Central Park Drifter (1987) is the latest video release of a vampire piece called Graveyard Shift. Even in the mid 80's, it took two years after filming to get any release at all. It is 2% vampire film, 98% dark images. There is a lot to learn, however:

1) Best job for a vampire is driving a taxi on graveyard shift.
2) Vampires only bite people who are ready to die.
3) In a pinch, vampires can feed off each other.
4) It is even possible to survive by sucking your own blood.
5) Philandering husbands get suddenly jealous when their wife dates a vampire.
6) Male vampires bite women on the chest.
7) Female vampires slash throats with a knife before they eat.

It will take longer to explain the plot than there is plot. Head vampire drives a hack. His female victims are causing a murder spree. He falls in love. They bring in the cliched stupid cop to screw things up. Most of the film is way too dark, and all of it is either red, blue, or way over saturated. According to the credits, they brought in voice actors for nearly everyone, probably because most of the cast was not credible delivering lines.

The nudity report is a little better, however, with star Helen Papas and Kim Cayer showing breasts, and Jessie Taylor and Sugar Bouche (yes, I bet it is pronounced bush) showing everything in dark scenes. IMDB readers say 3.6/10, Maltin says 2 1/2 stars, and no other critics will admit to having seen it. The DVD is appropriately bad, with a lot of grain, and no features. I say F. I can't imagine anyone being entertained by this turkey, and it is technically inept.

Made is the new movie from Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn. It is basically "The Sopranos meet Dumb and Dumber".

• Jenteal
• Famke Janssen (not naked, but pretty good stuff) (1, 2, 3)

I'm guessing you already know what Titanic is

• Kate Winslet (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 5)
• Winslet in the VHS version (additional nudity). Various comparisons. (1, 2, 3)
• Was Winslet digitally censored, ala Eyes Wide Shut? Make your own call.

Time Lapse is a grade-z straight-to-vid clone of Memento. No nudity. It stars the guys highlighted in yellow, all of whom are becoming staples in the straight-to-vid community.

Henry Rollins is the grade-z Billy Zane, the psychotic, hyperkinetic baddie. (Richard Grieco handles the roles if they don't require hyperkinetic activity.)

William McNamara does what Michael Pare used to do, playing the good-looking hero in the straight-to-vid world. (Casper van Dien plays this role when he is available. McNamara is the second-string)

Roy Scheider has become the grade-z Jason Robards, playing the seedy older guy who may or may not be corrupt.

After Sex is one of those awful, onmipresent straight-to-vid "Diner" clones where people whine on endlessly about the opposite sex. No nudity from the principals. See my caps of stripper Stormie Shelbie in the 08-12-00 edition, if you just have to see every moment of nudity in the new releases.

Prison of Secrets has the exact same premise as every other WIP film. "Nice" girl ends up doing hard time with tough dames, takes showers, sees and experiences sexual abuse, gets examined by evil nurses, etc.

Only one problem - this one was made for broadcast TV. No nudity at all.

Sharpe's Enemy is one of a 14 part series from Brit-TV. It's a good series about the Napoleonic Wars, starring Sean Bean. I would watch it if I had time to watch stuff I really like. I got to watch this one because ... well, Liz Hurley topless. What more is there to say? The second pic is the one you want to see.

• Hurley (1, 2)

Pam Grier

Roberta Collins

A little trivia...Judy Brown has since become an on set tutor for child actors, working in mostly A-list movies.