Happy Thanksgiving to you
The Notebook (2005):
The Notebook is adapted from a best-selling novel by Nicholas
Sparks, who is a member of a very exclusive club - the society of men
who write timeless best-selling romantic novels for women. Since their
membership roster is part of the vast body of erudition outside my
areas of knowledge, the only other club member I can name is Robert
James Waller, the guy who wrote The Bridges of Madison County. Those
two men have some things in common, perhaps the most important of
which is that they both came from outside the world of letters when
they became novelists. Professor Waller taught applied mathematics and
economic theory for a couple of decades before his first mass market
book was published, and he was 53 years old when The Bridges of
Madison Country became a publishing phenomenon.
Nicholas Sparks had a business/finance degree and was working as a
pharmaceutical sales rep when The Notebook broke through, although he
had always wanted to be a writer and had written a novel when he was
still a 19-year-old undergraduate at Notre Dame.
The Notebook qualifies as an official chick-flick by our objective
definition: the score assigned by female voters (8.7) is a full point
higher than the score from male voters (7.7). Therefore, instead of
telling you how I feel about this movie, I think I can sum up its
appeal with the following information. I have a nineteen year old
daughter and a fourteen year old niece. The former's favorite movie
was Titanic. The latter's is The Notebook. My niece and her friends
watch The Notebook again and again, and they are still talking about
it now, although it has been gone from theaters for more than a year,
and was released on DVD five months ago. It is the ultimate film for
eighth grade white girls, a Degas painting for the new millennium.
Hell, I'm trying to figure out why this movie only grossed
eighty million, given that every young teen girl loves it and that so
many women of all ages have read the book.
This chart tells the story:
Yes, it is a chick-flick, but boys actually like the movie, and men
don't hate it at all. The lowest score on the chart, 7.6, is still in
classic territory, while the 9.2 is off the charts, and that score has
actually been adjusted downward through some arithmetical finagling.
The unadjusted average of these votes is 9.5! IMDb doesn't publish Top
Ten lists by demographic sub-group, but this is probably the most
popular film of all time among young girls. Amelie is rated only 8.9
by the same group.
And it made money. A lot of money.
Publishers have always known that there is a tremendous commercial
market for "women's books." The Bridges of Madison County is the
best-selling novel of all time, and Sparks's books are also
phenomenally popular, with sales of about fifty million copies to
date. Film producers also know that there is a massive latent market
for "women's movies" - as Titanic and My Big Fat Greek Wedding have
demonstrated - but that market tends to stay latent because film
moguls don't really tap into that well as effectively as book
publishers do. Most films continue to be made by and for men. The
chick-flick gross potential normally remains dormant and its successes
are difficult to predict. This was one of them. The film version of
The Notebook debuted to tepid critical response (49% positive reviews)
and a lukewarm opening weekend ($13 million), but it connected with
female viewers. Their word-of-mouth network drove it along the same
kind of path that Greek Wedding blazed, and The Notebook consistently
piled on the ticket sales week after week until it had become a major
commercial success ($81 million). The total-to-opening ratio of
six-to-one is impressive since most films finish in the threes, but
even that is still a far cry from the eighty-to-one racked up by Greek
Wedding and the twenty-to-one achieved by Titanic.
The plot is uncomplicated. An old man is in a rest home. Each day
he reads a romantic story to an old woman with senile dementia. As the story progresses, it becomes apparent that the story is their
own, and that he is reading it in the hope that it will stir her
memories of herself. The doctors tell him that senile dementia is
irreversible, but that point doesn't seem to be important to him. In
his view, he has nothing to lose and everything to gain. Even if he
fails completely he is still getting a chance to re-live the greatest
moments of his life with the woman he shared them with, and that alone
gives him pleasure. And there is always that hope ...
Although there are romantic moments in both time periods, most of
the action takes place in the flashbacks, which are pictorializations
of the story he is reading from his notebook. Nick Cassavetes
directed, and the older version of the woman is played by Nick's own
mother, Gena Rolands.
The Notebook has a very good chance to make the IMDb all-time Top
250 some day. It fact, it probably should be there now! The Hustler is
rated #162, although it is rated 7.9 with 9000 votes, while The
Notebook is rated 7.9 with 14000 votes! IMDb does not explain
all of its statistical modeling in depth, but they say that the top
250 list is based solely on votes from "regular voters." The Notebook
is rated only 7.0 by their "top 1000" voters. (I wonder how many women
are on that prestigious list. I wonder how many in that group have
even seen a woman up close.) Despite the lack of enthusiasm from
critics, and the IMDb "top 1000 voters," we can look back on it
objectively, a year and a half after its release, and see clearly that
it has become a classic of the "women's movie" genre.
King Kong (1933):
The Numbers, King Kong was at the top of the box office in 1933
$10 million in the USA. Tickets used to cost 25 cents in
those days, so 40 million people paid to see it, equivalent
to about $250 million in ticket sales at today's average price.
However, it must be noted that the
population of the United States was only 125 million at that
time, so Kong was seen by about one person out of every
three. Extrapolating the percentage to the current population
of 295 million would result in 94 million tickets, or about $600 million at
today's ticket prices, competitive with Titanic! At the time
of its theatrical run, per The Numbers, Kong was among the top four
grossers of all time, exceeded only by Frankenstein ($12M), The Big
Parade ($11M), and Tom Sawyer ($11M). All of those films were very
strong performers. Frankenstein's $12 million would continue to hold
the record for a non-animated film until 1941, when Sergeant York
took the crown. Kong's 1933 total was as high as the 1948 champion!
Because its costs were not exceptionally high, Kong was highly
profitable for its studio. The Konger's
budget was a modest $600,000 - equivalent to about nine
million dollars today, per the
U.S. Government database.
It also receives 100% positive reviews at
IMDb, and the online comments about this film look approximately
like the comments about Jesus at an agape.
So is it truly a great movie, to provoke
such enthusiasm? No, not at all.
It was a major cultural event and a great
technical achievement in 1933 (maybe - see the Variety review
below), but there's nothing worthwhile watching today unless you are
studying the history of filmmaking. Historically, it is extremely
important, as important as Citizen Kane or Birth of a Nation. The
film includes iconography that has become integral to the history of
film as a medium, and everyone who loves movies can picture Kong
atop the Empire State Building, or holding Fay Wray in his hands.
Although King Kong is
historically important, it is very tedious work to watch the film
today, a task roughly equivalent to reading Moby Dick in order to
study the history of the American novel - necessary, but not
There are times when the plot takes
advantage of its imaginative status and goes too far. On these
occasions the customers are liable to laugh in the wrong way. A most
tolerant audience at the Music Hall broke down now and then, but on
the whole was exceedingly kind. It seemed that while a few details
were too strong to swallow the picture, as a whole, got them.
The creature battles not only
look fake, but they go on much too long and are repetitive.
The damned ape keeps changing
The acting is as bad as you'll
see in any movie among the Top 250. I can say without exaggeration
that it is not up to the standards of the Three Stooges shorts. (In
fact, if you look closely, you'll see many of the same extras working
with Kong and the Stooges.)
The portrayal of dark-skinned
people is approximately as subtle as the portrayal of Japanese
soldiers in a wartime Bugs Bunny cartoon.
Although the film receives a
perfect 100% at Rotten Tomatoes, the contemporary reviews were not
gushing. Variety declared:
It takes a couple of reels for ‘Kong’ to be
believed, and until then it doesn’t grip. But after the audience
becomes used to the machine-like movements and other mechanical
flaws in the gigantic animals on view, and become accustomed to
the phony atmosphere, they may commence to feel the power. As
the story background is constantly implausible, the mechanical
end must fight its own battle for audience confidence.
Fay Wray is the blonde who’s chased by Kong,
grabbed twice, but finally saved. It’s a 96-minute screaming
session for her, too much for any actress and any audience. With
the blonde still screaming while in Kong’s palm atop the Empire
state, after having screamed all the way from the first reel,
another of the unbelievable facts is that Kong shouldn’t drop
her and look for a non-screamer — even if he has to settle for a
brunet. The light hair is a change for Miss Wray. Robert
Armstrong, as the explorer, and Bruce Cabot, as the blonde’s
other boy friend who doesn’t make her scream, are the remaining
principal characters and are snowed under by the technical end.
As for the plot and editing - they often
make no sense at all. I used to find this movie confusing and
lacking in credibility when I was ten. First of all, when the ship
arrives at an isolated, legendary island - it turns out that the
captain can speak their isolated, legendary language. I suppose he
took a legendary language minor at the Merchant Marine Academy, and
I suppose he can speak every language in the world, since nobody
knew in advance which language the natives would speak, or even if
the island really existed at all. Then, the film simply skips over
the problems of how the men got Kong on the ship, how they shackled
him, and how they fed him on the trip back. One minute the giant
Kong is prostrate on an island, then the next minute he has a
one-ape show on Broadway in the next theater down from Jolson. Oh,
yeah, then when he gets loose in New York, one of the world's most
populous cities, he manages to find Fay Wray within minutes.
You know what is truly amazing to me about
the critical comments about this movie? On a scale of 1 to 100, it's
approximately a 10. Taken out of its historical context, it is not
just a bad movie, but an abomination, one of the worst films you
will ever see, maybe the worst unless you specifically make an
effort to see bad movies. It is difficult to find even one good
thing to say about the film - and yet the reviews are 100% positive!
Talk about the ultimate Naked Emperor! To be brutally honest, you
could get together with your friends, write a better script, and do
better F/X on your PC. Moreover, you and your friends would probably
be better actors than the people in this film, unless you hang
around with Tom Green.
The new two-disk DVD, however, is
tremendous. The original version of the film is now
available, with all the censored scenes worked back into the film.
Well, to be completely honest, it's almost the original
version. The deleted/censored material is now fully restored except
for the lost "spider sequence," which is covered in detail in
the documentary. That gruesome sequence was shown only on opening
night, and was subsequently deleted by the director himself.
The DVD even includes a commentary track by dead people - like
the director and Fay Wray! Clever how they did that, although the
director sounds like he's on an old-time 78 recording of a man
shouting into a canyon! In addition to the two hours of film with
the optional commentary track, there is another two and a half hours
of documentary material about the movie, and yet another documentary
on director Merian C. Cooper, who was as colorful a character as the
Carl Denham character in the movie. Cooper not only wrote and
directed, but even flew the plane that shot Kong off the Empire
Here are the complete contents:
- Disc 1: The Movie
- Original 1933 Film classic in Glorious Black and White, Newly
Restored and Digitally Mastered
- Commentary by Ray Harryhausen and Ken Ralston, with Merian C.
Cooper and Fay Wray
- I'm Kong: The Exploits of Merian C. Cooper -- 2005 documentary
- Merian C. Cooper Movies Trailer Gallery
- Disc 2: King-Sized Special Features
- RKO Production 601: The Making of Kong, Eighth Wonder of
the World - 7 Part Documentary including...
- The Origins of "King Kong"
- Willis OBrien and "Creation"
- Cameras Roll on Kong, The Eighth Wonder
- A Milestone in Visual Effects
- Passion, Sound and Fury
- The Mystery of the Lost Spider Pit Sequence
- King Kong's Legacy
- Creation Test Footage with Commentary by Ray Harryhausen
Now and Forever (2002, 2005):
Now and Forever is a romantic drama aimed at the young teen and
pre-teen girl market. Oh, my. Two of these in one day. If The
Notebook is a perfect example of how a romantic girly drama can be
done well, Now and Forever is an illustration of the flip side of the
coin. It will just make you cringe.
A young white girl and a Native American boy are
childhood friends in Saskatoon. She even rescues him from bullies. As
they move into adolescence, she keeps him as a friend but can't see
him as a love interest, much to his chagrin. She wants to hang out
with the cool, rich kids. The coolest guy takes her to bed, then
arranges for his pals to gang-rape her, as movie cool guys so often
do. Luckily her friend rescues her, thus allowing her to run off to
the big city to pursue her acting career, as movie small town girls so
often do and presumably because they
don't make movies in Saskatoon? (Hey, they made this one, didn't
they?) Poor guy. Poor girl. He's obviously the right guy for her, but
she still can't cast him as the love interest.
Following the trail of movie inevitability,
she contracts a dread disease and returns to Saskatoon, but this time
neither her Cree friend nor his father, who is the eternally sage
aphorism-spouting movie chief, can save her. And yet, somehow, the
film tricks up a happy ending. Can you guess how? No matter how
outrageous your guess, you'll probably underestimate the
implausibility of it all. And I'm not exaggerating.
The script is weighted down by sentimentality,
phony-baloney respect for Native American mysticism, and a "sixth
sense" type ending, but even if it had played it straight it would
have been no better than a bottom-dwelling after-school special.
Some of the words used by critics to describe it include:
"schmaltz," "hokey," "saccharine," "candy-colored,"
"cliché," and "hokum."
I was saddened to see that the director of
this film is Bob Clark. He made Porky's in 1982, which is one of
the most popular comedies of all time, the third highest-grossing film
of 1982, and is still the highest grossing Canadian film of all time.
He followed that up in 1983 with A Christmas Story, which is well up
there in the IMDb Top 250, and is usually considered to be the best
Christmas movie of all time.
1982-1983 must seem like a long time ago to
Clark. In those days he was used to reading his reviews and seeing
words like "best" amd "highest." He has now made a 180 degree turn.
His 2004 release was Superbabies 2, which is now
the worst movie of all time
at IMDb, and his 2005 effort was Now &
Forever. Actually, I guess that isn't quite fair. Now & Forever was
actually lensed in 2002, but the producers didn't really know
how to market it, and couldn't strike a distribution deal. It sat
around for three years before it received a perfunctory micro-mini-distro
in the summer of 2005 and a DVD release in November of 2005.
I am guessing that it would be considered a watchable film by young
women. Although I don't have sufficient evidence to make that
determination (only nine votes from the 18-29 group at IMDb, and none
from the younger group), the chart is
quite persuasive so far:
|45 or more
That 9.8 is based on
only nine votes, but it is such a high score that one tends to feel it
may be indicative of a genuine trend, but if you are over 30 and/or
lacking a minimum of one vagina, I think I can safely advise that you
are likely to hate it.
It does have one
redeeming element - some nudity from Mia Kirshner, who is now the
queen bee of the L-Word.
Madonna's new album rules the pop charts
:|: Life Art :|: - the coffin people!
As seen in movies ...
Can you really shoot a lock off? The answer is yes -
if you have a 12 gauge shotgun - but you better be a long
way away when you try. If you have a rifle or a pistol,
don't even bother.
National Lampoon.com - A Kidnapper's Guide to Matt Damon
- "So you have kidnapped Matt Damon. Good for you.
Millions of Americans think about doing this their whole
lives but never realize their true Matt Damon kidnapping
potential. You are living the dream."
Here's that trailer for Pirates of the Caribbean 2
(The link didn't work for me the first time, so I tried it
again, and it went through. It is the real deal.)
"Man, 50, pulls truck with penis"
- "Jin-Sheng, the grandmaster of Iron Crotch, is said
to have 60,000 followers worldwide. Its practitioners
are known to lift hundreds of pounds with their genitals
to increase energy and sexual performance. One of Jin-Shengs
most famous students, a 70-year-old man in Taiwan, is
said to have lifted more than 660 pounds with his penis.
The grandmaster teaches Iron Crotch in Fremont and
More info about Iron Crotch penis training.
Conan looks far, far into the future - all the way to the
year 2000, courtesy of a new time-travel partner.
A new clip from Aeon Flux
Here's a clip from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire,
featuring Fiennes as Voldemort
Independent retailers exploit Blockbuster's woes.
- Blockbuster's cash crunch has forced them to go
light on certain titles, and their stock woes are
multiplied by the "no late fees" policy, which has
caused severe product shortages in some outlets.
- At this moment, with on-demand cable and Netflix
already taking big chunks of the potential rental pie,
and virtual rental coming closer and closer to being an
everyday experience, it appears that Big Blue is in big
Things I am thankful this year...
- The Fun House
- Other Crap
- Carolina Panther Cheerleaders
- Jessica Alba on the beach in
Happy Thanksgiving to all!
Nuke the FCC, part 93:
A wide spectrum of groups will testify in a Senate forum
on broadcast indecency.
- The downside of this forum is expressed clearly
here: "One issue that's sure to spark debate is the push
by some to include cable programming, as well as premium
channels, to adhere to broadcast-industry indecency
- And how long before they try the same stunts with
- And the FCC only costs us taxpayers $300 million per
year. Such a value!
Why the FCC should die
"Bad Gifts to Give a 2 Year Old"
It looks like somebody leaked the trailer for Pirates of
the Caribbean 2. (I guess. The trailer was already
gone by the time I got there, which seems to indicate it
wasn't supposed to be there at all.)
Re: The Libertine, with Johnny Depp ...
"The MPAA was so scandalized by the 'graphic sexuality and
nudity' in the flick that its ratings board spanked it
with an NC-17."
- "That meant that many newspapers wouldn't accept ads
for it. After sitting on the shelf for much of a year,
it has now been sanitized to the point where it's earned
- (We hope that the NC-17 version will be on the DVD.)
- "Meanwhile, Scandinavian director Lasse Hallstrom is
peeved that an under-the-table sex scene involving Heath
Ledger has earned his Casanova an R rating."
Tommy, we hardly knew ye:
"Americans pay more to know Turkey before eating" (It
was the headline writer's decision to capitalize Turkey,
but no other words in the sentence. Perhaps it means the
- "Today we come to pay honor to our friend Tom. It
seems like just yesterday when he first came into our
lives, so proud, so free, the noble descendant of the
very turkey eaten by the first Pilgrims so many Autumns
ago. A tear stains my cheek when I hear his youthful
gobble in my mind's ear. I know he would be pleased to
be reunited today with his childhood playmates, Spud the
Potato and Spooky the Pumpkin."
Teri Hatcher is suing a British tabloid newspaper for
libel over its claims she had 'sex romps' with men in a
Volkswagen van. Let me guess the nature of her case.
It was a Chevy.
Tom Cruise has revealed he will not wed fiancee Katie
Holmes until after their baby is born
KIM JONG IL WANTS TO APPEAR ON AMERICAN IDOL
Top Ten Dr. Phil Tips to Dave For Interviewing Oprah.
The 25 Least Important Canadian Books
Conan O'Brien's quotables for the week of Nov 15-18
- "This week Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito said
that he's embarrassed by some of the things he wrote in
the 1980s. It turns out Alito wrote the song 'Wake Me Up
Before You Go-Go.'"
- "The other day in Philadelphia a kindergarten
teacher found a five-year-old student with eight bags of
heroin. The teachers became suspicious when they noticed
the child had a Courtney Love lunch box."
Tremendous picture of Saturn's tiny moon, Pandora
Stephen Colbert puts pant cuffs on notice.
Donovan McNabb - out for the year. The Eagles are in
last place in their division, so I suppose this is the
ideal time to take care of his surgery.
Ortiz says: Manny not returning to Boston.
- There will be no shortage of teams interested in the
moody slugger, but very few can pony up his price of $19
million per year. The New York teams have the money, but
presumably the Yanks and Mets are not
possibilities, since Manny wants to leave Boston to
avoid the rabid fans and pressure to win - which would
be even worse in NYC. The Angels would have to salivate
over the possibility of one of the top 10 outfields in
baseball history, and Manny wants to play on the Left
No Ouija board in Ouija board movie ... and the title
has been changed as well. Turns out the filmmakers
couldn't afford to pay Parker Brothers for the right to
use the name. It was doubly troublesome since the film was
based on a true story! Oops!
Web Browser Developers Work Together on Security. It's
about damned time.
SONY's vaunted and controversial copyrighjt protection
system can be by-passed with a small piece of Scotch Tape!
That's what they get for only spending three gazillion
dollars to develop that system!
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
Wild Orchid II: Two Shades of Blue (1992):
This is a Zalman King "couples erotica" piece. Like all of his other work,
it is beautifully photographed, although a little dark. It has the look and
feel of his early Red Shoe Diaries directorial efforts. Blue is about 16 years
old, and travels from gig to gig with her junkie musician father. She gives
her virginity to a club owner to get some junk for her father, as he is in bad
shape. Unable to face what she had to do, he kills himself, leaving her alone
and penniless. The club owner convinces her to become a prostitute at the
establishment of a friend in which he hold partial interest. Meanwhile, Blue
has met a young man with qualities that appeal to her.
Her stay in the fancy house was not to her liking, and the body guard,
unwilling to see another life ruined, leaves with her, renting a house. She
goes back to finish High School, and starts dating the rich young man, who
also happens to be the quarterback of the football team. Her former madam
doesn't let her escape the life so easily.
Blue is played by Nina Siemaszko, who shows breasts, buns, and a hint of
bush. There is additional nudity from Gloria Reuben, Lydie Denier and several
unknowns. IMDb says 3.5 of 10. This would have made a good Red Shoe Diary
episode, but, at 111 minutes is way too long for the amount of plot it
contains. The running time is stretched with lengthy photo montages that don't
advance the plot. Also, the sex shows little passion. Siemaszko becomes a very
sympathetic character, and does a good job with the role. This is a C- at
best. It is well acted and photographed, but has a languid pace and little
The DVD is not recommended, although the transfer is
fine. Unfortunately, the DVD includes only the 108 minute R-rated version,
which is missing the best Siemaszko nudity. There are two different VHS
variations, one of which has the 112 minute version which is uncut and
Dann reports on House of Voices:
Weird and scary 2004 horror film, a
ghost story really, features a (apparently really) pregnant Virginie
Ledoyen as a young woman brought in to clean up an orphanage that is
being closed down. The children are all moved out leaving only the young
cleaning woman, the very old housekeeper, and one orphan, mentally
disturbed, who has not yet been relocated.
The young woman is trying to hide her pregnancy from the others by
wrapping her middle with cloth, but as the days go by, she starts becoming
ill from the pregnancy. Or is something else causing it?
As things progress, she begins to hear footsteps and voices of
children, but the other two see nothing. Soon after, she begins to see the
children themselves running and playing. Or does she really see anything?
This is a strange but well-done effort, and although not everyone will
like it, I did, quite a lot. I was especially impressed by Virginie
Ledoyen's performance, which was very good, and by the shocking
A Happy Turkey Day to all and let's get this out
of the way so we can get ready for the highlight of the day, football.
Today it's back to "Tomb of the Werewolf". First
up is Monique Alexander
with a little tittie.
shows us she is still willing to show
off her assets. This lady has a long history in the B-Movie genre!
More breasts from Kennedy Johnston
We wind up the day with Beverly Lynne
with more of the same.
On to the turkey and the games.
No time for blather tonight, but I thought you would like the Albalicious
collage and the latest joint ventures with Master Tuna's work.
Monique van de Ven
Pat's comments in yellow...
But First, Interrogate 'Em! - Tuesday, in a
President Bush "pardoned" the two White House turkeys, telling a group of
children that Marshmallow and Yam would be going to Disneyland to be grand
marshals in the Thanksgiving Parade, then live on Disney's farm. A
spokesman for the animal rights group PETA said, "I don't suppose we could
have asked for better than Disneyland and southern California. They'll
have mental and physical stimulation as well as proper care and a nice
climate." But probably not for long: modern turkeys are bred for eating
and are so plump, they usually don't live long beyond Thanksgiving anyway.
* Either way, they're dead meat.
* It's like the Make-A-Wish Foundation: they get to see Disneyland before
* They're retiring to Disneyland, where they'll share a condo with the Big
* If they're not going to be eaten, why did they name them after side
His Wattle Is What Freaks Me Out - Catherine
Zeta-Jones says she won't have a turkey for Thanksgiving because they make her
feel ill. She said,
"They're ugly, clammy, cold and flabby," and "They terrify me. I hate all
the folds of pimpled flesh and the disgusting gray wrinkles around their
...But enough about Michael Douglas; why doesn't she
..If that's the way her turkeys come out, she really
MUST be a bad
Thank God For Preservatives - The Washington Times
reports that one of the
staples of the American Thanksgiving dinner, the green bean casserole,
turns 50 this year. The recipe (green beans in cream of mushroom soup
topped with crunchy fried onions) was developed by Dorcas Reilly of
Campbell Soup's corporate kitchen in 1955. Campbell's now sells $20
million worth of soup a year just to people making green bean casserole,
which is so simple, even novice cooks can't ruin it. But some people have
to fancy it up: even Mrs. Reilly, now 79, says that this year, she plans to
put carrots in hers.
* Well, that'll just ruin it!!
* Campbell's could just put the whole dish in a can, but then it wouldn't
* And I thought the only 50-year-old holiday dish that was still edible
That Explains His Giant, Clown-Like Feet - Anyone
wondering why Christina
Aguilera married Jordan Bratman, a guy who's not conventionally handsome,
to put it charitably, might have gotten a clue from their wedding rehearsal
dinner toasts. The New York Daily News reports that Bratman stood up at
the table, raised his glass, and thanked his parents for his "good looks
and large penis." His brother and dad then stood and proudly lauded the
groom's male organ, as Christina simply smiled and nodded in agreement.
* Of course, they weren't married yet, so there's no way
she could know
* Remember, he also claimed to have good looks, so he was probably just
* He forgot to thank his parents for the extra-large trust fund.