- No nudity on Californication this week.
- There was a little bit of action in Crash, s2,e10. Here's
Ellen Woglom in HD and
Tania Raymonde as
well. (Videos by Deep at Sea)
Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call, New Orleans
Let's assume that you hated all those high-falutin' moral conundrums and
ethical choices which faced Harvey Keitel in the original version of Bad
Lieutenant, making the film a real downer. You just wanted the film to be a fun, over-the-top entertainment
film about a blatantly bad cop and his relationship with his superiors, his
bookie, his hooker girlfriend, the mob, the local drug lords, and the people
he's supposed to protect. Well, I have the film for you: the new improved Nic
Cage version of Bad Lieutenant, or BL as I like to call him.
Director Werner Herzog took this film in some strange directions.
Stylistically, he chose to film some of it from the POV of an omniscient,
objective camera eye and some of it from the POV of a total crackhead, and he
did not choose to be very clear about exactly when he was making the
transition from one to another. That is to say that the viewer often really
doesn't know what's real and what is a product of BL's drug-induced
hallucinations. The film's eccentricity doesn't stop with its offbeat
narrative style (including a Letterman-style Gator Cam). The plot and tone
shifts are equally outlandish. About twenty minutes before the end of the
film, BL's problems seem to be inescapable. The mob wants him dead. The
internal affairs guys are closing in on him. He gets caught browbeating a
congressman's granny. His bookie is about to turn him over to the usual rough
collection process. The All-American who is supposed to shave points for him
is held out of a key game. His girlfriend is close to death from her heroin
addiction. He has bungled a key investigation. And then, miraculously, all of
those crises are resolved in the most favorable ways possible, and he gets
promoted to Bad Captain!
Does he learn from his good fortune? Think about it. Do we ever really
learn a lesson when we fuck everything up but luck out with a positive result?
Not very often. Most of the time, we just think we have everything under
control, or are charmed, or are earning positive results with our own sterling
efforts. Since those efforts produced favorable results in the past, we are
more likely to repeat them than to change our ways. In this regard, BL is a
lot like the rest of us, or at least like what we would be if we were played
by Nic Cage.
Is this entire film actually a parody of the original Bad Lieutenant, or of "bad
cop" movies in general? Beats me. I do know that it's an oddly appealing film.
Werner Herzog goes Tarantino on us, with surprisingly watchable results. It's
like watching Shaq play volleyball in that "Shaq Vs." show. It's not always
very good, and it can look really awkward, but it's utterly unpredictable and usually
fun to watch.
American Pie 7: Book of Love
American Pie SEVEN? Where did that decade go?
This episode takes the venerable series back to its roots. As in the
original film, another group of high schoolers discovers the legendary "bible"
of make-out secrets hidden under the floorboards in the library.
Some continuity is established, at least in a perfunctory manner, with the
previous films. There's yet another member of the Stifler family on the scene,
and the famous eyebrows of Eugene Levy are back again. Levy is the only
performer to appear in all seven of the films, playing the same character each
The film provides the reliable quota of laughs, nudity, and sentiment for
fans of the series, and is actually a better film than some of the previous
entries in the line. The writers have this formula down pretty well by now, so
Book of Love hits its paces fairly well in its familiar blend. Breasts,
raunchy sex gags, internet sex tapes, and gross exchanges of bodily fluids
combine awkwardly with charmingly sentimental looks at teen love. Usual deal.
Nice guys get the girls. A Stifler gets humiliated. Of course, it wasn't easy
to top the previous Stifler humiliations, but they managed to reach a new
nadir of tastelessness. This particular Stifler ends up being anally raped by
a gigantic moose. On camera.
All in good fun, of course.
An enjoyable new series feature is a host of cameos from the
youthploitation films and shows of days gone by. It's practically an
encyclopedia of famous fictional students. There's Screech, Otter, Booger,
Ponyboy, Damone and others, plus Kevin Federline and George Jefferson!
Here is the section of the closing
credits which pictures all of the cameos. (There's no nudity- not even any
women, but it has some of the most enjoyable moments in the film.)
The female nudity is copious, but consists mostly of breasts in quick
flashes, except for some party revelers who run quickly past the camera at a
soiree, and a naked woman who gets puked upon. Compensating for the lack of
explicitness is the fact that two of the three lead actresses take off their
tops. That's always so much nicer than when the nudity consists solely of
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
Marilyn Chambers film clips
|The victim of a
motorcycle crash is turned into a rabid man-eating monster by bad
skin graft surgery.
I didn't know that reconstructive surgery could
have this effect.
But it sure explains a lot about Madonna.
In addition to whatever biting she does with her
mouth, the rabid woman also has a vagina in her armpit, and inside
the vagina is a penis which emerges to penetrate the victims.
Where exactly did they graft that skin from?
Anyway, she bites some people and makes them
rabid. They then bite some other people, and so on. The Canadian
authorities find a way to inoculate against the madness, but there
is no hope for the previously infected man-eating monsters. The
health authorities report that those already contaminated must be
killed and their bodies must be disposed of. To comply, the police
start driving around in armored garbage trucks. Some of the police
act as snipers on the roof of the trucks, while the other guys serve
as the disposal crew, wearing those white anti-contamination suits
which make them look like Tony Manero trying to disco on the moon.
This film has to be a big disappointment for
lovers of screen nudity. I mean, the star is porno queen Marilyn
Chambers, and she keeps her clothes on most of the time. Even when
she strips, she never shows anything but her breasts. If Marilyn
Frigging Chambers stays dressed, what is the world coming to?
This film was Marilyn's big chance, the road out
of porn and into real movies. As it turns out, it was about as
obscene in its way as her porn films, and had about as big an
audience, so Marilyn's hopes were dashed.
I met Marilyn Chambers once, at a magazine
convention in Florida in the early 80's. It wasn't a pleasant
meeting. I wasn't bothering her or anything, but I went over to
introduce myself at happy hour, just to be polite (we were both
guest speakers at the convention). For whatever reason, she didn't
even say "hi, nice ta meecha". I guess I could understand if she
just avoided me. I mean she wouldn't have been the first woman to do
so, or the last. But she avoided everyone, male and female. The
person you see on screen in Rabid is the woman I ran into. The
aloofness and apparent lack of warmth that I saw from her that day
also came through in this performance.
The hosts of that convention laid out a beautiful
party in the evening, and the guest speakers mingled with the
publishers. Except Marilyn. She wandered off to her own outside
table, far from the bar, where she sat huddled for hours with the
other woman who accompanied her to the convention. Their heads
stayed close and their postures were intimate enough that my
associates and I expected them to kiss one another, although they
The brave director who took a chance on Marilyn
Chambers was the odd Canadian auteur David Cronenberg, who wrote and
directed. Cronenberg's scores are in a narrow predictable band at
IMDb. He has his enthusiastic cult following, and then there are
people who find his movies totally repulsive, so he always ends up
far from either the top or bottom because of the pull of these
opposing poles toward the center. His scores are all within the
narrow band of 5.5 to 7.1, and that is the range from Crash (low) to
Dead Zone (high).
To illustrate my point, the score most often given
to Crash is 1/10. The second most common score is 10/10. So people
love him or hate him.
Crash (his lowest rated movie at IMDB) got perfect
tens from one out of every seven voters, but Dead Zone (his highest
rated at IMDB) got perfect scores only once in ten. And I understand
that completely. I think you could make equal cases for Crash being
his best movie or his worst. Dead Zone does best at IMDb because it
is his most human and accessible film, and it even has a sensitive
character with whom we can sympathize. But I suspect that
Cronenberg's hardcore fans like that one the least.
This movie is gross and outrÚ, characteristic of
Cronenberg films. While it is odd, and occasionally packs some shock
value, I thought it was pretty darned boring and flat. The only real
surprise was the very first time that Marilyn attacked someone with
the dreaded armpit twat-cum-dick. After that, it was the usual trite
dialogue and predictable events, and Cronenberg's usual paranoia
about the misuse of science and authority.
I wonder if he ever considered working with Oliver
Two thumbs down from me an Tuna, although genre
nuts and David Cronenberg aficionados seem to like this film.
Davina Joy in reborn
Finally, Samantha Phillips in a
gazillion episodes of Hot Springs Hotel
Girls in the Band
Travels with Travis
DVD special features