Zig Zag (1999) is a direct to bargain video joint US Soviet production. This thriller involves blackmail of a corrupt Russian official who has embezzled a fortune in public funds by two US businessmen. One of the businessmen, who was planning on dumping his wife and running off with Yelena Kostina dies early, and the wife finds a friend in a Moscow policeman and former Army hero. The other American has the hots for her, and is still after the money. The official being blackmailed wants the original of an incriminating video tape, but nobody knows where it is hidden.

Kostina is seen topless in a sex scene early in the film, and is shot and killed at the end of the scene. Near the end, she is mysteriously no longer dead, and shows full frontal getting into bed with yet another corrupt Russian official. IMDB has barely heard of it, and there is no score and no reviews. The quality of this 4/3 transfer is not terrible for budget video, but the story is not especially coherent, and the accent of the Russian players is sometimes hard to understand. This is a D+.

Here's one movie from Femme Fatale. More tomorrow.

• Romijn (underwater scene). Again, this is in .divx format, DIVX 5.02 codec. The sound is stripped out to allow a nice big picture at a reasonable bandwidth (about 4.7 meg). If you're lost, just download their latest player and codec at www.divx.com (they are bundled together), and you'll be in like Flynn, whatever that means. I tried to call Flynn and ask him what that meant, but he was out.

One Hour Photo is the film in which Robin Williams finally realized that he is a really creepy dude. All this time he has been trying to be Jonathan Winters (the screwball comic) or Maurice Chevalier (the gentle, kindly, but sophisticated older fella), when he makes a much better Tony Perkins (the soft-spoken nutbag about to erupt into violence).

It's a pretty good movie - creepy psychological thriller - but forget about that. The most important thing is that the beautiful, red-headed vixen Erin Daniels removed all of her clothing, and went for the Triple B so rare in mainstream movies. Nice images, good lookin' woman.

• Erin Daniels (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
• The amateur porno chick. I have no idea what her name is, but this is some really clear and fairly explicit nudity for a mainstream movie. She is seen only in the pictures which Robbo is processing. (1, 2)

OTHER CRAP:

• Nic Cage and Lisa Marie call it quits after three months
• The records for the shortest celebrity marriages. They don't mention Ethel Merman and Borgnine, but I think those two lasted less than two weeks together. They did mention a few I had forgotten, like Dennis Hopper and Michelle Phillips (8 Days). Drew Barrymore now has two separate marriages shorter than six months in duration, so she makes Lisa Marie look like Mrs Commitment. Tom Green lasted twice as long as her previous hubby. I've mentioned before that Green divorced her because she was "too immature", and we concluded that when you're too immature for Tom Green, your only possible future marriage is to Carrot Top. "Mrs. Drew Top" - it has a nice ring to it.
• Funny article. Dave Barry explains why the Stones are still popular, even though "they have ear hairs older than Britney Spears".
• when British Santas say "ho, ho, ho", they're just calling three hookers. Have you stocked up on your chocolate body paint?
• revisiting former Page Three girls in their 40's and 50's.
• you think Hollywood is out of ideas? They are a fountain of creative energy compared to the fashion industry. This winter's sexy fashions are based ... on old Elvis songs.
• How do you get a dedicated guerilla to come out of the mountains? A pocket girlie calendar usually does the trick. If only the Tsar had thought of that when Lenin was being such an old grouch.
• Canadians correct their official position - he's not a moron. Technically and officially, he's an idiot. They debated it in parliament - so many choices - "imbecile", "'tard", "fuck-wit" ...
• Take a look at this. Here is the woman who called Bush a moron. She was a communications director. So what does her look communicate to you. She resigned again today, and this time it was accepted.
• n a letter, the RIAA "demands" that The Register retract their Annapolis story because it makes them look silly. So The Register prints the letter itself, which makes them look much sillier!

Shameless Propaganda:

Who is Pat Reeder?

Pat Reeder is a guy whose name is not familiar to you, but who affects your life every day. He's the guy who reads your gas meter while you're at work, then plows your wife.

OK, I'm just kidding to see if you were paying attention.

He's actually the guy who writes the jokes that your DJ tells every morning during your drive to work.  He's also the guy who writes those Comedy Wire things that you see on the bottom of this page from time to time. If you wonder why your DJ and the Fun House tell the same jokes, Pat's the reason. At the moment, Pat has a new book out called "Nine Hallmarks of Highly Incompetent Losers."  It's a "reverse self-help" book that helps the reader attain success by avoiding nine stupid mistakes made by failures and idiots.  He illustrates his points with over 200 hilarious-but-true stories from his syndicated radio service, "The Comedy Wire."

If you like weird news and dumb criminal stories, or if you've ever been forced to suffer through a boring business/self-help book like "Who Moved My Cheese?", you'll love "Nine Hallmarks of Highly Incompetent Losers."  It earned four stars from Wireless Flash News, and will be in bookstores nationwide next spring, but you can get the jump on the rest of America and get it now through Pat's website.  Cheaper than Amazon and every copy is personally autographed! 

Click here (http://www.comedy-wire.com/bookorderpage.html) for a book excerpt, Real Audio updates on "Losers In The News," samples of the Comedy Wire and more. 

FREEBIE ALERT!  Be the first Funhouse denizen to order a copy via credit card and win a free year's subscription to the Fun House. That's a whole year of access, completely free. If you pay $39.95 per month, that's worth more than $450! Plus the damned book costs less than thirteen bucks to begin with, including an autograph! Just mention on the order form that you saw it in Uncle Scoopy's Funhouse. (If you're not a member now, and are reading this on the free version, you'll have to prove that you're 18, or the second guy will get the prize.) This Sunday, Pat will let me know who got in first, and we'll announce the winners in next Monday or Tuesday's edition, depending on how long it takes to verify that the winner is old enough.

And remember, I receive no cash for sending you there.

Although, in the interest of truth in advertising, he sent me so many damned hookers that I can't concentrate on my typing right now. Did you know that you can order them from FTD? Their motto:  "The F is for floozies as well as flowers".

From Chapter Two: "Lose Sight Of The Goal"

...Having set down your goal and your plan to achieve it, you now go jitterbugging into a minefield of dire possibilities.  The one you will
most likely encounter next is the Second Hallmark of the Incompetent Loser: "Losing Sight of the Goal"...

*    An ambulance driver in Houston, Texas, was fired for stopping at the drive-through window of a donut shop while taking a boy with a leg injury to the hospital.  He argued that it was okay to do this because the leg injury wasn't life-threatening.  But I guess he thought the lack of donuts was...

*    Residents of Compton, California, called police to report a dead man in the front seat of a parked car, shot through the head.  Police found the car and the bloody corpse -- along with a parking ticket placed on the windshield by a traffic cop.  The time on the ticket showed that the cop had written it after passersby had first reported the driver slumped dead over the steeling wheel in plain sight. While it is nice to see that the Compton Police can recognize a driver whose meter has expired, I'd say this officer was definitely so concerned with the minutiae of his job (handing out parking tickets) that he had lost sight of the policeman's larger goal (to protect citizens from getting their brains blown out.  Or at least, to notice when it happens)...

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

As for Hannah...great upskirt, pokies, cleavage and underwear sightings in these 'caps.

Kristy Swanson
(1, 2)

Unknown
(1, 2, 3)

Here's the breakdown:

Katherine Lang...breasts in links 2, 4 and 5, and a great thong view in #3.
Kristy Swanson...no nudity, but the original Buffy always looks good.
Unknowns...breasts in #1, plus breasts and cleavage with a little lesbo action in #2.

Yesterday we did "Frankenstein 90" and today we show you the bride created for Frank in the person of Herma Vos a little naked and still with bandages in the first couple of caps and then some lovemaking with her creator. One more cap of Fiona Gelin this time with no nudity, but I am a leg man. Then it's back to 1964 and Jackie De Witt stripping down to reveal some great toplessness in the nudie flick "Kiss Me Quick.

• Herma Vos (1, 2, 3, 4)

• Fiona Gelin

• Jackie De Witt (1, 2, 3, 4)

BUSH IS TOP THANKSGIVING DINNER GUEST
Nobody Wanted O.J. To Carve? - According to a Fox News Poll, President Bush is America's #1 fantasy Thanksgiving dinner guest. Americans chose Bush over Bill Clinton by 50 to 29 percent. Americans also far prefer Bush as a dinner guest over their favorite sports star or Hollywood celebrity.