The Handmaid's Tale (1990) is a story set in the not too distant future. Due to a series of environmental disasters, most women became infertile, and the religious right decided that God was punishing us for promiscuity, genetic engineering, acceptance of gays, woman's lib, and minority rights, and staged a coup. They set up a faith based government in a new country they called Gilliad, founded on Old Testament principles. They corrected all of these abuses, mainly through persecution, but a civil war begins. Fertile women became "Handmaids," based on the biblical story of Rachel, who used her maid as a surrogate mother to have a child, to bear children for the rich and powerful. The handmaids have sex fully dressed and wearing a veil with the real wife holding their head and hands, and the husband only touching them with his dong. Naturally, the wives were not happy about the sex aspect of the "ceremony."

As the film opens, Natasha Richardson (Kate), her husband and son are trying to escape Gilliad, and are caught by border patrol. He is killed, the daughter is taken to a rich family, and Kate is found to be fertile and goes into handmaid training, which is mostly brainwashing. She is finally placed in the home of a high ranking government security head (Robert Duvall) and his wife Faye Dunaway. She is unable to get pregnant, and learns that it is probably Duvall who is sterile (the new order does not test men.)"

So Kate's task is to either get pregnant somehow and not piss off Dunaway in the process, or find a way to escape. We see her breasts in two dark scenes, both times through a window at night. My apologies for the color problems caused by excessive brightening. Maltin says 2 1/2 stars, and Ebert says 2. IMDB rating is 5.7/10. This is the sort of film I should have loved, as all of the villains are groups that I mistrust anyway, and, as a 60's sort of person, I have never been fond of the establishment. Unfortunately, I found it rather sterile for the subject matter, and the pace way too slow. Much of it was over-dark, making it hard to watch as well. I can barely give it a C.

The Handmaid's Tale. 

A director has to be really careful when casting low-key actors. Remember that a decade ago, Kevin Costner was about the biggest star in Hollywood, when he was playing roles that were right for his personality. The he started trying to play inspiring heroes and, well, he's about as inspiring as Andy, that guy who used to be Conan's sidekick. 

Natasha Richardson has the same type of personality as Costner - no highs or lows. She's been used well in many roles, but not here. This role called for someone with both sexual lust and a rebellious non-conformist personality buried not too far from the surface. A personality like Sigourney Weaver, or even Madonna. When you dig miles beneath Natasha's surface, there's just more of the same, and that kind of centered even-keel personality drained the life from this already slow film. It isn't bad, really, but a strident, unsubtle disappointment coming from director Volker Schloendorff, and it has an unsatisfying, abrupt ending that irritated the hell out of me.

Oh, well. Natasha stood naked by the window twice, and had a sex scene in which we saw her tatas, so there was some entertainment.

• Natasha Richardson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

• Victoria Tennant. She isn't naked, but I figured this would be for Hankster's collection.

Do your good deed for the day. Some schmuck in Germany has posted an appeal. His girlfriend won't sleep with him until his website gets 111,111,111 hits. So far he has five million.

Here's his site.

It's probably a scam to promote their acting careers or something, but what the hey, I'm easily amused, and his girlfriend is a megababe.

RE: Yesterday's silly IMDb list. I forgot to mention that I specified in yesterday's query that the tallest writers had to have at least ten IMDb credits to make the list. If I change the criterion to "three or more", then you may add some others to the list, like:

• Conan O'Brien 6'4"

• Eduardo Sanchez 6'7"

• Howard Stern 6'5"

• Tim Robbins 6' 41/2"  As I have pointed out in earlier columns, Robbins lies downward about his height, presumably so he fits more "normal" roles. I did several measurements of good buddies Robbins and Cusack in Tapeheads and High Fidelity, and Robbins is five or six inches taller. Cusack claims to be 6'3", so Robbins is obviously more than 6' 4 1/2". Even if Cusack is cheating by two inches, Robbins is no shorter than 6'6".

The list also includes some writers of near-Shakespearian genius, like Hulk Hogan, Dolf Lundgren, and a man I like to think of as the Rebounding Rimbaud, Dennis Rodman! 

• (Here's the unfiltered list, if you really care to see it)

The most blatant height lying in Hollywood history may have been Christian Slater's 5'11" in his official bio. Slater's IMDb bio  reads 5' 8 1/2", which is at least within 3-4 inches of reality. Slater has the opposite problem from Robbins, and lies upward to make himself fit "everyday guy" roles. Check out Slater next to Costner in "Graceland". Costner's IMDb bio says 6'1", but other sources say 5'11". Either way, Slater comes up about to his kneecaps.

RE: Today's completely silly IMDb list: 12 adult actors who are probably shorter than Christian Slater. It's possible that if these guys formed a basketball team with Christian, that Slater might be able to play forward. 

Small forward, of course. 

On the other hand, it's possible that all of these guys would play "small forward".

Encyclopedia updates: The Barbara Hershey, Maria Alonso, Rosanna Arquette, Kin Yates, and Asia Argento volumes have been updated.

Angelika shows breasts, a hint of bum, and pubes in these images.

Rachel Weisz