Thursday

Tuna
"Aria and Friends"

Aria and Friends (2003) belongs to what could be called the strip-wiggle genre. Eight different women quickly strip, then wiggle and pose naked to bad music. In the process, each of these 8 women show full frontal, full rear nudity, and gyno-cam shots. Clearly, the purpose of these is to show female body parts, and the only way to screw one up is to obscure the nudity with bizarre lighting or fancy camera effects. This time, they did none of that. Each of the woman are shot in good light, with one or two camera placements, and with visually pleasing sets behind them. You can ask nothing more from this genre.

With 8 women, who spent lets saw a minute in their skimpies before completely striping, and had maybe 15 seconds of facial closeups, that gives us 10 minutes total without nudity, leaving a full 50 minutes of nudity on this DVD. The woman, who are allegedly Internet porn stars, are: Aria Giovanni, Aimee Sweet, Nikita Denise, Julie Andrade, Mariah, Galdie, Pantera and Lexi.

IMDB has yet to hear of this lofty entertainment. I could have done 5 times the number of images without thoroughly covering the nudity in this DVD. There are no special features. This is an easy C+ for this narrowly defined genre. I don't know how they could have done it better, other than by using music with a melody.

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  • Aimee Sweet (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
  • Aria Giovanni (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
  • Goldie (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
  • Julie Andrade (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Lexi (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Mariah (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Nikita Denise (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
  • Pantera (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Captain Ron (1992)

    Tuna and I were not unaware of the weaknesses in this film, but we both found it a pleasant watch, highlighted by a sleazy and yet somehow endearing performance by Kurt Russell as the silly seafarer who helps a family of landlubbers learn to sail their newly inherited boat.

     

     

    OTHER CRAP:

     

    Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

     

     

    MOVIE REVIEWS:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    BFD
    Cathy Lee Crosby
    (1, 2)

    		The 70's and early 80's celeb who is probably best known by many as one of the hosts of the TV series "That's Incredible!". Here she is topless in scenes from the movie "Coach" (1978) (link #1), and posing in undies in link #2.

    Daryl Hannah Baring almost everything in scenes from the 1991 movie "At Play in the Fields of the Lord".

    Kelly McGillis The "Top Gun" star topless and in a dark frontal nude scene from "Cat Chaser" (1989).

    Meg Tilly Jennifer Tilly's younger sister topless, and showing some partial rear views in scenes from "The Girl in a Swing" (1988).

    Sheryl Lee
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    		Very lovely toplessness and far off frontal nudity in scenes from the must-see movie for Beatles fans, "Backbeat" (1994).

    Sandra Bernhard The "comedienne" wearing a thong and pasties in scenes from "Without You I'm Nothing" (1990), the indie film version of her one-woman, off-Broadway show.

    Oscare
    Isabelle von Siebenthal The Swiss born actress topless in a dark sex scene from the German TV series "Dr. Stefan Frank".

    Kate Hardie
    (1, 2)

    		Toplessness and bush views in scenes from the UK movie "Heart" (1999).

    Pauline Lafont The French actress topless in scenes from "La Galette du roi" (1986).

    Julie Debazac Nice breast views in scenes from the French movie "Un chantage en or" (1996).

    Variety
    Belinda Gavin
    and
    Melissa Brasselle


    		DeadLamb takes a look at the straight-to-vid movie "Bad Bizness", co-directed by B-movie legends Jim Wynorski and Albert Pyun. Gavin bares breasts and bum, while Brasselle teases us with her robo-boobs (and shows off her 2% body fat). Check out Tuna's review and more 'caps back in the November 15, 2003 update.


    The new comic cover
    Kirstie Alley
    (1, 2, 3)
    Marina Sirtis


    		A new Vejiita comic featuring Alley and Sirtis both baring breasts in scenes from "Blind Date" (1984).


    Kate Beckinsale
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

    		Señor Skin 'caps of the gorgeous Brit (and star of "Pearl Harbor" and "Underworld") topless in scenes from "Uncovered" (1994).

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

  • A Good feature on Monty Python.


    MICHAEL JACKSON FALSELY ACCUSED?
    Just Inconvenient - TheSmokingGun.com released an internal memo from last February, by Los Angeles police and child welfare workers, saying they had determined the child abuse allegations against Michael Jackson to be "unfounded." They say the mother and two boys in question had denied any sexual contact with "the entertainer" (no names were used) and said he slept on the floor, not in the same bed. Santa Barbara prosecutors said they knew of the memo when they got a warrant to search Neverland, and it's "not a significant factor" in their case.

  • They heard his last few albums, so they figure the name "The Entertainer" couldn't possibly mean him.
  • They wanted to prove Michael didn't really sleep on the floor by showing there's no makeup stains on the carpet.
  • It may not have even been Michael Jackson...He WAS wearing a mask.
  • Just because a 45-year-old man likes to sleep in the same room with strange boys, people leap to the conclusion that he's a weirdo!


    GOLDEN GLOBES A LOAD OF HOOEY
    Freeloading Foreigners! - A Trio channel documentary on the Golden Globes subtitled "Hollywood's Dirty Little Secret" reveals an open secret about the much-ballyhooed awards show: it's a total sham. It's voted on by members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, but the show reveals that most have never seen the nominees or written a single review of anything. The majority are star-struck hangers-on who vote for the studios that give them the most free booze, buffets and expensive gifts.

  • In other words, it's just like the Academy Awards.
  • It's just a meaningless, self-serving sham, unlike all the other, meaningful awards shows!
  • For Best Actress, they just pick the woman with the biggest globes.
  • Are they trying to tell us that Pia Zadora WASN'T really the Best Newcomer of 1982?!


    MADONNA MERCHANDISES "ENGLISH ROSES"
    Little Girls Need To Grow Up - Entertainment Weekly reports that Madonna signed a merchandising deal for her first children's book, "The English Roses," with products ranging from dolls to apparel to decor. It could rake in $10 million the first year. A licensing company spokesman was asked if this wasn't odd, since the book is about appreciating inner beauty and the evils of jealousy. He admitted that "it would be ironic if a little girl said, 'I've got The English Roses, and you don't.'"

  • If a little girl did that, the other girls would snub her.
  • Hey, the book said vanity and jealousy were bad; it didn't say greed was bad.
  • He noted that Madonna was "selective" and she did reject an "English Roses" cosmetics line...The colors weren't seductive enough.
  • I'm still waiting for her to sell wallpaper based on her "Sex" book.


    QUOTE OF THE DAY!
    A woman at a gym asked Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham if she was a model, and she snapped, "A model?! Do I look that unintelligent?! I'm not a model, I'm a Spice Girl!"... And the woman said, "Sorry, you didn't look THAT unintelligent".

  • She's actually too thin to be a model.