The Best Nude Scenes of 2007



Scoop: The girl from Satisfaction is actually named Peta Sargeant, not Sargeant Peta.

OOPS! My bad.


French Cinema Nudity is updated. Charlie's comment: "Valeria Golino's scene in Il Sole Nero should have been on the annual list. She was naked for the first five minutes of the film."


I'm Not There

This is the much-discussed film in which six different people play Bob Dylan, although none of them are actually named Bob Dylan. As the title suggests, Bob Dylan is not a character in own biography. It's easy enough to see what writer/director Todd Haynes is driving at with that gimmick. As we look back upon the entertainers who have populated the stage of pop culture in the lives of the baby boomers, some people have never changed. Paul McCartney, who has been in the spotlight about as long as Dylan, always seems to be the same person: approachable, sentimental, sometimes prickly but never confrontational, a man not especially interested in discussing the great themes or the great ideas. That was Lennon's bag. One person could play Paul in his biopic. But Bob Dylan? Well, he's the mystery tramp.

  • He's the Jewish Minnesotan preppie who incongruously styled himself as Woody Guthrie, although it was the late 1950s, and Woody's songs about the depression and riding the rails seemed curiously dated.
  • He's the Greenwich Village folkie who partnered with Joan Baez to create some of the greatest finger-pointing songs of that era, and wrote the very best neo-folk music to go with the traditional ballads which were popular with the folk crowd.
  • He's the rock star who shocked the 1965 Newport Jazz festival with an electric set which, according to legend, caused folk legend Pete Seeger to take an axe to the power supply for Dylan's amps. That version of Dylan ended up hanging out with Edie Sedgwick and the Warhol crowd, although Dylan always maintained an ironic distance from those people.
  • He's the country and western star who wrote simple shit-kicker love songs and sang duets with Johnny Cash.
  • He's the idealistic young husband and father who, together with his wife Sara, was going to be an experimental filmmaker.
  • And so forth. He had other avatars as well, but you all probably know as much or more about him as I do, so there's no need for me to elaborate.

The film's structural mistake is not in having Dylan portrayed as many different fictional characters with different names, but in the fact that one of the six (the poet Rimbaud, played by Ben Whishaw) is utterly superfluous and unnecessary to the film, and that another (Dylan's character in Billy the Kid, as played by Richard Gere) is so far afield from the rest of the film that all the scenes involving that character grind the film to a halt. Gere's scenes sort of take place in the Old West and sort of take place now, kind of like the scenes involving the murder of the contemporary historian in Python and the Holy Grail.

The rest of the film, however, works better than it has any right to.

  • Dylan as a young boy is actually portrayed as an 11-year-old, African-American, left-handed guitarist named Woody Guthrie. That sounds odd, but those scenes capture the essence of Dylan in that era. He was just a guy lost in time, trying to find the portal to his own era.
  • The folkie, who later comes back as a folk/gospel singer, is played by Christian Bale, doing a pretty straightforward impersonation of the awkward Dylan of that era.
  • The cultural icon is played by Cate Blanchett, doing a pretty straightforward impersonation of the constantly opague and baffling Dylan of that time, centering on his contentious relationships with the press and his former folk colleagues.
  • The failed husband and filmmaker, in the most poignant portion of the film, is played by Keith Ledger. Ledger doesn't really try to capture any aspect of Dylan seen by the public, but rather to create a vision of how Dylan then thought his life should have worked out, and why it didn't really go as planned.

That's three of the best actors in the world, matched beat for beat by the little kid trying to be Woody Guthrie, who is the real revelation of the film. In fact, I think that every single scene with the little kid worked, and I especially enjoyed a number he played with the legendary Richie Havens, whose distinctive voice echoes through the years. The scenes with Heath Ledger and Charlotte Gainsborough, playing the Bob and Sara characters, aka Renaldo and Clara, also got to me. Dylan is not the only guy from my generation who managed to succeed in many ways while failing at the things that should have been most important, and this portion of the story speaks clearly to the failings of many baby boomers who were Dylan's fans.

Including me.

I'm Not There is certainly not a standard Hollywood biopic, and it is not going to draw a mass audience. It can be rambling, boring, experimental, pretentious, pseudo-arty and unfocused, and it lacks a coherent narrative line. I normally hate a film like that, and you would think I would hate this one even more than usual because two of the six characters just didn't work. But I didn't hate it at all. A lot of things work in this film. In addition to the fine performances and sporadically interesting script, the film illustrates the many sides of Dylan with long excerpts (not snippets) from the many different styles of music created by each of the various men Dylan was or was pretending to in the various stages of his life. When I'm Not There gets in stride it can be evocative, entertaining, and painfully close to the bone. I would have preferred it shorter, but when the film does hit the mark, it gets inside the subject's skin in a way no typical biopic could achieve.

The best nudity in the film is a full frontal from Heath Ledger, but since we don't care about that, we are left with a brief look at Charlotte Gainsborough. (Film clip)


Feast Of Love

Feast of Love is an unabashedly romantic look at the contribution of love to human existence. Set entirely in a beautifully photographed Portland, it's sort of a stateside version of Love Actually, an ensemble drama about the romantic interludes of connected lives.

Acting as a character but also sometimes seeming omniscient, Morgan Freeman plays an elder statesman who dispenses wisdom tempered with grandfatherly love. He's sort of a combination of the Oracle of Delphi, Socrates and Jesus: all knowing, all-loving, yet always speaking just indirectly enough and leaving just enough wiggle room in his perfectly modulated pronouncements that those who seek his counsel ultimately have to make up their own minds.

You know, the same role Freeman plays in every movie.

Greg Kinnear is a sweet-hearted schmuck who is clueless about women. His first wife leaves him for another woman. His second wife never even bothered to give up her boyfriend when she married Kinnear. Greg seems to miss the little clues. For example, when his first wife is in a bar after a softball game and the opposing shortstop rubs her thighs and tells her that the song on the jukebox is now "their song," Greg takes no notice. When his second wife has to think before, "I do." Greg doesn't think it's all that bad.

You know, the same role Kinnear plays in every movie.

The other key relationships are between Morgan Freeman and his wife, and between a couple of idealistic youngsters who are desperate for money. Some time is also devoted to the chemistry between Kinnear's second wife (Radha Mitchell) and the guy she really loves.

Although there are some interesting conversations and speeches, there is nothing new here in the plot or the characters. On the other hand, what the film lacks in depth and originality, it makes up for with honesty and a generosity of spirit that will inspire you to feel better about the human race when you leave the theater than when you went in. But keep your hankies nearby, because it's a classic chick-flick.

I was impressed enough that I will buy copies for my niece and my new daughter-in-law.


  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








Trouble Every Day


This is a French horror offering from director Claire Denis. Vincent Gallo and his wife Tricia Vessey are off to Paris on their honeymoon. The first hint that something is wrong is when he locks himself in the airplane restroom and fantasizes about his wife being covered in blood. Meanwhile, in Paris, Alex Descas has problems with his wife, Beatrice Dalle. We soon learn that Vincent Gallo knows Alex Descas and his wife, and eventually find out that Beatrice Dalle and Vincent Gallo have the same affliction. I don't want to give too much away, but lets just say that Gallo takes the phrase "eating pussy" literally.

Much has been made of two scenes that involve flesh-eating, but either I was anesthetized by the slow pace of the film, or the scenes were simply too dark, because they had little or no impact on me. I find the terms slow-paced and horror mutually exclusive (think zombie films), which might explain my reaction to this film. It is not without plusses, mainly in photography, but also from engaging performances by Tricia Vessey and Florence Loiret. Those positives were not enough to prevent me from being glad to see it finish, even though I felt the ending offered more questions than answers.


Trouble Every Day

It is available in the US from in an all region PAL loaded with features.

Tricia Vessey does full frontal in the tub. Beatrice Dalle and Florence Loiret show breasts and bush.

Tricia Vessey



Beatrice Dalle



Florence Loiret











Wrong Turn 2: Dead End

A short stop today for a horror flick which is short on nudity, but long on gore. Crystal Lowe shows off the boobs before she meets a not-so-nice ending.






Notes and collages

The Witches of Eastwick





Susan Sarandon







Dead in the Water

Charlie Deegan (Bryan Brown) has a important Law practice, a beautiful secretary (Teri Hatcher) as his lover, and the chance to be appointed to the high court. The only thing wrong with this is that his wife, whose father made all the power and all the wealth is living and that greatly upsets Charlie. So when his lover, Laura, suggests that they get rid of Olivia, Charlie thinks, being a lawyer, that he can create a fool-proof plan. In this plan, he must incorporate a woman named Victoria whom he detests, but she can help him get into the court and be part of the plan for Olivia. But his dreams of judgeship, money and Laura make him proceed. However, things never turn out as planned and he may not be as smart as he considers himself.

Teri Hatcher









Film Clips

Here's one we've been waiting for: Malin Akerman in the Heartbreak Kid, and a brief flash from Kayla Kleevage in the same film. (Warning: Costanza's father in a bathing suit.)

A couple from Ninas Mal: Marta Higareda and Alejandra Adame-Maria

Jenna Harrison in My Brother Tom

An early audition tape for Heather Mills McCartney

A nudity classic in high definition:  Natasha Henstridge in Species



Better versions of famous Elizabeth Hurley bottomless pics


Chiara Mastroianni in Hotel


The Leaked Pictures of Marcia Cross

(Apparently there are 200 more waiting to be released.)


A gold Paris Hilton in HD


Melissa Joan Hart naked and pregnant


Nicole Richie's famous topless runway appearance in HD







The Comedy Wire

Comments in yellow...

The New Jersey assembly voted to replace the death penalty with life in prison, becoming the first state in 40 years to abolish the death penalty.

* They realized that life in New Jersey was much worse than death.

Paris Hilton posed nude and painted gold in Germany to promote a new champagne in a can.

* She's the perfect spokesperson because it's for people who like champagne and don't mind taking it in the can.