
not play basketball.
Andrew Giuliani, son of the former New York City Mayor, has signed
to play for the Duke men's golf team.
Playboy playmate Victoria Silvstedt was left red-faced when her
model pals forced her to travel with a suitcase full of sex aids -
and she was stopped at customs.
The wacky antics of America's biggest undivided lottery winner.
The Daily Show looks at the Kerik fiasco
Blockbuster getting rid of late fees as of Jan. 1
Letterman's Top Ten Ways Saddam Hussein Celebrated The Anniversary
Of His Capture
Homeless man lived for years under a bridge on Chicago's pricey
Lake Shore Drive. He tapped the available electricity
for TV, a space heater, video games, and a microwave. His biggest
obstacle? It was a drawbridge and he was on the moving part!
Crichton's new book will tick everyone off on both sides of the
political spectrum.: "Crichton challenges commonly held
beliefs about global warming and the environment. Are the
self-proclaimed guardians of the planet, he wonders, acting on
data-backed principles or reacting to inaccurate information fed
to the masses by irresponsible journalists, well-meaning but
ignorant tree-huggers and self-serving celebrities, scientists and
Google Is Adding Major Libraries to Its Database:
"Google, the operator of the world's most popular Internet search
service, plans to announce an agreement today with some of the
nation's leading research libraries and Oxford University to begin
converting their holdings into digital files that would be freely
searchable over the Web. "
Toccarra from America's Next Top Model Nude. Many of
you might be familiar with the reality tv show, America's Next Top
Model. Contestant Toccarra, who was eliminated in the eighth
episode, not only was a stripper, but was also a nude model.
The unfinished trailer for Jamie Foxx's upcoming action flick,
Stealth! Jamie's new goal: more roles than Eric
Roberts. The film also stars Josh Lucas, Jessica Biel. Set in the
naval Air Force in the near future, it tells the story of an
artificial intelligence pilot who is brought aboard to learn
combat skills from human pilots. When the A.I. pilot begins to
have ideas of his own, complications ensue. The elite pilots are
drafted to stop an artificial intelligence one that has been
programmed to kill and has run amuck.
- Weekly World News claims:
"A maverick Bible scholar has written a new book offering terrific
excuses for every conceivable sin."
Hillary Swank will star in The Black Dahlia, the Brian De
Palma-directed adaptation of the James Ellroy novel
- Quote whore of the day department.
"Displaying the same beauty and dignity that made her mother a
screen goddess, Isabella Rossellini ...'" I can
only assume that one of two things are true. Either (1) that was a
paid comment, or (2) the author is blind. Ingrid Bergman was the
most beautiful woman of a generation, arguably of the 20th
century. Isabella Rossellini, if she really worked at it all day
with the aid of make-over experts, might - and I stress "might" -
make it up to average-lookin'. You would sell you soul to be with
Ingrid. You would hope to hell Isabella hasn't sold her soul to be
KERIK: "Oh, yeah, and bin Laden was my gardener."
'America's mayor' gets a black mark over Kerik scandals
'Basic Instinct' star Sharon Stone sued a plastic surgeon who she
accused of jeopardising her career by falsely telling reporters he
had performed a facelift on her
Playmate Gallery - Brooke Richards, December 1999 - Courtesy of
Four free short vids from Playboy's Amateur Home Videos!
One more of Paris and Pam together. Pam wears the world's shortest
skirt. Maybe they'll do a home lesbo video!
The two greatest stars of the home video market, together at last.
Paris & Pam shopping and holding hands in LA
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words, pictures, and vids from
The Sailor Who Fell From Grace
With The Sea (1976) - part 2
Four today, four others in yesterday's edition
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
Today from the Ghost, part 1 of his coverage of "Hollywood Dreams Take 2" (1995). A typical mega-lo budget, late night cable flick with little plot, bad acting and lots of nudity!
- Carol Hoyt, topless and fully nude from the side in several love scenes. After this movie, Hoyt went on to co-star as the villian on the series "Power Rangers Turbo".
- Carol Hoyt zipped .wmvs
- Actress/stuntwoman Diana Cuevas in a scene with some dude groping and kissing her breasts.
- zipped .wmv
- Janice Andreas showing off a very nice body in her one and only film role, Toplessness in all of these, plus you may see a hint of pube while she's on top in 'cap #1 and clips #1 and #2.
- Janice Andreas zipped .wmvs
'Caps and comments by Hankster:
Today we pick up where we left off last time with more scenes from the Brian De Palma movie, "Femme Fatale".
A double header with more Rebecca Romijin-Stamos and Rie Rasmussen, who gives us a fashion statement of sorts with a top made up of nothing but jewelry. Thankfully, she loses the top in a lesbian scene with Rebecca.
- Rie Rasmussen
- Rebecca Romijn-Stamos and Rie Rasmussen making out.
Next up, a little "Hankster Lite"
Here is Kimberly Rowe topless in a love scene from the thriller "Second to Die", starring Erika Eleniak.
Most people probably recognize her from her Skinemax work. Including appearances in: "The Sexperiment", "Sex, Lies & Politics", "Wild Malibu Weekend!" and several installments of both the "Justine" and "Emmanuelle" franchises.
- Kimberly Rowe
'Caps and comments by Dann:
Poor Sunny Mabrey. It's inevitable she'll be compared to Natasha Henstridge, and guess what, Sunny? You lose (but your name is cuter). You're very attractive, but you're no Natasha. It's also envitable that this sequel be comparded to the original Species, and it loses too.....badly.
In this 2004 direct-to-video third sequel premiered on the Sci-Fi channel, Sara, the daughter of Eve, who was cloned from Sil (the original alien), is the only pureblood left (well, pure in that she's from the original), kinda. There are also a bunch of half-breeds running around (remember the baby in the first film?). Those children of Sil and an astronaut are a mess. They all have fatal DNA flaws and are all dying, and they're a little pissed about it, so they're happy to kill anyone in sight.
Sara's only compulsion is to mate so that her strain won't be extinct, and she's in the hands of a well-meaning but idiotic professor who intends to harvest her eggs to produce a " perfect" strain of alien/human DNA what won't have the problems of it's predecessors. Naturally, things go horribly wrong throughout the film.
Confusing to anyone who isn't an ardent fan of the original two, this is by far the worst of the bunch. It simply isn't well done. More gore than the original, and a little more nudity, but a lot less quality. At best, this is simply a gateway to Species IV. Hopefully, that one will be better.
||J-Lo before she became "J-Lo". Before she became a highly overpaid actress/pop-diva with an entourage, she did this topless scene in the Wesley Snipes/Woody Harrelson buddy movie, "Money Train" (1995).
|Toplessness and rear views in the 1985, low budget sci-fi flick "Creature", starring Klaus Kinski.
|Scenes from the Roman Polanski movie "The Ninth Gate" (1999), starring Johnny Depp. Mrs. Polanski (Seigner) is topless and Olin bares her bum.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
BRITNEY BUYS $180 STEAK FOR HER DOG
Britney Had A Chili Dog - Contact Music reports that while in Las Vegas for
the Billboard Awards, Britney Spears ordered a $180 steak from the Picasso
restaurant at the Bellagio Hotel for her Chihuahua, Bitbit. One insider called it
"ridiculous," saying that famous chef Julian Serrano normally prepares food
for the rich and famous, that this was "a total insult to his talent," and it's
just as well nobody told him his dish was fed to a Chihuahua.
Or that it spit it out and wanted Alpo instead.
Even worse, Bitbit only ate a bit.
It was $180, but it was enough to feed Bitbit for a year.
What's the big deal? That's ALL Paris Hilton's Chihuahua eats.
Chef Julian is now thinking off adding "Bitbit Burgers" to the menu.
WONDERBRA RECALLS BEST BRA EVER
Or In Some Cases, Less Than She Intended - Wonderbra's new "Clearly Daring"
bra has a slight problem: it keeps popping open. The bra has a clear plastic
strap between the cups so it can boost cleavage in plunging gowns without the
bra showing. But the strap keeps snapping, causing the bra to explode open and
display more than the woman intended. Wonderbra is recalling the bras and
will release them again after they strengthen the strap.
Those bastards who ordered the recall MUST be stopped!!
Tara Reid rushed out and bought a lifetime supply.
They may have to replace their spokeswoman, Janet Jackson.
They could face lawsuits if Anna Nicole Smith wears one and suddenly
knocks over a roomful of people.
GIRL GOES WILD, SUES VIDEO PRODUCERS
Girl Gone To Lawyer - Aimee Davalle, 23, of Virginia Beach, Virginia, is
suing the "Girls Gone Wild" video producers for $2 million. She did topless
calisthenics on camera for 10 minutes at a "GGW" party in a bar in 2003, but was
shocked when her image appeared on a tape and on the video cover without her
written authorization. She admits she gave oral consent, but says she'd been
drinking so that shouldn't be legally binding.
When she's drunk, she consents to a lot of things orally that she probably
She's trying to destroy the foundation that the entire series is built
Maybe she should blame it on her Wonderbra and sue them.
How drunk was she when she decided to file this lawsuit?
WOMEN ARE BIG, FAT LIARS
Why Men Turn Gay - A survey of 5,000 women for Britain's "That's Life!"
magazine found that they are liars. 19 out of 20 women admit lying to their
partners or husbands. 83 percent tell "big, life-changing lies," and 13 percent do
so frequently. And 45 percent admit they tell "little white lies," the #1
being "Of course you don't look fat."
But 100 percent of men tell that one.
19 out of 20 admit lying to their husbands, and the 20th lies and denies
On Next Week's "Desperate Housewives"... - Nearly half have faked orgasms, 55
percent made up excuses to get out of sex, and 30 percent have had an affair
with a married man. 42 percent would lie about using contraception if their
partner didn't want a baby; 65 percent of single women wouldn't tell a
potential partner they had an STD; and half said if they became pregnant by another
man, they'd tell their partner he was the father. And 68 percent say they don't
trust their partner.
Well, of course not! Men are lying pigs!
The message to men: Get a vasectomy, and still wear a condom!...Then
They're British, and only half admit to faking orgasms? Another lie!
They only fake orgasms when their excuses don't work.
You women are big, fat liars!...But don't worry, you don't LOOK fat!