Spetters (1980) is the fifth Dutch film from Paul Verhoeven. He had just come off of Soldier of Orange, which was about the upper class and noble causes, and wanted a change of pace. Also, his first four films were based on novels, which means he was basically constrained to a story line. It occurred to him that a story about the blue collar class might be an interesting contrast to his last film. He constructed the story from newspapers, and personal memories. It is set in a small, and rather provincial, town about 30 minutes from Amsterdam. It is the sort of town that everybody dreams of escaping, and making it big. As is true of many lower class people, the best chance to escape is sports.

Motorcross was a hot sport in the Netherlands, largely due to their national champion, who nearly won the world championship. Indeed, Rutger Hauer's character was very closely patterned after this racer, down to his also being a dentist.Hauer agreed to this, for him, rather minor part because he liked the idea of working with young, new faces. Verhoeven's first four films were produced by Rob Houwer but Houwer was unwilling to fund an original script, so Verhoeven turned to Joop van den Ende.

Spoilers Ahead

The story seemed like a slice of life to me, with sever intertwined sub-plots, none of which stuck out as the main story line. Thank God for DVD and commentaries. Verhoeven confirmed that it was meant to be a slice of life story, depicting life and times in that social strata. It centers around three young men. Rien, Hans van Tongeren, a very promising motorcross amateur who is almost sure to win fame and fortune, Eef, Toon Agterberg, who is a mechanic, son of an abusive Calvinist farmer, and a latent homosexual, although he last part becomes clear as the film progresses, and Hans, Maarten Spanjer, who is a perennial failure at everything he tries, but also competes at motorcross. Hans is the least self-serving, and nicest of the three.

Rien is dating Maya, Marianne Boyer, who works in a supermarket, and is an immigrant from Indonesia. At lot of Indonesians escaped and moved to The Netherlands around that time, but met with a lot of racial prejudice. Along comes blond bombshell Fientje, Renée Soutendijk, and her gay brother Jaap, Peter Tuinman, who run a snack trailer, serving french fries and croquettes. She also wants to make it big, and has learned to manipulate men, but keeps choosing the wrong men.

Fientje first sets her sights on Rien, sure that he will become rich and famous. Her dreams, and his, are ended when he suffers a spinal cord injury in a freak accident. Then Eef convinces her that he can afford to take her to Canada, and they will become rich there. Strike two, as her brother proves that Eef likes boys, not girls. That leaves Hans, who she tries to promote as a racer, but realizes that he doesn't have the ability.

Act three gets pretty serious, with Rien committing suicide, unable to accept paralyses and the end of his dream, Eef, after being gang raped by Jaap and several friends, realizes he is gay and comes out to his father, and Rien's father has a nervous breakdown, and sells his pub. However, the ending is not without hope, as Hans and Fientje get together, buy the property, and turn it into a disco.

Whereas act three was intense, act one is full of humor and sex. IN my favorite scene, Eef and Hans take two girls to a construction site for sex. Hans is with Yvonne Valkenburg, who discovers that her period has started, and Eef is with Saskia Ten Batenburg, but can't get an erection. He blames being drunk, but it is our second indication that he might be a latent homosexual. Neither couple wants the other to know that they are not doing it, so both couples fake noisy orgasms.

End Spoilers

The film, like much of Verhoven's work, is full of nudity and graphic sex. Highlights include sever scenes of penis being stroked, male/male fellatio, homosexual rape, a pecker contest, where the three leads compare their penises, including stroking them to erection, to see whose is the biggest, and some fairly hot hetero sex scenes.

Boyer shows her breasts early in the film, having sex with Rien. Saskia Ten Batenburg also shows breasts, having sex with Eef in the scene described above, and Yvonne Valkenburg shows her crotch in a dark long shot in the same scene. Renée Soutendijk has beautiful breast exposure in several scenes, and there is a hint of bush when she is on her back in bed with Hans. Of the young performers, Renée Soutendijk went on to a huge career, with 50 credits at IMDB so far. Verhoeven believes that Hans van Tongeren had at least as much potential, but committed suicide three years after making this film. Both he and Hauer did most of their own motorcycle stunts.

Verhoeven succeeded here is what he was trying to do, and the character development was excellent, which helped to keep my interest. Although not my favorite of his films, I am glad I watched it. The proper score is C. If you like this sort of film, Verhoeven knows how to make films, and the story is unique, and rather true to life.

Review of Feardotcom (pictures in yesterday's edition)

Esther Kahn is a very long, totally lifeless film about a woman who is nearly feral - illiterate, unaware of the world, perhaps autistic or slow, who knows? Somehow she manages to become one of London's top actresses in the Victorian age. The truly strange thing about the movie is that the role of London's greatest actress is played by - your multiple choice -

1. Gwyneth Paltrow
2. Kate Winslet
3. Emma Thompson
4. Summer Phoenix.

Correct answer is "d". I can't imagine what they were thinking. It was like watching Adam Sandler play the lead in a biopic of James Earl Jones.

Meanwhile, the role of a really bad actor is played by - your choice again:

1. Bill Shatner
2. Chris Klein
3. Eric Estrada
4. Ian Holm

Again, we have to go with "d". Actually, a great actor like Holm can play a lousy actor. The problem is that it doesn't work the other way around. Holm's bad acting was still better than Summer Phoenix's best efforts. On the other hand, Ms Phoenix looks much better naked.

• thumbs (1, 2)
• Ms Phoenix (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
• somebody else

OTHER CRAP:

• Judge tells Madster to pull the plug. Madster flips judge the bird. Stay tuned. It will be interesting to see what they can do about Kazaa, which is a foreign company incorporated in Vanuatu.

• An advance look at the much-touted Esquire article on Bush's buddy, John DiIulio. Although praising Bush to the fullest, he refers to some staffers as the "Mayberry Machiavellis"

• Antonio Banderas takes a hike on Melanie. Temp or permanent? Stay tuned.

• Here's a stable investment: Enron stock. 52 week high: $927 per share.  52 week low: 52 cents per share. If you invested $927,000 at the high point, you'd have only $520 bucks left at the low. Minus your broker's commissions, of course.

• Movie Juice takes on Solaris

• How did Winona fit any apparel in her handbag with all these drugs in there? The DA has asked for 480 hours of community service, restitution, a fine, and for Winona to stop using aliases to acquire drugs.

• Author believes she has identified Jack the Ripper. Her case includes DNA evidence. Turns out it was Wally the Ripper.

• We've made it to the finals in the Wicked Weasel Bikini Competition

• The Gong Show's Chuck Barris is nuttier than a fruitcake. I understand that Barris claims to have been a CIA hit man at night, a game show host by day.

•  “If Ben Affleck is sexy, then the terrorists have won”. People magazine is swamped with complaints over their choice as sexiest man alive. Once again, the Fun House recommendation, Pete Postlethwaite, was ignored.

• some of the dumbest stuff celebs have ever said

• Pretty sad. The Cleveland Indians scouted and cultivated two of the 10 best hitters in baseball, the current AL batting champion and the current AL homer runner-up. Unfortunately, Manny is now playing for the Red Sox at 20 million per year, and Thome for the Phillies at 14 million per. So it goes.

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Karen Black, see-thru nipple visibility from the Jack Nicholson movie, "Five Easy Pieces" (1970).

• Sally Struthers, making her movie debut and going topless in a love scene from "Five Easy Pieces".

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

The Tao according to Brainscan: if you can't do it first and if you can't do it best you might as well do it most. Ho, ho, very funny. I know what some of you are thinking and yes, sad to say, that is what Mrs. Brainscan says about me, too.

But the subject in question today is Cerina Vincent in "Not Another Teen Movie". Her extensive toplessness in the movie and in deleted scenes has been capped by some of the best artists on the web, extensively so I might add. I decided to cap those scenes for one reason that I'll get to in a sec, and found I could not walk away from any of the frames. So I stuck em together. Twenty-two collages, seventy frames.

As you know you see hooters only, at least in scenes that are undeniably Cerina. Broken down by scene the collages include the following:

Links 1-8...In the principal's office
Links 9-12...At the party (these are my favorites)
Link 13...At the game
Links 14 & 15...The bluebird scene
Links 16...Outtake of the game scene
Links 17-20...Deleted walking to class scene
Links 21-22...Me so horny scene

• Cerina Vincent (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)

Okay, so here's the real reason I capped a movie that had been so thoroughly dealt with previously. Go onto IMDB, hit on this movie's page and go way down to the Miscellaneous Crew. There you will find listed

Brooke Berry: Body Double, Cerina Vincent.

Fine, so Cerina used a body double. But then you hit a problem. Twenty lines down, you run into this puppy

Jennifer Rovero: Body Double, Areola.

Well, this is one crowd who doesn't need to be told that Cerina Vincent played Areola. And so we have two women, both former Hefmates, credited for the same performance, as it were.

I've asked around and don't no one seem to know where IMDB came up with the data or which of the listings is correct. How's about you guys? Anyone? Anyone?

Oh yeah, and here's the only scene in which a body double might have been used. You don't see the babe's face and she does have one killer caboose (as do Ms. Berry and Ms. Rovero, if the pictures in the Hefmag are any indication), and it only stands to reason the rumpus might be the one part of Ms. Vincent's body requiring help from a friend (it most often is).

And by the way, I read where Cerina Vincent is a former Miss Teen Utah. Utah??!! A nekkid babe from Utah? Where women don't get nekkid in the privacy of their own homes? That has to make her the oddest resident from that state since Jim McMahon graduated from BYU.

• Cerina's body double? (1, 2)

This must be a record for me, two days in a row doing a good movie instead of my usual crap :-)

Anyway here's Ann-Margret in 1971's "Carnal Knowledge". She shows us some awesome cleavage and buns. I was just amazed how she kept those puppies from falling out in the dress and bra scenes. This lady is one of my all time favorites.

• Ann-Margret (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

J-LO'S PRENUPTIAL DEMANDS
World's Most Whipped Man - Britain's ITV.com reports that Jennifer Lopez wants to insure her next marriage lasts, so she's presented Ben Affleck with a list of prenuptial contract demands. They include: sex four times a week, a $1.5 million fine if he lies to her, and a $7 million fine if he cheats on her.