Mailbox:

Scoop:
 

I just watched two month-old recording of "Mumford" on my TiVo.  For one of my newer friends it's one of his all-time favorite flicks.  I owed it to him to watch it.  There was brief nudity, and of course I checked out what was in your archives.  
 

In the Feb 2, 2003 Fun House there were two "unknowns" who can now be identified.  I don't know what effort you put into identifying any of the unknowns.  I don't expect you update old Fun House entries, but maybe you update Encyclopedia entries.

• Marisa, the landlady's daughter is played by Kelly Monaco
• The "pretty coed" is Lucie Laurier

In the version I just saw there was another bit of toplessness from Helene Cardona.  Perhaps it was cut from the DVD, but it's also possible OZ blinked and missed it.

 

Scoop:

I have a question for  you.

 

Do you know where I can find clips of uncensored versions of Drawn Together.  I have seen the first episode, which was OK, but I have heard that they have episodes that involved nudity from Foxy Love and Princess Clara.

 

 

Scoop's reply: No idea! Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? 

Third party videos:

One of the most famous nude scenes in film history: Paula Prentiss  (zipped .avi) in Catch-22 (Movie House Commentary).

This one is not as famous, but impressive. Frankie Thorn (two zipped .avis)  in Bad Lieutenant. There's no Movie House page for this one, so here's the low-down:

Keitel plays a bad cop, a really bad cop, who is a lost soul. What vices are there? He has them. He ignores his family, sexually exploits hookers, takes dope from dealers instead of arresting them, shakes down criminals and lets them go, plays peeping tom with a nun, sexually exploits young girls that he stops for traffic violations, gambles, cheats the gamblers, uses crack, mainlines heroin, drinks constantly, is a racist, and calls Christ a "ratfuck" in Church. Does that about cover it?

SPOILERS AHEAD: He simply can't grasp that a nun, raped violently on the church altar, won't identify her assailants, although she definitely knows them. She understands their pain. She has forgiven them. Can this corrupted man find a piece of his soul in the heart of the nun? I don't know, but in an ambiguous ending, Keitel figures out who did it, and instead of roughing them up or turning them in, he puts them safely on a bus out of town and tells them they're dead if they return. Then he sits in his car waiting for the gamblers to kill him for his outrageous debts.

Sound like your kind of movie? Personally, I hate it.

• If I were a cop who cuts corners, I would have found a way to make the friggin' nun understand that whether she forgives them is not material to whether she should turn them in. I would have taken her to the morgue and shown her a dead 12 year old girl and told her that the girl seems to have been brutally raped and killed by the same guys, and that the nun could have prevented it by turning the guys right in. And that they left behind a note saying they plan to rape and torture a virgin every day. And then I would have said, "do you know who raped and killed that girl? Not those deranged monsters who have no control over their impulses, sister, but you. You did this to her by leaving them on the streets. You may forgive them, sister, but this little girl's parents aren't ready to forgive you." To make it even worse, I would have told the coroner to cut off the kid's head before I arrived. And then, for emphasis, I would stress that the upcoming crimes would come in the neighborhood where the nun's nieces and little sisters live, and play with their puppies in the streets. It would have all been lies on my part, but completely in character for the Keitel cop, and they woudl have made the nun sing like Sister Sourire.

• Talk about slow pacing. This movie is only 96 minutes long, and could be cut by another 20 minutes without losing anything. There must be 10 full minutes of explicitly detailed drug use, and Keitel nodding off afterwards. If you don't know how to use the latest drugs (well, in 1992, anyway), here's where you can get some tips. These scenes drag on and on and on pointlessly. If nodding off is your favorite spectator sport, this movie is your Superbowl. I drifted off to sleep a couple times watching this.

• Yes, Keitel's performance is as good as everyone has said, but so what? Are you going to watch a movie to see a demonstration of acting technique?

• Yes, the action has the gritty feel of complete realism, like one of those real-life cop shows. So give director Abel Herrera an A for technique, but watch something else.

OTHER CRAP:

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

Ubalda, All Naked and Warm (1972)

Ubalda, All Naked and Warm (1972) or "Quel gran pezzo dell'Ubalda tutta nuda e tutta calda" is an Italian sex farce staring Edwige Fenech and Karin Schubert.

It is the middle ages, and Schubert's husband has been away fighting. He has no doubt as to her virtue, however, as he had her fitted with a chastity belt before he left. It so happens that the miller has the same method of keeping his wife, Edwige Fenech, faithful as well. What the men haven't considered is that the women have extra keys, as do their lovers. When the husband comes home, in fact, Schubert has to sneak several lovers out of the house. The miller and the soldier don't get along at all, but there is one thing they agree on, they both fancy the other's wife. They work out a key exchange agreement, but by now, there are so many keys neither is successful. Ii a major sub-plot, our returning soldier keeps getting hit over the head, mostly by a priest.

Edwige Fenech as Ubalda is frolicking around wearing nothing but her chastity belt whenever Karin Schubert or Gabriella Giorgelli isn't.

IMDb readers say 6.3 based on few votes. There are no reviews available. The transfer is very nice, however. If you like slapstick and non-stop nudity, you might also enjoy this one. C-.

Tuna

 

Horror movies are usually improbable or downright impossible, bloody, scary, often silly, and sometimes funny. 2006's Dark Reality, while it offers a lot of those elements, is also dark and disturbing, and it definitely is possible, if not probable. It offers a look behind the posters of missing girls that you often see, and is filled with physical and psychological torture and forced drug usage. It's simply one possible explanation for what might happen to some of these women.

The story involves five young women who are snatched from the streets, chained up and imprisoned by a mystery man they call "The Freak", tortured both physically and mentally, and eventually, one supposes, killed. Some deaths are in the film, while others are assumed.

What made this film so good, while being a horrible and unpleasant story, was the way it was made. Writer/Director Christopher Hutson didn't actually write a script. Instead, he did an outline of the scenes and the action, and the dialog was all improvisational. To make it more realistic, the actors did not know exactly what was going to happen, especially when the bad guy would appear and what he would do, so they were forced to react to events. This made for a very dramatic and powerful story that was extremely believable while not being formulaic.

As you might expect, a lot of dramatic lighting and filtering was used, and in most cases, they went for a look that was almost black and white, with just a tinge of color. This made it miserable to cap, but very necessary to enhance the movie, so even though the collages are crap, the content of the movie made it worthwhile to cap. While this is an extremely unpleasant film to watch, it's also engrossing at the same time, and well worth your time.

Eva Derek	Laila Dagher	Jen Parker	Carol Axler Turner

Britney Spears really doesn't need to do a porn tape. Here it all is, in high definition. The top two are just Paris grabbing Brit's boob, but the rest are close-ups of The Cave of the Eighth Happiness. In her first week of freedom she managed to out-flash Paris and Lohan!!