Madame Hollywood (2002) is a very weak T & A piece totally unknown to IMDb. It stars Mia as a midwestern girl who comes to Hollywood with her boyfriend hoping to become and actress. She end sup without the boyfriend, but running a brothel. As the film opens, we see two vice cops listening in on Katie Lohman with a John. They bust Mia, and the rest of the film is her statement to the police.
She ran ito the usual sleazy casting directors, and eventually came home to find her boyfriend in bed with another woman. She went to work as a stripper, and eventually started turning tricks. The strip club owner, played by adult star Hershal Savage, was taking too high a percentage, so she and three other girls quit and opened the brothel. She manages to charm the vice cop, who didn't really like being a cop anyway, and everyone lives happily ever after.
Mia shows breasts in several scenes, including one where she proves she doesn't know the first thing about stripping. We have breasts and buns from Lohman during the opening scene, Shauna O'Brien dancing for a trick, and Brandy Miller, also proving she doesn't know how to strip.
This is talky, there is no heat in any of the sex or strip scenes, the plot is paper thin and predictable, the music is way too loud and intrusive, and the video quality is not good. On the other hand, all of the characters were likable, and the acting wasn't glaringly bad. With a nipple count of 8 in 60 minutes, it delivers the minimum for the genre, and is hence a low C-.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Waiting to Exhale (1995)
I suppose that IMDb is probably the best site on the internet if you
measure that by the difference between it and its nearest
competitor. If you score IMDb at 100, I don't know if the next best
film site is even a 25. I love the site and have visited it every
day for years and years. Why am I saying this. I guess cuz I'm about
to trash some elements of the rating system. The IMDb rating system
has its flaws. It is dominated by films which appeal to young, white
males. The most egregious example of that is that the execrable toy commercial known as Return of the Jedi is rated among the top 250
films of all time.
Waiting to Exhale is a chick flick, by any definition, including our
official objective measurement. (The IMDb male score minus IMDb
female score is 1.0 or more). It is a black chick flick. To
elaborate, it is a gentle, mature black chick flick about powerful,
educated, upper middle class women. To top it off, it
does a healthy bit of male-bashing. In other words
Waiting to Exhale is on the South Pole if IMDb's fan boys are on the
North, so this puppy ain't never headed for the Top 250.
It's actually a pretty decent flick, much better than you'd expect
from the 5.1 score at IMDb. It pulled in more than sixty million at
the box office, Roger Ebert scored it at three stars and Rotten
Tomatoes says it got 50% positive reviews.
Now don't get me wrong, lads, I didn't enjoy it that
much myself. Like most of you reading this, I'm into sports and guns
and hookers and poker and fast cars and sizzling steaks and tall
glasses of scotch and other manly, big penis stuff. This film has no
squinty-eyed shoot-outs in dusty saloons, no car chases through the
L.A. river, no gross belly laughs, and no sharks with frickin' laser beams. It has minimal
nudity, and all the sex is presented from the women's point of view.
In other words, it is missing all the things that make both life and
the movies worthwhile. Watching it is like hanging out with Oprah
for a couple of hours, pretending to be mature and evolved enough to
meet her standards. But although it is not my kind of movie, I can
recognize that the script tried to show the real problems faced by
people in this demographic. Even the most successful and beautiful
women find it as hard as the rest of us to find love, and have to
kiss a lot of frogs before they find a prince. This is not an
especially profound insight, and it is not particularly easy to
sympathize with these women who have material comfort and each
others' deep friendships for spiritual comfort, but at least the
film tried to speak honestly about their lives, and the box office
showed that many women were able to relate to the film's messages.
It was directed by Forest Whitaker in a quiet,
understated and subtle way that kept the film from degenerating into
a sassy, high fivin', "you go, girlfriend" kind of thing, which it
could easily have become. On the other hand, a little less dignity
and a little more energy and humor might have made the film work
better for me, because on the day I saw it, I left my vagina in my
California Split (1974)
This is a film about obsessive gamblers. The review today was
written not by me, but by our poker wizard, a professional gambler
himself, Silver Dollar Sam.
It's a Bob Altman film. As you know, Altman had two periods of
genius which occurred before and after a long dry spell. Altman was
a whiz from 1970 to 1975 or 1976, and then again from 1992 to the
present, more or less. In between those periods ... eh ... not so
much. This is from Altman's first period of genius, the 70s, when he
churned out M*A*S*H, Nashville, and McCabe and Mrs Miller. In fact,
this was the film he made just before Nashville.
The only (extremely dark) nudity comes from Alyce Passman, who had
never been in anything before, and has been in nothing since.
I've talked about this before. Funny movie!
There's no nudity in the movie or in the special features. The only
thing I wanted to talk about today is the alternate ending on the
DVD. The theatrical release ends with a great triumph for the
underdogs. Just as they lose the match, the bad guy gets called for
a foot fault, and the good guys come back to win, get a trillion
In the director's original ending, there was no foot fault. It ended
with the bad guys congratulating one another. No softening of any
kind. Bad guys slapping fives, run credits. The director fought to
keep that ending, but the studio made him re-shoot.
Wow! Artistically daring stuff! The film would probably not have
done as well commercially, but that would have been just about one
of a kind!
Firefox users ignore online ads, change the internet business
model. This coudl be a very big deal, because many
sites rely on ad revenues to maintain viability. If Firefox gains
share and clicks fall, ad revenues may fall. Then there will have
to be, as the business geeks say, "a new paradigm". Somehow, I
think we and the internet will survive.
Ultimate anti-spam guide: 11 products tested. (ZDNet)
- Did you think the movie Dodgeball was just kidding around?
Fox Sports Net has signed on to televise the World Rock Paper
Eliminating all questionable totals, the record for homers in a
year is re-set at 49. Ted Kluzewski now holds it, along
with Harmon Killebrew and F. Robby.
Homeland Security nominee was a deadbeat NYPD officer in 1987.
Former Miss Norway hangs around downtown Oslo in the buff.
That might not seem so weird to you if you've never spent a
December in Oslo. (Note: "Neste bilde" means "next picture". There
are a bunch of them.)
Indiana Man Killed By One Of His Pet Wildebeests. Hey,
in Indiana, this was big Gnus.
Staying put: Cubs, Nomar agree to 1-year deal. Nomar
got all the Red Sox heartbreak, none of the glory. Signing with
the Cubs secures his commitment to heartbreak.
Parents who oppose New Brunswick's middle school sex education
curriculum say the program's resource material includes internet
links to pornographic websites.
- Interesting question. It never occurred to me to question
this, but now that you mention it ...
did Vikings really wear horns on their helmets?
Michael Moore Urges Democrats to Embrace Hollywood.
The Candy Critic. Everything you ever wanted to know
about sweets. Check that. WAY more than you want to know.
Ten minutes from the new Adam Sandler comedy, Spanglish
C-grade celebrities hope that a peace rally will re-invigorate
The U.S. Supreme Court ruled today that San Diego officials were
right to fire a policeman who sold sexually explicit videotapes of
himself in uniform. The unsigned, unanimous opinion
reverses a Court of Appeals decision by the ever-wacky 9th
- The follow-up story:
Teen passes away. Dying wish for Cameron Diaz blow job never
Here's the trailer for Dark Water, Jennifer Connelly's new film.
: "Based on a film by the successful Japanese
filmmakers who created 'The Ring' comes this haunting, chilling
film about a young mother who goes to extreme lenghts to keep her
daughter safe. Dahlia Williams (Jennifer Connelly) is starting a
new life; newly separated with a new job and a new apartment,
she's determined to put her relationship with her estranged
husband behind her and devote herself to raising her daughter,
Ceci. But when the strained separation disintegrates into a bitter
custody battle, her situation takes a turn for the worse. Her new
apartment - dilapidated, cramped, and worn - seems to take on a
life of its own. Mysterious noises, persistent leaks of dark
water, and strange happenings cause her imagination to run wild,
leaving her to wonder who is behind the endless mind games. As
Dahlia frantically searches for the links between the riddles, the
dark water seems to close around her. But one thing trumps all
others in Dahlia's world: no matter what it is that's out there,
nothing is going to harm her little girl."
Fallujah.US has added more raw video footage from the US Military
Offensive in Fallujah
- I'm not really sure why you would want this, but here, in
Adobe-friendly format, is
just about every Beer Logo you can imagine
- Think there's no good reason to visit Cleveland as a tourist?
I guess you haven't heard about the
Contraception Museum, one of the very few places where
you can find out what crocodile dung and beaver-testicle tea have
in common. In fact, if you need to know that, your choices are
pretty much just the Cleveland Contraception Museum and the
Woody Guthrie's Hanukkah songs.
Craig Ferguson to replace Craig Kilborn. He beat out
the others on the short list: Craig T Nelson, Jenny Craig, and the
woman who used to be Batgirl.
Paris Hilton covers Lennon's "Fame", Blondie's "Heart of Glass".
Do you believe this album will not be ready for Christmas? This
would have been my Christmas present to everyone on my list. Now
you'll all be getting "Hung for the Holidays" instead.
Baby Spice as America's next pop diva?
Posh Spice as the Virgin Mary? Yes, in wax. Madame
Tussaud's has created a nativity scene from their wax celebrities.
- "David and Victoria Beckhams' waxworks take the role of Mary
and Joseph. President Bush, Tony Blair and The Duke of Edinburgh
are the Three Wise Men and Kylie Minogue is the Guardian Angel.
Other celebrities to feature in the nativity are Graham Norton,
Samuel L Jackson and Hugh Grant as shepherds."
- I did like the idea of one of the shepherds looking like
"Julie Andrews on heroin", but it turned out that the story was
mistaken. The third shepherd wasn't really a wax Hugh Grant. It
was the real Hugh Grant.
- Samuel L Jackson as a shepherd? "This here's the Sheep Dog.
When you absolutely, positively got to round up every
motherfuckin' sheep in the herd, accept no substitutes."
The Daily Show looks at the new troop levels in Iraq.
Jon says the military is calling up reservists who haven't served
since the 1960s.
- The best new Christmas song ---
Denis Leary's Merry Fuckin' Christmas.
Army-Navy Football Game: Full Text of President Bush's Pre-Coin
Toss Remarks (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)
The Pirelli Calendar for 2005. (Slow loader)
Here's the trailer for Appleseed: "With eye-popping,
in-your-face visuals, 'Appleseed' boasts a new form animation
called '3D Live Anime.' A combination of groundbreaking
three-dimensional computer animation, in conjunction with
two-dimensional character animation recreates the best qualities
of traditional cel-based anime. Set in the year 2131, after most
of the world has been devastated by war, 'Appleseed' chronicles
the battle between mankind and bioroids, a race of cybernetic
pseudo-clones designed to aid humans in domestic capacities. But
when ideologies flare and aggression rises to the surface, the
thin veneer of peaceful coexistence is shattered."
Ray Charles receives seven Grammy nominations. Death
can often be a good career move. Look what it did for Elvis.
Colin Powell's new job? Film critic. He and The Filthy
Critic should do a syndicated show together, like Siskel and
Uma Thurman becomes the new face of Louis Vuitton.
Princess Diana considered fleeing royal life with her palace
bodyguard lover Barry Mannakee.
- This story has two parts: the first part is that a family put
their late grandfather's ghost and cane up for sale on e-bay. The
explanation was a cute story and the auction fetched $105.
Here's the actual e-bay link.
Now here's MSNBC's version of the story - Ghost cane nets $65,000
on eBay. So which is it? $105 or $65,000?
Misheard lyrics for Christmas Songs (aka Mondegreens)
More crazy-ass behavior alleged against Naomi
Weekly World News - "World's Priciest Hooker Charges a Million
Dollars Per Night"
A new clip from The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
Here's a useful Google Utility - unsafe search. It
performs a full search and a safe search, and then shows you only
the difference between the two!!
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
'Caps and comments by Hankster:
No "Damsels in Distress" today, just a little "Hankster Lite".
First up the always delectable Heather Locklear with some cleavage in "Return of Swamp Thing".
Then we move on to Amanda Detmer with an almost but not quite topless scene in "Saving Silverman".
- Amanda Detmer
'Caps and comments by Vejiita:
Part 2 of 2.
The second batch of 'caps featuring scenes from "Sexo con Amor", a very good sex comedy from Chile.
Sigrid Alegría plays a teacher who is having an affair with the father of one of her students.
María Izquierdo plays a wife that isn't interested in sex anymore, so she leaves her husband always horny.
Javiera Díaz de Valdés plays a niece of Maria Izquierdo who comes from France and had a thing for her uncle ever since she was a little girl, so she keeps teasing him, making him even hornier.
- Sigrid Alegría, baring all 3 B's.
- María Izquierdo, topless in the tub.
- Javiera Díaz de Valdés, toplessness, plus brief pube views in links 1, 8 and 10.
||The busty adult star appearing topless and playing with her big'uns on German TV (circa 1990).
||An even bustier babe! Here is Kitten topless in scenes from the 1983 teen sex/comedy/drama, "My Tutor" (1983).
||The German actress showing some cleavage in scenes from "Im Tal des Schweigens" (2004).
||The Austrian born actress going topless in a scene from "Berlin Is In Germany" (2001).
'Caps and comments by Dann:
National Lampoon has a reputation for outrageousness, and their 2004 direct-to-video spoof of reality shows is about as twisted and brazen as you'll find. I'm one of those that think reality shows are total garbage, not to mention totally staged and unrealistic, but I will admit that the contents of this movie left me rolling on the floor.
Supposedly, the film is a compilation of vignettes of episodes that never aired, and were sent to National Lampoon in reponse to a call for submissions early in 2004. I personally suspect some were staged just for the movie, but either way, they get the point across.
Episodes include segments of Amazing Racist, where a racist purposely offends minorities to see if he gets the crap beaten out of himself, The Whore, where guys who think they are on a dating show are interrupted in the middle of sex to be told that the woman is a prostitite (who then tells the audience what a crummy lay they were), Casting Couch, where women are convinced to read plots for scripts not containing nudity - in the nude, Caught Stealing, where contestants must steal things without getting caught, American Porn Star, where contestants compete in front of the all-porn-star judge panel, Take That Drug, where contestants binge on drugs until the last person stands, and several other equally outrageous segments.
Totally gross, crude, immoral, offensive, inappropriate, and oh yes, funny. Even if none of these were real, they make a point and they make you laugh.
'Caps and comments by Spaz:
"Further Tales of the City" (2001) (miniseries)
Sequel to Tales of the City this time with alot of male frontal nudity.
Eddie Murphy buddy movie co-starring some guy who resembles Nick Nolte.
"Shanghai Noon" (2000)
Jackie Chan western-comedy with buddy who also resembles Nicke Nolte.
"Ordinary Magic" (1993)
This could have passed as a family movie if it
wasn't for a Glenne Headley's doing her
"Paradise Falls": Season 2, week 12
This week it's Michelle Latimer's turn to show some skin.
Next week is the season final.
- Cherilee Taylor: doing what all wiccans do, mixing potions while
topless in the kitchen.
- Michelle Latimer: boobs almost falling out of her domitrax outfit
while getting spanked.
||Thanks go out to DeadRed for these 'caps of Mimi baring all in scenes from "The Door in the Floor". Look for it on DVD next Tuesday.
|Señor Skin 'caps of the Spanish actress topless and baring her bum in scenes from 1985's "Padre nuestro" aka "Our Father".
Subject: Was that Catalina Larranaga?
I nearly fell out of my chair!
I was watching the tube the other day, and a commercial comes on for Winners stores (Canadian division of TJ MAXX... Who do I notice playing the everyday Mom in a nice, button down, floral print dress, but Catalina Larranaga!
Thought I was nuts for a second, but I'm certain it's her, and it's relatively new too. Kinda strange considering I thought she was still getting regular work from the Skinemax field, and didn't think she had any Canadian ties....
Just wondering if anyone can confirm.
Subject: Catherine Zeta-Jones
Up here in Canada, on Showcase they recently showed "Sheherazade", Catherine Zeta-Jones' first movie (also called "1001 Nights").
Unfortunately, it seemed edited as the famous airplane scene was missing. Is there an edited version? Can anyone shed a light on this?
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
BUSHES MEET P. DIDDY
So Embarrassed, He Nearly Died - Sean "P. Diddy" Combs ran his "Vote Or
Die" campaign to defeat President Bush, but he didn't realize that the
White House tour he took over the weekend would be conducted by George and
Laura personally. The New York Post reports that Bush kept saying, "So
you're Sean Combs?" When it was revealed that he and Laura share a
birthday, the President suggested they celebrate jointly next year. P.
Diddy said, "I'll arrange that," and as he left, said, "You have a nice
Bush replied, "Thanks, but it's only ours for FOUR MORE YEARS!!!"
He's a lot nicer when they make him leave his guns at the door.
Bush even offered to host their joint birthday party, at the Dairy Queen
in Crawford, Texas.
Bush was really nice, although he kept calling Combs "Puffy-Puff."
Bush didn't even recognize him...He thinks P. Diddy is something Barney
the dog leaves on the White House carpet.
FANS PROTEST GODZILLA'S RETIREMENT
Gozilla Vs. Botox - At least one movie star is fighting back against
ageism. Godzilla's 28th movie, "Godzilla Final Wars," is being sold as his
final film before his imposed retirement at age 50. But saddened fans at
the Tokyo premiere said they need him to keep wreaking havoc to smash their
daily stress. Director Ryuhei Kitamura told the crowd that marketing
executives and producers say this is Godzilla's last film, but "it's a
lie," and if this movie succeeds, he'll make a comeback in a few years.
He's the Barbra Streisand of big, fire-breathing reptiles... which I
realize is redundant.
Before he comes back, he'll need a lot of plastic surgery to smooth out
his scaly complexion.
Of course, if he comes back over 50, he won't get lead roles
anymore...He'll have to play the dad parts.
KEEPING A WARY EYE ON SANTA
Is That Elf Mooning The Camera? - To ease parents' fears after a number of
high profile pedophile cases, the St. Elli shopping center in Llanelli,
Wales, installed a webcam in their Santa's grotto so parents can keep an
eye on Santa. Also, the kids will have to sit beside Santa rather than on
And there will be a sheet of plexiglass between them.
Instead of a photo of your child with Santa, you can buy a video of the
surveillance camera footage.
Now, Santa knows what it's like to have someone constantly watching him
to make sure he's not naughty.
They never should've let Michael Jackson play Santa last year.