Contact junior by writing Contact Scoopy by writing Contact Tuna by writing Send submissions to

Search by keywords:
In Association with
Use this search device to seek additional information from about any of the books or movies you read about here.
"The Sicilian" (1987)

After breaking in as a director for Clint Eastwood with Thunderbolt and Lightfoot, Michael Cimino directed the wildly successful Deer Hunter, and was given a blank check by United Artists to make Heaven's Gate. The film was bad enough that it resulted in the death of United Artists, which, to be fair, was already in trouble. In the Sicilian, he attempted to prove that he had not yet made his worst film, and succeeded beyond imagination:

  1. Very Long
  2. Confusing Plot
  3. No Pace
  4. No Character Development
  5. No Character Motivation
  6. Mostly very dark back-lit scenes
  7. Very Grainy
  8. Deadpan Leading Man
  9. Obvious Ending

Like Haven's Gate, the only real positive was female exposure. In this case, Barbara Sukowa shows all three Bs early in the film, in a bath scene, after which she goes out on a balcony and flashes a tit at "The Sicilian" who is stealing two of her horses. Near the end, she shows breasts and buns in a love scene when he comes to steal her jewelry. She is so touched by the gesture that she screws his brains out. The "Sicilian" is played by Christopher Lambert, who should have warn a Greek mask the entire film. The one expression on the mask would surely have been more interesting than the one his face was frozen into for the entire film. What's worse is that he is supposedly portraying a charismatic outlaw, Salvatore Giuliano. Guiliano wants to be famous and popular, and has a brainstorm. He wakes up one morning and decides to go against the Mafia, the Italian government, the nobility, the communist party and the Catholic Church, and win the right for peasants to own land. As you can clearly see, that is a mostly sensible plan, except that the peasants don't want land, which would mean work. What they want is free bread.

In the one thing that rings true in the entire film, he is not able to single-handedly defeat every man, woman and child in Italy. Maltin over-rates the film with his coveted BOMB, Ebert is way too generous with 1 1/2 stars, IMDB readers say 5.1/10, and I say F.

  • Thumbnails

  • Barbara Sukowa (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    I mostly worked on updates today.

    I only looked at one NEW DVD RELEASE, and it has no nudity. It was pretty damned silly, though, a film that MST3000 did in one of their later seasons. Girl in Gold Boots. A showbiz fable about groovy hepcats who deal LSD and lust for go-go dancers. Could there be anything better? This 91 minute film probably has no more than 20 minutes of film with dialogue, and perhaps only five minutes worth of actual plot. The rest is blatant padding, especially groovy hipster music accompanied by groovy go-go dancing.


    Various Encyclopedia Updates:

    New volumes: Catherine Zeta-Jones, Kim Yates

    updated volumes: all of "Y", all of "Z", Tanya Roberts, Anna Levine Thomson, Maria Conchita Alonso, Elizabeth Hurley


    Graphic Response
  • Farrah Fawcett looking fantastic topless in the Sci-fi stinker "Saturn 3".

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

  • Brainscan
    We are all over the place with beeuuutiful babes today. On the domestic side of things, a very sexy but non-nude scan of Josie Maran.
  • Josie Maran

    International babes are three in number. Brazilian model Diana Bouth is a real cutie; has to be 'cuz there isn't a shot of her caboose anywhere. What are the odds I would scan a babe from Brazil without a dorsal view? Then there is UK model, Jenna Snell, who I have also seen pose as Jenna Swell. I guess, to quote Tank Girl, "the swelling's gone down." And along comes mega-babe and Italian movie star, Manuela Arcuri from the cover of DT. All that annoying print has been cleaned up.

  • Diana Bouth (1, 2, 3)
  • Jenna Snell (1, 2)
  • Manuela Arcuri

    Specialty scans today come from pin-up mags, old and new. The women here include a bunch of vintage babes, including Diana Wynn and Hana Viek, and a few modern ones (Kerre Marie). What they have in common is a pair of natural big-uns.

  • Diana Wynn
  • Hana Viek
  • Kerre Marie
  • Amanda Renney
  • Barbara Alton
  • Germaine Lee
  • Jenny Barnes
  • Kathryn Gable

    A few fashion models finish up things. We got your obscure ones (Catherine de Maigret), your pretty well-known ones (Devon Aoki, Diane Heidkrueger and Ehrinn Cummings) and your A-list models turned actresses. Those would be the divine Liz Hurley and the one, the only Estella Warren. You gotta love Estella for the same reasons you gotta love Josie Maran: they are both exquisite in face and form, and they do not mind one little bit showing off what the dear lord done gave them. A much better world for it, I might add.

  • Catherine de Maigret
  • Devon Aoki
  • Diane Heidkrueger
  • Ehrinn Cummings
  • Liz Hurley
  • Estella Warren (1, 2)

  • Spaz
    'Caps and comments by Spaz:

    "Up Against Amanda" (2000) is being released on DVD December 26 but I managed to get hold of a screener tape. It's "Melrose Place" meets "Fatal Attraction" with Justine Priestley playing the young bunny-boiler. The main problem with this video is that it's 16 minutes shorter than the theatrical release (118 down to 102 minutes!). The sparse R-rated nudity is provided by the lead Justine Priestley (90210's Jason Priestley's real-life sister) who shows her butt and breasts (but not to the extent as she did in the euro-trash "Rage of the Innocents" capped in the May 5/2001 Funhouse).

    The movie's official website

  • Justine Priestley

    Canada's Maria del Mar from the tv series "Blue Murder" flashes a side of her breast in the tv movie "Tails You Live, Heads You're Dead" (1995).

  • Maria del Mar

  • Jennifer Loto topless in the movie "Touch Me" (1997) According to the Internet Movie Database she's an associate producer for "The Weakest Link".

  • Jacqueline Bisset shows her butt and some breast as she jumps out of bed stark naked at the end of the ultra-rare Italian movie "The Sunday Woman" (1976).

  • Sasha Moisewitsch showing a side of her breast in "Crooked Hearts" (link #1) and then topless in hottub with Funhouse favorite Rutger Hauer in "Arctic Blue" (1993). (1, 2)

  • Hankster
    Two more from the "Babes in Bondage" Series
  • Gladys Jimenez is bound and gagged in scenes from "Blowback". Yet another really bad movie staring Mario Van Peebles as the good guy cop. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

  • Trixy Tyler, the pornstar is tied up and being paddled in "Bound for Pleasure". Some of her other film credits include such classics as...."Titty Titty Bang Bang", "Red Beaver Bonanza", and "Dallas Does Debbie". (1, 2, 3)

  • Elliffen Graphix
    Kim Yates
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Michelle Bauer

    A second helping of nudity from the sci-fi/western/softcore "Timegate: Tales of the Saddle Tramps" (1999). Both ladies bare their breasts in these 'caps by Elliffen Graphix.

    The Funnies by Number 6
    I'm guessing Number 6 either found this in O magazine or Cosmo. Perhaps it's actually from Mrs. Number 6...

    Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex

    1. You can GET chocolate.
    2. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
    3. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
    4. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
    5. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
    6. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
    7. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
    8. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
    9. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your coworkers.
    10. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
    11. With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
    12. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
    13. You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
    14. Good chocolate is easy to find.
    15. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
    16. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
    17. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
    18. With chocolate size doesn't matter.

    Celeb News

    >From Fembots to Robohooters...

    Pat Reeder
    The Comedy Wire

    Britney Gets Shagadelic
    November 30,

    Britney Spears and Beyonce Knowles are the latest babes to sign on to appear in the upcoming Austin Powers flick, Austin Powers in Goldmember. Spears will play herself in the film, while Knowles will play Foxy Cleopatra. Quincy Jones will also make an appearance in film as himself.

    The movie began filming in Los Angeles this month. Joining star Mike Myers, Heather Graham will reprise her role as Felicity Shagwell for a cameo, while Seth Green returns as Scott Evil. The movie is tentatively set for a July 2002 release.

    Meanwhile, Britney's star turn in Crossroads hits theaters on February 15th. Spears plays the straight-laced high school student on a road trip with her two less-than-good girlfriends, who make a stop in Los Angeles to compete in a musical competition.

    Click Here!