"Cheerleader Ninjas"

Cheerleader Ninjas (2002) is puerile, full of every known cheerleader sex farce cliche, has a preposterous plot, gratuitous nudity, and is full of fart jokes. It is the sort of movie I turn off after the first 10 minutes. Unfortunately, I was laughing too hard to click the remote. What can I say about a movie that pits ninja cheerleaders against Catholic School Girls led by a gay man who was turned down as a cheerleader, and both against a bunch of computer nerd wankers. Things to watch for:

Kira Reed, who plays the part of the girl in fantasy sequences, and shows everything.

Allissa Shanley as a Catholic School Girl who is the subject of a lesbian spanking fantasy with Kira.

Killing of a bear, monster mascot chipmunks, a monster rabbit, and dueling robots.

A Catholic School Girl bragging about the size of her turd.

Bouncing wet boobs (on pogo sticks).

"Catholic School Girl mothers without enough to do" organizing against porn on the Internet.

The hampster cam, which shoots cheerleader panty crotches from the ground level.

IMDB readers, who clearly have no taste whatsoever when it comes to this genre, have it at 4.4 of 10. For a more accurate appraisal, look to Joe Bob Briggs, who awards 4 stars, and admonishes us to see it twice. I was unable to find a negative review anywhere. This low budget indie has an 80s feel to it, and is as good as or better than any of the sex farce classics. C+.

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  • Alissa Shanley (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
  • Kira Reed (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39)


    Aliens (1986), only rated 8.2 at IMDB, #87 of all time, for me at least, is one of those rare sequels that is better than the original. They replaced a lot of the Sci Fi atmosphere this time with action, action and more action. Sigourney is back, and kicks major Alien ass. The film won Oscars for both sound and visual effects, and Nearly all the Saturn awards from Academy of Fantasy, Science Fiction & Horror Films.

    Sigourney returns to earth and finds herself on trial for destroying company property. They change their mind about her when they lose contact with the colonists from the planet with the Aliens. She accompanies a bunch of Marines and a company executive on a fact finding mission. That is nearly it for plot, and the rest is action. They introduce a young girl survivor, and have one android (this time a good one) in the mix, and a lot more aliens. Weaver is seen in her undershirt and panties again in this film, but they are grey sports models, and a little more substantial. I found the outfit sexy nonetheless. This is a clear B.

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  • Sigourney Weaver (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    • Updated volumes: Angelina Jolie, Irene Jacob


    Showdown in Little Tokyo (1991)

    The comments about this film are at the page. I didn't bring them over because some of them are The Realist's from 1999, and he illustrated them (I re-illustrated them with new caps), while some of the comments are mine, and those involve kajillions of links.

    • Renee Ammann (aka Renee Griffin, aka Renee Allmann) (1, 2)

    • Tera Tabrizi (Tia Carrere's body double) (1, 2, 3)

    • a whole passle of unidentified naked chicks (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)


    Abercrombie and Fitch



    Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

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    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Crimson Ghost
    'Caps and comments by Crimson Ghost:

    • Amy Brennamen, rear nudity and almost a full breast view on "NYPD Blue."

    • Ann Margret, tons of cleavage in "The Cheap Detective."

    • Audry Hepburn in "How To Steal A Million."

    • Cassie Stuart, topless in "Ordeal By Innocence."

    • Elke Somers in "The Prisoner Of Zenda."

    • Claudia Cardinale from "The Pink Panther."

    • Claudia Cardinale from "Once Upon A Time In The West" (1, 2,

    • Victoria Principle in "Earthquake" (1, 2)

    • Janet Munro in "The Day The Earth Caught Fire."

    • Janet Munro in "Darby O'Gill And The Little People."

    • Jean Harlow in "The Libeled Lady." (1, 2)

    • Jacqueline Bisset in "Who's Killing The Great Chefs Of Europe?"

    • Julie Newmar, rear nudity in "McKenna's Gold."

    • Jill St John in "Diamonds Are Forever." (1, 2)

    • Lee Remick in "The Wheeler Dealers."

    • Maureen O'Sullivan in "Tarzan And His Mate." (1, 2)

    • Myrna Loy in "The Libeled Lady."

    • Sophia Loren in "The Man Of LaMancha."

    • Cobie Smuthers from "Veritas, The Quest" (1, 2)

    • Ashley Scott from "Birds Of Prey" (1, 2)

    • Sprague Grayden from "John Doe" (1, 2)

      Is it possible for any website devoted to film of any kind to be authoritative without at least once mentioning "The Legend Of The Seven Golden Vampires?"

    • Julie Ege from "The Legend Of The Seven Golden Vampires" (1, 2)
    • An unknown topless actress in "The Legend Of The Seven Golden Vampires."

    'Caps and comments by Vejitta:

    Today we have 'caps from one of the Milo Manara Invisible Man movies. I think there are 7 of them total, but I only have the last 3 DVD's. I think the first one just came out on DVD in the US, but the movies are actually from 96-97. These caps are from the "I'm Not A Ghost" movie, next will be "Mission: Invisible" and the last one is like a 'best of' collection, with all the main actresses telling their story with the Invisible Man.

    Here are Leigh Anne Garrett, De'Anne Power, Kyle Hunter aka Blake Pickett, Kim Dawson, Thena Harris and Stacey Leigh Mobley.

    • De'Anne Power, topless. (1, 2)

    • Kyle Hunter aka Blake Pickett, breasts, bum and a little bush. (1, 2, 3)

    • Kyle Hunter, Stacey Leigh Mobley, Kim Dawson and Thena Harris all showing breasts and thong views. (1, 2)

    • Leigh Anne Garrett, breasts, bush and some pseudo sex. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Holly Sampson
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    The new 'Emmanuelle' doing her soft-core thing in two movies. Links 1-6 are from one of the her many appearances as the softcore heroine. In Links 7-9 we she her topless and showing off some thong views in "The Exotic Time Machine II: Forbidden Encounters" (2000).

    Charlie Spradling An addition to yesterday's Spradling review...Here she is in a love scene with her real-life husband Jason London in scenes from "$pent" (2000). Only parital breast views and she gets groped in a love scene. 'Caps by DeadLamb.

    Isabel Glasser
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the B-movie actress (and A-list TV series guest star) topless and briefly showing pube views and her bum in scenes from "The Surgeon" aka "Exquisite Tenderness" (1995).