"The L Word" Episodes 7 & 8

The L Word Episodes 7 & 8 (2004) is getting just plain silly. Kirshner was caught by her boyfriend with Karina Lombard's face buried in her crotch. So here is his reaction. He took her to Reno for a quickie wedding, then abandoned her there in the middle of the night. She decided to hitchhike home. She take sup with a young couple who feed her shrooms. When she comes home to her now distraught husband, he throws all her belongings and her out of the house. She goes to Lombard, who screws her all night, then informs her that her real girlfriend is due back from Italy.

If all that isn't strange enough for you, Leisha Haley, the bisexual magazine writer, dates a "lesbian identified male," who tries to use a dildoe on her. When she actually fucks him, he has an identity crisis. We also get dozens of minutes of the joy or morning sickness. The tennis player finally decides to come out of the closet.

Episode 7 is the fist so far where Kirshner's nipples don't make an appearance, but she makes up for it in 8. The only nudity in seven is a breast fro an unidentified actress. Haley shows breasts having se with the male lesbian, and Audra Rickets does a lengthy full frontal getting into a hot tub with a topless Heidi Iro and an unidentified topless black woman. My opinion of this soap has not improved.

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  • Audra Rickets (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26)
  • Heidi Iro (1, 2)
  • Leisha Hailey (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
  • Mia Kirshner (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Unknowns, episode 7 (1, 2, 3)
  • Unknowns episode 8

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Suspicious River (2000):

    Canadian writer-director Lynne Stopkewich elevated Molly Parker to cult film stardom in Kissed (1996), in which Molly played a mortuary employee who had sex with her dead clients. That all happened because when she was a child she formed a romantic view of death, and that lead to her interest in embalming and necrophilia.

    Not exactly mainstream stuff.

    This time Stopkewich and Parker are teamed up again in an oddly similar film in which a woman's past leads her to some sexual and emotional problems. Molly plays a young woman working in an isolated motel in Suspicious River, Washington. She begins to sell herself to her customers both for money and for the indefinable satisfaction she gets from giving and receiving pleasure, humiliation, and pain. Eventually she runs into a pimp who alternately woos her and beats her, then eventually lures her to the woods for a good old-fashioned gang rape followed by a burning alive party. Now THAT'S entertainment. Molly had allowed herself be led into the climactic situation because of a powerful self-destructive streak, but once in the desperate situation she has to determine whether she can escape the cycle of abuse that lead her there, and whether survival even matters to her. She summons the will to live, then manages to survive by lying still and naked in the manner of a corpse. The bad boys don't quite know how to adapt their plans quickly enough to counter her strategy, which eventually gives her just enough of an opening to flee.

    Molly's story is shown in parallel with that of a sweet young girl with a terrible home life. Maybe the young girl doesn't exist at all, and is Molly confronting herself at an earlier age. More likely the girl is just facing a situation similar or parallel to Molly's developmental influences. .

    Beats me. We know that Molly suffered an abused childhood, a promiscuous adolescence and her mother's horrible death.

    I guess the little girl must be real because her story eventually ties into Molly's escape from the evil dudes. Either way, the girl's story is supposed to help us understand why Molly is what she is.

    I think.

    I would say that this film is exploitative except that the three driving forces behind the film, the writer, director, and star, are all women, and the whole project just smacks of the typical oblique approach of the "art" film. Given those facts, I suppose it is some kind of statement about the difficulty that women face in finding self-respect and self-definition in a world which disempowers and exploits them.

    Or not.

    Frankly, I'm not sure if that was the point, but it's my best guess.

    The film is acted and photographed well, with some creepy background music which further accentuates the depressing tone, but it is slow, repetitive, and deliberately obtuse. The quality of the film is solid, but the target audience consists of about three people, and I am surely not one of them. I found it an unpleasant experience, but then I guess I was supposed to.

    • Molly Parker (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)



    Return of the Jedi (1983)

    A fair question is this: when did George Lucas himself give in to the dark side?

    Here's your answer:  Return of the Jedi.

    This is the film in which the Star Wars saga stopped being space action-adventure movies with a powerful juvenile appeal and started being  advertisements for action figures. He-Man with live characters.

    Where did Lucas screw up? With his later movies, that is easy to explain. In Episodes 1 and 2, the answer to that question is obvious - Lucas took too much control of the projects himself. He is a man with great ideas, but he has almost no gift for dialogue, and his plotting is incomprehensible unless brought under control by another writer. He should have provided a basic storyline, together with some sketches, to other people and let them fill in the blanks.

    The answer is not so obvious with Return of the Jedi. Lucas did not try to direct the film himself, but turned it over to the talented Richard Marquand, who had just completed an excellent spy drama called The Eye of the Needle. Lucas did not try to write it himself, but brought in as co-author the tremendously skilled Lawrence Kasdan, who has some of the best script credits in history, and had just written these four acknowledged masterpieces in the 1980-83 period:

    In addition to Kasdan's script and Marquand's direction, Return of the Jedi had Lucas's original recurring characters. Whatever complaints one may lodge against Lucas, failure at iconography is not one of them. We all know who these characters are. Any casual film fan can identify C3PO, Luke Skywalker, and R2D2. Ross, the "Friends" character, expressed the subconscious of a generation when he asked Jennifer Aniston to dress up in the Princess Leia bikini. The casual, sardonic rogue called Han Solo made Harrison Ford into one of the biggest stars in Hollywood. But those characters are obscure compared to Darth Vader. If you have never watched a minute of a Star Wars film, you can surely identify Darth Vader by sight or sound. When James Earl Jones dies, the first line of his obit will mention the movies in which he never actually appears, despite his brilliant career on stage and a sold filmography. Count on it. 

    Nor is Lucas lacking in visual imagination. My two older boys first saw the original Star Wars movie when they were sitting in the back seat of my car at a multiple-screen drive-in in Miami. While my wife and I watched some long-forgotten film through the front windscreen, the boys were able to see Star Wars on a distant screen, at a slight angle, sans sound. The tiny, crooked picture and the lack of sound never bothered them for a second. The two pre-schoolers stared transfixed for two hours, in awe of the images alone. When I realized they were still awake, I knew immediately that we were in the presence of true movie magic. The next day we saw the movie for real at a crowded matinee in Coral Gables, just me and a few hundred other dads, and about a bazillion noisy boys who were about to share the defining moment of their collective childhood.

    So ... ?

    So Return of the Jedi has Lucas's visual imagination and the great original characters to go with a solid director and the best screenwriter of his era. Where did it go wrong?

    One fookin' word: muppets.

    Well, I guess you could add "and midgets in costume", although they are basically just a different kind of muppet.

    Don't get me wrong. Felt fabric has its proper places in our culture. It belongs on loveable Sesame Street characters, or covering a pool table, but not in outer space. This entire movie seems to consist of cuddly teddy bear creatures and long-toothed ogre creatures designed to sell toys. I can't imagine why Lucas thought this was a good idea. Perhaps since Yoda was received well in the previous movie, and because the Star Wars Bar was such a popular element of the first film, Lucas and his team thought they should fill this movie with adorable and grotesque critters. Wrong thought. The little kids who had been hooked on Star Wars still liked the movie, but this one was not the kind of film that dads awaited eagerly, like The Empire Strikes Back. This was a real chore to take the kids to, and the ending made me throw up a little bit in the back of my throat. A great series brought to a trite and sappy conclusion.

    • Princess Leia in the gold bikini. Nuff said. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)



    Rick (2003):


    COMPLETE SPOILERS (although it doesn't matter, because everything is spoiled once you realize that it is a modern version of Rigoletto)

    Rick O'Lette is the ultimate corporate lackey. 40ish and going nowhere, he hangs on to his vice-presidency only because he has the ability to make his boss laugh. Sour, nasty, snide, racist, and funny, the barely post-adolescent behavior of Rick is the perfect entertainment for his 20-something but still adolescent genius of a boss, the decadent Mr. Duke. Rick is his court jester. Together they abuse waitresses, job applicants, minorities, women, and the downtrodden. The boss is not only a satyr but also totally lacking in discretion when he discusses his sexual adventures, and pays no heed to which ears may hear those discussions. He walks around the office singing an obscene hip-hop song with words like "I wanna put it in yo mouth".

    Rick is trapped into a life where the only way he can keep his job is by being an asshole, so he is, and he has only the dimmest memories of when he was a good person. In fact, he is such a monstrous ass that one job applicant even places a curse on him! A curse, for Chrissakes! (And it's not even Anne Bancroft playing her usual old gypsy hag!)

    The only thing that keeps Rick in touch with humanity is his beautiful young daughter, who also treasures their relationship. The daughter would like to get to know what Rick does at work, but Rick won't let that happen for two good reasons: (1) His entire job consists of acting like an asshole to amuse his young boss. This is not something he wants his daughter to see. (2) He knows that his boss will hit on the beautiful daughter instantly, thus placing Rick in an impossible situation.

    Little does Rick know that his daughter and his boss are already hooked up. Of course, Rick couldn't possibly know that because the boss and the daughter don't even know. They have connected for online chat sex. Gradually, the boss realizes who he is having cybersex with. The daughter never does figure it out, but she wants an internship with her father's company, and she figures that the fastest way to get what she wants is to flirt with the horny, cute boss, not knowing that he is already her cybersex partner, and that he has already penetrated her online anonymity.

    So far, the plot is reasonably normal. Mean-spirited, but normal. But there is a truly abnormal twist about to happen. Rick is contacted by a former college friend who is now in a unique business. People hire him to kill those higher in the corporate pyramid, thus opening up promotion opportunities. The contract killer has specifically targeted Rick as a customer, and Rick doesn't need much persuasion to cement a deal to kill his boss at the Christmas party.

    The thug who does the actual killing is told to kill the guy wearing the mountain climbing outfit and the Santa hat. I suppose I don't have to tell you that the evil boss hooks up with Rick's daughter at the Christmas party, and she ends up leaving the building wearing the mountain climbing apparel and the Santa hat, and ...

    Well, you can see where this is going.

    Rick gets a call saying that the murder has been done. He runs into the hall, where he hears his boss singing "I want to put it in yo mouth", obviously still very much alive. Rick then realizes that he has not only failed to protect his daughter from his boss's lechery, but he has also gotten her killed, and has thus destroyed the last remaining bit of his own humanity.

    Thus is the curse fulfilled.

    The film is filled with dark, sharp, geometric images. It is punctuated with bizarre renditions of Christmas Carols. Except for the nasty hip-hop song, the entire musical score consists of carol after traditional carol played in a minor key at a funereal tempo. Pretty Christmassy story, eh? It should easily replace It's A Wonderful Life" in the annual traditions of many families. Like the Manson Family, for example.

    Did you have the feeling that the plot is somewhat over the top, somewhat "operatic" perhaps. The actual opera buffs among you have even noticed that this is the actual plot of one of the most famous operas of all, Verdi's Rigoletto. His name is Rick O'Lette, get it? The Duke becomes Mr. Duke. You don't really have to know anything about Verdi's opera to appreciate this film, however. It stands on its own.

    I found the film to be a pleasant surprise. I normally hate mean-spirited films like Very Bad Things and Bad Santa, and this film is just as nasty as those two. I normally don't relate that well to grand tragedy which takes place in modern times, or to very black humor. Usually, films that possess those characteristics are completely lacking in basic human warmth, and must be extremely brilliant to work for me. This film is not extremely brilliant like Dr. Strangelove, and yet it manages to work anyway because it does not always maintain a distance between the audience and the characters. It mixes up the dark, cold humor with some genuine warmth. Yes, the film is too aloof and completely obnoxious in the first act, and I was just about to turn it off and move on to another project, but then Rick went home, and the film started to click. It really gets into high gear once the relationship between Rick and his daughter is established, because the audience is allowed to see how Rick became such an ass in the first place, and how he is as much victim as victimizer. The father-daughter relationship is developed thoroughly enough that we can really feel Rick's pain when he realizes what he has done.

    I expected Bill Pullman to be good as the corporate wise guy, and he was, but I didn't expect the depth and nuance he was able to bring to the role when he was called upon to be a normal father, and ultimately the murderer of his own child.

    Is it a pleasant film to watch? Roger Ebert dealt with that question:

    Movies like this are kind of a test for a viewer. If you require that you "like" a movie, then "Rick" is not for you, because there is nothing likable about it. It's rotten to the core and right down to the end. But if you find that such extremes can be fascinating, then the movie may cheer you, not because it is happy, but because it goes for broke.

    It's definitely something different. After hating the first twenty minutes, I ended up being quite impressed.

    Sorry, no nudity, despite plenty of raunchy talk and even a sex scene! This was the closest it came.




    Other Crap:

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at


    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.



    The Door in the Floor (2004)

    I reviewed this film. I felt it was quite an excellent Irving adaptation, but much too serious to achieve commercial success, making it an unusual hybrid - basically an arthouse movie starring A-listers.

    I suppose Mimi Rogers would have won our Nude Scene of the Year competition if she was in her 20s, given three B's viewed leisurely in good light. Even at age 40 or 50 something, she still impresses.

    Why the lack of certainty in her age? According to her bio, she was born in January 1956, but graduated from high school in 1970. All of her classmates are now 52, but Mimi is 48, if we can believe the "graduated at 14" angle. {cough}

    Great clip from Shiloh. Just about DVD quality, albeit without sound.


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.


    Words, pictures, and vids from ICMS

    Casta e Pura (1981)

    First there is a clip with some mild exposure by Laura Antonelli in 1981's "Casta e Pura" (chaste and pure), two notions that immediately jump to your mind when you think of Laura. However this clip comes from an obviously censored version on Italian TV, because there are collages from this film in the Encyclopedia that contain more exposure by Laura and I am pretty sure that I wouldn't have missed this if it had been there.


    The Big Brass Ring (1999)

    Two actresses showed some skin in 1999's "The Big Brass Ring". Best known is of course gorgeous French actress Irčne Jacob, who gave a triple B performance. So did Sara Melson, who was active in the film industry in the last decade of the 20th century but seems to have retired from the business now.
    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    Today the Ghost takes a look at the 1977 movie "Valentino", directed by Ken Russell. Michelle Phillips (of the 60s pop/folk group The Mamas and the Papas) bares all 3 B's in these 'caps and clips.

    • Michelle Phillips (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
    • Michelle Phillips zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3)

    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    Today it's a quick trip in the old time machine back to 1984 to find a naked Tanya Roberts in "Sheena".

    Corny movie but the eye candy was great!

    Here is part two of Triple A's coverage from the Aussie DVD of "Lake Consequence", starring Joan Severance, Billy Zane and May Karasun.

    Today it's Karasun's turn to get nekkid. We see her baring ber wonderful breasts in all of these clips, plus full frontal views in #4 and some rear nudity in #5.

    • May Karasun zipped divx .avis (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Brittany Daniel
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Joe Dirt's love interest sporting about 0% body fat and wearing several skimpy outfits in scenes from "Club Dread" (2004). ....

    Christina Ricci
    (1, 2, 3)

    Ricci wearing a grass skirt and bikini top (link #1) and showing pokies (links 2-3) in scenes from "Pumpkin".

    Drew Barrymore Soaking wet with see-thu/pokies in scenes from the Adam Sandler movie "50 First Dates".

    Elena Anaya

    Josie Maran

    Kate Beckinsale

    The ladies (and cleavage) of "Van Helsing".

    Julie K. Smith
    (1, 2)

    The busty Skinemax babe and former Pet (February '93) baring breasts and bum in scenes from the Andy Sidaris film "Day of the Warrior" (1996).

    Ellen Barkin
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

    Señor Skin 'caps of Barkin baring all and looking fantastic in scenes from "Siesta" (1987). Link #9 is a must see.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Their Music Stinks, But They Smell Great - Blonde sexpots Paris Hilton and Britney Spears have competing fragrances. The New York Post describes Britney's "Curious" as lighter, with notes of Louisiana magnolia, golden Anjou pear and blond woods, and said it should be called "Trailer Nights."

  • You wear it when you want to get hitched.
  • Britney wears it in her new video...In fact, it's all she wears.

    You Can Do That On The Internet - Hilton's is called "Paris Hilton," and the Post said it smells of frozen apple, peach nectar and wet ozone. It's a heavy evening perfume, described by one buyer as "exactly what I'd expect Paris Hilton to smell like: overly sweet, overly strong and not at all subtle." The ad copy reads, "Now you have the opportunity to share a bit of the magic that is Paris Hilton."

  • Many of us have already shared that opportunity.
  • It would've been called "Evening in Paris," but that was taken.
  • Paris herself actually smells like the city of Paris: wine, sweat, cigarettes and urine.
  • I think I'll wait for Meat Loaf to come out with a fragrance called "Meat Loaf" that smells like meat loaf.

    We've All Seen Your Inner Slut - Pamela Anderson told the FemaleFirst website that while she doesn't regret any of her past sexual encounters and didn't see anything wrong with all her Playboy shoots at the time, she can now look back "and go, 'Yes, I am a little bit of a slut.'" But she said, "I think everybody's a slut, and they should admit it." Pam said she's learned to have fun with her dirty side and urged other women to follow her example by releasing their "inner slut."

  • This was seconded by millions of people, all of them men.
  • For instance, Pam thinks Christina Aguilera could be a LOT sluttier.
  • When did Pam ever keep her sluttiness hidden inside?
  • "Inner Slut!" THAT'S what Paris Hilton's perfume should be called!

    Bought By Steven Spielberg - Chris Doyle of Sydney, Australia, was inspired by the grilled cheese sandwich with an image of the Virgin Mary selling on eBay for $28,000. So when he spotted a piece of Nutri-Grain cereal shaped like E.T., he put it up on eBay. It drew 40 bids from collectors around the world and sold for $800 (US). Doyle said, "I was just trying to find someone who feels the same way about E.T. as they do about the Virgin Mary."

  • It was bought by Michael Jackson?
  • He needed a buyer who's like Nutri-Grain cereal: rich and flaky.
  • Dang! When that movie first came out, I had a whole box of cereal shaped like E.T....and I ATE it!!
  • How much could I get for a vitamin shaped like Fred Flintstone?