French Cinema Nudity is updated.




The Rob Zombie remake of Halloween is not one of those Gus van Sant frame-by-frame recreations. It is a re-imaging of the story with a strong focus on Michael's childhood, and as such it invites us to have some compassion or at least understanding for the killer who was just an aloof masked icon, almost a ghost, in the original film. Yes, he's still a vicious killing machine in the remake, but now we get some handle on why that is true.

Childhood life in Michael's white trash home consists of nothing but incessant screaming and arguing. School life isn't any better, since Michael gets bullied regularly and taunted about his promiscuous sister and his stripper mom. The cumulative effect of bullying from schoolmates as well as from his no-good lowlife stepfather finally cause Michael to snap one Halloween when he bludgeons a bully to death, then slaughters his stepfather, his slutty sister and her boyfriend. He spares his stripper mom and a baby sister. Although Michael takes no responsibility for his crimes and even denies that he committed them, institutionalization seems to go along peacefully until Michael kills a member of the hospital staff, whereupon his mother realizes her sweet little boy will be in the loony bin for life, and kills herself. The loss of his beloved mother causes Michael to snap into yet another state of consciousness and he spends the next fifteen years as a virtual vegetable, working quietly in his room painting and gluing mask after mask.

That changes one night when two redneck warders rape a new female inmate in Michael's bed as he glues his masks together. Something about the violence of the incident rouses Michael from his virtual coma, and he goes on a killing spree inside the institution, then escapes and heads back to his childhood home, in search of the baby sister he can barely remember. She's now living as Laurie Strode, the original Jamie Lee Curtis character.

Once Michael arrives in his home town, the film assumes more or less the same direction as the original Halloween, with the madman killing horny teenagers by the busload, coming ever closer to Laurie while the local sheriff and the psychiatrist try to figure out his next move.

One of Rob Zombie's most interesting casting choices was to use Danielle Harris as one of the horny teenagers who gets attacked. This provides some continuity with the earlier Halloween films, because Danielle played a pre-pubescent kid in Halloween 4 and 5. "Wait a minute," you might be thinking, "How could she have been 12 years old in 1989, and be playing a teenager in 2007?" Fair enough question. She did play a high school senior in Zombie's film, but she's actually 30 years old. She has an unlined face, she's very tiny, and she handled the lines right, so she pulled it off. To tell you the truth, I never gave her age any thought while I was watching the film. I completely bought in to her performance as a high school girl. It was only afterward, when I was preparing to write my comments that I looked at the math and realized that something was amiss.

Danielle's casting was one sign among many that Zombie is a real horror fanboy who knows his screen history. The background cast includes just about everyone who has ever made a B movie and is still alive: Leslie Easterbrook, Danny Trejo, Udo Kier, Clint Howard, Malcolm MacDowell, Dee Wallace, William Forsythe, Brad Dourif, Sybil Danning, Sid Haig, Ezra Buzzington, Mickey Dolenz ... the list goes on. I read somewhere that Adrienne Barbeau was also in this at one time, but appears to have been left on the cutting room floor.

Zombie has delivered all the genre requirements and followed the genre traditions meticulously to make Halloween an old school horror film in the 70s-80s style. For example, teenagers who have sex get killed, but not before we see them naked. If you ever wake up and find yourself cast as a teenager in a horror film, make sure you're the one who wants to study for the priesthood. Three young couples have sex in Halloween, then get attacked. Those characters supply virtually 100% of the film's nudity, and Kristina Klebe goes the extra mile, offering full frontal and rear views as well as plenty of naughty dialogue.

Unfortunately, although Halloween offers guilty pleasures to enjoy, you will need to ignore some of the details along the way, because the script is not punctilious. For example, Michael has attained almost superhuman strength despite having sat in the same chair like a vegetable for 15 years. For another example, Michael is somehow able to determine instantly that the adopted child Laurie Strode is his long-lost sister, even though virtually nobody knows that, including the psychiatrist who wrote a book about Michael.

Those penny-ante plot points didn't really bother me, but something else about the film did. The biggest change from the original film is that the new script's re-allocation of screen time refocuses the story significantly. The original film had a very short back-story and focused on the Halloween night murders. The new film is about 1/3 childhood, 1/3 escape night, and 1/3 home-town Halloween. The cumulative effect of that is to make Michael the main character while pushing Laurie Strode into the background, which in turn reduces audience involvement and identification with the characters. There is nothing to like about Michael, Michael's family, or the psychiatrist. The characters in the escape night sequence are all strangers to us, and we don't much like what we do know of them. And we don't meet the teenage version of Laurie until the film is past the halfway mark, so we do not establish a strong empathy for her either. That leaves the film with a void where its core should be - in establishing some kind of bond with the audience.


  • Only 26% positive reviews, and an even worse 18% from the cream of the crop.
  • The film didn't have a lot of legs, but it did have a $30 million opening weekend on Labor Day weekend, which shattered all the records for that time of year.  It experienced a steep drop in weekend two and failed to reach $10 million, eventually finishing with only $56 million in total after that hot Labor Day start.




  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








Livre de Marie



Le Livre de Marie (1984) or The Book of Mary is a short film included on the DVD with Hail Mary. It is directed by a Godard disciple named Anne-Marie Miéville, and is a portrait of a family disintegrating, and specifically how it affects the precocious Marie, a pre-teen. Mom and Dad don't get along so they debate whether to separate or stay together for the sake of Marie. Finally, they split, and Marie lives with her mother but spends weekends with dad.

I found this a delightful film, giving a real feeling for exactly how a parental split affects a young child, with true insight into her feelings and coping mechanisms. The Mahler soundtrack is a perfect choice. This short film is worth the price of the DVD by itself.



Hail Mary & Livre de Marie


Aurore Clément, as the mother, shows breasts in the bath.











American Pie 4: Band Camp



Angela Little shows off the hooters.

More boobs from Angela and Rachel Veltri on the "shower cam".

Arielle Kebbel is cut and sexy, but no nudity.

Crystle Lightning shows off her new bras.

Jennifer Walcott and her Robo-hooters.

Tara Killian with her pert tits.

More boobage from Tara Killian & Jennifer Walcott as they are being spied on in the locker room.






Notes and collages

A Fish Called Wanda

Jamie Lee Curtis

Ms. Curtis shares the title role with an aquarium fish in this superior comedy about a jewel theft.  If there is such a thing as a perfect comedy film this is darn close.  

Two bits of trivia regarding this film:

  1. The 4 main actors reunited for a completely different movie named "Fierce Creatures" (which I cannot recommend)
  2. As Kevin Kline was nominated for the U.S. academy awards for his co-starring role so was Michael Palin up for similar awards in Britain.






The Hottest State

Billed as a coming-of-age drama, but really more of a romance-gone-wrong, 2006's The Hottest State, written and directed by Ethan Hawke, is overly talky and philosophical, but hidden within is a brief but sweet romance. Unfortunately, the 40 or 50 minutes not devoted to the romance is boring.

A young man leaves Texas for New York to make his name as an actor. He's the product of a broken home and a broken heart, so in New York he goes through untold women without really getting involved with any, until he meets Sarah (Catalina Sandino Moreno), a singer/songwriter also trying to make a name for herself.

Although he falls deeply in love with Sarah, the baggage of his past keeps getting in the way, and they eventually drift apart.

The film has its moments, and there is a brief period where the sweetness of the romance captivates the viewer. Unfortunately, it quickly gets buried under a ton of irrelevance. Careful use of the fast-forward button may be the best way to view this movie

Catalina Sandino Moreno







Melissa P

Maria Valverde


Fabrizia Sacchi










Just a note: Heidi Hawkins will also be in  "Recon 2023: The Gauda Prime Conspiracy."








I had some success identifying the actresses in American Pie 6: Beta House

Angela Besharah Sabrine Oliveira
Christine Barger Tiffany Hubbard
Dawne Furey Unknown
Also noteworthy:

A scan of Elizabeth Hurley from a French Magazine. Obviously a familiar scene from Aria, but nobody has ever seen this angle before.

Jodie Foster or her body double in The Brave One







Here, finally, is an uncensored take on the Heather Mills spread shots which have been recently unearthed by the Brit Tabloids. I have to say that I don't find them "sickening," like News of the World. In fact, I think she looks pretty hot.

Eva Mendes is not "pretty hot." This girl is s-s-s-s-mokin' hot.


A very young and very beautiful (albeit kinda spooky) Isabelle Adjani in La gifle. Film clip here.  Sample to the right.






The Comedy Wire

Comments in yellow...

Researchers from the University of St. Andrews say elephants never forget, and they've discovered what they use their long memories for: the smell of family members' urine.  They say elephants pee often, and a lot, and they can recognize the scent on the ground and use it to keep track of up to 30 family members.  Elephants who were exposed to unrelated elephants' urine seemed unmoved, but they showed a lot of interest when it was from a family member.  They said to humans, the urine smell is gross, but to an elephant's relatives, it's comforting.

*  Same reason Britney Spears lets her kids run around the house naked. 

Some stereotypes are true: a report by the Committee for Modernization of the French Hotel Trade found that French hospitality workers are among the surliest in the world.  24 percent of hotel guests and 38 percent of restaurant clients regularly complain about the rude way they're treated, from snotty maître d's to long waits. They blame it on the workers getting low wages and having to depend on tips.  The report said the rudeness has remained unchanged for years, but one Paris restaurant patron told the Daily Telegraph that the tradition of French rudeness is something people love about France, as shown by the fact that so many people visit year after year.

*  If that were true, the snottiest waiters would get the best tips. 

The Detroit News reports that US Prosecutor Kym Worthy has issued a list of the ten video games that parents should boycott as holiday gifts.  She said these games contain a lot of gruesome violence and lessons that will turn your kids into criminals.  The games are "Grand Theft Auto," "Manhunt," "Scarface," "50 Cent: Bulletpoof," "300: The Video Game," "The Godfather," "Resident Evil 4," "God of War," "Hitman: Blood Money," and "Killer 7," which she said experienced game players call "the most violent and twisted game ever played."

*  That's an exact quote, taken right off the box.

*  So just give your kids "Killer" 1 though 6.

Police in Gela, Italy, shot a top Mafia boss to death, but before he died, he managed to eat a list of secret mob members and their phone numbers.  The paper was recovered from his throat, but it's not known if it's readable.

* It stuck in his throat because it's the size of the Sicilian phone book. 

* In fact, it IS the Sicilian phone book. 

*  Wednesday, the US Post Office announced plans for a
first class stamp honoring Frank Sinatra.

* And a third class stamp honoring Joey Bishop.