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Tuna
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"Sade"
Sade (2002) is essentially a costume drama presenting Marquis de Sade as a political prisoner a few years before the time period ofs Quills. At the same time, it shows the post revolution chaos and cruelty under Robespierre. Sade is confined to a former nunnery which has become a prison for former nobility. He is saved from normal prison by his girlfriend, Marianne Denicourt, who is now living with one of Robespierre's officials. He forms a friendship with the young, innocent, and beautiful Isild Le Besco, much to the chagrin of her parents.
The Sade presented here was an atheist, given to excesses of the flesh, who cared deeply about his writing, but was guilty of no atrocities, other than in fantasy. As they were all awaiting the guillotine, his philosophy of indulging the flesh appealed to Le Besco, and she eventually loses her virginity to a gardener under Sade's supervision.
Le Besco shows everything during this scene. Denicourt shows breasts briefly with her current lover. IMDB readers have this at 6.5 of 10, and it earned a whopping $99k in a very limited US run. Le Besco garnered some new artist awards and nominations, and deserved them. This watered down Marquis de Sade is too bland to make it an interesting story, and it would have been a very long 100 minutes of dialogue heave subtitles had it not been for two things. First, Le Besco is a beauty, and can act. Second, the photography was stunning. The color palette of blues and greens was so well done that I didn't even try to correct the images to more normal flesh tones. I should have hated a talky, subtitled costumer with very little action or pace, and didn't. Yet, with such a weak story, this is only a C. A beautifully photographed film with an attractive star and not much substance.
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Isild Le Besco
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Marianne Denicourt
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Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
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Sade (2000)
The Marquis de Sade lived during a time of catastrophic upheaval,
and so was prosecuted and imprisoned at various times by people from every point on
the political spectrum, and for just about every crime and
pseudo-crime you can think of, from murder, to unpaid
debts, to pornography, to being a noble, to being too republican, to
being insufficiently republican.
Amazingly, there was one time in his life
when the Marquis was in prison for having done something truly
honorable. When he was freed from prison in 1789 by the revolution,
the revolutionaries recognized that he had been an enemy of the
regime, and that he was an intelligent and capable man, so they awarded him many important positions in the new
"republican" government from 1789-1793. They didn't realize that the
marquis was basically a libertarian who wanted no restrictions on
his freedom at all. He was not just an enemy of one regime, but of all regimes,
including the new one. Sade
simply could not abide the Reign of Terror, considering it a
betrayal of the principles of free thought that had spurred the
revolution to begin with. Robespierre even wanted to establish a
state religion, and at one point made atheism a crime! So much for
the Age of Reason. When Citizen Sade sat in judgment of many
ex-nobles as their Grand Juror, he almost invariably found everyone
innocent of all charges against them, including even his despised
in-laws, who had imprisoned him for decades. As a result of his
leniency, he was soon arrested himself and imprisoned for his lack
of dedication to proper "Republican" principles.
That is where the film begins.
This movie focuses on one very narrow
stretch of Sade's life, from December 1793 until July 1794, when he
was incarcerated with an assortment of ex-nobles at an exclusive
sort of spa/prison. The quarters were comfortable enough, but this
was during the height of Robespierre's Reign of Terror, so the
nobles were awaiting their turns at the guillotine. In the movie
version of the story, Sade managed to escape the scaffold because
his lover agreed to become the mistress of one of Robespierre's
deputies in return for that deputy's protection of de Sade.
While de Sade was incarcerated, he
kept himself busy doing what he did best: corrupting the innocent. A
brilliant young girl in the next room became his constant companion,
and he eventually used the imminence of death to convince her to
live live to the fullest. I think you can imagine the activities
involved in that.
The last twenty minutes of this film
are lively and wicked and sexy, and the scenes capture Sade's
essence so accurately that they could be passages in the marquis's
own books. Before that, the film's treatment of de Sade is so
reverent and pious that if the real de Sade had read the script, he
might have pissed on it for portraying him as a serious philosopher,
and a complete bore, and not as the dedicated libertine and
all-around hedonistic scoundrel that he tried so hard to be.
OTHER CRAP:
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Hungry Thai elephants hijack sugarcane trucks. The
leader of the herd stands in the road to block the vehicle while
the others unload the produce with their trunks.
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Erotic Photography - free gallery of China Hamilton
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British soap opera star Laila Morse fell off her chair at a
charity bash, probably the result of five hours of non-stop
boozing.
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After Friday's ruling that studios can send out 'screener' copies
of their movies for awards consideration, the scramble was on to
produce them in time.
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Jackson Jokesters Told to Beat It. amazon.com disables "customer's
related recommendations" section for Michael Jackson's products.
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'Rings' Director Wants to Bring 'Hobbit' to the Screen as well
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Weekend Box Office Report - Last Samurai is #1, although with
worst Cruise opening since Eyes Wide Shut
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With the Jennicam shutting down, let's look back on some of the
better memories.
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The Passion Of The Christ - A Mel Gibson Film - The Official Movie
Website is now online
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Clive Barker will return to the director's chair for the first
time in eight years, to direct "Tortured Souls"
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The Making of Tim Burton's new movie, "Big Fish"
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The Last Words of Real People
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The Smoking Gun: Dr Funkenstein arrested. Best mugshot ever.
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Just in case you didn't already know it, The Golden Globe Awards
are a complete sham.
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The Surviving Doors Pay Homage to Jim Morrison on what would have
been Jim's 60th birthday
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Harvard students accused of choking their chickens.
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Was Wild Bill Hickok really holding the "dead man's hand" when he
was slain? What was his fifth card?
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MS Office Assistant 2003: The Evil Edition
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Sex education website launched in Hong Kong
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Here's the monitor you need for Christmas
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Dial An Orgasm - Adult Cell Phone Accessory
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All-time best movie mistakes
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Worst video game ever!
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Space Invaders returns to the arcades
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MrHappyCrack.com It's not what you think, but I just
love the domain name, and the picture of Mr Happy Crack is great!
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I don't know if this stunt is real or not, but it's impressive
either way.
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Scientists spot world's oldest penis. Abe Vigoda
seeking new zipper.
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Nude Asian Celebrities
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Earth and Moon Viewer. This is incredible. Tremendous
site. View any part of the earth or moon from the distance you
choose, with various options.
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Have you ordered your AC/DC personal checks yet?
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THE NEW NUDE magazine - lots of free nekkid stuff, pretty girls.
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The twenty dumbest things of 2003 - #4, Jessica Simpson
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The twenty dumbest things of 2003 - #6. The George Bush action
figure.
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The twenty dumbest things of 2003, #17 Ashton and Demi
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Ever wonder where to find the world's most phallic building?
The voting is closed. Rest your troubled mind, and get your
ticket to Ypsilanti, Michigan. Many other nominees are pictured on
the site.
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The 12 Days of Kitschmas. From the Jesus Fairy
Christmas tree topper to the Lord of the Kings jigsaw puzzle...
from the glowing crucifix phone cover to the Virgin Mary
Bobblehead. This stuff is awesome!
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Doctors in Romania say they are baffled after examining a woman
who claims she has not slept a wink for eight years.
Hell, just give her the special boxed edition of Chariots of Fire,
and she'll be snoozing in minutes. It never fails for me.
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Bad publicity sends Hitler wine sales soaring for the holiday
season. The vintner also has Mussolini, Stalin, Che,
and others. No Streisand yet.
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No popular new Christmas songs have been written since 1979.
And poorer are we for that.
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DESPITE denying that he left his pregnant girlfriend Mary-Louise
Parker for Claire Danes, Billy Crudup spent Thanksgiving with his
new love.
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Weekly World News: Forcing kids to eat veggies can traumatize them
for life.
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If you fancy yourself REALLY a master of trivia, then you'll find
a challenge in the Retail Alphabet Game: 4th Edition To
get to earlier editions, simply change the number in the URL -
ver4 to ver3, for example. I got some right in the earlier
editions, but I was lost on Version 4,
Other crap
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
Click
here
to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap
MOVIE REVIEWS:
Here
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
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Brainscan
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'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
Today's little offering is a collection of nude models, most of whom have done some work in legit movies.
From Luscious Liquids, here is Elina Giani. No movies to her credits, but she has done some posing for the Hefmag's newsstand specials.
- Elina Giani
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From Bikini Showgirls, the over-inflated Summer Leigh and the uber-cutie Erin Kay. Triple-B's everywhere you look.
- Summer Leigh
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- Erin Kay
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And then there are the last of the caps from the Hottie of the Year DVD. Recall that I've sent in caps of Antoinette Abbott and Zdenka Podkapova. Here are six more hotties.
Roxanne Galla is on the disk, but only in the coming attractions. But she is most decidedly a hottie although she does not pretend to be an actress.
A second potential HOTY, who has not appeared in movies or on tv, is Chanel Stevens. Woulda gotten my vote, however.
Candidates Hotties of the Year who have done movies make up the rest of the list. They are:
Katie Jordan, one of Seduction Cinema's stable of performers. Katie had as much chance of winning this award as the Tigers had of winning the AL pennant.
Nikki Nova, who appears in direct-to-video things as J. Nichole Italiano Those include Hollywood Nights, Lolita 2000 and Confessions of a Lap Dancer. What would a lap dancer have to confess? That she did it for the money and didn't really give a rat's ass about anyone on whose lap she "danced"? I am shocked, shocked. But I digress. Nikki poses a lot in full gynocam format. But she does it for the money. Doesn't give a rat's ass about the photographer.... or us, for that matter.
Jesse Capelli, who as Jennifer Leone, had bit parts in Not Another Teen movie and Van Wilder. Another babe for whom the term, gynocam, was invented.
Angel Veil, who calls herself Rachel Sterling when she is on television or in a movie. Angel/Rachel is now the most famous of these babes because of her role as a Juggy Dancer on the Manshow. She also won the award as the hottie of the year. Difficult to quibble with that decision.
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Dann
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'Caps and comments by Dann:
"Mascara"
Written and directed by Linda Kandel, this 1999 chick flick tells the story of three friends facing their 30th birthdays with their lives totally unsettled. A reasonable premise, but unfotunately, the movie never gets any legs.
Slowly paced and sometimes boring, this is best watched by people who like very low-key movies. There are some bright spots, but this whole theme has been done before, and better.
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Variety
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Michelle Trachtenberg
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She's probably best known as Buffy's sister Dawn from ""Buffy the Vampire Slayer" series, or possibly as the child star of "Harriet the Spy". But when it comes to the Scoopies, we know her from the wonderfully funny and offbeat Nickelodeon series "The Adventures of Pete & Pete".
Here she is all grown up and looking gorgeous wearing a bikini top in production stills from the upcoming comedy "Eurotrip".
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Lina Romay
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The Euro-softcore actress bares all in scenes from the 1973 movie "Female Vampire" aka "Les Avaleuses".
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Sharon Stone
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Great 'caps by the Skin-man of a pre-"Basic Instinct" Stone topless in love scenes from "Blood and Sand" (1989).
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Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
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Pat's comments in yellow...
STUDENT EXPELLED FOR HAVING ADVIL
We Found The Butts, All Right - Amanda Stiles, a sophomore at Parkway High
in Bossier Parish, Louisiana, was suspended from school for a year because
a teacher found some Advil in her purse. Stiles had been accused of
smoking, and a search turned up no cigarettes, but she did have the
over-the-counter headache pills. Her mom appealed, but the school board
unanimously upheld the suspension, saying the state "zero tolerance" policy
on drugs forbids both prescription and non-prescription drugs.
Non-prescription drugs, like cocaine and heroin and Advil.
So, what kind of drugs are the school board members on?
I can see why students at this school would need powerful headache
medication.
Amanda's so upset, she's started chain-smoking.
OZZY WAS ON PILLS DURING TV SERIES
"It's Like The F'in' '70s All Over!" - The Los Angeles Times reports that
when Ozzy Osbourne was staggering around the house on his MTV show, he was
taking up to 42 pills a day, including opiates, tranquilizers,
amphetamines, antidepressants and more. He was not aware that his Beverly
Hills doctor was under investigation for overprescribing drugs to other
celebrities. His license has been revoked for gross negligence.
He WAS negligent: Ozzy needs a LOT more drugs than that!
How can they say he's negligent? It sounds like he's been working
overtime.
That's nothing: Rush Limbaugh had four different doctors who gave him 42
pills a day each.
Ozzy never suspected his doctor was a quack, even when he told him to
take amphetamines and tranquilizers at the same time.
WEEKEND NEWS NOTES!
Matt Drudge reports that Barbra Streisand may be stripped of her Grammy
nomination for "The Movie Album" because it was released two weeks after
the deadline...Streisand blamed this on President Bush...
This is horrible! He should NEVER use the words "Barbra Streisand" and "stripped" in the same
sentence!
'80s musical duo Air Supply were detained in Nuevo Laredo when they
could not provide officials with their documents to legally work in
Mexico...
But it's the only place they can GET work!
They were merely detained...because no matter what they do, Air Supply can't get arrested.
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