BEERFEST (2006):

I liked this movie. Maybe not as much as Tuna did, but I liked it. The Broken Lizard guys did a beautiful job at writing what they know about. They were beer-swillin', party-lovin' frat boys themselves, and they just raised their own university experiences to a mythical level and packaged the film in the context of a sports film. They followed the basic formula of the "underdog slobs triumph over institutional snobs" movie - it's basically Rocky - but instead of taking place in a real sport, the story unfolds within a secret underground beer-drinking Olympics.

It has a couple of beautiful little "inside" jokes that cracked me up, one a reference to American Werewolf in London which I won't spoil for you, the other an homage to Das Boot. You see, as Tuna noted, the greatest challenge in major league beer-drinking is to chug the entire boot-shaped glass. The Germans call it "Das Boot." Never mind that "Das Boot" means "The Boat" and that the German word "boot" is pronounced about the same as the American word "boat." None of that matters. What does matter is this:

(1) The evil head of the German drinking family is played by Jurgen Prochnow, who played the submarine commander in the classic film "Das Boot."

(2) When the Germans have to get to America to make an offer on the secret "stolen" recipe, they make the trip by ... submarine.

I wouldn't have agreed with Tuna's "high C+" rating based on the movie alone. My take on it is that it's a pleasant watch targeted at drunken frat boys everywhere, and has just enough verbal laughs that I never really got bored by the slapstick. I was impressed that they did a good job at developing each of the individual characters, but I still would have called it a C if I had watched it in a theater. The overall DVD package raises it to a whole new level. Two full-length commentaries, various interviews, featurettes, and deleted scenes make the disc well worth a look for lowbrow comedy lovers. Even the menu is hilarious. I almost forgot to start the movie because I got distracted by the humor in the animated menu (a staged press conference for the American drinking team).

I didn't do any captures because Tuna nailed them a few days ago (December 2nd edition), so I stuck with film clips.

  • Candace Smith (zipped .wmv) - a guy is so drunk that he thinks he has picked up beautiful Candace, when he is actually in bed with one of the all-time Royal Ugly Fat Chicks.
  • Simona Fusco  (zipped .wmv) - her charms are Sweden's only hope for victory in the beer Olympics. This is a deleted scene.
  • Sarah Figotin  (zipped .wmv) - playing great-grandma as a young woman in a flashback sex scene.
  • Blanchard Ryan  (zipped .wmv) - remember her? She's the chick from Open Water. This is the first time she's worked since then. You'd think she would have had some offers in the three intervening years, but I don't know her story. You can't actually see the goodies in this scene, but it's a fun sex scene.
  • Crowd scene  (zipped .wmv) . OK, they are just anonymous bims, but it's still good fun!





Here are some nice vids from The Camomile Lawn.

Jennifer Ehle. (Three .avis zipped together.) I've written before that I just don't understand why Jennifer Ehle never became a monster star. Very good actress. Beautiful face. Great body. Has no problem with nudity. Mesmerizing screen presence. Better than Gwyneth Paltrow in every single category, but with 1% of the fame. It's probably too late for her now. She turns 37 at the end of this year, she's lost that magical glow she used to exude, and she's still basically unknown outside the U.K.. Nonetheless, she remains one of my favorites.

Tara Fitzgerald. (Zipped .avi.) I'm sure you all know who Tara Fitzgerald is, if only from appearances on this page. She takes off her clothes in just about every role, although the film I liked her best in (Brassed Off) was one of the few where she wore clothing.




The Other Crap site has simply become too big and detailed to fit into my Fun House column. It contains far too much info, too many graphics, too many news feeds, and too many embedded videos to include here. Plus the version was always a day out of synch.  You fans please catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.




Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.





Mad Cowgirl (2006)


Sarah Lassez is a single meat inspector who is addicted to beef and is fixated on the Catholic church. She's sleeping with a televangelist (Walter Koenig, aka Chekov from Star Trek), her boyfriend and her butcher brother.  As the film opens, we are treated to a Japanese newsreel about mad cow disease, then find that our heroin has some sort of brain problem, possibly from eating beef that her butcher brother illegally obtained from Canada. I say possibly, because we are never sure what is real and what is hallucination in this film.

She watches a particular Kung Fu show on late night TV, fancying herself the female heroin. After confessing her sins one day, as she is descending into madness, she believes he has given her a penance to kill all of the Kung Fu enemies, i.e. everyone she knows.

Mad Cowgirl is listed at IMDb as a Drama/Horror/Romance/Thriller. I could make a case for three of those, but I didn't detect any real romance. This film wins the offbeat energy award for 2006 effortlessly, and I say that with the full knowledge that the year is not quite over and that I have not seen every single release thus far. The film switches languages without rhyme or reason. Her mother looks Asian but speaks French. The brother also looks Asian. Her doctor speaks with her in Japanese. Many scenes are too dark to follow, but I might accept that the darkness provided suspense and atmosphere in this film. Finally, the ending leaves more questions than answers.

Critical response was mixed. I kind of come down on the pro side here, but admit that this film is not for everyone. In fact, I am seriously questioning my own taste and sanity for enjoying it.

This is a C- that may appeal to some of you.

IMDb readers are fairly impressed at 7.4.


Sarah Lassez





Into the Night (1985)

This is John Landis's attempt to make an improbable over-the-top adventure farce.

Jeff Goldblum's character suffers from extreme insomnia, and has a boring dead-end aerospace job which traps him in a cubicle all day. When his work performance suffers and he goes home early, he finds his wife cheating on him. His colleague had suggested a trip to Vegas and he thinks that legal prostitution might be just the cure he needs, so he heads to LAX. Changing his mind, he starts to leave, and Michelle Pfeiffer lands on the hood of his car. It seems the entire country of Iran is after her, along with most of the secret agents employed by Europe and America, all over the small matter of a bunch of emeralds which happened to be the Iranian crown jewels. She was smuggling them from Switzerland in ... um ... a safe, warm place. Once Goldblum helps her escape, he is permanently attached to her adventure. That works out OK for him since he gets to see Michelle Pfeiffer stark naked.

This film will not task your intellect nor impart any great truths, but it has some positives. The characters are likeable, it is often amusing, and there is some good action mixed with crazy over-the-top violence. Director Landis (Animal House) made some good casting decisions. Putting Jeff Goldblum in the lead was a great idea, and Landis filled the film with cameos from important directors and major stars, but his brightest move was to cast Michelle Pfeiffer as the naked woman.

Scoopy covered this when it was first released on DVD, which probably explains why I didn't get to it at the time, but, just as there is no such thing as a bad Goldie Hawn film, I reserve the right to do any film with a naked Michelle Pfeiffer, and even some where she isn't naked (The Fabulous Baker Boys comes to mind). 

IMDb readers rate it an above-average 6.3, and I agree at C+.

Sue Bowser shows breasts.

Peggy McIntaggart shows breasts and buns in a t-back




Michelle Pfeiffer shows full rear nudity, and possibly full frontal as well.

Sadly, the very best of her nudity from the full negative is missing on the widescreen DVD version.













Today the Time Machine is in 1994 for "Cemetery Man" AKA "DellAmorte DellAmore," a gore-filled dark comedy in the guise of a zombie movie.  What we like is the presence of Anna Falchi who shows off some awesome boobage in these caps and five .wmv clips zipped together. Check out the size of her areolae.











Notes and collages

The Celebrity Shower series continues


Milla Jovovich in No Good Deed

...  this woman is hot from stem to stern





Sigourney Weaver in Half-Moon Street

...the pause button reveals some quick bush as she steps out of the shower





Frances McDormand in Short Cuts


...a good actress perhaps best known for her portrayal of a pregnant police officer in the Coen brothers film "Fargo" (though I would recommend the Coen brothers film "Blood Simple" in which she also co-starred.)






From "Le corniaud", a classic french farce, see-thru, sexy and some faraway possible nudity from retro super-babes Beba Loncar and ...



... Alida Chelli





From Bunuel's "La voie lactee", a religious satire for hardcore theologians, here are various unknowns, some of them nude in a forest ceremony





From "Peur sur la ville," yet another giallo-like Belmondo "policier," Lea Massari sexy



and an unknown nude from a cinema poster (who is she?)











Linda Cordova in Virgin Sacrifice (1959). I had to do a double-take when I saw the date. There wasn't a lot of nudity in 1959 movies.



Pat's comments in yellow...

Spaced-out comic Andy Dick was reportedly at the Improv comedy club in Los Angeles Saturday, where he heckled comic Ian Bagg, then jumped onstage to joke around with him.  But as he was leaving, Dick grabbed the mic and began yelling at the crowd, "You're all a bunch of (n-word)s!," like Michael Richards.  The stunned crowd gasped and stared, and Bagg couldn't get them laughing again.

*  But then, that happens every time Andy Dick performs.

*  Truly, these are black days for comedy.

*  You know your career is in the dumper when you think you can improve it by copying Michael Richards.


Prosecutors in Tacoma, Washington charged Pete Costello and his mom, Rose Marie Costello, with defrauding Social Security of over $111,000 by having Pete pretend to be mentally retarded for nearly 20 years, ever since he was 8.   He's on tape, acting unresponsive with Social Security workers as his mom claimed he couldn't communicate, read, write, shower or drive.  But he was also recently caught on tape acting perfectly normal as he contests a parking ticket.  Officials say they can't prove he isn't retarded at all, but at the very least, he was greatly exaggerating. 

*  20 years of acting retarded...That still doesn't come close to breaking Jerry Lewis' record.



Oscar voters are reportedly worried that "Apocalypto" will be too good not to be nominated for Oscars, but they don't want to reward Mel Gibson

* They only give Oscars to fine, upstanding citizens like Roman Polanski.