Deuce Bigalow, European Gigolo (2005):
This film manages to milk 80-90 minutes of "humor" out of about a
half dozen comic premises:
1. It's funny to come up with new words for male body parts and
sexual functions, as they would be used in the high-stakes gigolo
trade, if such a thing really existed on the same mass-market level as
female prostitution: mangina, shenis, man-bitch, mouth to south, etc.
2. It's even funnier to have Eddie Griffin constantly caught in
positions that force him to deny that he's gay. When he's accused of
being a gay murderer, he doesn't care about the murderer part.
3. It's fun to take the outrageous sexual faux-practices like the
Dirty Sanchez rename them. For example, calling a sexual specialty a
"Filthy Lopez" is side-splittingly hilarious. And don;t even get me
started on a Copenhagen Steamer.
4. Eddie Griffin looks funny in outrageous Halloween disguises.
5. Nothing is wackier than obsessive-compulsive disorder.
(Actually, that one might work as a comic premise for the Farrelly
Brothers, but it seems to be out of Rob Schneider's reach.)
6. Asians have small penises.
7. Everything is legal in Amsterdam.
That's about it, except for the "women with physical deformities"
humor derived directly from the first Deuce Bigalow. Among the
Deucemeister's clients, one woman has
enormous ears, another has a penis for a nose, and so forth.
The critics, for reasons seemingly inexplicable, did not think the
formula was strong enough to justify an expenditure of $22 million
dollars. Can you believe it? Producer Adam Sandler obviously
disagreed, and managed to find investors somewhere, or maybe financed
it out of his pocket change, or something. Sandler was not
entirely deluded in his belief. While the film did not become a hit,
it did somehow take in $22 million at the box office. Once the suits
finish selling off the various rights and tying up the packages, this
project might manage to break even or better, and I'm sure Rob
Schneider was more than happy to pocket the hefty paychecks which
Sandler must have made out to the head writer and lead actor.
That might be depressing if you think about it too much.
As for me ... well, I think you go into a Rob Schneider movie or a
David Spade movie with a certain set of expectations. Within the
reasonable limits of those parameters, this film is about what you
would expect. It's filled with lowest-brow humor and juvenile
gross-outs. It is certainly on the usual Schneider Scale, albeit
at the lower end of that scale because it stretches its comic ideas
much too thin and repeats its jokes far too often.
On the other hand, if you are somehow deluded into renting this DVD
by thinking it's a film from Kenneth Branagh or The Coen Brothers, you
might end up a bit disappointed.
There is some nudity in the special "assume the position" edition,
but it is barely worth mentioning.
|The credits list two "topless weather girls," but it seems
to me that these two scenes both involve the same girl. It must
be either Monika Kucskowska or Astrid Knoops, although IMDb
somehow managed to come up with a third name (Rachel Bachofner)
which I could not find in the film's ending credits.
|This character is named "Ilsa," and appears only in a brief
flashback. I could not find her in the credits.
|This is Katie Downes, repeating a wet t-shirt formula that
worked in the first Deuce Bigalow movie. This was the only scene
in the movie which seemed sexy to me.
Sexual Life (2005):
This is a relationship-centric dramedy which manages a complete
sexual ronde. A has a relationship with B, B with C, C with D, and
so forth until the last character completes the circle by having a
relationship with A.
Since we see each of the characters in two relationships, we see
how the interaction in one situation offers us insight into the same
character's motivations in the other situation. We see one or two
characters claim that they are not sleeping with anyone else when we
have seen evidence to the contrary. We see a woman in love with two
men. She chooses to marry one and the other is heartbroken, but then
we see that the one she has chosen is not all that comfortable with
the upcoming wedding, thus making the earlier character's genuine
heartbreak all the more painful.
This film doesn't cover any new ground, but the situations feel
like they really come out of middle class America. The underlying
theme is that a good portion of our lives consists of fooling others
and even ourselves. Several of the performances are solid, so
on balance it is a film which will not strike you as especially good
or bad, but which you will probably not remember a few days after
you have seen it.
I would have liked it a lot better if it had offered some genuine
nudity from the POV of the sexual partners, as opposed to the
peek-around-the-corner kind of nudity the offers only passing
glimpses (except for one of the guys!) I'm not sure why the nudity
was so demure. Clearly, the modest level of nudity from the stars
was not done to obtain a certain MPAA rating because there is a
completely naked background stripper, even though the sexual
principals never really show very much!
Did Stephen Colbert "nail" physicist Brian Greene in an
Colbert's word of the day - "Never"
Stephen Colbert reports on the Country Music Awards
Adrien Brody and Jon Stewart discuss whether things will
work out for that Peter Jackson chap.
Mozilla Firefox 1.5 has now been released
Cyber Monday is a marketing myth
"introverts have more brain activity "
- "Extroverts enjoy the external world of things,
people and activities. They have more activity in brain
areas involved in processing the sensory information
we're bombarded with daily. Because extroverts have less
internally generated brain activity, they search for
more external stimuli to energize them. "
A two-minute clip from Jessica Simpson's failed sitcom
pilot for ABC
- You can also pick up 190 still captures from
here (scroll down the page a bit)
Who was Lorna Doone and why does she have a cookie named
- The Nabisco executive did not give a very convincing
reply when asked why their shortbread cookie was named
after a romantic/tragic heroine.
President Bush's Remarks on FREEDOM During Historic Visit
to Mongoloidistan - (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)
Ronald MacDonald caught stealing from Wendy's
2006 Super Bowl - this year's halftime nipples to be
provided by Mick Jagger
The State of Texas keeps an official list of
the last words of executed offenders
Four minutes of King Kong!
"You might recognize Clemence Poesy from the new Harry
Potter movie, check her out in this smokin hot scene from
the French film Bienvenue chez les Rozes."
More great British headlines:
Baaa humbug: singing sheep fight Crazy Frog for Christmas
Conan O'Brien's quotables for last week.
- "Christina Aguilera got married last weekend and she
asked that the guests not talk to the press about the
wedding because she's shy. Then she asked the guests not
to stare at her diamond-studded, crotchless wedding
- "An arbiter upheld Terrell Owen's suspension and
ruled that Owens cannot play for a pro-football team
this year. On the bright side, Owens can still play for
the New York Jets."
- "According to a new survey, 1 out of 5 New Yorkers
is obese. As a result, New York is thinking of changing
its name to 'Wisconsin.'"
- "This week, someone fired a pellet gun at the tour
bus of Poison singer Bret Michaels but Michaels said it
won't stop him from touring. Afterwards, the pellet
shooter said, 'Good Lord, what do we have to do?'"
Nominees for the Independent Spirit Awards.
- It's difficult to see how Brokeback Mountain could
lose, even without the pudding.
Highlander in 30 seconds, re-enacted by bunnies.
"Believe it or not: Tropical Storm Epsilon"
More pics of Pam Anderson, ultimate soccer mom
Now THIS is an entrepreneurial idea ...
a bus is converted into a strip club on wheels for
football tailgaters. It even has a disco ball! Forget
7-Eleven, this is my kind of convenience. One stop for pro
football, rock music, nude lap dances, and beer. If that
bus sold pizza, I would retire there.
More pictures of those sexy Florida State girls
Colin Farrell Sex Tape Comes Into Focus
Man Arrested For Spreading Mom's Ashes On Field During
- It was only right that he did it. Mom died from
heart failure when they suspended T.O and let McNabb go
out for the season.
"Lingerie Store Window Has Live Models"
- Y'know, that is a smart idea. They can sell more
stuff to women if the accompanying men are not impatient
to leave, and the only thing more effective at getting
men to stay than half-dressed supermodels is the
combination of BEER and half-dressed supermodels.
The Weekend Warrior predicts the Box Office for this
- Aeon Flux is the only new movie, and he thinks it
will come in at about $13 million, beating everyone but
Potter. Who knows? Maybe. It's as good a guess as any.
This week's movies (2500 screens)
Aeon Flux - no reviews available! (They're shielding
it from critics? That can't be good, can it?)
BUSH ALLOWS GUEST WORKERS IN WHITE HOUSE ... Foes of
Illegal Immigration Cry Foul
- "President George W. Bush, who has been talking
tough on the subject of illegal immigration in recent
days, appeared to reverse course today, announcing a
guest worker program that allows illegal immigrants to
work inside the White House itself. Recognizing that his
new plan was likely to draw the ire of conservatives and
other foes of illegal immigration, Mr. Bush said that
the guest workers’ duties in the White House would be
limited: 'They will mainly be responsible for leaking
classified information to the press.'"
Letterman's "Top Ten Signs You Had A Bad Thanksgiving"
The Daily Show: Baghdad Legal (Saddam's trial.)
The Daily Show's senior consumer analyst Rob Corddry looks
at scenes of violence, mayhem and raw human greed - that
bode well for the economy
Daily Show: Headlines - Shop 'Til You Fall Down "Many
are loving the baby Jesus enough to kick another man's
nads in for an iPod."
Crop circles? Aliens? Military secrets? Nah, just
Scientology at work.
Superman V - the sequel that never was. The whole sordid
TV viewers tune out govt control.
- "Just 9% of parents said the government should
increase control and enforcement of network television
Saddam pleads insanity.
- His top witness? President Bush, who has called him
a "madman" approximately 12,465 times since Sept. 11,
"A large moose spent Monday morning wandering the streets
of urban Moncton."
- Picturing the moose stopping for traffic? Um ...
check out the picture. The people of Moncton have a
slightly different concept of the word "urban" than we
big city folk might imagine!
"Jim Carrey will topline and Tim Burton will direct an
action-adventure film based on the exploits of Robert
Ripley, the explorer and newspaper columnist who
created 'Ripley's Believe It or Not.'"
"Producer Aaron Spelling has sued a nurse and her attorney
for allegedly violating a confidentiality agreement and
spreading rumors around Hollywood that Spelling sexually
harassed her. "
- The definition of optimism: attempting sexual
harassment at age 82.
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
Immagini di un Convento (1979)
Images in a Convent is a soft-core nunsploitation film from Joe D'Amato
with a smattering of hard-core action at the end. D'Amato explains that as a
boy in Italy, he considered nuns erotic, hence his choice of topic.
A countess (Paola Senatore) is stuck in a convent per the last request of
her dead father, which was intended to keep her from the arms of her lusty
uncle. She expresses her true feelings to her mother superior by wearing her
habit with breasts exposed. The nunnery is a hot bed of lesbian activity, and
while Senatore is having an erotic dream about her handsome uncle, Paola
Maiolini exposes and fondles her. Then Maiolini is caught by Marina Frajese,
who takes her to the cellar, strips and whips her, then eats her pussy.
Things heat up when an injured young man is given refuge at the convent.
He bears a remarkable resemblance to an evil statue in the garden, but
Senatore sees him as her ticket out. Convinced that the devil has certainly
possessed the convent, the mother superior soon sends Marina Frajese to fetch
an exorcist. She is raped on the way. The exorcist finally shows up to a whole
convent full of fornicating and masturbating nuns. The bit of hard-core
content comes toward the end, first when there is clear oral sex in the rape
scene, and later when one nun uses a wooden dildo on another.
D'Amato began his career as a photographer, and this background shows
through in many scenes. Even with the drab color palette required by a convent
setting, he was able to create visually interesting scenes. This is
exploitation at its best: a reasonably coherent story as an excuse for good
photography of nearly non-stop sex and nudity, with the added benefit of a
sacrilegious attitude. IMDb readers have this at a respectable 5.6, which is
good for a Eurotrash effort, and well deserved. It is as good as Eurotrash
Today it's time for my weekly update on Rome
(2005). In episode 5
"The Ram Has Touched The Wall" there isn't much going on nudity wise. The only
interesting scene I can offer you, is
by Indira Varma
plays Niobe, the wife of Lucius Vorenus. She doesn't seem to be wearing
anything underneath her thinly woven cloth.
Plotwise we can see Caesar finally going after Pompey who has fled for Greece.
Lucius Vorenus doesn't have much success in the slave-trade business and has
no other choice but to join the army of Mark Anthony. His friend Titus Pullo
is hired by Caesar's niece (not sister as I mentioned earlier) Atia to teach
her son Octavianus some more manly activities like fighting and copulating.
While Octavianus is not much of a fighter, we already see that he has a strong
will of his own and that his leadership capacities are starting to emerge.
Those capacities will of course turn him later on in history into the first
emperor of Rome, Augustus.
Furhermore, I've got two clips of Mary Elizabeth
) in 1992's White Sands
exposes her breasts and the top of her buns briefly.
I'll conclude this contribution with
of Alain Delon bursting into Catherine
's appartment in Le Choc
(1982). Do I need to mention
that Kat is as naked as a jaybird?
That's all for today, folks.
Kelly Brook. At the
beach. Topless (truly a misnomer when it comes to her). And the
paparazzi were there. Bless them, every one.
Scoop's note: Crimson Ghost sent in these
webfinds on the same subject.
Scoop's other note: if they ever make a Mummy 3,
Billy Zane will give Vosloo some serious competition for the title role..