Voyeur Beach

 (2002)

Voyeur Beach (2002) is essentially the same film as Watchful Eye, which I have already covered, but with some important differences. Watchful Eye was made for cable, was 83 minutes long, and was only available on DVD in a full screen transfer. Voyeur Beach sports a widescreen transfer, and is 87 minutes long. Since this is a PAL disc, the 87 minutes is equivalent to more than 90 minutes of real running time because of the PAL speed-up. That means Voyeur Beach includes more than seven minutes of additional footage that was not available in the 83-minute Watchful Eye version, and all of that consists of nudity and sex.

As a refresher, three lovely women and the male owner all live in a fancy Malibu beach front home. The owner has the entire house wired for video, and runs a live Internet broadcast of the women's daily lives, which, of course, includes showers, baths, girl/girl sex, girl/boy sex, dressing and undressing, nude swimming and hot tubbing, and so on. There is an empty room because one resident was murdered, and that gets rented to an undercover police officer (Renee Rea) who is investigating the murder.

• Full frontal nudity from Nissa Hall as a nude model photographed by Nikki Fairchild.
• Full frontal and rear from Nikki Fairchild as a house resident and lover of the dead girl.
• Full frontal from the Penthouse Pet of the Millennium, Juliet Cariaga, as the murder victim.
• Full frontal from Renee Rea, as the undercover investigator.
• Full frontal from Melissa Barmes as a roommate.
• Full frontal from former Playmate of the Year Julie Cialini as the resident party girl and sexpot.

This version feels complete, and has more than enough nudity and sex for genre fans. The women are attractive, and the plot has a few twists, unlike many in the genre.

Top of the line in the softcore genre.

It is available from RLDVDs.com on a region-free disk that is by far the best version yet released.

Nissa Hall 18

Nikki Fairchild 20

Juliet Cariaga 33

Renee Rea 52

Melissa Barmes 22

Julie Cialini 56

U-Turn

Bobby Cooper (Sean Penn) is not having a good day. He's on his way to pay off some thugs when his car blows a radiator hose and traps him in the small town of Superior, Arizona. He manages to steer the car to a mechanic (Billy Bob Thornton) before it dies. While he waits for his car to be fixed, Bobby runs into Grace (Jennifer Lopez), a beautiful young woman. This encounter will change his life forever. A series of events takes place that locks Bobby into the town, with no hope of escape except to murder someone.

Scoop's notes:

My daughter and I had a big discussion about J-Lo movies on Thanksgiving. I mentioned that I was sort of curious about El Cantante because I love just about all Latino music, and she made some comment like, "but it's a J-Lo movie, it has to suck." I had to remind her that J-Lo was in some pretty good movies before she became a superstar, in 2000 or earlier: Selena, U-Turn, Out of Sight, The Cell, Blood and Wine, and Mi Familia, to name six I like in varying degrees. Even The Money Train, although a crappy movie, is a watchable crappy movie. Her only really bad movie back then was Anaconda, which was dreadful indeed, but the others were pretty decent movies, and J-Lo was gorgeous and turned in some good performances. I can understand why she became a star.

Since she broke through, however, her leading roles have been every bit as bad as my daughter suggested: Maid in Manhattan, Gigli, The Wedding Planner, Monster-in-Law, Enough, Bordertown ...

First there was the Mudd's Robots Paradox, now there's the J-Lo Irony. All the time she was not a star, she exhausted herself trying to prove that she should be. Since she became one, she has made every effort to prove she should not be.

I haven't seen that movie she made with Redford and Morgan Freeman, but I have read that it was pretty good. If true, that would make it the only good movie she has starred in since 2000. It seems to me that she doesn't lack talent, just judgment. In reality, given her wide range of talents, she probably would be an even bigger star if she had received better advice along the way.

 

J-Lo

One more (better) look at Heather Graham's brief nipple exposure in Broken

Film Clips

A nice quality film clip of a nice nude scene: Anne Knecht in Vampire in Venice. One one problem: Klaus Kinski alert!

Speaking of pretty girls and ugly-lookin' screen legends, here's another classic combo, Katja Bienert and Jess Franco in Lilian, la virgen pervertida

Here's Kate Winslet's brief and unrevealing nude scene in Hamlet. In the debate about whether to be or not to be naked, it's more on the "not to be" side. But it's Kate, so there ya go.

Olga Kurylenko in Hitman. These two clips have weak video and echoing audio, obviously made from a cam. Better versions will come along eventually. Having offered that caveat, let me add that it's a brand new movie, it's a tiny download, it's Olga Kurylenko, and she's topless.

Bai Ling in Shanghai Baby. Some kind of an R-rated trailer. A great quality nude scene for us, considering that the film isn't even out yet.

The Comedy Wire

In a sign that robots are becoming more humanlike, a professor at Waseda University in Japan unveiled a robot named Twendy-One.  It has soft hands and fingers that can gently grip things, and it can perform such delicate maneuvers as picking up a loaf of bread without crushing it, helping humans stand up out of bed and making supple movements that respond to human touch.  So far, its biggest weakness is that its battery only lasts 15 minutes, and it has a tendency to overheat during use.
 
*  And when it does, it becomes a killing machine and strangles everybody in sight.

*  But for computer nerds, 15 minutes of supple, human-like gripping is usually plenty of time for it to finish the job. 



A newly-discovered book called "The Ladies Companion, or The English Midwife," printed in 1671, is about to be auctioned by Sotheby's.  The book includes tips for women who want to get pregnant.  For instance, take a first-born boy's umbilical cord "which hath not touched the ground, being well-dryed, beat it to a powder, and drink it in wine."  If that doesn't work, "Give to the woman without her knowledge the womb of a hare to eat."  There was also a combination remedy that involved mixing wine with a concoction made of hare's spit.

*  I think that's also the recipe for Gallo wine spritzers.

*  Or you could just have a lot of sex, but English women found that too disgusting. 

 

Ethel McEwan, 83, of Guardbridge, Scotland, was saved from the rare
fatal disease Clostridium Diffiicile after the hospital fed her daughter's feces to her.  The disease kills necessary digestive bacteria, and the treatment involves liquefying feces from a close relative and putting it into her stomach via a tube down the throat.  Doctors call it a "fecal transplant."  McEwan said people get disgusted when she tells them about it, but it's no different than a kidney transplant.  She said, "It's not like they put it on a plate and have you eat it."


*  And even if they did, it would be better than haggis.

*  The technique for forcing crap down people's throats was perfected years ago by Hollywood.