National Lampoon's Robodoc


I have lately been engaged in studying a little bit about the linguistic changes in Eastern Europe post-Glasnost, and I have been amazed by how rapidly English terms have started taking over the languages of the former Soviet Union. And it's curious that the locals sometimes attach completely different meanings to these words. Let's take, for example, the Russian adjective "nationallampooni," which means "of inferior quality; juvenile." Remember that those poor commie bastards only know what the Lampoon has put out since the late 80s. They never saw Animal House or Vacation, and they are completely unfamiliar with the brilliant first few years of the magazine.

Instead they have encountered a steady stream of films which have full titles beginning with "National Lampoon presents" and continuing with such verbiage as:

  • Electric Apricot: Quest for Festeroo
  • Dorm Daze 2
  • The Beach Party at the Threshold of Hell
  • RoboDoc

RoboDoc is about a corporation which takes medicine to the next level with ... well, with a RoboDoc, an android who has been programmed with the full sum of mankind's medical knowledge housed inside a healthy young human male form. He can provide diagnosis, surgery, anesthesia, rehab, and anything else that is necessary, including coffee. He even performs cosmetic surgery at no additional cost, so when ordinary people come to him with a tummy ache, they go home not only cured, but looking like fitness buffs and movie stars. He works 24/7, moves at tremendous speed, and never makes a mistake.

To the screenwriters' credit, RoboDoc is not presented as a villain. Instead he is a sympathetic character, like Data in Star Trek TNG. In fact, EXACTLY like that. He looks like Data and is constantly trying to learn how to be more "human." The villains of the film are the egotistical surgeons and shyster malpractice lawyers who see the perfectly efficient RoboDoc as a threat to their various financial schemes and scams.

That's about the only kinda-nice thing I'll have to say. The ideas are unoriginal and the jokes delivered poorly. Not that it matters much because only about 1% of the alleged jokes are actually funny to begin with. The characters are made of cardboard. The presentation is essentially identical to what you'd expect from a low budget C-list sitcom, and it stars exactly the people you'd expect in such an enterprise: Bud Bundy (as played by David Faustino), Parker Lewis (Corin Nemec), and Dr. Seaver (Alan Thicke). Not surprisingly, the producers of the film were Bud Bundy and Parker Lewis. Astoundingly, Alan Thicke managed somehow to get a role without paying to play.

The only nudity was supplied by anonymous strippers who were seen only in this tack-on scene. The following Orlando-area strippers are seen in this clip: Auroralee, Giana Bella, Jessica Bontempo, Veronica Bultema, Amanda Dennis, Maria Forero, Anne Kelly, Hollie Winnard.


  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.







"Silk Stalkings"

These caps are the last part of the fourth season.

Episode 12 Vengeance

Brandy Ledford - very sexy cleavage

Heidi Mark - stripper, but she keeps her clothes on

Unknown - dancer, wearing very little

Episode 13 Ghosts of the Past

Paula Trickey - in her underwear

Episode 14 Pas De Deux

Gayle Blakeney - twin with some cleavage

Gillian Blakeney - the other twin, also with cleavage

Episode 15 Mrs Carlisle

Kim Morgan Greene - very sexy wearing very little

Episode 16 Brother's Keeper

Elizabeth Baldwin - topless but hidden

Robia La Morte - in her underwear

Unknown - lovely bikini-clad women

Episode 17 Champagne on Ice

Sarah Buxton - in her underwear

Suanne Braun - in a bikini

Unknown - in a bikini

Episode 18 I Know What Scares You

Jocelyn Seagrave - underwear

Patty Lotz - sexy

Susie Spear - topless, and possibly a blurry bit of nipple

Episode 19 New Blood

Amy Weber - bikini

Jodi Russell - another bikini

Unknown - even more bikinis

Episode 20 Community Service

Ana Auther - bikini

Shawn Modrell - sexy

Episode 21 Cadillac Jack

Deprise Brescia - pokies

Lori Sebourn - sexy

Tamara Mark - underwear

Episode 22 Into the Fire

Belinda Bauer - lovely cleavage





Nicole Kidman film clip

samples below

Debrah Farentino film clip

samples below

Scoop's notes:

I suppose the top story on "Malice" is that it was a remake of a film that was made only three years earlier, "The Operation," which featured Joe Penny and Lisa Hartman playing the parts which went to Alec Baldwin and Nicole Kidman in the later version.

Now this might make sense in the case of certain types of genre movie, but not in this case. It is a surprise-twist noir mystery, the entire surprise of which is that the doctor is in collusion with the woman who is suing him for a bazillion dollars. Now if you saw the earlier movie, as I did, there is no surprise at all. You simply think,  "Oh, yeah, it's a remake of the movie where the doctor allows himself to be sued and even hurts his own case just so he can get half of a massive settlement".

"Malice" did add some additional details and sub-plots, but for no apparent reason. For example, there is an entire sub-plot about a campus rapist, which has almost nothing to do with the main story, and which is summarily dismissed in the middle of the film when a professor accidentally stumbles upon the rapist's lair. Huh? So why was it in there? Just a complex bit of atmosphere? This sub-plot did give us a chance to see a very young Gwyneth Paltrow in a small part as the last victim. That might have been more exciting if she weren't fully dressed, even after the rape!

And then there was the matter of the strawberries.

Now we have this matter of plot exposition. Halfway through the movie, the kindly husband (Bill Pullman) has lost his scheming wife. Unaware of the doctor-patient conspiracy, he thinks at first that she's just upset with him, until some new info comes to light. He knew that she was pregnant when she had the botched operation, and he accidentally finds out that he is sterile. (Giving us Bill Pullman's sperm sample was the only reason for the rapist sub-plot.)


Now that Pullman knows that, how to advance the plot? Pullman has no idea where to turn, so he accuses Kidman's lawyer (Peter Gallagher) of having gigantic eyebrows and sleeping with Kidman. Gallagher pleads guilty to the eyebrow thing, but it turns out he was only Kidman's lawyer. Period.

But a discussion of Kidman's mother's estate leads Pullman to realize something is wrong. Kidman told her husband that the lawyer was working on her mother's estate, but the lawyer has no idea what this line of questioning is about, mainly because the mother is still alive. So Pullman realizes that he must track down mom. Turns out mom hates Kidman, so she essentially tells us and Pullman the entire plot, but not before doing some really hammy "old gypsy woman" acting. I guess someone forgot to tell Anne Bancroft that she wasn't supposed to be playing an old gypsy, but for me you can't get too much of old gypsy women who provide plot exposition, so I'm glad they never told her.

The only thing I like better is waterfront taverns full of salty old sea dogs who provide plot exposition. These are always played by rough and tumble guys like Cameron Mitchell and Sterling Hayden, and you can always count on these scenes for plenty of eye patches and squeezebox music. But you don't really need sailors unless the plot is actually about old gypsy women, since the gypsies can't rat themselves out. (That's the code of honor for colorful incidental characters.)

So Pullman, armed with ancient gypsy secrets, figures out a counter-plot to bring Kidman to justice, and all ends well. Kidman goes to the slammer, and Alec Baldwin moves to France when Bush is elected, as he had promised.

I would explain to you how Kidman and Baldwin met in the first place, but I didn't understand that whole sub-plot. Apparently Kidman met Baldwin when she went to his abortion clinic, which he operated under an assumed name. What? He was supposed to have been the best surgeon in the history of Harvard Medical School. That wasn't enough to keep him wealthy and busy? He also had to perform abortions under an assumed name? I got lost on that whole deal.

But not as lost as I am about the mechanics of how Baldwin came to be living in Pullman and Kidman's house. OK, let's see if I've got this straight. You put out a "room for rent" sign, and the guy who wants the room is the acknowledged best surgeon in the history of the planet. Would you smell some kind of rat? How many of the world's top 25 surgeons live in a single room in somebody else's house and get drunk every night in public bars? To top off this piece of illogic, the plot didn't even need Baldwin to be living in the house. That point was not germane to the conspiracy. All Baldwin needed was to befriend Pullman, not to rent a room from him.

And why would the top surgeon in the world sell out his reputation for 5 million dollars? A billion, maybe, but 5 million? That's not even a good year for someone at this alleged level of talent.

So the best parts of the plot were almost identical to "The Operation", and just about everything that they changed from the earlier film was either illogical or sloppy. Good job, screenwriters!

Fortunately, the movie isn't as bad as the script.

Some atmospheric set-ups and some fun characterizations, especially campy soap-opera hyperemoting, make the film enjoyable to watch despite the loopholes and cliches. Baldwin has a role that requires him to act evil in order to maximize the value of the suit against him. Because of the scam, the more he loses in the suit, the more he gains. Therefore, he makes every effort to act as arrogant and irresponsible as possible. On top of that, the character must be demented to begin with, just to get involved in such a low-rent scheme from his lofty and respected position. So Baldwin takes advantage of the opportunity to deliver a deliciously nutty reading in the second half of the movie.




Raquel Krupshaw in an episode of "Hot Springs Hotel"

Deborah Seligman in an episode of "Hot Springs Hotel"


One of the best nude scenes of the year, in my opinion: Betsy Rue in My Bloody Valentine


Film Clips

Alexandra Hay in Fun and Games (1971). Rarely seen British exploitation film.  "To the Warden's Daughter Prison Was a Giant Playpen!"

The women of Louis Enfant Roi, a 1993 historical drama about the childhood of the future Louis XIV, back in the days before he got his Roman numerals.

Shari Shattuck in Tainted, a low budget 1988 exploitation film. This came quite early in her career, and you probably have not seen these clips before, because the film has never come to DVD.

Davina Joy in Machined Reborn (2009). A sequel to Machined, a low budget splatter film. I don't know much about it other than that it was released in Japan as "Jigsaw."

Emmanuelle Seigner in Detective (1985). Mrs Polanski used to look awesome with her shirt off. This was not her screen debut, but was her first significant appearance. She was 18 or 19 at the time. She married Polanski when she was 23, Polanski 56. They celebrated their 20th anniversary in August.

Brigitte Hobmeier in Weisse Lilien, a 2007 Austrian thriller. "An atmospheric psycho thriller told from the perspective of a young woman who is the apparent victim of a conspiracy, and who later becomes herself a perpetrator." (samples below)

Jeanette Hain in Kommissar Sueden und der Luftgitarrist, a 2008 German TV movie. (samples below)



Noomi Rapace and Trine Dyrholm in Daisy Diamond, a Danish/Swedish film from 2007 in which Noomi did some record-challenging nudity.

 (samples below)

Here is the rest of Noomi's nudity from that film. (Impressive)

Below you will find another Noomi lesbian scene, this one with Yasmine Garbi in The Girl Who Played With Fire. This film was adapted from one part of a book trilogy which was made into three separate Swedish movies, The three films were shot together with the same lead actors. They are thrillers with a strong feminist subtext. (Sorry. I have not seen film clips yet from these three films.)