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Scoop:

The "unknown" actress in the clip and collage from Consignment is Nikoe Sasaki. Her face is clearly recognizable ... see her website: nikoesasaki.info/pics.php.

 

Scoop:

Just catching up on Sunday's Fun House. Thanks to Hankster for his caps from "Halfway House".  I just wanted to comment that Stephanie Leighs obviously was the only damsel in distress to survive in the movie because all that nipple metalwork was just too indigestible for the monster.  It clearly is a trend that other chicks in horror flicks should be encouraged to follow, purely in the interests of their own character's survival!!!

 

 

Rise of the Footsoldier

(2007)

This film covers the events which led up to a particularly blood-soaked triple gangland slaying in the UK in December, 1995. The subsequent investigation resulted in the arrest and conviction of two mobsters and the disappearance of another into the witness protection program. This same territory had already been covered by another British film, The Essex Boys, which came out in 2000, but Rise of the Footsoldier is grittier and more authentic than that earlier film for a variety of reasons:

1) Essex Boys was a roman a clef which gave it the freedom to embellish the story with fictional details. Rise of the Footsoldier uses the characters' real names and is based on the autobiographical account of Carlton Leach, a close associate of the three slain men.

2) The director of Footsoldier tries to recreate the authentic atmosphere of the times and the mindset of the main characters. It take more of a documentary-style approach than Essex Boys, and portrays a substantial amount of angry violence in graphic detail.

Footsoldier tells its version of the story within a broad long-term framework, establishing the background facts by following Carlton Leach's rise in the gangland hierarchy. Leach begins as a violent football hooligan with a particularly well developed body and an especially tough demeanor. He starts to earn some money as a club doorman, and his success as hired muscle leads to other opportunities in the "security" business, most of which involve protecting guys who have to deal with unsavory characters in risky and illegal situations. The security duties place Leach squarely in the middle of gangland, and it's only a matter of time before he has his own "firm" and is engineering his own deals.

The film paints a loathsome picture of that life. The central characters are uneducated and violent men to begin with, and their violence gets out of control when they start to build up muscle with anabolic steroids, which fuels "roid rages." Their violence, in turn, provokes others to violence against them. The people they deal with and the people they oppose, ranging from the "Turkish Mafia" to fellow British yobs, are as crazed and cruel as they. The brutality in their lives is not confined to others in their criminal life, but often spills over into those "straightheads" with whom they have contact, and sometimes even into innocent bystanders. One of the Essex boys has a particularly uneasy relationship with those in the customer service industry, and occasionally beats a waiter or delivery boy to the edge of death for some real or imagined failure to perform his duties properly. When those three men were murdered, the police worked on establishing motive by creating a list of those who wanted them dead. It boiled down to "pretty much everyone who had ever met them except Carlton Leach."

The critics dealt harshly with this film. Both The Guardian and BBC assigned their lowest possible score, but I don't consider that fair, at least as I understand the purpose of a film review. In my view, a low score should say, "I found this is a poor movie," but they used those scores to say, "I found this an unpleasant experience." That's very different. The Guardian and BBC reviewers were both repulsed by the graphic violence and constantly ugly tone of the film. When the main characters are not beating someone senseless, they seem about ready to do so, and the audience is soon channeled into a mind-set which is prepared for mayhem to erupt at any moment, even when the characters seem in tranquil situations. When an Essex Boy is on screen, any minor slight can provoke volcanic anger. Does that make it an absolutely unpleasant film to watch? Yes. But that does NOT make it a bad film. In fact, the reactions of those critics provide some evidence that the film is very effective at doing what it sets out to do, which is to demonstrate what it was like to be a fly on the wall when the Essex Boys conducted their business. It's a brutal portrayal of brutal thugs who took a lot of drugs, lived above the law, had sex with lots of hookers, and administered a lot of ugly beatings to one another and others, with and without justification. With hard-driving music, fast-paced editing, authentic acting and realistic gore, the film re-creates the lives of those brutes in a manner which is not normally seen in British films, and which was probably too accurate for some of the more sensitive critics.

Don't get me wrong. I didn't enjoy the film any more than the BBC reviewer did. An ugly and mean-spirited film like this is just not the sort of thing I would watch for my own enjoyment, and the film did occasionally cross the line between portraying violence and indulging in it. For example, the film shows the famous murders three times. It does recreate the gory events as they were portrayed in the trial and conviction of the accused murderers, but the convicted men have to this day denied any involvement, and everyone in Essex hated the victims, so there was no shortage of alternate possibilities. The film shows two of those other alternatives in equally grisly detail. That represented a lot of shotgun-splattered skulls in a short time, but I would defend this portrayal as completely consistent with the film's narrative. Since the film is based on Leach's first-person account and is voiced over by his first person narrative, and since the slaying was the only key event of which he had no first-hand experience, the only proper way to render this event within his POV was to show those alternatives which he considered possible.

Yes, the film is ugly, and the working class accents are very difficult to understand, but I did watch it all the way through without any thought of the fast-forward button, and when it was over I felt that I had experienced the events and emotions of lives which I could not have imagined without the movie's help. Of course, I also felt that I needed a shower and some fresh air, but I'm quite sure that's exactly what the director intended.

 

The film certainly does not skimp on the nudity.

NOTE: all clips are taken from some kind of workprint or screener, not a commercial DVD. The quality is fine, but the on-screen timer is enormous. (I just worked around it to make the captures, so they are not actually raw caps, but represent recropping efforts on the bottom 3/4 of the frames.)

Clips Captures
This is Emily Clark (she's listed as "Clarke" with an "e" in the credits). Here's her "model page."
This is Coralie Rose
This is Nicola Paige.

This is Julia Fygnarek and Charlene Bryan. Not sure which one is in the captures to the right. (They are not distinguished in the credits, so there's no way to tell which is which unless you happen to know them.)

I don't know who played the naked pizza-ordering chick.

 

* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

* White asterisk: expanded format.

* Blue asterisk: not mine.

No asterisk: it probably sucks.

OTHER CRAP:

Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hybrid

 (1997)

For aging Queen Bs, Fred Olen Ray movies are the equivalent of the elephant graveyard, the place where they all must migrate at the end of their film lives. In this case, J. J. North and Brinke Stevens appear in a post-apocalyptic Aliens clone that the people at BadMovies.org consider their kind of film. OK, that doesn't sound promising on the surface, but you have to give Fred a tip o' the hat for getting each of the Queens into a sex scene and a refreshing post-Apocalyptic shower. Thank God that pesky apocalypse doesn't affect the plumbing or the clean water supply.

The two are part of an Army unit doing ... er ... important Army unit stuff ... when their vehicle becomes unusable in the desert, and they must find shelter on foot before an ion storm catches them. They meet up with a lone man who guides them to a research facility, but when they enter, the crew is all dead, and a "Hybrid" roams the halls looking for more victims. The ending left room for a sequel in that Brinke Stevens' obligatory sex scene was performed with the monster, and she is obviously carrying its kid as the film ends.

IMDb readers rate in a deplorable 3.4 ...

... thus placing it in the top half of Fred's career output.

No kidding.

  1. (4.33) - 13 Erotic Ghosts (2002)
  2. (4.18) - Over the Wire (1996)
  3. (4.17) - The Shooter (1997/I)
  4. (4.16) - Fugitive Mind (1999) (V)
  5. (4.15) - The Prophet (1999/I)
  6. (4.14) - Friend of the Family II (1996)
  7. (4.07) - Sideshow (2000)
  8. (4.07) - Scream Queen Hot Tub Party (1991) (V)
  9. (4.02) - Invisible Mom II (1999) (V)
  10. (3.99) - Kept (2001)
  11. (3.94) - Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet (2006) (V)
  12. (3.91) - Deep Space (1987)
  13. (3.91) - Armed Response (1986)
  14. (3.91) - The Phantom Empire (1986)
  15. (3.86) - The Kid with X-ray Eyes (1999)
  16. (3.84) - Teenage Cavegirl (2004) (V)
  17. (3.80) - Bikini Round-Up (2005) (V)
  18. (3.71) - Ghost in a Teeny Bikini (2006) (V)
  19. (3.70) - Scandal: On the Other Side (1999)
  20. (3.66) - Venomous (2002) (V)
  21. (3.63) - Mom, Can I Keep Her? (1998)
  22. (3.62) - Illicit Dreams 2 (1998)
  23. (3.56) - Active Stealth (1999)
  24. (3.54) - Beverly Hills Vamp (1988)
  25. (3.54) - Droid Gunner (1995)
  26. (3.53) - Bikini a Go Go (2004) (V)
  27. (3.53) - Mob Boss (1990) (V)
  28. (3.53) - Bad Girls from Mars (1991)
  29. (3.53) - Bikini Hoe-Down (1997) (V)
  30. (3.52) - Genie in a String Bikini (2004) (V)
  31. (3.51) - Mind Twister (1994)
  32. (3.48) - Possessed by the Night (1994)
  33. (3.48) - Critical Mass (2000)
  34. (3.40) - Spirits (1991)
  35. (3.40) - Hybrid (1997)
  36. (3.40) - Dinosaur Island (1994)
  37. (3.40) - Bikini Airways (2003) (V)
  38. (3.35) - Commando Squad (1987/I)
  39. (3.33) - Scalps (1983)
  40. (3.33) - Cyclone (1987)
  41. (3.32) - Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfolds (1995)
  42. (3.32) - Counter Measures (1999)
  43. (3.26) - The Tomb (1986)
  44. (3.25) - Inner Sanctum (1991)
  45. (3.24) - Submerged (2000)
  46. (3.23) - Biohazard (1985)
  47. (3.21) - Inferno (1998)
  48. (3.20) - The Bikini Escort Company (2004) (V)
  49. (3.19) - Little Miss Magic (1997)
  50. (3.14) - Invisible Mom (1997) (V)
  51. (3.13) - Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988)
  52. (3.11) - Maximum Revenge (1997)
  53. (3.10) - Invisible Dad (1997) (V)
  54. (3.06) - Final Examination (2003) (V)
  55. (3.05) - Haunting Desires (2004) (TV)
  56. (3.04) - Rapid Assault (1997) (V)
  57. (3.01) - Fugitive Rage (1996) (V)
  58. (2.98) - Masseuse (1996)
  59. (2.96) - Stranded (2001)
  60. (2.93) - Inner Sanctum II (1994)
  61. (2.92) - Air Rage (2001) (V)
  62. (2.91) - Tomb of the Werewolf (2004) (V)
  63. (2.87) - Witch Academy (1993)
  64. (2.87) - Star Hunter (1995) (V)
  65. (2.78) - Wizards of the Demon Sword (1991)
  66. (2.77) - Glass Trap (2005)
  67. (2.74) - Alienator (1989)
  68. (2.48) - Evil Toons (1992)
  69. (2.39) - Haunting Fear (1991)
  70. (2.39) - Evil Spawn (1987)
  71. (2.33) - Prison Ship (1988)
  72. (2.22) - Alien Dead (1980)
  73. (2.20) - Bikini Drive-In (1995)
  74. (2.13) - Honey Britches (1971)
  75. (2.09) - Mach 2 (2001)

 

 

 

Brinke Stevens

 

JJ North

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Cat People

(1982)

 

Today the Time Machine goes back a quarter of a century for a horror-thriller. This one is all about Nastassja Kinski with her "Tiny Tots" and some full frontal nudity, oh and she also becomes a "Babe In Bondage".

Annette O'Toole with some delicious boobage.

Brief breasts from Lynn Lowry.

Tessa Richarde shows off her Robo-Hooters.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes and collages

The Ballad of Cable Hogue

Part 9 of 13

And some nudity ...

Stella Stevens

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

City of Industry

A small time crook looking to crack the big time hooks up with his older brother Roy to take down a jewelry store. They are joined by two others. While the heist is a success, the aftermath is a blood soaked mess that sets a battered Roy on a path of determined, methodical vengeance.

 

Lucy Liu

 

 

 

 

 

She-Wolves of the Wasteland

Although it's billed as a sexploitation Sci-Fi, this 1987 B-movie has no sex, just skimpy outfits and limited nudity. It also has no acting, no script, and a very lame story. It's interesting as an early Kathleen Kinmont flick, and there are some other attractive women in it as well, but otherwise, it just plain sucks.

In a post-apocalyptic wasteland with no men, Phoenix (Kathleen Kinmont) rescues a young woman who is captured by the savage She-Wolves, because she is pregnant and they want her child.

When Phoenix is finally captured, the She-Wolves force her into gladiator-style fights to the death. Can she escape? Ugh, what do you think?

Even the cinematography is wretched, but it is an interesting look at early Kinmont and friends.

 

Kathleen Kinmont and others

 

 

 

 

 

Bail Ling shows her familiar giant nipples in Shanghai Baby

Film clips

Joanna Pacula and Meredith Salenger in The Kiss (right)
Meredith Salenger in The Kiss (right)
Barbara Bach in The Spy Who Loved Me. Because the Bond films have always tried to appeal to a broad audience, this represented one of the rare nude scenes. It also may be the nadir of the series in terms of acting. Bach is unbelievably bad, but the two guys are really no better.

That notwithstanding, this film is rated #5 in IMDb's ranking of the 21 official Bond films.

1. Casino Royale (2006) 8.0/10
2. Goldfinger (1964) 7.9/10
3. From Russia with Love (1963) 7.5/10
4. Dr. No (1962) 7.3/10
5. The Spy Who Loved Me (1977) 7.1/10
6. GoldenEye (1995) "  
7. Thunderball (1965) 7.0/10
8. You Only Live Twice (1967) 6.9/10
9. On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969) "  
10. For Your Eyes Only (1981) 6.8/10
11. Live and Let Die (1973) "  
12. Diamonds Are Forever (1971) 6.7/10
13. The Man with the Golden Gun (1974) 6.6/10
14. The Living Daylights (1987) "  
15. Octopussy (1983) 6.5/10
16. Licence to Kill (1989) 6.4/10
17. Tomorrow Never Dies (1997) "  
18. The World Is Not Enough (1999) 6.3/10
19. Moonraker (1979) 6.1/10
20. Die Another Day (2002) "  
21. A View to a Kill (1985) 6.0/10

 

 

 

 

 

 


The Comedy Wire


Ron Paul is attracting both Libertarians and Libertines: he's picked up a surprise endorsement from Dennis Hof, owner of the Moonlite BunnyRanch brothel in Nevada.  Hof told the Reno Gazette-Journal that he and two of his working girls attended a Paul press conference and liked what they heard, so "I'll get all the (girls) together, and we can raise him some money.  I'll put up a collection box outside the door.  They can drop in $1, $5 contributions." 

*  So Ron Paul IS a different kind of Republican...He's supported by straight, female hookers. 
 

*  Personally, I think politicians should have to raise money the old-fashioned way: by prostituting THEMSELVES.




TV Guide asked the presidential candidates to name their all-time
favorite shows.  Obama likes "MASH" and "The Wire," trial lawyer John Edwards chose "Boston Legal," former POW John McCain picked "Prison Break," Thompson likes "SportsCenter," Romney picked "Lost," Kucinich prefers late night shows such as "SNL" and "Tonight," and Hillary Clinton's favorite is "The Ed Sullivan Show."

*  She was inspired by the plate jugglers who could spin things in different directions at once. 

*  What a surprise that none of them picked "To Tell The Truth." 

 




Sen. Ted Kennedy has signed a deal to write his autobiography for an $8 million advance, one of the biggest in history.

* I hope that doesn't give him a big head.

 



Dick's Sporting Goods announced that it's entered into a deal to acquire rival chain Chick's Sporting Goods

* So finally, Dick's will be moving into Chick's

T