It's that time again. Here is my preliminary list. Please tell me what I have forgotten. E-mail me here.

  • Anapola Mushkadiz in Battle In Heaven

  • Maggie Gyllenhaal in Sherrybaby

  • Salma Hayek in Ask the Dust

  • Jacqueline Quinones in Hard Luck

  • Jennifer Miller in Lucky Number Slevin

  • Gretchen Mol in The Notorious Bettie Page

  • Brittany Daniel in Rampage

  • Bai Ling in Edmond

  • Annabeth Gish in Brotherhood (TV)

  • Jennifer Aniston in The Break-Up

  • Barbara Nedeljakova in Hostel

  • Kyra Sedgwick in Loverboy

  • Sarah Polley in The Secret Life of Words

  • Sophia Myles in Art School Confidential

  • Katherine Heigl in Side Effects

  • Amanda Righetti in Angel Blade

  • Lauren Lee Smith in Lie With Me

  • Robin Tunney in Open Window

  • Kate Winslet in Little Children

  • Leela Savasta in Masters of Horror:Haeckel's Tale (TV)

  • Edie Falco in The Quiet

  • Tara Fitzgerald in In a Dark Place

  • Kristanna Loken in Bloodrayne

  • Crystal Lowe in Final Destination 3

  • Chelan Simmons in Final Destination 3

  • Helena Bonham Carter in Conversations with Other Women

  • Sarah Lassez in Mad Cowgirl

  • Candace Smith in Beerfest

  • Naomie Harris in Miami Vice

  • Gong Li in Miami Vice

  • Asia Argento in The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things

  • Meital Dohan in God's Sandbox

  • Meital Dohan in Weeds (TV)

  • Monet Mazur in Stoned

  • Monet Mazur in Whirlygirl

  • Zara Taylor in Hollow Man 2

  • Zara Taylor in Totally Awesome

  • Abbie Cornish in Somersault

  • Abbie Cornish in Candy

  • Tuva Novotny in Stoned

  • Tiffany Shepis in Abominable

  • Irene Montala in Russian Dolls

  • Anne Steffens in Russian Dolls

  • Alice Braga in Lower City

  • Susan Anbeh in Agnes and his Brothers

  • Maria Botto in Only Human

  • Vanessa Ferlito in Shadowboxer

  • Jordana Brewster in Nearing Grace

  • Olivia Colman in Confetti

  • Sook Yin Lee in Shortbus

  • Rinko Kikuchi in Babel

  • Julianne Nicholson in Flannel Pajamas

  • Rachel Bella in Jimmy and Judy

  • Jolene Blalock in Slow Burn

  • Stephanie Leonidas in The Feast of the Goat

  • Joy Bryant in Get Rich or Die Trying

  • Nora Zehetner in Conversations with Other Women

  • Anna Friel in Niagara Motel

  • Pell James in The King

  • Samantha Noble in See No Evil

  • Stephanie Sherrin in Kids in America

  • Leonor Varela in Americano

  • Samantha Mcleod in Snakes on A Plane

  • Diora Baird in HotTamale

  • Caroline Dhavernas in These Girls

  • Holly Lewis in These Girls

  • Pollyanna Mcintosh in Headspace

  • Laura Bottrell in Huff (TV)

  • Nicole Robinson in Huff (TV)

  • Marisa Coughlan in Masters of Horror:Damned Thing (TV)

  • Paula Malcolmson in Deadwood (TV)

  • Sarah Pachelli in Deadwood (TV)

  • Kattia Ortiz in Entourage (TV)

  • Gina Torres in The Shield (TV)

  • Misti Traya in Nip Tuck (TV)




MIAMI VICE (2006):

Miami Vice is Michael Mann's attempt to win the Oscar for Best Foreign Film. Not only was it filmed in ten different countries, but the dialogue should be delivered with subtitles. Irishman Colin Farrell plays Sonny Crockett and Irishman Ciaran Hinds plays an FBI agent named Fujima (a Japanese-American with an Irish accent?). The finest bit of acting was contributed by Chinese superstar Gong Li who, in order to fit into the cast, learned to speak both English and Spanish with an Irish accent.

I kid.

But not really.

To be serious for a moment, I have to admit that I was totally engrossed in this film, which is amazing when you consider that I didn't have the slightest idea what was going on. It grabbed me from the first shots, and held my attention for almost the full length of every scene, although a few scenes go on too long in real time with no additional point to the extended time (like a shower scene with Jamie Foxx and Naomie Harris). The cinematography and editing are excellent. The soundtrack works perfectly with the visuals to maintain steady tension and an ongoing sense of paranoia. The scenes in Havana were actually filmed in Havana; the scenes at Iguazu Falls were filmed there; the scenes in Port au Prince were filmed there, and so forth.

While there is essentially no action in the first 90 minutes of the film, there is the omnipresent sense that things might blow up at any minute. In the past I have been a strong opponent of the film school which preaches that the mysterious absence of action is, in itself, a form of action. I strongly dislike movies like Picnic at Hanging Rock in which nothing is actually significant but everything seems significant in context. Two guys walk down a mountain trail together. That's it. That's the action. But it works, or at least it is supposed to work, because something terrible may have happened on that mountain. Some girls disappeared there. Or did they? Well, you get the idea, which is that even everyday events - i.e. "nothing" - can be significant in context. But the practical implementation of that theory has never really worked for me. I find Picnic at Hanging Rock to be a total bore. Thus I was surprised to see that the mere foreboding, absent the actual boding, worked for me in the first half of Miami Vice. Michael Mann maintains the constant feeling that something is about to go wrong, and he does so in order to place the audience into the paranoid mindset of undercover cops. We feel what they feel, and often that means we feel like we aren't going to leave the room alive.

In order to understand the film's atmosphere and characterization, and even to buy into the likelihood of the plot developments, it is essential to answer a question for yourself. Why would guys like Crockett and Tubbs do what they do? They live with the treat of exposure every minute of their lives. They are apparently 100% honest, which means we can rule out the profit motive and assume that they risk their lives for the paycheck of a vice officer in his 30s. Maybe a grand a week? So why do they do it? The answer is that they get off on it. They get off on standing unarmed, face-to-face with the toughest-ass cocaine barons, who are backed by legions of men armed with AK-47s. They get off on telling the entire U.S. Government to stuff it, because they're going to do it their way. They want to be on the edge all of the time. They're addicted to their own adrenalin. If you don't buy into that, you will never get past the film's driving force: the relationship between Sonny and the scheming girlfriend of a drug lord. At first you will assume that Crockett is starting up the relationship in order to get deeper into the ... er ... organization, but it turns out that he's just a guy making a move on a woman. Maybe it's even true love. It is possible that his feelings for her will blow his own team's undercover op. It's equally possible that the drug lord will find out and have them both fed to sharks. But, as he says, he's "not playing around, this is real." He's getting off on risk, and romancing the drug lord's woman is the riskiest, most reckless thing he can do, because it puts him on the wrong side of good guys and bad.

Having offered my share of praise for the superb direction of this film and my defense of its premise, I have to add that I consider it a great disappointment. "Why," you are thinking, "because it's not like the series?" No, not at all. I think that it is a perfect update of the series. The film did for 21st century Miami what the TV show did for the same world a quarter of a century earlier. Each of them captured the zeitgeist of its own time and place. The reason for my disappointment is that the script wasn't really worth producing in the first place. It is a formulaic cops-and-robbers plot with too many undeveloped characters and far too much confusion. There were times when I didn't even know how all the bad guys fit together. In addition, there's nothing special about the dialogue, there's no comic relief at all, and there's no memorable villain. Without Michael Mann's genius, this would have been a routine two-hour special episode of a TV cop show. Even with Mann's genius, the film leaves no lasting impression other than it was continually, unrelentingly intense. 'Tis a shame. Mann should have left the project on the back burner until he truly had something special. If he had done that, given a great script and his own considerable talent, he might have made one of the greatest crime films of all time. As it is, he just made a film which sizzles for a very long 135 minutes and then announces that the kitchen is closed and there will be no steak dinner. While I very much enjoyed the smell of steak, I left the theater hungry.

Pretty nice nudity from Naomie Harris, but nothing significant from the Gonger.

Naomie Harris (Film clip: zipped .wmv)
Li Gong aka Gong Li (Film clip: zipped .wmv)




The Other Crap site has simply become too big and detailed to fit into my Fun House column. It contains far too much info, too many graphics, too many news feeds, and too many embedded videos to include here. Plus the version was always a day out of synch.  You fans please catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.




Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.





Tracks (1976)

Tracks (1976) is a Henry Jaglom film staring Dennis Hopper as an army Sergeant escorting a body across country on a train. At first, he does just what you would expect from a soldier, he tries to pick up Taryn Power, a young hippy college girl. As the journey goes on, it becomes increasingly obvious that Hopper is not firing on all cylinders.

There will be times when you will be struggling to figure out what is real and what is only in Dennis Hopper's head. The soundtrack is probably the biggest clue as to the real meaning of this film. It is all WW II tunes, harkening back to a popular war full of heroes, who were welcomed home as such. In contrast, a deeply disturbed Hopper is escorting a coffin, and nobody seems to care.

In typical Jaglom style, much of the dialogue is improvised. I am not a huge fan of Jaglom and his technique, especially the wordy improvisation. In this case, it was not enough to ruin the performances from the leads, and the power of the story. Hopper gives the performance of his life, and the ending will blow you away.

This is a C+.

IMDb readers say 5.4 based on only 80 votes.

This has been a forgotten film, and nearly impossible to find, making this DVD release long overdue. It features a great transfer and a feature length commentary with Henry Jaglom and Dennis Hopper.

Scoop's note: Taryn Power is the daughter of screen legend Tyrone Power, who died when Taryn was 5. She attempted to establish a screen career of her own in the mid seventies, but failed. She was gone from the acting world after 1977, but made two brief comebacks. She appeared in a grade-Z horror movie in 1984. Then in 1990 Henry Jaglom remembered her and gave her a small role in "Eating."

At one time she was engaged to Richard Chamberlain, who was 19 years older, They never married. Gee, I think I can guess why not. Chamberlain was gay as a blade. I'm guessing she may finally have figured it out.


Taryn Power shows both breasts.












Before heading out with the Time Machine we have some caps and two .wmv zipped clips zipped together from "The Covenant: Brotherhood of Evil," aka "Canes." Sandra Steiers has some brief boobage getting it on with some office lovemaking.

Then we are off to 1970 for Goldie Hawn in caps from "There's A Girl in My Soup." The always delectable Goldie is naked, yet we really don't see that much. She was and still is one hot babe.









Notes and collages

The Celebrity Shower Museum opens a Virginia Madsen wing


Virginia Madsen in Creator

....a young Virgina Madsen aglow as a perky "teen." She looked great yet I prefer her performances after this film as she developed as an actress...




Virginia Madsen in Gotham

This HBO production is about a private detective (with flexible scruples) who is hired to get a man's dead wife to stop haunting him.  It's one of my favorite films ... I recommend it to those of you who like the offbeat...




Dann reports on Baby Blood:

This strange 1990 horror tale from France (with an English soundtrack) has plenty of blood and gore, plenty of nudity, and a story that is very weird.

The newly pregnant wife of a circus owner lives a miserable existence, abused by her husband, and forced to work with wild animals. A new leopard from Africa dies shortly after arrival, but unknown to anyone, the evil creature that was inside the leopard escapes, burrows into the vagina of the sleeping wife, and takes over her fetus. The creature then starts demanding the woman obtain blood for it any way she can. Powerless to resist, the woman searches for victims for her new "baby".

Very strange but oddly fascinating, this weirdo isn't for everyone, but horror fans, especially fans of Troma-like horror, should love it.

Emmanuelle Escourrau







from "Total Eclipse" , the Rimbaud - Verlaine film

Romane Bohringer


and Kettly Noel



From "Triple Cross", a James Bond-wannabe spy film

Romy Schneider nude backside in the dark


and unknown cutie



From "Une souris chez les hommes", a classic French Louis de Funes comedy,

see thru from Dany Carrel


... and Dora Doll.


Sexy as hell those gals!


From "Hold-up", a Canadian Belmondo caper

Kim Cattrall, or her body-double, nude

SCOOP'S NOTE: I had no idea that this scene existed. I don't know whether it is a body double. I don't know why Kim would need one or ask for one, but the simple fact of the matter is that the scene was shot in a clumsy way to avoid exposing her face, which is almost a sure sign.


From "L' aile ou la couisse", a Louis de Funes farce

Annie Girardot :-) !! cute


and Ann Zacharias for footlovers



From "Plein Soleil", Rene Clair's take on the Ripley story,

Marie Laforet sexy and tanned



From "Le Gang", an Alain Delon gang film

Nicole Calfane, nipple visible.


(Also: Check out Delon's Wig!!!)



From "Le Gitan", another Delon "social issue & policier" film,

some unknowns sexy see thru and topless



From "Le solitaire" , another Belmondo "policier,"

an unknown sexy



From "L' important c' est d' aimer," Zulawski's existential drama

various unknowns nude from an orgy scene



From "L' Algerie de chimaire" , a French (TV serial?)

cute Vahina Giocante


And Greek-French Anna Mouglalis








We have come to expect a paparazzi shot of a semi-nude hotel heiress at least once per week. What we didn't expect is that the heiress would be Sophia Hyatt.




Maggie Gyllenhaal in Sherrybaby




Maggie Gyllenhaal in Happy Endings




Lisa Kudrow in Happy Endings