"The L Word"
The L Word (2004) Episodes 5 and 6. Well, I went through all 16 terrible horror films, and only a few had nudity. It is probably a sign of my depravity that I didn't think one of them was that bad. It was Called The Devils Hand, and was watchable, even without nudity. At any rate, it is back to the carpet munchers.
Episode 5 is the worst so far for nudity, with just a headless nip slip from Mia Kirshner. She does a lengthy topless scene in Episode 6, but again provides the only exposure. Some things actually happen to advance the plot in these two, and several new characters are introduced. Laurel Holleman's character manages to get pregnant, the tennis pro finally gets laid, and Kirchner is caught by her boyfriend with Karina Lombard's face buried in her crotch. We meet Beals father, an uptight conservative, and the actress mother of another character.
It still didn't add up to two hours of excitement. This will be continued, but I can already say Queer as Folk was far more entertaining, as it was liberally sprinkled with humor. This one takes itself way too seriously.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Diamond Hunters (2001)
|What was the
use of my having come from Oakland it was not natural to have
come from there yes write about it if I like or anything if I
like but not there, there is no there there.
--- GERTRUDE STEIN, Everybody’s
Autobiography, p. 289 (1937, reprinted 1971) ---
Diamond Hunters was probably a big hit in Oakland,
because there isn't much there there either. Two half-brothers
struggle for control of a diamond empire in South Africa. It's your
basic nighttime soap opera with rich people struggling for power,
scheming, and playing musical beds. In fact, it was a mini-series
which has been condensed from 180 minutes to 101 to make it a
Dynasty and Dallas became popular television shows
because viewers watched them regularly and established an
identification with the characters. Imagine if you had never watched
an episode of Dallas and then just caught one in the middle of the
series. Do you think it would be very interesting? Well, you can
find out if you care to. Duplicate that exact experience by watching
this film full of B-list actors, which has conveniently been transferred to DVD to create the maximum soap
opera atmosphere in your living room or den.
This thing is pure drivel which tested my limited tolerance for
hack jobs. I'll call it a D, but I wish
it had starred Jeff Fahey, so I could give it a
G. (For you newbies: our rating system
goes from A to F except for films with Fahey, which may go to G.)
- Here's Star Trek babe Jolene Blalock, (1,
5) who managed to do two
nude scenes without really showing much of anything. Looks like
she has a helluva body. I think we'd really appreciate it, if she
ever decides to let some lights hit it. (She has shown her buns
When Will I Be Loved? (2004)
seen it. Made these from somebody else's anonymous captures from a
- Neve Campbell (1,
- The good news:
The luminescent thong will be available by December 18th of 2004.
- The bad news:
has closed on the crocheted vagina.
The Worst TV Dinner Ever
The first images from The Ring 2
Mike Newell talks about Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
Kazaa mounts the Betamax defense: "Lawyers for the
file-swapping service Kazaa argued in an Australian court Monday
that its software is analogous to the old Betamax videocassette
China is blocking access to Google News.
Here is the clip of Ken Jennings finally losing on Jeopardy!
Who's ahead in the Oscar derby? The National Board of
Review picked Jamie Foxx, Annette Bening, and Finding Neverland.
The teaser-trailer for The Silencer: "The Silencer is
part of a new breed of British action movie, and stars Glenn
Salvage as Michael Eastman as a special narcotics officer who is
shot and disabled in the line of duty as part of a set up. The
Silencer features brutal Hong Kong style fight choreography of the
like that has never been seen before in such a production."
The Weekly World News summarizes their favoriite "stupid laws".
In Oregon, donut holes must be at least an 1/8th inch in diameter!
Ohio has ruled that it's legal to kill a mime. It's
about damned time. I was wondering how long we would continue to
maintain the hypocrisy that it's OK to kill unborn children, but
not OK to kill mimes. As if mimes were somehow more human than
fetuses! Perhaps we will now be able to move to the truly sensible
modern position, where killing mimes is not only allowed, but
encouraged! We would have a mime-hunting season, just as we do for
2004 Canada State Visit: President Bush's Statement Advising
People of Canadia to Lose the Attitude And Make Like a Nice Little
51st State. - (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)
IN TEARFUL RESIGNATION, RIDGE ADMITS HE IS COLOR BLIND.
Choosing Terror Alerts Was "A Living Hell".
Sundance announces this year's line-up, including two new
categories for "world cinema".
The city laws of Provo, Utah forbid keeping a dog and a cat in the
20 year old's television sent out a distress signal that was
picked up by an orbiting satellite.
- Important info leaked.
A white gentleman's urinal has been named the most influential
modern art work of all time by British art experts,
thus demonstrating that their expertise wasn't even worth a shit.
Frankly, this choice pissed me off.
Nicole Kidman and Sean Penn as action stars? The trailer from The
Interpreter. (It is actually an interesting trailer!
Well worth a peek.)
Four free videos from Playboy's Beach Babes!
Playmate Gallery - Brooke Berry - May 2000 - Courtesy of
Overnight - Trailers & Clips. A documentary about the
rise and fall of Troy Duffy, a bartender whose script for "The
Boondock Saints" was picked up by Harvey Weinstein of Miramax and
made into a film. Duffy subsequently burns every bridge and
alienates most of his friends.
The Daily Show covers the most important story of the year - Julia
- For those interested:
The Bam Margera -Jenn Rivell Sex Tape
- In case the one above fails you, here's
one more link to the Bam Magera sex vid
Kirsten Dunst + a flimsy sundress + a rainstorm + no bra + hi-res
photography = magic. She doesn't believe in bras. Bless
her heart - and the surrounding area.
Magnificent pictures from the Gigapxl Project. If you
are a photography buff, be sure to click on "project overview" to
read about the details. I'm NOT, and I still found it fascinating.
Matt Damon will replace Leonardo DiCaprio in Robert De Niro's
passion project 'The Good Shepherd'. A history of the
CIA as seen through the eyes of a career agent, the film was
already in pre-production. However, with a budget north of $110
million, the financing dried up, and new talks are in the works.
Five new pictures from the set of the Cruise/Spielberg production,
'War of the Worlds'
The Sacred Cheese Sandwich makes it way through Texas.
Four clips, the trailer and an interview regarding Beyond the Sea,
the new Bobby Darin biopic starring and directed by Kevin Spacey
- You think YOU have too much time on your hands? How about
these people who built
a scale model of Hooterville. Da-da-da-da-da, THE
Welcome to The SNL Archives! "Welcome to the most
comprehensive Saturday Night Live reference site on the web! Here,
you will find searchable documentation on anything and everything
related to SNL, including episodes, cast members, guests,
recurring characters, impressions, and recurring sketches."
The classic SNL skit about the "all drug" Olympics
SNL Weekend Update highlights from the Luke Wilson show.
URINETOWN: The Musical
IRAN SEEKS PERMISSION TO MAKE TEENY TINY NUCLEAR WEAPONS
Pamela Anderson to star in a new sitcom
- The cutting edge of technology:
In South Korea, e-mail is only for old people. And in
Soviet Russia, the old people ARE the e-mail. Party officials just
write a message on their wrinkled foreheads and tell them to take
the subway to the recipient. And the people there never use CD's.
Here in America you burn CD's, but in Soviet Russia, the CD's burn
you! Oops. For a moment there I thought I was Yakov Smirnoff. Just
here is an entire page dedicated to "In Soviet Russia"
jokes based on Smirnoff's inspiration.
Christmas songs for the mentally disturbed.
The 'Jeopardy' nerd finally loses. Total take: two and
a half million!
'Blog' is the No. 1 word of the year.
What if the NFL used the BCS system to determine a champion?
Harold Ramis creating secret new comedy project with Owen Wilson.
- OK, this one is just for you really serious baseball nuts,
like me. A scholar has just written
The American Indian Integration of Baseball, a book
which is the first to document many aspects of the struggle of
native Americans to play the American game. The link leads to the
press release, because I'm a good SABR soldier, dammit! (If you're
a baseball fanatic, you'll even enjoy the press release.)
- Well, there may still be a few key things to iron out in that
British equivalent of the FCC rules that it's OK to give a pig a
hand-job on TV.
- The Telly Lords (headed of course, by Telly Lord Savalas)
wanted everyone to know that this was a very narrow ruling which
did not apply to blow-jobs, or even to hand-jobs for other
- Better than that, it only applies to "minor celebrities"!
"British television watchdogs ruled today that a pig sexually
pleasured on television by a minor celebrity did not feel
degraded by the experience." Interesting legal distinction to
specify "minor". I wonder if their ruling would have been
different if it had been a major celebrity. As of now, the rule
of thumb is this: (a) Pig hand-job from Roy "Chubby" Brown: OK.
(b) Pig hand-job from Hugh Grant or Becks: right out.
Behind the Scenes Pics From Terry Gilliam's Tideland!
JoBlo.com visits the set of The Chronicles of Narnia.
- Do you look without seeing? ...glance without noticing?
This tests your powers of observation, using an extremely common
object - an ordinary penny. Do NOT look at a real penny
first. See if you can pick the correct one here. The number of
people who did not choose the correct one is surprising.
Anna Benson: baseball's hottest wife.. The former model
and stripper who is married to Mets pitcher Kris Benson, vowed
yesterday that if she ever catches her husband cheating, she'll
have sex with all his teammates. "Mike Piazza just did a back
flip" joked Howard Stern.
The trailer for The Assassination of Richard Nixon, a
rumored award contender starring Sean Penn and Naomi Watts.
Very sexy new Christian Dior commercial with Charlize Theron.
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words, pictures, and vids from
l'Amour en douce (1985)
Jean-Pierre Marielle is an excellent and prolific French actor who
is in fact one lucky bastard. Since about 25 years he gets parts
in films in which he very often gets to see at least one of the
actresses naked, many of them household names in France and
abroad. One example of his luck is the 1985 film "l'Amour en douce"
where he accidently runs in on Emmanuelle Béart in the shower. JP
isn't out of luck however and about an hour later in the movie he
stumbles upon Sophie Barjac who has just reconciled with her
on-screen husband Daniel Auteuil who had a fling with Béart who
was married to Auteuil in real life from 1993 to 1995. But now I'm
confusing fiction and reality, so I'll stop here. Em' shows us
breasts and buns, Soph' bares all 3 B's.
Unter die Haut (1997)
Now we cross the Rhine and take a close look at Bojana Golenac in
1997's Unter die Haut (Under the Skin). May I suggest you turn up
the brightness level of your monitor and play part of this clip in
slow motion. The reason for this suggestion is to be found in the
very first collage from this film in Bojana's own volume in the
Encyclopedia. This will show you that you can indeed take a very
close look at this German actress, much closer than she may have
suspected when this scene was shot.
In case you hadn't noticed, Golanac uses the gun to warn her
lover not to "come" prematurely...Would you still dare?
'Clips and comments by AAA
I have always been a big fan of Joan Severance, so when I found that I could get a DVD of Lake Consequence from Austraila, I jumped at the chance. I have made a number of clips from it, and, while they aren't great, they are better than anything I've seen around up until now.
With part part one, we'll kick things off with the 'clips of Joan topless and gettin' it on with Billy Zane.
- Joan Severance zipped divx .avis
'Caps and comments by Hankster:
On our trip back from yesterday in the old time machine we also stopped off
in 1984 to visit another "Damsel in Distress", Marina Sirtis in "Blind Date".
The Trek babe played a hooker who gets topless, then tied up by the killer and menaced with a knife.
- Marina Sirtis
On the lighter side, Sonya Salomaa shows tits and a short skirt from last year's "House of the Dead".
- Sonya Salomaa
'Caps and comments by Vejiita:
Here are some 'caps of "Desperate Housewives" babe Eva Longoria in scenes the very bad movie "Señorita
Justice". Of course with that title I wasn't expecting anything good.
Eva shows plenty of cleavage, wears many tight tops and even does a very dark, wanna-be-like-Desperado-sex-scene.
- Eva Longoria
|Coming to DVD January 25, 2005...Here is the "Scream" and "Party of Five" babe baring breasts and bum in scenes from "When Will I Be Loved".
|Señor Skin 'caps of the "Leaving Las Vegas" and "Hollow Man" star showing just a bit of nipple in scenes from "Blind Justice" (1994).
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
"JEOPARDY" WHIZ FINALLY LOSES
His Replacement: Sean Connery - Tuesday, Utah computer programmer Ken
Jennings finally lost on "Jeopardy!" after 74 shows and $2,520,700 in winnings He
lost to a former actress from California who said most competitors hoped to come
in second, while she psyched herself up by repeating, "Someone's got to beat
him sometime, it might as well be me." Jennings lost on the Final Jeopardy
answer, "Most of this firm's 70,000 seasonal white collar employees work only
four months a year." He said, "What is Federal Express?," but it was H&R Block
income tax preparers.
Jeez, what a moron!
If he'd just held out until April 15, he would've known all about H&R
On the bright side, he'll now be working only two months a year.
He lost to an actress from California?! Okay, it HAD to be rigged!
JERRY SEINFELD'S FAVORITE RESTAURANT
Flaky! - The ultimate "comfort food" chain, Cereality, opens its first
sit-down restaurant today at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia. It
serves 33 brands of cereals, plus toppings from bananas to malted milk balls.
For $2.95, you get a scoop of any two cereals mixed together, plus a topping and
as much milk as you want, white or chocolate, in a special takeaway milkproof
container. The staffers all wear pajamas. Backers are putting them near
colleges because cereal is the current student food fad, plus it allows customer
to reconnect with their inner child.
...After a night of boozing and hot sex.
News flash: if you're a college student who lives on breakfast cereal, you
still ARE your inner child.
If you eat Cap'n Crunch mixed with Sugar Smacks in chocolate milk with
malted milk balls on top, you'll be reconnecting with the toilet.
But mostly they're backing it because they don't have to hire cooks.
If you tip the waitress extra, she'll turn on "Pee Wee's Playhouse" and
warn you not to miss the school bus.
CELEBRITY RESTAURANT NEWS
Does She Swallow? - Victoria's Secret supermodel Heidi "The Body" Klum has
signed a two-year deal to endorse McDonald's. McDonald's says Klum was picked
because she's a young mother and represents a modern lifestyle. Klum recently
had a daughter just months after the dad, racing tycoon Flavio Briatore,
dumped her. Klum says she maintains her figure with exercise, rest and healthy
eating, "but I also like to have a good time and have an occasional glass of wine
or French fries."
But instead of a Quarter Pounder, she orders the 1/300th Pounder.
But she's careful: Flavio dumped her because she gained a pound.
If they want "The Body" that best represents the McDonald's lifestyle,
hire Michael Moore.