Best Nude Scenes of 2006:

Preliminary list. Please write me if I have forgotten any key scene. Balloting will begin mid-week.

• Anapola Mushkadiz in Battle In Heaven
• Maggie Gyllenhaal in Sherrybaby
• Salma Hayek in Ask the Dust
• Jacqueline Quinones in Hard Luck
• Jennifer Miller in Lucky Number Slevin
• Gretchen Mol in The Notorious Bettie Page
• Brittany Daniel in Rampage
• Bai Ling in Edmond
• Annabeth Gish in Brotherhood (TV)
• Jennifer Aniston in The Break-Up
• Barbara Nedeljakova in Hostel
• Jana Kaderebkova in Hostel
• Kyra Sedgwick in Loverboy
• Sarah Polley in The Secret Life of Words
• Sophia Myles in Art School Confidential
• Katherine Heigl in Side Effects
• Amanda Righetti in Angel Blade
• Lauren Lee Smith in Lie With Me
• Robin Tunney in Open Window
• Kate Winslet in Little Children
• Leela Savasta in Masters of Horror:Haeckel's Tale (TV)
• Edie Falco in The Quiet
• Tara Fitzgerald in In a Dark Place
• Kristanna Loken in Bloodrayne
• Crystal Lowe in Final Destination 3
• Chelan Simmons in Final Destination 3
• Helena Bonham Carter in Conversations with Other Women
• Sarah Lassez in Mad Cowgirl
• Candace Smith in Beerfest
• Naomie Harris in Miami Vice
• Asia Argento in The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things
• Meital Dohan in God's Sandbox
• Meital Dohan in Weeds (TV)
• Monet Mazur in Stoned
• Monet Mazur in Whirlygirl
• Zara Taylor in Hollow Man 2
• Zara Taylor in Totally Awesome
• Abbie Cornish in Somersault
• Abbie Cornish in Candy
• Tuva Novotny in Stoned
• Tiffany Shepis in Abominable
• Irene Montala in Russian Dolls
• Anne Steffens in Russian Dolls
• Alice Braga in Lower City
• Susan Anbeh in Agnes and his Brothers
• Maria Botto in Only Human
• Vanessa Ferlito in Shadowboxer
• Jordana Brewster in Nearing Grace
• Olivia Colman in Confetti
• Sook Yin Lee in Shortbus
• Rinko Kikuchi in Babel
• Julianne Nicholson in Flannel Pajamas
• Rachel Bella in Jimmy and Judy
• Jolene Blalock in Slow Burn
• Stephanie Leonidas in The Feast of the Goat
• Joy Bryant in Get Rich or Die Trying
• Nora Zehetner in Conversations with Other Women
• Anna Friel in Niagara Motel
• Pell James in The King
• Samantha Noble in See No Evil
• Stephanie Sherrin in Kids in America
• Leonor Varela in Americano
• Samantha Mcleod in Snakes on A Plane
• Diora Baird in HotTamale
• Caroline Dhavernas in These Girls
• Holly Lewis in These Girls
• Pollyanna Mcintosh in Headspace
• Laura Bottrell in Huff (TV)
• Nicole Robinson in Huff (TV)
• Marisa Coughlan in Masters of Horror:Damned Thing (TV)
• Paula Malcolmson in Deadwood (TV)
• Sarah Pachelli in Deadwood (TV)
• Kattia Ortiz in Entourage (TV)
• Gina Torres in The Shield (TV)
• Misti Traya in Nip Tuck (TV)

MAILBOX:

"Hi, Scoop , actually , Porky's was passed by "Bon cop , Bad cop" this last summer as the highest grossing movie in Canada, but still is pretty impressive!"

Yes, I had read that, but that wasn't the point I was making. Porky's is still the highest-grossing Canadian film, albeit no longer the highest in Canada.

Without looking it all up, I think it breaks down about like this:

• The highest grossing Canadian film seems to be different on every list, for various reasons. It seems to be one of these three:  Porky's, The Pacifier, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Greek Wedding has the highest gross, but people can't seem to agree whether it should be considered Canadian. The Pacifier may or may not be higher than Porky's, but (1) The Pacifier's provenance is disputed; (2) The Porky's world-wide total doesn't seem to be a number everyone agrees on; (3) Porky's would certainly be better than the Pacifier, maybe even better than Greek Wedding if the total were measured by ticket sales to adjust for inflation. After those three there is a massive drop-off. I don't think any other Canadian movie has ever grossed $100 million overall. In the dimly-remembered era, back in 3 B.P. (before Porky's), I think the all-time champ was Meatballs, with a total in the forties or fifties.

• The highest-grossing film in Canada is, of course, Titanic, which grossed something like seventy million Canadian dollars.

• The highest grossing Canadian film in Canada, adjusted for inflation, is still Porky's, and by a wide margin, if I recall. 

• Bon Cop, Bad Cop only set the rather obscure and tightly qualified record for the highest unadjusted gross by a Canadian film in Canada. Even with those qualifications it did not come close to Porky's in any other province besides Quebec, which supplied something like 80% of the country's total grosses for this film.

 

THIRD PARTY VIDEOS:

* Hudson Heidi Leick, the Evil Callisto herself, in The Last Hand. (Two zipped .avis. ) I read my own review and I still don't remember this film as anything more than an blur. Tuna thought it was a complete suckfest, and I was impressed with some imaginative direction - which was incapable of hiding the fact that the script was a complete suckfest.

* Maribel Verdu in Carreteras secundarias (zipped .avi). For my money there is no such thing as too much Maribel.

* You aren't likely to see a nude scene like this in an American movie. Ruth Gabriel spreads for the camera in Dias contados. (Zipped .avi)

* 4 is a new Russian movie from the David Lynch school of filmmaking. BBC's review sums it up nicely and concisely. The DVD comes out Tuesday. The nudity comes mostly from Marina Vovchenko (Three zipped .avis)

 

OTHER CRAP:

The Other Crap site has simply become too big and detailed to fit into my Fun House column. It contains far too much info, too many graphics, too many news feeds, and too many embedded videos to include here. Plus the scoopy.net version was always a day out of synch. You fans please catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

School of the Senses (1996)

School of the Senses a Hungarian softcore coming-of-age story based on a popular novel. Well, popular in Hungary, anyway. The original title is Érzékek iskolája. The keeper case of the new DVD calls it School of Senses, IMDb lists the English name as School of Sensitivity, but the actual film calls itself School of the Senses in the credits both before and after the film. (Scoop's note: my Hungarian is not very good, despite my time in Budapest, but I'd say "School of the Senses" is a very reasonable translation. The English article word "the" is not necessarily meaningful in other languages.) 

We meet Lili, a young gypsy girl played by Dorka Gryllus, who is missing both legs. She is cared for by a married man who is also her current lover. Slowly, her fundamentally unhappy daily life is interspersed with flashbacks, explaining how she got to this place. She grew up an orphan. After she became a young woman, she was seduced by a married traveling computer salesman and notorious playboy. She fell in love, but he tired of her, especially when she got pregnant and became clingy. She lost both legs when he crashed the car. In the end, she gets revenge on him.

Most of the film is narration, backed by a haunting gypsy soundtrack. Dorka Gryllus didn't have the dramatic range necessary for this role, nor did Attila Kaszás as her first lover. Lajos Kovács, as her current lover, is brilliant.

I don't expect the DVD to do well for several reasons. First, it is not an engaging story. Second, it is in Hungarian, narrated, and with subtitles. Third, the quality of the transfer is abysmal. On the other hand, the musical score is interesting, and there is a lot of nudity. Assuming that a lot of people saw this film, I would expect more than a little support from women, as this is very much a "plight of women in society" piece, and the strong female lead kicks ass in the end.

All in all, this is a C-, and for a very small audience.

IMDb readers say 6.4, but based on only a very few votes.

 

Dorka Gryllus shows breasts and buns in numerous scenes.

Jennifer Love Hewitt captured in a bikini. Y'know, I wish I hadn't seen these.

Rachel Ray with some modest but lively pokies.

The so-called "war on Christmas" that seemed to have  died down has suddenly come back.  In Seattle, a rabbi threatened to sue  Sea-Tac Airport if it didn't let him add an 8-foot Menorah to the decorations.  A spokeswoman said at such a busy season, they don't have time to include all cultures or to negotiate his demands, so they ordered all the Christmas trees in the airport removed.

*  And burned...They burned for eight days and nights.

*  In fact, to make sure nobody was offended, all the pine trees are being removed from Seattle.

*  This inspired Mel Gibson to produce a new children's TV special, "The
Rabbi Who Stole Christmas."


 

Father Petrica Bratu of Velea Sarii, Romania, is tired of brides flaunting Christian tradition, so he's instituting a "white dress fine" before he'll marry women who aren't virgins.  The average local salary is only $200 (US) a month, and the fines vary depending on how intimate the couple have been already.  If they've just moved in together, it's $20, and it ranges up  to $120 for brides who are pregnant or already have a child.  Critics called it a unique concept: a sliding scale of virginity. 

*  He's hoping that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will get married there, so
he can make enough money to build a new cathedral.


 

In a run-off Saturday, New Orleans voters reelected Rep. William Jefferson, despite his various aides and associates pleading guilty to bribing him and  the FBI finding $90,000 in marked bills stuffed in his freezer

* His campaign slogan: "Still the Most Honest Politician in Louisiana History!"

Plaistow, New Hampshire, homeowner Bob Chooljain is angry at thieves he calls "disrespectful" after they stole the Baby Jesus figure from his front yard Nativity scene and replaced it with an empty beer can

* And, in keeping with the theme, a pack of Camels

* They could've at least  replaced the King of Kings with Budweiser, the  King of Beers