Till Human Voices Wake Us (2002):

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

"The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" - by T.S. Eliot

In order to honor his father's last request, a young psychiatrist takes his father's body to be buried in the small Australian town where he grew up.  While he is there, he encounters and saves the life of a mysterious woman who has lost her memory. Meanwhile, as happens to so many of us in similar circumstances, everyone and everything in his small town cause him to relive some memories about his first sweetheart. The past and present stories advance in parallel, each of them moving in chronological order, each of them driven by something hidden from the audience. As we follow the childhood story, we can see that the two likeable adolescents are deeply and innocently in love, and we wonder what ever happened to that beautiful love. In the adult story, we want to know the identity of the strange woman. We suspect strongly that the two stories may be closely related, and that the girl in the past may be the same person as the unidentified woman, but we can't see exactly how it will play out.

For about 30 minutes, I was completely enthralled by this movie: the music, the photography, the mysteries, and the understated acting were all blended perfectly to hold a consistent tone. That particular tone was a bit dreary and morose for my usual taste, and the presentation was a bit effete and lofty, but the story had enough mystery to pull me in.

And then it failed me. It was obvious enough that the two women were the same, and certain other details were also obvious (e.g., so many different references to drowning, including the film's title), so the film needed to derive its power not from what it revealed, but from how it revealed those things. Sadly, it failed. About 70 minutes into the film, I caught myself shouting at the screen, "Will you get on with it?" The film just didn't have enough exposition for its 100 minutes of running time, so it got stuck into a stasis mode where it simply lingered upon the psychiatrist's not-quite-imminent realization of what was by then completely obvious. The pace of the film didn't just slow down. It literally stopped completely. Complete conversations from the childhood scenes were repeated in the adult scenes. A long word association game was replicated, in which the adult woman gives the same creative and quick-witted responses as her childhood alter ego. A VERY long word game.

Is it because this kind of gimmicky Rod Serling story can't possibly be extended for 100 minutes? No, I don't think that could be the whole answer because Shyamalan made a good full-length movie out of The Sixth Sense, although he started with nothing but the a trick ending and worked backward. Adrian Lyne's ghost story, Jacob's Ladder, managed to hold me entranced through two consecutive sittings - the second one after I knew all the secrets. Those films simply work better than this film. Their details are more interesting, and their clues are subtler and more complicated. I think the real problem with Till Human Voices Wake Us is that the present-day portion of the exposition is just too boring, especially when it keeps presenting explicit parallels to the childhood section long after we "get it." I found myself dozing off during the present-day scenes in the second half of the movie, but I came back to life every time the film switched back to the childhood portion, in which the two kids did a marvelous job.

I can't recall when I have been so disappointed by a film which initially seemed so intriguing. In fact, I hated typing those words, because to do so seemed very much like betraying or bad-mouthing someone once dearly loved. Damn, this should have been a great movie. I wish I could keep the first 30 minutes and get a do-over on the rest. Just as if it were a former lover, I don't regret the love I once had for this film, and I'm glad I watched it. In fact, I'm glad to see that it overcame harsh reviews to achieve a respectable IMDb score and to acquire some fervent supporters, because it deserves to find the people who will love it as it is, and not want to change it.


Helena Bonham Carter


Other Crap:

For the record: these are NOT pictures of Jennifer Aniston

  • They have been around forever, and somebody drags them out about once a year and starts the claim again. They are just some random woman posted on VoyeurWeb many years ago. A celebrity imager named Sisyphus, who is well known in the online imaging community, "created" the Aniston ruse many years ago. Here is his confession, which was posted to a popular imaging bulletin board:

    "I want to apologize to anyone who may have been embarassed or have gotten angry over a series of faked celebrity pics that I did a while back as a goof to screw with a buddy. You see I have this friend who thinks that every decent shot of a celeb that he personally hasn't found himself is a fake, and that every damn fake that he finds is real. I'm sure every one of you knows one of these guys, so here's what I did. I bet him that I could give him a disc with 50 pics of celebs on it and within the collection there would be a small number of fakes that I made, his task obviously was to sort them out. I gave him the disc and a week to figure it out, he failed miserably mainly because he did the unexpected and he posted them to a newsgroup and waited for the replies. Unfortunately once he did that the fakes went mainstream and to this day haunt me for which I offer my deepest apologies to all.


    • The Jewel beach pics came out first and the debate raged on with some of my friends putting together this rather impressive presentation as to why the pics had to be real. Sorry, guys.
    • When the SMG/Appleton pic first turned up I immediately contacted the original scanner and and explained what happened and he called me a few choice names then forgave my indiscretions. Why the use of his logo? Obvious subterfuge to keep my friend off track. Sorry, again.
    • The final set was a collage of a Jennifer Aniston lookalike I found on voyeurweb that required no editing just her name tacked on.

    The pics weren't meant to hurt anyone or to go public but I should have known better. I regret that bet every time one of them pops up not so much for doing it but because those damn pics seem to be the only images that I've worked on that anyone actually kept!!"


  • This one is also old, but it is really Aniston. It is the picture that prompted her suit against Celebrity Skin, based on the fact that she was in her own back yard at the time, not on a public beach, and the picture therefore represented an invasion of privacy, at least according to her argument. The picture was taken on February 28, 1999, and was first published in Eva Tremila Magazine, April 14, 1999.

"you can drastically improve your luck and quality of life simply by sleeping with Weekly World News under your pillow!" Surprisingly enough, this quote comes from Scientific American. Or not.

"A judge has told Sam Buck that she can't call her coffee shop Sam Buck's. "

Released prisoner steals a car three minutes after being released.

The script for The Pianist

Mr Twig now has the season finale of South Park.

  • "Stan is embarrassed in front of his friends when his dad is arrested for drunk driving. In a neighboring town, a bleeding statue of Mary is discovered and the faithful are flocking to the site hoping to be healed. Stan's dad is sure the bleeding Virgin can cure him of his 'disease.' "

The world's most offensive holiday videos, featuring a Charlie Brown Kwanzaa and Rudolph the Five Legged Reindeer

The early reviews for The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe (76% positive - but the positive reviews are more respectful than gushing.)

Stephen Colbert interviews Anderson Cooper

Colbert discusses the uncertain future of pension plans.

Stephen Colbert discusses the war on Christmas.

Conan's latest Celebrity Survey

The trailer for Dreamgirls

  • "Based on the Tony Award-winning musical, 'Dreamgirls' set in the turbulent late 1960s and early '70s, 'Dreamgirls' follows the rise of a trio of women -- Effie (Jennifer Hudson), Deena (Beyonce Knowles) and Lorrell (Anika Noni Rose) -- who have formed a promising girl group called The Dreamettes. At a talent competition, they are discovered by an ambitious manager named Curtis Taylor, Jr. (Jamie Foxx), who offers them the opportunity of a lifetime: to become the back-up singers for headliner James 'Thunder' Early (Eddie Murphy). Curtis gradually takes control of the girls' look and sound, eventually giving them their own shot in the spotlight as The Dreams. That spotlight, however, begins to narrow in on Deena, finally pushing the less attractive Effie out altogether. Though the Dreams become a cross-over phenomenon, they soon realize that the cost of fame and fortune may be higher than they ever imagined."

Nicole Richie is no longer engaged, presumably because her former fiance finally went to an optometrist.

Former British PM Margaret Thatcher in hospital

  • It appears from the photograph that her hair has become too big for her head to support.
  • Doctors are uncertain whether to build in an cantilevered neck support or just call a barber

Kate Moss topless video taken by paparazzi - in the middle of New York City

Video - "Hottie shows off her tits in a restaurant"

Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie has confessed to urinating on stage during a recent concert."

  • Big Deal. All the great ones do it. Steve and Edie would often douse the front row, and I think Sinatra once peed on the queen at a royal command performance. Occupational hazard.

Aniston paparazzo tells his side of the story

Air Sickness Bag Virtual Museum!

"RUMSFELD: WAR IN IRAQ GOING WELL ON EARTH II" ... Reports Significant Process in Parallel Universe

"Jennifer Aniston has reportedly burned her wedding dress."

  • I'm thinkin' that whole still Pitt thing still crosses her mind from time to time
  • I can relate. I never got over the death of Mr Greenjeans. I loved that guy. Er ... in a manly way, of course.

Jon Stewart looks at the case for Saddam's defense

Jon Stewart talks to Michelle Yeoh about the rigors of Geisha training

The Daily Show discusses broadcast indecency

The Daily Show - The Death Limo of Death

  • All Americans can relate to one woman's chilling story of the Super-Stretch Death Limo of Death.

"Need an alibi? You can buy one!"

  • "For instance, if you lie about going to an out-of-town seminar, the Alibi Network provides fake e-mail confirmations, a fake hotel reception desk to answer calls, and even doctored photographs."

But it was REALLY good cheese ... Memphis woman hires a hit man to kill four men for a block of cheese

  • She made two minor errors (1) what she thought was cocaine was cheese (2) what she thought was a hit man was a police officer

The early reviews for King Kong

Top Ten Euphemisms For Torture

Astro pic o' the Day: Europe at Night


Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Love is a Splendid Illusion (1969):

Love is a Splendid Illusion seems to be a cautionary tale about the dangers of free love. Simon Brent is loving with Lisa Collings and their son, spends most evenings with his dollybird, Maxine Casson, and, it is inferred, samples anything in skirts that appeals to him. In fact, his interior design business is failing because he spends so much time chasing skirts. To win an important contract, he takes Collings for a holiday to Italy, where he hopes to revive his failing relationship with her, and meet the man who is to award the contract. The piece of the puzzle he is missing is that Collings has been screwing the man every afternoon for months.

While on holiday, he is pursued by the hotel hooker, Anna Matisse, and has a fling with Andree Flamand, wife of another guest. This nearly destroys his relationship with Collings, which he realizes is the one that is important to him.

Maxine Casson does full frontal. Andree Flamand does breasts and buns. Anna Matisse and Lisa Collings show breasts. This appears to be a forgotten film, with only 11 votes at IMDb, and no reviews. That is probably as it should be. There was nothing special here. Musical beds sometimes works as a comedy, and can even toss in a moral for redeeming social content, but this was told straight. I suppose if I could have found sympathy for any of the characters, I may have felt differently, but I was totally uninterested in who slept with whom, and the nudity and sex was way too tame by modern standards to be of interest. This one should have remained lost in obscurity. D+.


Andree Flamand
Anna Matisse
Lisa Collings
Maxine Casson



Samantha Phillips in "Passion Cove"


Today "Hankster" goes "Hardcore". From "Fashionistas," which is a high budget hardcore, we have Kate Frost, who gives it all up and has every hole in her body filled.


It's time for my weekly update on the TV-series Rome. Today we'll take a closer look at episode 6 - "Egeria," which is richly filled both plot-wise and nudity-wise. Atia, played by Polly Walker, decides that it's time for her too book-minded son Octavian to become a man. Therefore he must penetrate someone, otherwise she'll have his books burnt. And since her son knows she means it, he obliges. For that purposes his guard Titus Pullo takes him to an upperclass brothel where young Octavian chooses Egeria to spank his monkey. Egeria is played by Francesca Fowler and we get to see her in 2 clips. (1, 2)

Atia herself is still doing Mark Anthony in one clip, but this relationship is probably ending. Not only was she talking about marriage, she also wanted him to betray her uncle Caesar, who is in a spot of bother against Pompey who fled to Greece. Furthermore Atia, or is it Polly speaking, informs us about how endowed she likes her men. Do you dare to took a look for yourself? I only chose this short fragment, there's lots more of this guy in the episode. BTW the man is actually a gift for Servilia, who was Caesar's mistress until Atia broke off the relationship in one of her sordid ways.

Mark Anthony distracts himself with a topless swordfight between two girls, an unknown one and Cynhia (Francesca Berrettini) in 1 clip. Lucius Vorenus patches things up with his wife Niobe (Indira Varma), as you can see in this clip. Then there is still this young, attractive and svelte woman people go to to make a wish. I wish the young, atttractive and svelte part of my previous sentence would become true. But duty calls for our heros Lucius and Titus when Mark Anthony sends his army to Caesar's rescue in Greece. On their way over there the boats end up in a heavy storm and they seem in big touble. Will they survive? Tune in next week.

I can't remember if this is a repeat, but it's Monica Bellucci, dammit!

Here is that incredibly hot sex scene Clare Carey did on Weeds! (Zipped .wmv)

Pat's comments in yellow...

Closed To Take Stock - Giant mega-churches have often been criticized for
putting secular comforts ahead of religion, but this takes the prize:
several mega-churches across America announced that they will be closed on Christmas, even though it falls on a Sunday. One theology professor said
it showed a "consumer mentality;' that they were afraid to make church in
any way inconvenient.  But the pastors are expecting low attendance while
members are off opening gifts and having big dinners, so they plan to
worship in preceding days and take Christmas off as a "family day."

*  They figured, "What Would Jesus Do?  He'd take the day off to unwrap His
birthday presents!"


What Kinda Job You Want? - The Schulz & Co. bordello in Berlin, Germany, is
right next door to the unemployment office, so they have started bringing
in customers on slow nights by offering a discount rate of less than $20
for jobless men.  One jobless man said he could only have his fun every
couple of months, but now he goes twice a month for a rock-bottom price,
and the quality of service is the same.  Not quite, though: an employee
named Gina said they don't get "the long talks that we usually do to get a
client going. At that price we can't afford to waste that much time."

*  But how can men enjoy visiting a hooker if there's no foreplay?!

*  Luckily, the government health service now provides free Viagra.

*  It's nice of her to empathize with the jobless, considering she'll never
be unemployed.


That's What Christmas Is All About, Charlie Brown - A group of Druids
recreated an ancient blessing ceremony for mistletoe in Tenbury Wells,
England, which grows much of the mistletoe used for Christmas parties.  The
Druids also revealed the little-known reason why mistletoe is associated
with kissing.  It's because it blooms in the dark womb of wintertime, and
it was considered to be "the semen of the gods and of the forest," because
the berries are filled with a juice that resembles semen.

*  I'll bet you don't want to kiss under it now, do you?

*  This must be why Bill Clinton always hangs a sprig on his belt buckle. 

*  I don't think I want to hear the Druid explanation of "the Yule log." 

*  If that's how Druids think, no wonder they're always sporting wood.