Wicked Pursuits (2003) is a direct to video written and directed by Timothy Taylor, based on the novel Confederate Saber, written by Timothy Taylor. Ilona Grinberg, and Mary McCallum are bisexual, and living with their mutual lover. To make this relationship unusual, they make McCallum black, and Grindberg Caucasian, and set it in the south. There lover is stabbed through the heart through their screen door with an antique saber, and the two women set out to solve the crime, as the police don't seem very interested.

Up to this point, it is a possibly entertaining set-up for a who dunnit, but the film gets positively weird. Grinberg is an immigrant from Russia, and long scenes are devoted to her background, although said background has very little to do with the murder plot. They all seem to have a spanking fetish, although it is never explained. The solution to the mystery comes completely out of left field. If the film has any message, it was totally lost on me.

Grinberg and McCallum both show breasts, and we see a right breast from Katie Dukes when Grindberg shoots her biker master, then attaches a dog chain to her nipple ring, hauls her into a motel room, and makes her talk. It is never explained why she would have useful information, and we don't hear what she says.

There is almost nothing available at IMDB. I had assumed from the title that this was a soft core. After watching it, I wish it had been. The plot and acting would probably have been better. This is a D at best. Although it is oddly lit, and some scenes are way over-exposed using ambient lighting, it looks professional, otherwise I would score it lower.

UPDATES:

Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site has been updated. Four words: Monica Bellucci frontal nudity.

Various films:

• Kristanna Loken in T3 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6). I have written about this in the past. I did additional images because I got a copy of the full screen version of the DVD, and that version has much more nudity.
• Tara Fitzgerald in I Capture the Castle. (1, 2, 3)
• Sienna Guillory (aka Helen of Troy) in The Principles of Lust.
• Patsy Kensit in The One and Only
• I looked at Girl with a Pearl Earring, a possible Oscar candidate, especially for cinematography. No nudity.

OTHER CRAP:

• HOLLYWOOD hunk BEN AFFLECK has confessed that dating JENNIFER LOPEZ has ruined his career.

• Affleck admits he sucks at sex.

• ESPN.com - Page2 - The heartbreak of a young woman: "Kournikova was dumped by singer Enrique Iglesias." What might her diary look like?

• The American Package Museum

• URL says it all: UglyChristmasLights.com

• Family Trees: "Studies on the genealogy of the main Disney characters"

• The photoshop experts at FreakingNews.com debate how to make-over Mickey Mouse for a new generation.

• Bettie Page to star Gretchen Mol as the legendary 1950s pinup girl, to be directed by Mary Herron from a script by Herron and Guinevere Turner

• According to the New York Daily News, "PARIS HILTON, who has canceled all interviews, will join guest host the Rev. Al Sharpton and musical guest Pink on 'Saturday Night Live,'"

• Sofia Coppola and Spike Jonze have jointly announced that they are divorcing.

• Fonda: Married White Female She tied the knot with composer Danny Elfman.

• Now here's an obscure Top Ten - the Top 10 S/F babes from grade-B movies

• Back to the NBA and down to Miami for the HEAT Dancers Near the bottom there's a link that says 2001-2002 HEAT Dancers. Click that and you get the squad with Trista (aka "the Bridezilla") -- When you click her picture, you get fascinating biographical information (her nickname was "Triscuit"). Her wedding is this weekend, it'll be televised Wednesday (Dec 10th)

• The Trojan Games - kind of a sexy, naked, tongue-in-cheek olympics - surf a bit, you'll get the idea.

• Bryan Singer (X-Men) and 20th Century Fox ink a long-term deal.

• Historic Tale Construction Kit - create your own ancient tapestry

• Workers war builds against Christmas music. Many feel that "Jingle Bells" is making the workers more irritable with customers.

• Olympian rats challenge for Xtreme honour: "Twenty-one white rats have competed in the 19th annual Xtreme Rat Challenge." I suppose it is only the Xtreme WHITE rat challenge, since these white supremacist bastards discriminate against colored rats.

• U.S. beverage giant Coca-Cola says it will stop showing a short film showing mafia toughs intimidating movie viewers after a barrage of complaints from Italian-American groups. "Nice little bottling plant you got here, Colonel. Wouldn't want to see anything happen to it."

• Tracy Lee - Galleries - Fine Art Nude Photography

• Mrs Claus wearing nothing but body paint

• The Smoking Gun: the Rush Limbaugh search warrants

• I may have made an error when I said Leo DiCaprio was the least likely cowboy ever. Check out David Arquette.

• Russell Crowe's Night on the Town ... strippers, strippers, strippers!

• Nearly half of British office workers have admitted to getting frisky at the office Christmas party, a survey shows.

• Shooting Stars: Exclusive Clips. They are a British sketch comedy troupe, and many sketches are online.

• Folklore and Mythology Electronic Texts: a comprehensive list of free books online in their field

• Sliiiiiiiiiinky - the world's longest Slinky?

• Future episodes of The Simple Life promise to show Ms Hilton milking a cow. I think she has the basic motion down --- oh, wait - that's not a cow - it's a bull.

• Is Not It Cool News Parody from Something Awful. Check out the graphic in the upper left corner.

• URL says it all: StupidNakedPeople.com

• "A Ninja Pays Half My Rent". Short film online. (Sundance 2003)

• Douchebag radio personalities Howard Stern and Don Imus engage in a douche-off. The results so far: a tie.

• DID Gwyneth Paltrow secretly get married to lover Chris Martin? The pregnant star was sporting an engagement and a wedding ring during Monday night's Music Has Power Award ceremonies at Lincoln Center I guess the important question is "who the fuck cares?"

• Mary Tyler Moore has quit Neil Simon's new play, 'Rose's Dilemma,' after getting a 'brutal' letter from the playwright attacking her for not knowing her lines."

Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Dominique Sanda, the French actress going full frontal in "L'Ereditŕ Ferramonti" aka "The Inheritance" (1976).

• Kelly McGillis, topless and full frontal in a dark scene from the movie "Cat Chaser" (1989).

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

First, from the Italian-made movie... entitled Millions in this here country... we have Alexandra Paul topless (an apt adjective in more ways than one), a legs-up-to-her-ears Carol Alt and what looks very much like a butt nekkid body double for Catherine Hickland. And an a triplet of unknowns sunning themselves on the yacht that all Italians own.

• Alexandra Paul (1, 2, 3)
• Carol Alt
• Catherine Hickland
• Unknowns

From Gun Crazy, Drew Barrymore's behind and some pokitude from her and Ione Skye, looking righteous in a thin, tight-fitting white thingie.

• Drew Barrymore (1, 2)
• Ione Skye

Next up...a gaggle of strippers in The Killing of a Chinese Bookie. They are Alice Friedland, Carol Warren (in large, red pasties, for heaven's sake) Derna Wong Davis, Donna Marie Gordon and Tricia Pelham. It took more than one watching to figure out who was whom and the movie was just not good enough to warrant more than one watching... or even one, for that matter.

• Alice Friedland (1, 2)
• Carol Warren
• Derna Wong Davis
• Donna Marie Gordon
• Tricia Pelham

Last up are the non-Hefmates of 10 to Midnight.

June Gilbert plays a victim, caught in the act of boffing her boyfriend and then chased through the woods in her birthday suit. One of the reasons this movie is so distasteful (one of 134 reasons) is the long, lingering scenes of women scared witless. I hate that shit, 'specially when it ruins a nekkid performance by a really nice looking gal.

Patti Tippo as a coed also caught boffing her boyfriend, but this time interrupted by a good guy (played by Andrew Stevens). Too bad Mr. Stevens; first name isn't Corey, 'cuz then we'd have three of them to make fun of.

• June Gilbert (1, 2)
• Patti Tippo

I cannot let today's post end without sincerest congrats and many thanks to Tuna for his milestone of movie captures. To put his efforts into some perspective, these posts of mine represent something close to the 200th movie, 700th performance by the 540th actress that I've managed to capture... which is roughly one tenth of Tuna's output. Now I can tell you how what went into my measly contribution, so to multiply it by ten???!!! The only one who is in the same league is JohnnyWeb. Without them we would have a much poorer world to live in.

Claire Forlani
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)

'Caps and additional comments by Johnny Moronic:

Based on a book from the 101 Dalmations author Dodie Smith, this tale of love and loss and other period crap features 2 lovely ladies... and Tara Fitzgerald who seems to be naked in everything, even in this PG rated film!

• Romola Garai, nude side view in #6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
• Rose Byrne, partial side breast view in #4 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
• Tara Fitzgerald, topless (1, 2)