Rush (1991) is the story of two undercover narcs in a small Texas town. Jason Patric has been on the job for a while, but needs a new partner. Something about Jennifer Jason Leigh catches his eye, and they team up. In this town, they buy narcotics, turn them in to their boss, and then receive money for another buy and the bust. Their chief, who is a fundamentalist, is after the man who runs a local club, and most of the porn in the area. He is convinced that he is also the biggest drug dealer. IN the course of their buys, they often have to sample the drugs to gain the pushers trust. First, Leigh gets hooked. After she cleans up, Patric gets hooked.

Then the captain orders them to plant evidence on the bad guy. Meanwhile, Patric and Leigh are playing house together. The do as ordered, the bad guy makes bail, and the last act is all about revenge.

IMDB readers have this at 6.3 of 10, and it did not do well at the box office. Ebert liked it at four stars. For me, the story was more about the relationship between Patric and Leigh, but I just didn't see the love interest develop, and didn't think they had chemistry. Take away the romance, and it was a cop variation on the drugs suck theme. Leigh shows buns near the end, when Patric does her doggy to keep her mind off the fact that she needs a fix. In an earlier sex scene, we some of her breast. I grabbed every frame from the scene and brightened it, and am still not sure if we are seeing part of a nipple or not. This is a C. It looks good and has decent pace, but the plot was a little too predictable, and I was not happy with any of the plot resolutions, even the sub-plots.

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  • Jennifer Jason Leigh (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    "Miami Blues"

    Miami Blues (1990) is a crime/thriller/comedy with Alec Baldwin as a recent released prisoner, who decides to relocate from California to Miami, and starts a one man crime spree. On his way through the Miami airport, he steals someones luggage, and breaks the fingers of an annoying Krishna. He checks into a hotel, using the identity of a man he killed in the California airport, and orders a hooker. In walks Jennifer Jason Leigh. He decides to have an ongoing relationship with her.

    Meanwhile, the Krishna dies, and aging detective Fred Ward is assigned to the case. He tracks the two down, and pays them a visit, inviting himself to dinner. Later, Baldwin goes to his apartment, beats him savagely, and steals his badge, gun, handcuffs, and his false teeth. Baldwin starts impersonating a cap, and robbing robbers. Meanwhile, he is trying to convince Leigh that the two of them will be making a life together. Leigh, whose character isn't the brightest bulb on the string, believes him.

    Things turn ugly when things stop going Baldwin's way, and then Ward gets out of the hospital. Leigh shows breasts, wearing panties, in the initial hotel scene, and again having sex on a kitchen table. We also get a brief glimpse of a breast when Baldwin surprises her in the bath. The DVD I watched had both a letterboxed and a 4/3 version, and the 4/3 version did yield additional breast exposure. Baldwin was totally ruthless, and deliciously evil.Leigh was painfully stupid, but had a great heart. Ward's character was just plain weird. I enjoyed the comedic aspects of this film a lot, and the nudity is lovely.

    IMDB readers say 6.2 of 10. Ebert says 2 stars. As a crime thriller, I would have to give it pretty low marks, but it succeeds better as a comedy, and is hence a C- in that genre.

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  • Jennifer Jason Leigh (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    The last two months of the celeb mags. Most of the images come from Celebrity Sleuth

    • Rose McGowan gets my award for the least consistent celebrity. She can look absolutely beautiful, as she does here, or frumpy.  She can turn in a solid acting performance, or an atrocious one. Which Rose will show up tomorrow? I don't much case, because all possible Roses prefer to be more or less naked in public.
    • Nicole Kidman ended up with an uncovered nipple at the BAFTA awards.
    • I guess a lot of you guys like Asia Argento. She sure doesn't cook my goose, but here she is, sunning topless this summer, and she certainly has some ripe casabas.
    • Emmanuelle Seigner (1, 2, 3, 4) must be one sexy babe, because Roman Polanski kept sleeping with her evne after she reached puberty.
    • In keeping with Sleuth's theme of celebrity sisters, here is Emmanuelle's sister, Mathilde Seigner. You guys who appreciate natural untrimmed bushes have found your dream gal.
    • Speaking of sisters, here are rich white society's designated bims, the Hilton sisters. Hey, they may have scored below 400 on their college boards, but they're gorgeous, and they spend more money in a night than you'll ever see in your lifetime.
      • Paris Hilton (1, 2, 3)
      • Nicky Hilton (1, 2)
    • Penelope Cruz has a look-alike sister named Monica who has all of Penelope's advantages without having appeared in Captain Corelli's Mandolin. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
    • You wouldn't know it, but Liv Tyler, possessor of one of the prettiest faces in the world, has a weight problem. She was an obese child, and even now tends to put on weight as soon as she stops starving herself. In Lord of the Rings she was downright skinny, limited by her contract to a maximum of 129 pounds, which is not a lot of weight for a girl close to six feet tall. (Celebs with weight problems or eating disorders are often forced to abide by such clauses - Tiffany Thiessen is another one.)  As soon as that LOTR contract no longer bound Liv, she proudly announced an additional 30 pounds on her frame. You can see her on the chubbier side of her adult weight in Dr T and the Women, but she normally stays slim for films. When she was young, she was built like her sister Mia. They surely are not built alike any more. We don't have any Liv pics, but here are two of sister Mia (1, 2) and her mammoth chest, showing you what Liv might look like if she were not a movie star.



    • updated encyclopedia volumes for Rebecca DeMornay, Amanda Donohoe, Milla Jovovich.

    Shameless Propaganda, part 7:

    Pat Reeder is a guy whose name is not familiar to you, but who touches your life almost every day. He's the guy who steals your other sock from the dryer, and he now has a collection of more than 133 million unmatched socks.

    OK, maybe not.

    He's actually the guy who writes the jokes that your DJ tells every morning during your drive to work.  He's also the guy who writes those Comedy Wire things that you see on the bottom of this page from time to time. If you wonder why your DJ and the Fun House tell the same jokes, Pat's the reason. At the moment, Pat has a new book out called "Nine Hallmarks of Highly Incompetent Losers."  It's a "reverse self-help" book that helps the reader attain success by avoiding nine stupid mistakes made by failures and idiots.  He illustrates his points with over 200 hilarious-but-true stories from his syndicated radio service, "The Comedy Wire."

    If you like weird news and dumb criminal stories, or if you've ever been forced to suffer through a boring business/self-help book like "Who Moved My Cheese?", you'll love "Nine Hallmarks of Highly Incompetent Losers."  It earned four stars from Wireless Flash News, and will be in bookstores nationwide next spring, but you can get the jump on the rest of America and get it now through Pat's website.  Cheaper than Amazon and every copy is personally autographed! 

    Click here ( for a book excerpt, Real Audio updates on "Losers In The News," samples of the Comedy Wire and more. 


    Chapter Seven:  Lose Your Cool

    ...Getting a little wild or a bit misty is perfectly acceptable at weddings, funerals and most major holidays other than Arbor Day.  But if
    you cannot control your emotions, they will control you, and they have a way of grabbing the steering wheel at the worst possible times and giving it a good, hard yank...

    Here is what can happen to people who allow themselves to get flustered, frustrated, infuriated or just plain bumfuzzled...

    *   A Massachusetts couple hosted their own cable access show to find homes for stray cats.  During one broadcast, the technician let the tape roll too long, and viewers were treated to three minutes of footage of the man getting frustrated with a dozen kittens that wouldn't hold still and railing profanely at them.  Upset viewers complained that he used the "F-word" about 50 times and accused him of verbal abuse of cats.  He was eventually allowed back on the air after pleading that he had been having a really bad day.  As would anyone who was trying to make a dozen cats hold still.

    *   A middle-aged woman in West Sussex, England, heard a strange sound at her home and thought burglars were drilling into a building next door. Panicked, she called the police, who rushed over but couldn't find anything.  However, they could hear the noise inside her house and tracked it to her bedroom.  It was coming from a vibrating sex toy that had gotten switched on inside her dresser.  Police said they tried very hard to keep a straight face because they felt so sorry for the embarrassed woman.  And now, when her neighbors call the police to report hearing a woman screaming, they just let it go...

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    'Caps and comments by Spaz:

    "French Quarter"(1977) is The Wizard of Oz meets Showgirls. A young country woman (Alisha Fontaine) who after a brief stint working as a New Orleans stripper mysteriously finds herself back in time at a 19th century cajun bordello in New Orleans.

    The video is long out of print and copies floating around is the tv version with all the nudity removed. Luckily it has been shown in Canada on cable uncut.

    "Teenage Tramp" (1973) is another movie starring Alisha Fountaine this time playing a young teen runaway. The video is long out of print and is only available from the UK which seems to be heavily censored.

    Last but not least, Alisha Fontaine shows boobs and butt as prostitute in "Natural Enemies" (1979), unfortunately this is her last movie.

    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    A little 'Hankster Lite" today. Last time we showed you Karen Thomas in "The Secret Sex Lives of Romeo & Juliet" as she was strung up and given a whipping. Today she has been released and shows us some more boob shots.

    • Karen Thomas (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Then it's on to even lighter fare as we peek in on cute Cameron Diaz in "Vanilla Sky". No nudity,but still sexy.

    • Cameron Diaz (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Mr. Nude Celeb
    Demi Moore
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Brief glimpses of her robo-boobs in scenes from "Indecent Proposal".

    Rebecca Romijn Stamos
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Doing her sexy strip tease, and topless under water in more great 'caps from "Femme Fatale".

    Rie Rasmussen
    (1, 2, 3)

    Lesbo lovin' and breast exposure, also from "Femme Fatale".

    Sarah Michelle Gellar (fake)
    (1, 2)

    Original Appleton pic

    Just a little info so Fun House readers won't be fooled. This is a very good fake of Buffy that's been floating around. It shows SMG exposing a nipple while she's out and about. #1 is the full pic, #2 is a close up of the goods.

    In reality it's one of the Appleton sisters (either Natalie or Nicole I can't recall offhand) and we've included the original.

    Annette O'Toole
    (1, 2)

    Great 'caps by Finn of O'Toole's topless scenes from "Cat People" (1982).

    Monica Bellucci The Italian mega-babe showing just a hint of nipple in the tub. Vidcaps from "Astérix & Obélix: Mission Cléopâtre", by Mr. Skin.

    Samantha Fox
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    The 80's Page 3 superstar and UK pop singer in several nude and topless poses of her in her prime.

    Elizabeth Hurley Baring her breasts in scenes from the UK TV movie "Sharpe's Enemy". Thanks to PAL.