Tuesday

Mailbox:

Scoop:
 
I just watched two month-old recording of "Mumford" on my TiVo.  For one of my newer friends it's one of his all-time favorite flicks.  I owed it to him to watch it.  There was brief nudity, and of course I checked out what was in your archives.  
 
In the Feb 2, 2003 Fun House there were two "unknowns" who can now be identified.  I don't know what effort you put into identifying any of the unknowns.  I don't expect you update old Fun House entries, but maybe you update Encyclopedia entries.
  • Marisa, the landlady's daughter is played by Kelly Monaco
  • The "pretty coed" is Lucie Laurier
In the version I just saw there was another bit of toplessness from Helene Cardona.  Perhaps it was cut from the DVD, but it's also possible OZ blinked and missed it.

 

Scoop:

I have a question for  you.
 
Do you know where I can find clips of uncensored versions of Drawn Together.  I have seen the first episode, which was OK, but I have heard that they have episodes that involved nudity from Foxy Love and Princess Clara.
 
 
Scoop's reply: No idea! Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? 

 

 

Third party videos:

One of the most famous nude scenes in film history: Paula Prentiss  (zipped .avi) in Catch-22 (Movie House Commentary).

 

This one is not as famous, but impressive. Frankie Thorn (two zipped .avis)  in Bad Lieutenant. There's no Movie House page for this one, so here's the low-down:

Keitel plays a bad cop, a really bad cop, who is a lost soul. What vices are there? He has them. He ignores his family, sexually exploits hookers, takes dope from dealers instead of arresting them, shakes down criminals and lets them go, plays peeping tom with a nun, sexually exploits young girls that he stops for traffic violations, gambles, cheats the gamblers, uses crack, mainlines heroin, drinks constantly, is a racist, and calls Christ a "ratfuck" in Church. Does that about cover it?

SPOILERS AHEAD: He simply can't grasp that a nun, raped violently on the church altar, won't identify her assailants, although she definitely knows them. She understands their pain. She has forgiven them. Can this corrupted man find a piece of his soul in the heart of the nun? I don't know, but in an ambiguous ending, Keitel figures out who did it, and instead of roughing them up or turning them in, he puts them safely on a bus out of town and tells them they're dead if they return. Then he sits in his car waiting for the gamblers to kill him for his outrageous debts.

Sound like your kind of movie? Personally, I hate it.

  • If I were a cop who cuts corners, I would have found a way to make the friggin' nun understand that whether she forgives them is not material to whether she should turn them in. I would have taken her to the morgue and shown her a dead 12 year old girl and told her that the girl seems to have been brutally raped and killed by the same guys, and that the nun could have prevented it by turning the guys right in. And that they left behind a note saying they plan to rape and torture a virgin every day. And then I would have said, "do you know who raped and killed that girl? Not those deranged monsters who have no control over their impulses, sister, but you. You did this to her by leaving them on the streets. You may forgive them, sister, but this little girl's parents aren't ready to forgive you." To make it even worse, I would have told the coroner to cut off the kid's head before I arrived. And then, for emphasis, I would stress that the upcoming crimes would come in the neighborhood where the nun's nieces and little sisters live, and play with their puppies in the streets. It would have all been lies on my part, but completely in character for the Keitel cop, and they woudl have made the nun sing like Sister Sourire.
  • Talk about slow pacing. This movie is only 96 minutes long, and could be cut by another 20 minutes without losing anything. There must be 10 full minutes of explicitly detailed drug use, and Keitel nodding off afterwards. If you don't know how to use the latest drugs (well, in 1992, anyway), here's where you can get some tips. These scenes drag on and on and on pointlessly. If nodding off is your favorite spectator sport, this movie is your Superbowl. I drifted off to sleep a couple times watching this.
  • Yes, Keitel's performance is as good as everyone has said, but so what? Are you going to watch a movie to see a demonstration of acting technique?
  • Yes, the action has the gritty feel of complete realism, like one of those real-life cop shows. So give director Abel Herrera an A for technique, but watch something else.

 

 

OTHER CRAP:

Offbeat story of the day: Family who bought camera says it got pasta sauce instead

 

This is, more or less, how they put together a Britney Spears album. (Random drum beats and piano strikes edited into a song.)

 

Another look at the Pirelli Calendar

 

A very cool Denzel Washington Impression

 

The lost episode of Seinfeld. (National Lampoon. Funny Stuff.)

 

The trailer for Off the Black

  • "'OFF THE BLACK' opens in NEW YORK and LOS ANGELES on DECEMBER 8TH (and will open in other major cities on the 15th). Starring two-time Oscar nominee NICK NOLTE, TREVOR MORGAN, Oscar winner TIMOTHY HUTTON, and Oscar nominee SALLY KIRKLAND, 'OFF THE BLACK' is the debut feature from writer/director JAMES PONSOLDT. It premired at the SUNDANCE FILM FESTIVAL and is being distributed by THINKFilm. For more information, go to: www.thinkfilmcompany.com "

 

Eight clips from The Holiday, the rom-com with Winslet and Cameron Diaz switching places for the holidays

 

13 clips from Blood Diamond, DiCaprio's latest

 

Lindsay, Paris, and Britney - together at last

 

Bush: US Committed to Finding New Synonyms for Civil War ... Launches Operation Noble Euphemism

 

Here's a video version of Dave Barry's Christmas Gift List For The Shopping-Challenged

 

Pot advocate envisions record with 3-foot joint

 

That's a bad thing? UK supermarkets are criticised for selling beer as cheap as water

 

Judge Rules On Dead Deer Sex

  • I hate to be in the position of defending a guy who fucks dead deer, but what business is this of the government's?

 

BBC: "Online video 'eroding TV viewing'"

 

"Jessica Simpson has been left reeling by rumours a sex tape starring her is about to be leaked onto the internet"

 

Quiz yourself on a bundle of new slang.

 

The Pop Culture Palace is updated with the top five songs of 1956, with videos for each song.

 

BUSHFELD: THE NEW SITCOM ABOUT NOTHING

  • Y'know, Dick Cheney does look like George Costanza!

 

The complete evolution of video games in 2 minutes

 

Gene Krupa and Buddy Rich have a drum-off in 1966

 

Al-Jazeera Refuses to Air O.J. Special ... 'Not Up to Our Standards of Taste,' Says Satellite Net

  • "O.J. Simpson certainly qualifies as a delusional madman, which is the bread and butter of our broadcast schedule," said Al-Jazeera spokesman Hassan El-Medfaii. "Having said that, 'If I Did It,' is not up to our standards of taste."

 

Dave Barry's annual Christmas Gift Guide

 

"Skating nuns stick with singing"

  • As opposed to ... chastity??

 

Wax museum night shifter gets caught with naughty photos of him and the dummies

  • Kissing a dummy is a crime in England? No wonder Laura Bush never accompanies her husband there.

 

Is this the end of the United Kingdom?

 

The R-rated trailer for The Host

  • "The talk of the 2006 Cannes International Film Festival, 'The Host,' the latest film from critically acclaimed visionary director Bong Joon-ho, has already garnered a substantial amount of international buzz. Utilizing state-of-the-art special effects courtesy of a creative partnership between Weta Workshop ('King Kong,' 'The Lord of the Rings') and The Orphanage ('Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire,' 'Sin City'), 'The Host' is equal parts creature-feature thrill ride and poignant human drama. Gang-du (Song Kang-ho) works at a food-stand on the banks of the Han River. Dozing on the job, he is awakened by his daughter, Hyun-seo ( Ah-sung Ko), who is angry with him for missing a teacher-parent meeting at school. As Gang-du walks out to the riverbank with a delivery, he notices that a large crowd of people has gathered, taking pictures and talking about something hanging from the Han River Bridge. The otherwise idyllic landscape turns suddenly to bedlam when a terrifying creature climbs up onto the riverbank and begins to crush and eat people. Gang-du and his daughter run for their lives but suddenly the thing grabs Hyun-seo and disappears back into the river. The government announces that the thing apparently is the Host of an unidentified virus. Having feared the worst, Gang-du receives a phone call from his daughter who is frightened, but very much alive. Gang-du makes plans to infiltrate the forbidden zone near the Han River to rescue his daughter from the clutches of the horrifying Host..."

 

The Open Source geeks are not very happy with the direction Firefox is headed.

 

 

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

 

 

 

 

Ubalda, All Naked and Warm (1972)

Ubalda, All Naked and Warm (1972) or "Quel gran pezzo dell'Ubalda tutta nuda e tutta calda" is an Italian sex farce staring Edwige Fenech and Karin Schubert.

It is the middle ages, and Schubert's husband has been away fighting. He has no doubt as to her virtue, however, as he had her fitted with a chastity belt before he left. It so happens that the miller has the same method of keeping his wife, Edwige Fenech, faithful as well. What the men haven't considered is that the women have extra keys, as do their lovers. When the husband comes home, in fact, Schubert has to sneak several lovers out of the house. The miller and the soldier don't get along at all, but there is one thing they agree on, they both fancy the other's wife. They work out a key exchange agreement, but by now, there are so many keys neither is successful. Ii a major sub-plot, our returning soldier keeps getting hit over the head, mostly by a priest.

Edwige Fenech as Ubalda is frolicking around wearing nothing but her chastity belt whenever Karin Schubert or Gabriella Giorgelli isn't.

IMDb readers say 6.3 based on few votes. There are no reviews available. The transfer is very nice, however. If you like slapstick and non-stop nudity, you might also enjoy this one. C-.

Tuna

 

 

Edwige Fenech

 

 

Karin Schubert

 

 

Gabriella Giorgelli

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Today we finish off the rest of "Private Parts."

 

A cap & a zipped .wmv clip of a topless Carrie Flaska in the back seat of a car.

 

Theresa Lynn shows off her "Big-uns" with caps and a zipped .wmv clip.

 

Melanie Good gets naked and hits the suds with Howard Stern. Caps and three zipped .wmv clips in the bathtub.

 

Mary McCormack played Howard's wife. No nudity in these caps and a zipped .wmv clip, but sexy and funny.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dann reports on Dark Reality:

Horror movies are usually improbable or downright impossible, bloody, scary, often silly, and sometimes funny. 2006's Dark Reality, while it offers a lot of those elements, is also dark and disturbing, and it definitely is possible, if not probable. It offers a look behind the posters of missing girls that you often see, and is filled with physical and psychological torture and forced drug usage. It's simply one possible explanation for what might happen to some of these women.

The story involves five young women who are snatched from the streets, chained up and imprisoned by a mystery man they call "The Freak", tortured both physically and mentally, and eventually, one supposes, killed. Some deaths are in the film, while others are assumed.

What made this film so good, while being a horrible and unpleasant story, was the way it was made. Writer/Director Christopher Hutson didn't actually write a script. Instead, he did an outline of the scenes and the action, and the dialog was all improvisational. To make it more realistic, the actors did not know exactly what was going to happen, especially when the bad guy would appear and what he would do, so they were forced to react to events. This made for a very dramatic and powerful story that was extremely believable while not being formulaic.

As you might expect, a lot of dramatic lighting and filtering was used, and in most cases, they went for a look that was almost black and white, with just a tinge of color. This made it miserable to cap, but very necessary to enhance the movie, so even though the collages are crap, the content of the movie made it worthwhile to cap. While this is an extremely unpleasant film to watch, it's also engrossing at the same time, and well worth your time.

Eva Derek Laila Dagher Jen Parker Carol Axler Turner

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes and collages

The Celebrity Shower series continues

 

Linda Blair in Chained Heat

 

 

...the grain of VHS, the "artistic" shadows of the cinematographer: ignore all that: here we have Ms. Blair's bounteous breasts....yippee...

 

 

Bev D'Angelo in National Lampoon's Vacation

 

 

...regarding this scene: if I had played that ("Psycho") practical joke on my wife in her shower I would have slept on the couch for months...; aside from that personal note, this is a great comedy/ rent it...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Britney Spears really doesn't need to do a porn tape. Here it all is, in high definition. The top two are just Paris grabbing Brit's boob, but the rest are close-ups of The Cave of the Eighth Happiness. In her first week of freedom she managed to out-flash Paris and Lohan!!