"Wild at Heart"

Wild at Heart (1990) is a strange film even by Director David Lynch's standards, and that is saying something. Like Blue Velvet, which I admit is strange, but did like, many people praise this film, and it is rated 7.0 at IMDb. Ebert was not a fan of either film, but awarded 3 stars anyway. Let me give you the basic idea and a few particulars, and you can make your own decision.

Nicolas Cage and Laura Dern are lovers. After he is released from prison for manslaughter (killing a man Dern's mother paid to whack Cage), the two set off on a road trip, violating his parole. Her mother, who, we find out, burned her husband to death, and thinks Cage witnessed it, sends her current man to kill him, then asks an even bigger lowlife to whack the first guy and Cage. Dern and Cage stop off in New Orleans, but leave before the killers catch up with them. They then land in Big Tuna, Texas. Dern discovers she is pregnant, and Cage agrees to rob a feed store with Willen Dafoe, in a very creep role. Dafie, it turns out, is the hit man, but things go badly, and he end sup dead, and Cage ends up back in jail for armed robbery. Dern waits for him.

Ok, fairly straightforward plot, but a Lynch film could never be that simple. Consider the following.Cage is sort of an Elvis impersonator, and even sings two Elvis songs himself. There are dozens of references to Wizard of Oz, including an appearance from the good witch, Glenda. Dern's mother, played by Diane Ladd, is way over the top. These are just o few of the eccentric bits incorporated into this film.

On the plus side, Dern and Cage have real chemistry, and it is, in the final analysis, a love story. Several women show breasts, including Dern is several scenes, Charlie Spradling, Lisa Ann Cabasa, Leigh Valli, Mia M. Ruiz, and three women of ample charms who were uncredited. The big question is how to score this one. Assuming that Lynch is sort of a genre all to himself, lets look at his films:

1980 The Elephant Man 8.1
1999 The Straight Story 8.1
2001 Mulholland Dr. 7.9
1986 Blue Velvet 7.7
1997 Lost Highway 7.2
1977 Eraserhead 7.0
1990 David Lynch's Wild at Heart 7.0
1992 Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me 6.5
1984 Dune 6.3
2002 Rabbits 6.2

That puts Wild at Heart in about the middle of his popularity, making this a C. Most Lynch fans should enjoy it.

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  • Charlie Spradling (1, 2, 3)
  • Laura Dern (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
  • Lisa Ann Cabasa (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Unknowns (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Valli Ruiz (1, 2)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Closer (2004):

    Portman's bum in a thong again. Larger, clearer images this time.

    • Natalie Portman. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)


    Species III (2004)

    Full review

    I'll forget Species 2, which didn't have much going for it, and compare number three to the original. Species III is quite different from Species. Whole different kind of movie. Species III is to Species as Re-Animator is to Alien. This one doesn't really try for any genuine scares. It's pretty much tongue-in-cheek. Tuna didn't like it, but I found it adequate as a kinda jokey low budget sci-fi film. It had silly science, sillier scientists, horny frat boys, hornier toothless rednecks, and hot naked alien babes. The CGI work was not bad at all. I'm almost embarrassed to say that I even watched the featurettes on the DVD to see how they cut that guy in half (vertically!) Even Tuna admitted that the director did a helluva job with no money and not much of a script. He was right. There wasn't much of a plot, and what there was sucked, but it didn't bother me much. I liked the crazy Herbert West-like professor, and I loved the naked chicks.


    Dead Solid Perfect (1988)

    Three more reasons why we need this on DVD



    Joanie loves somebody who is not Chachi (2004)

    This is not sexy, in my opinion. Joanie Chyna Laurer has a monstrous amount of clitoral development, to the extent that her brobdingnagian clit and its hood look just like a small penis. That would not turn me on one bit, although it is certainly a curiosity item. Here's the box cover from the new Chyna sex tape.




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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words, pictures, and vids from ICMS

    Sweeties (1995)

    Stefania Sandrelli shows some skin in two clips from 1995's "Sweeties" (aka. Caramelle).

    l'Amour en suspens (2001)

    It's been a while since I sent in material of a Flemish actress. So here is Inge Paulussen in 2 clips from "l'Amour en suspens" (2001).

    In the immortal words of Homer J. Simpson..."D'oh!"

    I completely forgot to post part 3 of Triple A's video clips from the movie "Lake Consequence".

    Today's final batch features Joan Severance and May Karasun.
    In clips 1 and 2, Severance makes out with Billy Zane while in a hot tub. Karasun is topless and has some accupuncture.

    In clip #3 Karasun joins Severance and Zane in the hot tub.

    In clip #4, Severance and Karasun make out, lesbo style.

    In clip #5, 3-way hot tub lovin'

    In clips 6 and 7, Zane gets it on with Karsun and Severance is left out of the lovin'.

    • Joan Severance and May Karasun zipped divx .avis (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    It's another "Damsels in Distress" day for the "Hankster".

    First up, we set the Way-Back machine to 1984 for a look at Antigone Amanitis in "Blind Date". The poor girl is strapped down topless and about to carved up like a thanksgiving turkey.

    • Antigone Amanitis (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Then we fast forward back to 2002 for Brigitta Dau in "Dawg". Here we see her tied up in a consensual bondage scene in her bra, panties & fishnet stockings.

    • Brigitta Dau (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    'Caps and comments by Vejiita:

    Part 1 of 2.

    Here are some 'caps featuring scenes from "Sexo con Amor", a very good sex comedy from Chile.

    Alvaro Rudolphy plays a husband that cheats on his wife with any woman that crosses his way.

    Here are some of the ladies he has affairs with.

    Berta Lasala (who is a friend of his wife). Carolina Oliva (a secretary at his work). Catalina Guerra is a stewardess he met on one of his trips, she is after him because she fell in love with him.

    • Berta Lasala, she keeps her bra on during a sex scene, but there is still plenty of skin. We have rear nudty in #1, serious cleavage in 2-3 and nipple sightings in 4-5. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    • Carolina Oliva, another busty beauty keeping her bra on during sex, but once again that doesn't keep us from seeing nipples and plenty of boobage. There is also a nice partial rear view in #13. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

    • Catalina Guerra, cleavage in #1 plus an esposed breast in links 2-4. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    'Caps and comments by Oz:

    "Baywatch : Hawaiian Wedding"
    Into the middle of the Pacific and we have the major babefest Baywatch - Hawaiian Wedding. Of course, no nudity just lots of lovely bodies, bikinis and pokies by Angelica Bridges, Brande Roderick, Carmen Electra, Alexandra Paul, Gena Lee Nolin, Yasmine Bleeth, Nicole Eggert and Pamela Anderson.

    "Saved by the Bell : Hawaiian Style"
    Still in Hawaii we have Saved by the Bell - Hawaiian Style. Pokies by Rena Stofer and bikini caps of Tiffani Thiessen, Lark Voorhies and Elizabeth Berkley.

    "A Very Brady Sequel"
    Maintaining the Hawaiian link, we have more bikinis in A Very Brady Sequel. The females involved are Christine Taylor who played Marcia and Jennifer Elise Cox who played Jan.

    "Word of Mouth"
    We saw the M version (I know that there is a far more explicit version around) of Word of Mouth and all we get is breasts by Catalina Larranaga, LoriDawn Messuri, Anna Kaminskaia and Jamaica Charley.

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Pretend It's A Lollypop - Over the weekend, Santa Barbara, California, police returned to Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch to conduct a second search, but they wouldn't say what they were searching for. They also reportedly got permission from Jackson to stick a swab in his mouth to take a DNA sample, but again, they wouldn't say why.

  • They just wanted to find out for sure whether he's an Earthling.
  • They told him it was a game...Like, "Tag, you're it!"

    Just Being Progressive - Global Language Monitor issued its annual list of the silliest insertions of politics into language. They include "waitron" as a non-gender-specific replacement for waiter or waitress; "progressive" for liberal; "Red Sox lover" for Yankee hater; "insurgents" for terrorists; "non-same-sex marriage" for heterosexual marriage, coined by a congressman who didn't want to offend gay voters; "higher being," from people who feared the word God was too religious; and at #1: "master/slave." It's a computer term for primary and secondary hard drives, but a Los Angeles County purchasing department briefly banned it for fear it was racially offensive.

  • They also banned the terms "software" and "floppy" for fear they would make impotent men feel self-conscious.
  • "Higher being" could refer to Courtney Love.
  • "Waitron" should be saved for the future, when tables will be waited on by robots.

    It Was A Bust - A federal jury in Orlando rejected Hooters' claim of a trademark on scantily-clad waitresses and ordered them to pay $1.2 million in damages and legal fees to Ker's Winghouse, the restaurant they sued for allegedly copying them. Hooters claimed the busty Hooters Girls were their Ronald McDonald. But on the stand, a Hooters marketing executive admitted that they were more of a marketing concept to lure 25-to-49-year-old men, and you can't trademark a marketing plan.

  • If you could, Budweiser would be suing Hooters.
  • Besides, using women's bodies to separate men from their money goes back a little earlier than Hooters.
  • The only thing those girls have in common with Ronald McDonald is that they wear just as much makeup.
  • Now, Ker's can afford to buy new, smaller waitress uniforms.

    And It Was Cold Out There! - The Toronto Star reports that at a hockey game in Mississauga, Canada, an irate mom got in a confrontation with an opposing players' mom, lifted her blouse to reveal her bra and shook her breasts from side to side. It was a pee wee hockey game for 11-year-olds. As the flashee headed for the exit with her sons, the woman allegedly yelled at them, "What the hell are you looking at? Have you never seen t--s?...Yeah, he's probably seen them on the Internet." The head of the hockey league called it "disturbing."

  • Disturbing, frightening, and more than a little nauseating.
  • And violent! When she shook 'em from side to side, she took out several spectators.
  • The woman has absolutely no support, and she could really use it.
  • This is the type of thing that women should only do at NHL games.