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"Tender is the Heart"

Tender is the Heart (2001) is a whole new genre. It is a "soft-core soap romance" (as in romance novel). I have said in the past that C+ is the highest possible grade for a soft-core. Well, the highest possible grade for a "soft-core soap romance" is F+. It has the flubbed lines, hospital settings and repeated dialogue of a soap, the poor tennis star finds true love with a famous doctor romance story, and a lot of naked people having simulated sex.

Famous tennis star Jennifer Gayle collapses on the court. Turns out she is diagnosed with a minor brain tumor by doctor wonderful, who lost his wife, Adrianna Sult, in a traffic accident. His best friend, who tried to set him up with Stacy Noel for a double date with his girlfriend Jane Smith is to perform the laser surgery. Gayle's manager, Toby Miller, ends up with the surgeon. Lets see, there is nothing at all at IMDB, so that leaves the nudity report.

  • Gayle shows breasts and buns in three sex scenes.
  • Adrianna Sult shows everything in a dream sequence
  • Stacy Noel has sex with doctor wonderful, and a threesome with the surgeon and Jane Smith Breasts and buns here.
  • Jane Smith is only in the threesome. Also breasts and buns
  • Toby Miller seems to have forgotten that this was a soft-core, shows everything, and is well acquainted with Mr. Penis. (See images 6, 7 and 8)

The film is really as bad as it sounds. There is a sub-plot about a hacker going into the hospital computer, but it dies half way into the film. The surgeon, at one point, says "Remember, I took one of my electives in Psychiatry." Wrong. The elective would have been Psychology, not Psychiatry. Some of the visuals were nice, although the film was over-dark in parts. Acting was simply not there. Out of a maximum of F+, this one is a full F.

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  • Adrianna Sult (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Jane Smith (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Jennifer Gayle (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Jane Smith & Stacy Noel (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
  • Stacy Noel (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Toby Miller (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    The only movies left in this week's mix of new releases are the ones without nudity. Tuna and I have already covered everything else.

    The Score is a noir heist film, with the heist itself presented brilliantly, but underneath the slick exterior just the same-old "one last caper" film. I enjoyed the pacing, the atmosphere, and the acting, but be advised that it is a joyless film, Ocean's 11 without the cool, without the fun. No nudity.

    Jurassic Park III was impressive in the big screen in many ways, but there's no reason to watch it on your computer or TV set. It's all dinos, no significant humans. While the original was brainy in a pseudo-scientific way, the series has now become the American version of Godzilla. The only reason to rent the DVD is if you want to see how they do it all. There are several features about F/X and ILM. No Nudity.

    Rush Hour 2 exhibits the classic symptoms of a lowbrow comedy

    1. the critics hated it

    2. everybody else loved it. It made $226 million at the box offiice, and is rated high at IMDb by every demographic group, across all gender and age combinations, among people in and out of the USA.

    Sorta OK movie, great DVD treatment. Zillions of extras. No nudity.

    Tuna gave Return to Horror High an F, and only because we don't have anything lower for movies without Jeff Fahey. The first five minutes were OK - Alex Rocco was a sleazy, insincere b-film producer, and he was kinda funny. Then George Clooney showed up, and it was kinda cool to see him so young. But after the first 5 minutes it degenerated into that same kind of incomprehensible confusing editing that always marks the truly awful wastes of time like Glam and Dead Babies

    Tuna did some work on this in the December 8th edition. I didn't think it was worthwhile to repeat his work since (1) the quality of the DVD is poor (2) the women are relative unknowns (3) he did as good a job as possible with the crap he had to work with 



    Some IMDb lists. According to these, Amelie is currently the front-runner as the best movie of the year, and the best comedy of all time!

    The top rated full-length comedies at IMDb  (min 3000 votes)

    Year Title Rating Gross
    2001 Amélie (still playing) 9.1 $9.75M
    1964 Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb 8.8  
    1931 City Lights 8.6  
    1997 Life Is Beautiful 8.5 $57.6M
    1936 Modern Times 8.5  
    1959 Some Like It Hot 8.5 $25M
    1952 Singin' in the Rain 8.5  
    1934 It Happened One Night 8.4  
    1999 Toy Story 2 8.4 $246M
    2001 Monsters, Inc. 8.4 $206M
    1933 Duck Soup 8.4  
    1960 The Apartment 8.4  
    1940 The Great Dictator 8.3  
    1973 The Sting 8.3 $156M
    1940 The Philadelphia Story 8.3  
    1938 Bringing Up Baby 8.3  
    1975 Monty Python and the Holy Grail 8.3 $1.54M
    1977 Annie Hall 8.3  
    2001 Shrek 8.3 $268M
    2000 Almost Famous 8.2 $32.5M
    1999 All About My Mother 8.2 $8.26M
    1979 Manhattan 8.2  
    1999 Being John Malkovich 8.2 $22.9M


    The top-rated movies of this year at IMDb (1000 or more votes)


    Gross (m)


    Budget (m) 





    Monsters, Inc.




    Mulholland Dr.








    Ghost World




    Moulin Rouge!




    The Man Who Wasn't There




    The Others




    Hedwig and the Angry Inch




    Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone




    Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back




    Spy Game




    Bridget Jones's Diary




    Enemy at the Gates








    Rat Race








    Hearts in Atlantis




    Training Day




    Rush Hour 2




    From Hell




    The Score




    Artificial Intelligence: AI








    Ocean's 11 doesn't have 1000 votes yet.

    Memento is listed by IMDB as a 2000  film

     Many films are still playing, so grosses through December 9th aren't always comparable.




    Some odds and ends today.

    Margaret Nolan begins the parade. She played minor roles in a bunch of silly British titty comedies back in the 60's and an even more minor role in one of the first James Bond movies. Meanwhile she put bread on the table by posing for the girlie mags of those days. These are all B & W pics (pictures in the color mags have suffered greatly over the years); and either Margaret had her genitalia airbrushed into oblivion or this babe is ready to play Muse in the sequel to Dogma.

  • Margaret Nolan (1, 2, 3)

    The first Greek babe I've sent in for a long while is Tania Mauraki, from Nitro magazine a year or two ago.

  • Tania Mauraki (1, 2)

    And then we have page 3 babes. Jenny Blythe and Julie Brown are beautiful and bare but largely unknown on this side of the pond.

  • Jenny Blythe
  • Julie Brown

    Better known is Kathryn Shannon, who has done some work for the bunny mag. You can bet the house she did not pose so... uh, openly for Sir Hugh's magazine.

  • Kathryn Shannon (1, 2)

    Last babe of the third page is Karen Kennedy, for no other and no better reason than she has a perfect body.

  • Karen Kennedy (1, 2)

    Vidcap collages for the day bring you a couple of B movie queens. Let's start with Avalon Anders in Die Watching. Now, the usual practice when I play with Tuna's raw caps is to reduce the size of the images. That can make them look a bit sharper and it allows me to fit em all in a neat package. Not this time, though. Tuna's caps were crystal clear to begin with and Avalon looked mahhhhvelous in this movie (sometimes she looks great, sometimes she looks kinda haggard). So here they are, messed with a little and stuck together but otherwise just as Tuna brought them to us.

  • Avalon Anders (1, 2, 3)

    Second B movie babe is one of my favorites in the robohooter stable: Griffin Drew in Scandal on the Other Side. Hmmm, the other side of what? Ahh, who cares, so long as Griffin does the Nekkid Sweaty Sport-Humpin Babe routine.

  • Griffin Drew (1, 2)

  • UC99
    Lisa Boyle
    (1, 2, 3)

    Excellent breast exposure in "I Like to Play Games".

    Sophie Favier
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    UC99 takes a rare break from vidcapping and did these full frontal scans of the French actress.

    Today's oddities and rarities....nudity from "The Harrad Experiment" (1973).

    The movie is based on the book by Robert Rimmer, which became a cult favorite on collage campuses in the late 60's and was regarded as a manifesto for sexual awareness.

    Here are the college co-eds live together in a dorm. The men and women share rooms and change roommates every 30 days. They also practice nude yoga. That's about all I know since I haven't seen the film.

    As for the skin...apparently there are a few highly edited versions of this movie floating around with much if not all of the nudity cut out. But not is an assortment of topless, rear and frontal goodies. Fair warning, this movie also has almost as much male nudity.

  • Laurie Walters (1, 2)
  • Sharon Taggart
  • Victoria Thompson
  • Various

  • Variety
    Marie V. Cruz

    Nina Garbiras

    New collages by Dann with both ladies topless in scenes from the George Romero movie "Bruiser".

    Chantal Quesnelle 'Caps and comments by Spaz...

    Paradise Falls: episode 50, "The Admiral's Secret"

    Chantal getting it on with the admiral. Showing her butt and nearly a bare boob for only the second time in the series. Next week is the last for season 1 and there is no word on season 2. Just keep your fingers crossed.

    Kim Wylde
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Another installment of "Hankster-Lite". Kym mildly tied up, and being groped in a 1992 movie called "Crisscross". According to the Hankster, they actually had a story line in this one.

    Xenia Seeberg
    (1, 2)

    Two versions of Xenia showing partial breast exposure in a shower scene from Lexx. Thanks to C2000 and nmd.

    Celeb News
  • DiCaprio May Do Gay Sex Scenes

    Martin Scorsese has hinted that Leonardo DiCaprio may shoot gay sex scenes for his forthcoming Alexander The Great movie. The legendary filmmaker insists the biopic of the Macedonian empire builder will not avoid the more controversial aspects of the warrior king's life.

    In response to questions about the leader's homosexuality, he says, "We have to deal with the whole life of Alexander. We want to deal as honestly as possible with it all." Scorsese, who just directed DiCaprio in Gangs Of New York, says the star will be perfect as Alexander. He says, "There is a bust of Alexander, and it bears an amazing resemblance. He had great charisma. Someone called him the first superstar." Alexander was 32 when he died in 323 BC. DiCaprio is 27.

  • From Entertainment Weekly Online:

    Maybe one day there'll be a great movie made up of all the steamy love scenes that were edited out of Russell Crowe's films. In 1995's "The Quick and the Dead", director Sam Raimi storyboarded but never shot Crowe and Sharon Stone getting hot and heavy. Last year, the Gladiator hunk's on-screen tête-à-tête with Meg Ryan was chopped from "Proof of Life". And now comes word that his coupling with Jennifer Connelly for "A Beautiful Mind" has hit the cutting-room floor.

    While director Ron Howard denies such puritanical parsing, cinematographer Roger Deakins says a love scene was lost to improve the flow of the film --in which Crowe plays a troubled mathematician. "It didn't go very far", Deakins says of the forsaken footage. "It wouldn't have been a big deal".

  • News for people who don't have anything better to read ...

    Pregnant Elizabeth Hurley's ex-lover Steve Bing has hired a private eye to dig up dirt on her. The wealthy playboy claims he was not in an exclusive relationship with the 36-year-old, and that she was seeing a string of other men around the time she conceived. Bing's $3,900-a-day detective, Anthony Pellicano, is already buying up Liz's phone and e-mail records, hunting for newspaper cuttings and photos, and trawling through credit card transactions. Three men snapped in a photo with Liz at the exclusive Bridgehampton Polo Club in New York on July 16th are suspected in the paternity case. They include Bing, comic actor Denis Leary and mystery man Mark Reynolds.

    A week after the polo match Liz was seen kissing old friend and gallery owner Tim Jeffries, and the next day she attended a charity cricket match with former boyfriend Hugh Grant. She has also enjoyed cozy dinner dates with rocker Bryan Adams, 42, and was linked to basketball hero Steve Nash, 26. A friend of Bing's says, "He says he is not the father and reckons he made the biggest mistake of his life getting involved with Liz. He feels like he's stuck in some kind of Fatal Attraction nightmare with an ex-lover determined to destroy him."

    A few words from Jr....Poor Steve Bing, times is hard!

    Dude, seriously, cry me a frickin' river. You're a millionaire and you shagged Liz Hurley! Give me a phone book for any city in America and I'll find you a few thousand people that would kill to trade places with you. Get over it.

    And while your at it, why don't you float some of that $3900 a day my way. I'll pick up copies of the Enquirer and People magazine for about 5 bucks, give you all the same info, then take that $3895 and buy everyone in the Fun House pizza and beer!

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