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BEERFEST (2006):
I liked this movie. Maybe not as much
as Tuna did, but I liked it. The Broken Lizard guys did a beautiful job at writing
what they know about. They were beer-swillin', party-lovin' frat boys
themselves, and they just raised their own university experiences to a
mythical level and packaged the film in the context of a sports film.
They followed the basic formula of the "underdog slobs triumph over
institutional snobs" movie - it's basically Rocky - but instead of
taking place in a real sport, the story unfolds within a secret
underground beer-drinking Olympics.
It has a couple of beautiful little
"inside" jokes that cracked me up, one a reference to American
Werewolf in London which I won't spoil for you, the other an homage to
Das Boot. You see, as Tuna noted, the
greatest challenge in major league beer-drinking is to chug the entire
boot-shaped glass. The Germans call it "Das Boot." Never mind that "Das
Boot" means "The Boat" and that the German word "boot" is pronounced
about the same as the American word "boat." None of that matters. What
does matter is this:
(1) The evil head of the German drinking
family is played by Jurgen Prochnow, who played the submarine
commander in the classic film "Das Boot."
(2) When the Germans have to get to America
to make an offer on the secret "stolen" recipe, they make the trip
by ... submarine.
I wouldn't have agreed with Tuna's "high C+"
rating based on the movie alone. My take on it is that it's a pleasant
watch targeted at drunken frat boys everywhere, and has just enough
verbal laughs that I never really got bored by the slapstick. I was
impressed that they did a good job at developing each of the
individual characters, but I still would have called it a C if I had
watched it in a theater. The overall DVD package raises it to a whole
new level. Two full-length commentaries, various interviews,
featurettes, and deleted scenes make the disc well worth a look for
lowbrow comedy lovers. Even the menu is hilarious. I almost forgot to
start the movie because I got distracted by the humor in the animated
menu (a staged press conference for the American drinking team).
I didn't do any captures because Tuna nailed them a few days
ago (December 2nd edition), so I stuck with film clips.
- Candace Smith (zipped .wmv) - a guy is so drunk that he thinks
he has picked up beautiful Candace, when he is actually in bed with
one of the all-time Royal Ugly Fat Chicks.
- Simona Fusco (zipped .wmv) - her charms are Sweden's only
hope for victory in the beer Olympics. This is a deleted scene.
- Sarah Figotin (zipped .wmv) - playing great-grandma as a
young woman in a flashback sex scene.
- Blanchard Ryan (zipped .wmv) - remember her? She's the
chick from Open Water. This is the first time she's worked since
then. You'd think she would have had some offers in the three
intervening years, but I don't know her story. You can't actually
see the goodies in this scene, but it's a fun sex scene.
- Crowd scene (zipped .wmv) . OK, they are just anonymous bims, but it's still good fun!
THIRD PARTY VIDEOS:
Here are some nice vids from The Camomile Lawn.
Jennifer Ehle. (Three
.avis zipped together.) I've written before that I just
don't understand why Jennifer Ehle never became a monster star.
Very good actress. Beautiful face. Great body. Has no problem
with nudity. Mesmerizing screen presence. Better than Gwyneth
Paltrow in every single category, but with 1% of the fame. It's
probably too late for her now. She turns 37 at the end of this
year, she's lost that magical glow she used to exude, and she's
still basically unknown outside the U.K.. Nonetheless, she
remains one of my favorites.
Tara Fitzgerald. (Zipped
.avi.) I'm sure you all know who Tara Fitzgerald is, if only
from appearances on this page. She takes off her clothes in just
about every role, although the film I liked her best in (Brassed
Off) was one of the few where she wore clothing.
OTHER CRAP:
The Other Crap site has simply become too big and
detailed to fit into my Fun House column. It contains far too much
info, too many graphics, too many news feeds, and too many
embedded videos to include here. Plus the scoopy.net version was
always a day out of synch. You fans please catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real
time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
MOVIE REVIEWS: Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
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Mad Cowgirl (2006)
Sarah Lassez is a single meat inspector who is addicted to beef and is
fixated on the Catholic church. She's sleeping with a televangelist (Walter
Koenig, aka Chekov from Star Trek), her boyfriend and her butcher brother.
As the film opens, we are treated to a Japanese newsreel about mad cow
disease, then find that our heroin has some sort of brain problem, possibly
from eating beef that her butcher brother illegally obtained from Canada. I
say possibly, because we are never sure what is real and what is hallucination
in this film.
She watches a particular Kung Fu show on late night TV, fancying herself
the female heroin. After confessing her sins one day, as she is descending
into madness, she believes he has given her a penance to kill all of the Kung
Fu enemies, i.e. everyone she knows.
Mad Cowgirl is listed at IMDb as a Drama/Horror/Romance/Thriller. I could
make a case for three of those, but I didn't detect any real romance. This
film wins the offbeat energy award for 2006 effortlessly, and I say that with
the full knowledge that the year is not quite over and that I have not seen
every single release thus far. The film switches languages without rhyme or
reason. Her mother looks Asian but speaks French. The brother also looks
Asian. Her doctor speaks with her in Japanese. Many scenes are too dark to
follow, but I might accept that the darkness provided suspense and atmosphere
in this film. Finally, the ending leaves more questions than answers.
Critical response was mixed. I kind of come down on the pro side here, but
admit that this film is not for everyone. In fact, I am seriously questioning
my own taste and sanity for enjoying it.
This is a C- that may appeal to some of you.
IMDb readers are fairly impressed at 7.4.
Into the Night (1985)
This is John Landis's attempt to make an improbable over-the-top adventure
farce.
Jeff Goldblum's character suffers from extreme insomnia, and has a boring
dead-end aerospace job which traps him in a cubicle all day. When his work
performance suffers and he goes home early, he finds his wife cheating on him.
His colleague had suggested a trip to Vegas and he thinks that legal
prostitution might be just the cure he needs, so he heads to LAX. Changing his
mind, he starts to leave, and Michelle Pfeiffer lands on the hood of his car.
It seems the entire country of Iran is after her, along with most of the
secret agents employed by Europe and America, all over the small matter of a
bunch of emeralds which happened to be the Iranian crown jewels. She was
smuggling them from Switzerland in ... um ... a safe, warm place. Once
Goldblum helps her escape, he is permanently attached to her adventure. That
works out OK for him since he gets to see Michelle Pfeiffer stark naked.
This film will not task your intellect nor impart any great truths, but it
has some positives. The characters are likeable, it is often amusing, and
there is some good action mixed with crazy over-the-top violence. Director
Landis (Animal House) made some good casting decisions. Putting Jeff Goldblum
in the lead was a great idea, and Landis filled the film with cameos from
important directors and major stars, but his brightest move was to cast
Michelle Pfeiffer as the naked woman.
Scoopy covered this when it was first released on DVD, which probably
explains why I didn't get to it at the time, but, just as there is no such
thing as a bad Goldie Hawn film, I reserve the right to do any film with a
naked Michelle Pfeiffer, and even some where she isn't naked (The Fabulous
Baker Boys comes to mind).
IMDb readers rate it an above-average 6.3, and I agree at C+.
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Notes and collages
The Celebrity Shower series continues
Milla Jovovich in No Good Deed |
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... this woman is hot from stem to stern
Sigourney Weaver in Half-Moon Street |
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...the pause button reveals some quick bush as
she steps out of the shower
Frances McDormand in Short Cuts |
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...a good actress perhaps best known for her portrayal of a
pregnant police officer in the Coen brothers film "Fargo" (though I would
recommend the Coen brothers film "Blood Simple" in which she also co-starred.)
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From "Le corniaud", a classic french farce, see-thru, sexy and
some faraway possible nudity from retro super-babes Beba
Loncar and ... |
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... Alida Chelli
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From Bunuel's "La voie lactee", a religious satire for
hardcore theologians, here are various unknowns, some of them nude in a forest
ceremony
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From "Peur sur la ville," yet another giallo-like
Belmondo "policier," Lea Massari sexy
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and an unknown nude from a cinema poster (who is she?)
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Linda Cordova
in Virgin Sacrifice (1959). I had to do a double-take when I saw the
date. There wasn't a lot of nudity in 1959 movies.
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Pat's comments in yellow...
Spaced-out comic Andy Dick was reportedly at the Improv comedy club in Los
Angeles Saturday, where he heckled comic Ian Bagg, then jumped onstage to joke
around with him. But as he was leaving, Dick grabbed the mic and began yelling
at the crowd, "You're all a bunch of (n-word)s!," like Michael Richards. The
stunned crowd gasped and stared, and Bagg couldn't get them laughing again.
* But then, that happens every time Andy Dick performs.
* Truly, these are black days for comedy.
* You know your career is in the dumper when you think you can improve it by
copying Michael Richards.
Prosecutors in Tacoma, Washington charged Pete Costello and his mom, Rose Marie
Costello, with defrauding Social Security of over $111,000 by having Pete
pretend to be mentally retarded for nearly 20 years, ever since he was 8. He's
on tape, acting unresponsive with Social Security workers as his mom claimed he
couldn't communicate, read, write, shower or drive. But he was also recently
caught on tape acting perfectly normal as he contests a parking ticket.
Officials say they can't prove he isn't retarded at all, but at the very least,
he was greatly exaggerating.
* 20 years of acting retarded...That still doesn't come close to breaking Jerry
Lewis' record.
Oscar voters are reportedly worried that "Apocalypto" will be too good not to
be nominated for Oscars, but they don't want to reward Mel Gibson
* They only give Oscars to fine, upstanding citizens
like Roman Polanski.
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